The Best 74 Prostitute Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Prostitute jokes. There are some prostitute herbiwhore jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these prostitute dead prostitute puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Prostitute Jokes and Puns
A koala bear walks into a brothel picks out the best looking girl and heads upstairs with her.
While up there he eats her out like a madman doing things she's never even heard of.
After about an hour he gets up heads out the door.
The girl stops him and demands payment.
The bear doesn't understand. She has him look up prostitute in the dictionary, a person who trades sex for money. Still a little confused he asks what does it say about me.
Koala bear, an Australian native animal that eats bushes and leaves.
Why do prostitutes love wearing underwear
Because it keeps their ankles warm
What is the difference between an epileptic oyster-shucker & a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic oyster-shucker SHUCKS between FITS.
The Jewish way
As a Jew I have a soft spot for jokes about my own people, and this is one of my favorites that isn't so well known.
A Jewish man walks into a whorehouse. The madame asks him what he'd like. He asks if any of the women there can have sex "the Jewish way". Puzzled, she goes to each of the unoccupied rooms, and asks the woman inside if she's familiar with having sex the Jewish way. Finally, they get to the last room. Inside is a prostitute who's extremely talented, and is one of the most expensive in the area. She asks, "do you know how to have sex the Jewish way? This man's looking for a woman who does". She responds, "no, I haven't. But to stay at the top of my profession, I'm always looking to improve. If you teach me how to have sex the Jewish way, we'll do that free of charge".
The man accepts the offer, and they have sex. She's surprised to find that it's just regular sex! Afterwards, she asks "What were you talking about, 'the Jewish way'? You just had sex with me, the most expensive hooker in town, for free?!" He smiles and replies, "that's the Jewish way!".
How many prostitutes do you have to kill until someone notices?
I'm not sure yet.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a $400/hour prostitute?
The prostitute tells you upfront that you are going to get screwed.
At catholic school...
A nun teaching catholic school asks the children what they want to be when they grow up.
Mary says, "I want to be a prostitute!"
Shocked, the nun says, "What did you just say?"
Mary says, "I said I want to be a prostitute!"
The nun replied, "Oh thank heavens. I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."
Three prostitutes in a bar...
First one holds up four fingers "I can take that inside me" she says.
"Well, I can take this" says the second, holding up a fist.
The third one slides slowly down the bar stool.
A Priest and a Prostitute
One night, a priest walked up to a prostitute he saw on the street corner.
Hoping to shame her into mending her ways he asked "Young lady, what would your mother do if she saw you here tonight?"
The prostitute went white and replied "Oh, she'd kill me! This is her corner!"
The captain and the prostitute
A captain of the army goes to a prostitute and asks her :
"Say, madam, for a hundred dollars, would you accept my company ?"
And the prostitute answers : "Of course, a handsome military like you"
The captains thanks her, turns around and shout :
"Company, FORWARD !"
(I hope the joke translates well)
What's the difference between a $20 prostitute and a $200 prostitute?
When the $20 one swallows, it's because she's hungry.
You can explore prostitute harlot reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prostitute mosquitoe dad jokes. There are also prostitute puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a prostitute with IBS?
Well, one you have to shuck between fits...
(NSFW) What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
Full.
What did the duck say to the prostitute?
Put it on my bill.
What did the prostitute say to her customer after he finished paying?
"It was a business doing pleasure with you."
I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy
He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male prostitute to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.
Me: How much did you make?
Him: I made $250.05.
Me: Who on earth gave you 5 cents?
Him: Everyone.
If I had a dollar for everytime I got laid...
I'd be a prostitute.
"Get in," I said to the prostitute.
"Hey," she smiled.
I said, "I bet your mum wouldn't be too happy with you doing this."
"Selling my body for money?" she asked.
I said, "No, sitting in a car with a murderer."
A man approaches a prostitute
"how much for a blow job?"
"$30"
"Can you do 20?"
"sure"
"Great here's $600"
Johny the Fighter Pilot
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"
Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Johnny's Prostitute."
Frustrated Prostitute.
There was this hard working prostitute who had been working 18 hours a day for more than a decade.She had a quite a bit of money but money wasn't what she wanted anymore, she was sick of her job,her life ,EVERYTHING.One day she decided to end her miserable life and she lied down on a train track with her legs spread apart. The next day it was all over the news "Local Train Missing".
An Irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a prostitute.
her mom says "A WHAT"?!! The daughter says "a prostitute" then the mom says "thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"
Why wasn't Kanye allowed to have a prostitute at his bachelor party?
Because you're not supposed to see the bride before the wedding
A man walks up to a prostitute and propositions her for sex...
She says to the man: "Sorry, but I'm clothed for the day."
Mom, I want to be a prostitute when I grow up.
"Mom, I want to be a prostitute when I grow up." Said the Irish girl.
"A what?" Replied the mother with a startled expression on her face.
"A prostitute."
"Oh, a prostitute. Thank god, I thought you said a Protestant."
What's the difference between a prostitute, a girlfriend and a wife?
A prostitute says "Faster, faster!"
A girlfriend says "More, more!"
A wife says "Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
If I had a dollar for every time I had sex
I'd be a cheap prostitute
A prostitute goes to the doctor
Prostitute: "it's too wide, the guys don't like it anymore, I wanna make it tighter"
Doctor: "no problem, but I have to see it first"
She undresses and shows him.
Doctor: "What's this?" "What's this?" "What's this?"
Prostitute: "Why'd you say it 3 times?"
Doctor: "I said it once but the rest echoed"
A girl tells her Irish mom she wants to be a prostitute.
'A WHAT?' The mother shouts.
'A prostitute' replies the girl.
'OH thank god!! I thought you wanted to become Protestant!
It must be hard working as a prostitute.
After all, work just comes and goes.
A man goes to Japan on business and hires a prostitute.
He doesn't speak any Japanese and she barely speaks any English. While they are going at it she yells out, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Knowing that she has been satisfied he goes to bed.
The next day he plays golf and one of his associates gets a hole in one. Everyone goes crazy, so to enjoy in the excitement he yells, "Gama Su! Gama Su!"
Everybody goes silent and one of his Japanese associates says, "What do you mean wrong hole?"
A prostitute walked up to me and said, "I'll do anything you want if you give me $30"
Guess who's getting his porch repainted!
I stopped my car beside a prostitute last night.
As she got in I asked, *"How much for a blow job?"*
She said, *"Thirty dollars."*
I said, *"Can you do twenty?"*
*"Yeah, okay"*, she replied.
I said, *"Great, here's $600 then."*
[NSFW] A female prostitute gives a southern man the time of his life...
When they finish the man asks "Geee Miss, how much do I owe ya?"
The prostitute replies "For you, hon? Only 20 dollars."
The southern man replies, "Well golly, miss. I thought the rate was 50 dollars."
The prostitute looks at the man, smiles and says...
"Not for you, baby... Family Discount."
Turns out my psychologist is also a prostitute...
Totally blew my mind
Prostitute said she would do anything I asked....
Guess who's up to date with all his paperwork.
A priest was confronted by a prostitute.
"Do want a quickie for ten bucks?"
Not knowing what it was, he said no. When he got back to the monastery, his curiosity got the better of him. So he asked a nun, "what's a quickie?"
The nun replied "Ten bucks same as in town."
A man is walking down the street when he is approached by a prostitute...
... "For $200, I'll perform any act for you," she tells him, "provided that you can describe the act in three words." The man thinks about the offer for less than a moment and gives the woman $200. "OK, tell me what you want me to do, but remember, only in three words," she tells him. The man, who has been quiet throughout the exchange says, "Paint my house."
I asked a prostitute
"How Much For A Hand Job?"
Lady: "50..Do You Want One Honey?"
I: "No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self"
I went to a brothel and met a prostitute
I asked her what are the prices?
She said:
£20 for a hand job
£50 for a blow job
£80 for sex
And for £120, i'll do anything!
Anything hmmm....
She's now fitting my downstairs bathroom and repainting my living room.
You can ge some real bargains if you shop around!
A warm toilet seat is just like a prostitute...
It feels good, but you know someone was just there.
An army captain approaches a prostitute and asks her, "Would you enjoy my company for $100?"...
She looks at the handsome military officer and says, "Of course, I would be glad!"
Captain replies, "COMPANY! FORWARD!"
Met a prostitute who said she'll do anything for $50...
Guess who just got Darth Vader unlocked...
Why do prostitutes make more money then drug dealers?
Because they can wash their crack and sell it again
Why did the prostitute get angry after having sex in an apple orchard?
Because her client came in cider.
Why is it so easy to find a prostitute in Islamic countries?
They're always just a stone's throw away.
What do you call a fat Chinese prostitute?
Chun Kee Ho
If I had a nickle for everytime I had sex..
I would be the worst prostitute ever.
How do prostitutes get paid?
Income
I went to a blind prostitute the other day
She told me I was the biggest she'd ever laid her hands on.
I said "nah, you're pulling my leg"
I've been hiring a blind prostitute lately,
And I really have to hand it to her.
Got approached by a prostitute today who said she would do anything for $10
Guess who just got their car washed?
I went to a voodoo prostitute last night
Didn't manage to get laid but got a little head...
A man drives up to a prostitute
He asks her: "what would your mother think if she saw you here?"
She replies: "she'd probably kill me, this is her spot"
"What did the leper say to the prostitute after sex?"
"Keep the tip."
What do you do with an English prostitute
You give her a pound, then you give her a pound
Two prostitutes were chatting on the corner. One says to the other, "You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
She says, "No, but I've been swung around by the tits a couple times."
Why was the castle prostitute tired all the time?
She worked knights.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
What do you call a french prostitute in Pakistan?
Lahore
As the prostitute finished her session, she said,
It was a business doing pleasure with you.
A young lady sitting alone in a restaurant when maitre'd approaches with a presentable looking gentlemen
\- I am sorry. We are overbooked, but i see you have a sit available at your table. Would you mind if this gentlemen shares a table with you?
She agrees. And before taking his sit the gentlemen introduces himself.
\- Hello, My name is John Smith. I am a politician, but I want to let you know that I am a honest person.
She says:
\- It's a pleasure to meet you. My name is Natasha, I am a high-priced prostitute, but i want to let you know that i am a virgin.
I saw a prostitute being cooked on a skillet.
It was whore-a-frying.
A man is walking home late at night.
When he sees a woman in the shadows.
Twenty bucks, she says.
He's never been with a prostitute before, but he decides what the hell.
They are going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them— it's a policeman.
What's going on here, people? asks the officer.
I'm making love to my wife, the man answers indignantly.
Oh, I'm sorry, says the cop, I didn't know.
Well, said the man, to tell the truth neither did I until you flashed that light on her face.
What's the difference between a oyster shucker with Parkinson's and a prostitute with diarrhea
One of them fits when they shuck
I was fairly confident that the German prostitute was actually a man, but I hired them anyway in case I was wrong.
I was hoping for the breast but expecting the wurst.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
At least a prostitute won't screw you when your dead.
What do you call a male prostitute?
A sell sword.
What do you call a mermaid who's a prostitute?
H2Hoe
What's it called when a girl thinks about becoming a prostitute?
A Thot process.
I recently had an argument with my daughter because she was considering becoming a prostitute
I must say it was quite the whoredeal
What do pirates call a prostitute on a pier?
LAAAAAAAAAND HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
A man is digging in his garden…
When out of nowhere he finds very old coins that are worth a fortune. He gets so excited he runs into his house to tell the prostitute he hired and then he remembered why he was digging in the first place.
Why did the prostitute only work 6 days in a row?
For her safety, because she knew that 7 days made a whole week.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the prostitute prostitute parrots jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working prostitute cathouse piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.