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Prosecutor Jokes

25 prosecutor jokes and hilarious prosecutor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prosecutor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Prosecutor Short Jokes

Short prosecutor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prosecutor humour may include short defense attorney jokes also.

  1. An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked:
    Where were you on the night of October to April?
  2. what's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir,
    this is the federal prosecutor's office, informing you that you've been convicted and charged on seven counts of piracy
  3. A man from northern Alaska is on trial… The prosecutor asks in a menacing tone, Where were you in the night from October to April?
  4. Poetic Justice Judge:
    I find you guilty.
    You are sentenced to ten years,
    Take him away boys.
    Prosecutor mutters, "Poetic Justice"
  5. I know federal prosecutors have a 99% conviction rate. But I'm a little nervous. Because Trump picked his cabinet from the 1%.
  6. I remember when I was on trial for robbing a joke shop Prosecutor should've checked his chair before he sat down
  7. Why does the prosecutor only choose jurors who drive Hummers? So that there's no chance of a hung jury
  8. I married my highschool sweetheart. I don't know why the prosecutor keeps bringing that up.
  9. What's the difference between a pig and a ham sandwich? You can get a prosecutor to indict the ham sandwich.
  10. A Jehovah's Witness came to my door today. That prosecutor is insane when it comes to getting that guilty verdict.

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Prosecutor One Liners

Which prosecutor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prosecutor? I can suggest the ones about defense lawyer and investigator.

  1. Why was the banana a good prosecutor? She always made the defense slip up on appeal.
  2. What did the doctor say to the prosecutor? You're trying my patients!
  3. What do you call a happy prosecutor? Smiles Edgeworth
  4. what do you call a prosecutor on a r**... case? a cosby sweater.

Prosecutor joke, what do you call a prosecutor on a r**... case?

Delightful Fun Prosecutor Jokes for a Roaring Good Time

What funny jokes about prosecutor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean attorney jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prosecutor pranks.

Courtroom

Prosecutor: Did you kill this man?
Me: No
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalty for perjury is?
Me: Yeah, it's a lot less than the penalty for m**...

50 Jokes for 50 US States Part II

# Alaska
An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage. The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, 'Where were you on the night of October to April?'
Disclaimer: This is not my joke. And I sure hope that its not a repost from any of the subs. I am sure that there will be numerous variations out there. So just wanted to let you know that I read it on Reader's Digest Issue 1/09, finding it funny, I wanted to share with the jokers here.

I searched Reddit and this joke hasn't been posted.

USPS came out with a Donald Trump stamp. They were Yugely popular at first, but suddenly went out of circulation, because they wont stick to the envelopes.
This enraged the president, and he demanded a full investigation, blamed the democrats and JINA and the lame-stream media.

After months of testing, costing $2.65 billion in congressional spending and firing of 25+ people, the special prosecutor appointed by Trump presented the following findings.
* The stamps have no manufacturing defects.
* There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
* People are spitting on the wrong side of the stamp.

A cannibal is on trial for m**... and cannibalism...

He's called up to the witness stand and the prosecutor asks him if he pleads guilty or innocent.
"Innocent!" he says.
The prosecutor asks him to prove it.
The cannibal answers, "Well, you are what you eat, right? So I am an innocent man!"

I'm on Trial for m**...

The prosecutor says to me while I'm on the stand, "Did you kill that man?"
I said, "No."
He said, "Do you know what the penalty for perjury is?"
I said, "Yeah it's a lot less than the penalty for m**...."

A man in rural Arkansas is brought before a judge for his prelimnary hearing.

"What is the charge, counsel?" The judge asks.
"Bigotry, your honor," the prosecutor replies. "This man has three wives."
"You idiot," the judge says. "That ain't bigotry, it's trigonometry."

"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands"

"The prosecutor says she can produce five witnesses who saw you running from the bank with money bags in your hands" a defense lawyer confided in his client.
"That's nothing," the client replied, ""I can produce five hundred witnesses who didn't see me running from the bank with money bags in my hands"

Trial

A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.
He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."

Judge

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. Isn't it true, he bellowed, that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
The prosecutor again blared, Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, Sir, please answer the question.
Oh, the startled witness said, I thought he was talking to you.

A woman on trial

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge asks the prosecutor:
"First offender?"
The prosecutor responds:
"No, a Gibson first, then a Fender"

Ron Jeremy was arrested for s**... assault

Because Ron Jeremy is 67 years old, Prosecutors are worried the evidence won't stand up in court.
Further, Ron Jeremy is entitled to a jury of his peers. Prosecutors are afraid it will be a hung jury.

A jury finds a man not-guilty in court...

During trial much evidence had been produced that showed the defendant to be guilty.
Upon the jury's decision the prosecutor incredulously asked the judge: "Your honor, on what basis could the jury possibly have acquitted the defendant?!"
The judge replied: "Temporary insanity".
To which the prosecutor exclaimed: "All 12 of them?"

A lawyer and your client have a meet.

The client has a proposal.
If I get ten years on jail I'll pay you $3.000. If i get five years, I'll pay you $5.000. And if i get 1 year I'll pay you $10.000.
The lawyer says ok and will go negociate with the prosecutor. Than he return and says: You need pay me $10.000. We got it! Only one year in a jail. And I have Luck, they tried to not guilt you.
~~Sorry, English is not my native language. I' m try hard.~~

I can't believe I got arrested, just for indulging in a bit of horseplay.

Although the prosecutor is calling it b**...'.

Prosecutor joke, I can't believe I got arrested, just for indulging in a bit of horseplay.