Delightful Fun Prosecutor Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
Courtroom
Prosecutor: Did you kill this man?
Me: No
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalty for perjury is?
Me: Yeah, it's a lot less than the penalty for murder
50 Jokes for 50 US States Part II
# Alaska
An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, 'Where were you on the night of October to April?'
Disclaimer: This is not my joke. And I sure hope that its not a repost from any of the subs. I am sure that there will be numerous variations out there. So just wanted to let you know that I read it on Reader's Digest Issue 1/09, finding it funny, I wanted to share with the jokers here.
An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.
The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:
Where were you on the night of October to April?
A cannibal is on trial for murder and cannibalism...
He's called up to the witness stand and the prosecutor asks him if he pleads guilty or innocent.
"Innocent!" he says.
The prosecutor asks him to prove it.
The cannibal answers, "Well, you are what you eat, right? So I am an innocent man!"
I'm on Trial for Murder
The prosecutor says to me while I'm on the stand, "Did you kill that man?"
I said, "No."
He said, "Do you know what the penalty for perjury is?"
I said, "Yeah it's a lot less than the penalty for murder."
A man from northern Alaska is on trial…
The prosecutor asks in a menacing tone, Where were you in the night from October to April?
A man in rural Arkansas is brought before a judge for his prelimnary hearing.
"What is the charge, counsel?" The judge asks.
"Bigotry, your honor," the prosecutor replies. "This man has three wives."
"You idiot," the judge says. "That ain't bigotry, it's trigonometry."
Why was the banana a good prosecutor?
She always made the defense slip up on appeal.
"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands"
"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands" a defense lawyer confided in his client.
"That's nothing," the client replied, ""I can produce five hundred witnesses who didn't see me running from the bank with money bags in my hands"
Judge
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. Isn't it true, he bellowed, that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
The prosecutor again blared, Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, Sir, please answer the question.
Oh, the startled witness said, I thought he was talking to you.
A woman on trial
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asks the prosecutor:
"First offender?"
The prosecutor responds:
"No, a Gibson first, then a Fender"
You can explore prosecutor verdict reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prosecutor court dad jokes. There are also prosecutor puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Poetic Justice
Judge:
I find you guilty.
You are sentenced to ten years,
Take him away boys.
Prosecutor mutters, "Poetic Justice"
A jury finds a man not-guilty in court...
During trial much evidence had been produced that showed the defendant to be guilty.
Upon the jury's decision the prosecutor incredulously asked the judge: "Your honor, on what basis could the jury possibly have acquitted the defendant?!"
The judge replied: "Temporary insanity".
To which the prosecutor exclaimed: "All 12 of them?"
A lawyer and your client have a meet.
The client has a proposal.
If I get ten years on jail I'll pay you $3.000. If i get five years, I'll pay you $5.000. And if i get 1 year I'll pay you $10.000.
The lawyer says ok and will go negociate with the prosecutor. Than he return and says: You need pay me $10.000. We got it! Only one year in a jail. And I have Luck, they tried to not guilt you.
~~Sorry, English is not my native language. I' m try hard.~~
I remember when I was on trial for robbing a joke shop
Prosecutor should've checked his chair before he sat down
I can't believe I got arrested, just for indulging in a bit of horseplay.
Although the prosecutor is calling it 'bestiality'.
A man accused of murder tries to get a shorter sentence.
Prosecutor: "Did you commit the murder?"
Accused: "No"
Prosecutor: "Do you know what the penalty is for perjury!?"
Accused *leans into mic* : "Much less than murder."
*A man is trying to prove his innocence in court*
Defendant: "Please your honour, I don't have a single bad bone in my body"
Prosecutor: "Well according to your medical exam it appears you have osteoporosis"
Judge: "Guilty"
Wells Fargo is taken to court by the US government...
...for secretly opening accounts for their customers. Right before the case the governement prosecutor suddenly goes missing. The government suspects that they have an unaccounted sollicitor on account of unsollicited accounts.
What did the doctor say to the prosecutor?
You're trying my patients!
A serial rapist was caught and put on trial
and the prosecutor asked the rapist "What inspired you to do what you did?"
He replied, "Your honor, I couldn't have raped those women because I am gay!"
A look of relief spread across the judge's face and he leaned back contently in his chair... "Finally, some biblical justification to punish you!"
Why does the prosecutor only choose jurors who drive Hummers?
So that there's no chance of a hung jury
Court session...
Prosecutor: did you commit the murder
Accused: no
Prosecutor: do you know what the penalty is for lying in court?
Accused: much less than murder
I married my highschool sweetheart.
I don't know why the prosecutor keeps bringing that up.
What's the difference between a pig and a ham sandwich?
You can get a prosecutor to indict the ham sandwich.
what do you call a prosecutor on a rape case?
a cosby sweater.
A Jehovah's Witness came to my door today.
That prosecutor is insane when it comes to getting that guilty verdict.
What do you call a happy prosecutor?
Smiles Edgeworth
