Proposed Jokes
106 proposed jokes and hilarious proposed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about proposed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Proposed Short Jokes
Short proposed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The proposed humour may include short suggested jokes also.
- My girlfriend got covid This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
- How did Barack propose to Michelle? He got down on one knee and said, "I don't wanna be Obama self."
- What did barack obama say to Michelle when he proposed to her? I don't want to be Obama self.
- I wrote Will you marry me? on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend. Then I chickened out at the last moment, and had to pop the question.
- I had to really consider my boyfriend's proposal before giving an answer. On one hand, I'd get a really nice ring.
On the other hand, I wouldn't. - Justin Trudeau announces free lazer eye surgery for all Canadians in 4 years... When asked why he put forward this proposal, he responded by saying "because it's 2020".
- Republicans in Congress have proposed a bill to ban the sale of shredded cheese in supermarkets across the country They want to Make America Grate Again.
- One of my buddies made a trans girl cry yesterday. So I angrily asked, "How could you..." "... propose to her without telling me first?"
- I proposed to my wife while in Florence... ... I can't say either of them were particularly impressed.
- Why shouldn’t you wait to propose to the girl?
Maybe she is waiting for Raksha Bandhan.
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Proposed One Liners
Which proposed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with proposed? I can suggest the ones about proposal and discussed.
- I proposed to my ex-wife today She said no, she thinks I'm just after my money
- How do stoners propose to one another? Marriage, you wanna?
- I proposed to my girlfriend at the gym and she said "no." I guess it didn't workout.
- What's the most common marriage proposal? You're what!
- What did the rabbit use to propose to his girlfriend? A 24-carrot ring
- What did the melon tell her boyfriend when he proposed? Yes but we cantaloupe.
- how do stoners propose? "Marriage, you wanna?"
- How does an old rich man propose to a young beautiful woman? Will you bury me?
- How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
- A man just proposed to a woman at a gym. She said no. Well that didn't workout...
- Today is Bread day... I would like to propose a toast.
- What did the watermelon say to the honeydew when it proposed? Sorry, I cantaloupe
- Why did it take so long for the construction worker to propose? He was building up to it.
- My deaf girlfriend proposed to me and I knew I just had to say yes. It was a sign.
- What did Patrick Stewart say when he proposed to his wife? Engage.
Humorous Proposed Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about proposed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokingly suggested jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make proposed pranks.
I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!
For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.
As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"
Tatoos of Elvis
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a picture of Elvis be tattooed high up on her left thigh.
The tattoo guy complies, but when he's done, the woman looks at the result and says "That doesn't look like Elvis at all!"
The guy says, "I can't do anything to remove it, but I could try again on the other thigh".
The woman agrees, but when all is done, she thinks that the new tattoo looks nothing like Elvis, either and refuses to pay.
The tattoo artist makes a proposal, "Ma'am, I'll ask a customer in the waiting room to come in and have a look at the tattoos. If he can identify Elvis, you pay me. Otherwise, you owe me nothing."
The woman agrees. A customer is called in and the woman, dropping her pants and spreading her legs, says "Do you recognize these famous musicians?"
The guy looks, thinks for a minute, then says "I don't know about the twins, but the one in the middle with the beard and bad breath is definitely w**... Nelson."
How many sheep?
A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's s**... and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"
What is the difference between a man's wedding proposal and a woman's proposal?
The man has to get down only on **ONE** knee.
An Irishman, by the name of O'Malley proposed to his g**... St. Patrick's Day.
He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweller. He took one look at it and saw it wasn't real.
The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness.
'It was in honour of St.Patrick's Day, ' he smiled.
'I gave you a sham rock.'
My professor proposed we start a Pessimists Club on campus...
I told him it would never get off the groud
A woman comes home from a date
And she was disappointed.
Her mom asked her how the date went, and she said "It was going great, and then John proposed to me."
"That's great! Why are you so sad?" Her mom replied.
"Because he also told me that he is an atheist, and he doesn't believe that god or the devil exists." The girl said.
Her mother smiled. "No devil? Marry him, and between the two of us, we can show him just how wrong he is."
An eel tried to propose to an eagle...
the eel asks the eagle
"We may look different but I think I love you. Will you marry me?"
"I'm sorry but I can't" says the eagle.
"Why not?" asks the eel.
The eagle replies with "Because that would be eel-eagle"
Can we Frankenstein Monster a joke?
i propose we see who can come up with the best joke. we submit a part, someone else adds to it. maybe 3 parts? maybe not? let's see who can come up with the funniest crowd sourced joke.
Husband and wife go to a club
They notice a guy on the dance floor giving everyone a show. He's breakdancing, moon walking and even throwing in a few backflips. The wife turns to the husband and says, "see that guy on the dance floor? He proposed to be 25 years ago and I turned him down!"
Husband says "Yeah looks like he's still celebrating!"
The real reason women will never be the ones to propose...
As soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants.
A 10 years old boy was at the center of a Philadelphia courtroom in Pennsylvania yesterday
.... when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life his family, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Philadelphia 76ers whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
Can't believe that it's been over a hundred years since Einstein proposed his theory of relativity.
Feels like it was only yesterday...
A husband and wife are sitting in a bar.
They see a man downing beer across the room.
The wife says: "He proposed to me ten years ago, and I said no."
The husband responds: "And he's still celebrating!"
Mr. Smith is on vacation with his wife and mother-in-law in Jerusalem
One day, his mother-in-law dies quite suddenly. An undertaker proposes to bury the deceased there in Jerusalem.
'No, thank you,' says Mr. Smith. 'I'd rather have the body shipped back to New York.'
'But why not?' asks the undertaker. 'Shipping a body is expensive, and I could organise a beautiful ceremony here...'
'Look, sir! We're talking about my mother-in-law... Two thousand years ago, they buried a young man here who was resurrected three days later; I'm not taking any chances!'
My friends' girlfriend gets diagnosed with cancer..
He proposed to her on the spot. See ladies, it's not that men can't be spontaneous and romantic, we just don't like long term commitment
There's a giant hole in town and everybody is falling in it and going to the hospital
The mayor holds a meeting and asks everyone to propose a solution.
Someone stand up and says: "We should put a cop next to the hole and whenever someone falls he'll call an ambulance."
Another person offers to put an ambulance next to the hole.
Someone else offers to build a hospital next to the hole.
At this point everybody starts arguing so the mayor shuts everybody up and says: "You are all s**.... We should close up the hole and dig another one next to the hospital."
A man proposes.
A man goes down on his knees and proposes to her:
*Marry Me... and Make me the Happiest Man in the World*
Looking bewildered she replied:
**You want Both !!!??**
Punctuation is everything: "Will you marry me" is a marriage proposal
"Will, You, Mary, Me" = a f**... Inquiry
Ernie's roommate asks him if he wants to go out for ice cream. Ernie refuses and proposes an alternative, but his roommate does not understand the response:
Sherbert!
Trump proposed new regulations for the airline industry...
Because even h**... didn't remove passengers with reserved seats.
I was talking to my Grandpa about how to propose to my girlfriend
He asked me if I had any ideas for what three rings I was going to get.
Confused I asked what he meant by three.
"First and engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring, followed by the suffering" He whispered
A wife said, "Do you see that drunk guy?". The husbands said, "Yes. Who is he?". The wife said, "He proposed to me 10 years ago and I rejected him." The husband said...
"Oh my God! He's still celebrating."
A poem I read to my gf while proposing
Roses are Red
Today is the Day
Plot Twist
I'm Gay
If I recall correctly, in the mid 1900s, Albert Einstein proposed a new theory on space,
and it was about time, too.
Why 6 was really afraid of 7
6 was just a normal girl, she met 7 on a dating app. They went out several times after that and a few dates later 7 proposed. 6 was ecstatic, they got married within the month and when they moved into a new house they quickly made friends with their neighbors, 9 and 10. 6 soon noticed strange behavior in 7, he was going out late at night to other people's houses. One night 6 saw 7 leave into the neighbors house. She decided to follow him in and was horrified. Blood stains led up to the darkened kitchen where she discovered some thing she could never unsee. 7 had done it. 7 8 9.
A man and wife see a drunk guy
Ah, look at Patrick. says the wife.
Who's Patrick? says the husband.
The drunk guy, you know, we were a couple 10 years ago and he proposed to me back then. But I rejected him.
Good to see he's still celebrating.
My friend proposed to his girlfriend
She is Chinese. So he learned to ask her in Mandarin. When she answered, he stared at her blankly.
He forgot to learn the words "yes" & "no".
A mechanic, an electrician and a software developer were in a car.
The car stops working.
-It's the carburetor, says the mechanic. We just have to get down and clean it.
-It's the ignition, says the electrician. We have to check the spark plugs and we'll make it work.
-"Guys, I propose getting out of the car and getting back in and maybe it will start working."
So I proposed a new bill to my congressman that would deport 1,000,000 Mexicans and 1 chicken
When he asked about the chicken I said "See no one cares about the Mexicans"
What's the best place to propose to a French person?
At the top of a roller coaster so on the way down they say wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Out of ten
My German girlfriend gave my proposal a nein.
God and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said God . "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires."
A Guy Proposing To His GF...
She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I f**... alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.
After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment,
And the wife is crying and shouting YOU LIED TO ME, YOU CAN SMELL!,
The guy responded: no I didn't but it is getting hard to walk around here! my eyes are burning!
My proposal for the new state motto of Mississippi was denied.
"We're all one big happy family."
My friend is old fashioned. Before proposing to his girlfriend, he asked her father.
But he was already married.
A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there's a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going...
The wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.
The husband replies, It looks like he's still celebrating.
My girlfriend of six years is a melon. She broke my heart when I proposed to her today.
She said, I just cantaloupe with you.
HR Department
"I proposed to my girl friend last night, who just got promoted to a HR position earlier in the day."
"That is cool! What did she say?"
She said, "We will get back to you soon."
My girlfriend told me there is no way you can turn a h**... into a housewife
I said "Yes you can". She said "How"?
I proposed.
Two pirates were aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge discussing the upcoming pirate captain's election
One says to the other: "Arrr matey, I'll give ye my clear glass eye if ye give me yer vote for captain tomorrow."
The other considers the proposal for a moment, then squeezes his fake wooden eye out of its socket, throws it overboard, spits on his hand and offers it to the first pirate.
"Arrr, an Aye for an eye it is, then."
I just proposed to my best friend of 25 years
My wife got a bit angry, and Brian also seemed a bit confused
He proposed marriage, because she promised she will make him try different positions
Now he is a husband, a driver, a cook, a gardener and a plumber.
The White House reversed its proposed cuts to the Special Olympics.
Now Don Jr. can finally get back to training.
Hey girl, are you a Java compiler?
Because when I proposed a Date, you said I wasn't your type.
"A married couple are out one Night"
A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." The husband says, "Looks like he's still celebrating!"
An indecent proposal
A man spots a woman at the bar, goes over to her and asks
"Ma'am? Would you sleep with me for a million?"
She looks at him and eventually, she nods.
"How about 5 bucks?"
"What?", she exclaims, "Now what kind of woman do you think I am?"
"Ma'am, I think we have settled that part, now we're negotiating the price."
A husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor busting tile. He was breakdancing, moonwalking, doing back flips - the works. The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Her husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"
Will you marry me is a marriage proposal
But
Will. You. Mary. Me. is a f**... proposal
A young man was about to propose marriage to his girlfriend...
Naturally, he was really nervous and couldn't think of how to pop the question. One day they were sitting on the couch and suddenly he just blurted out, I think we should get married!
Wait, his girlfriend said, taken aback, are you serious?
I think I am, he said.
You're proposing to me here on the couch? she asked.
Yes, I guess I am, he said.
That's not much of a proposal, the girlfriend said. I think you can do better.
I thought so, too, the young man said. But your sister already said no.
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys."Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches.""I know, and that's all right," Satan answered unperturbed. "We've got all the umpires
A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl...
…that means no s**... before marriage. But he does not care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father's house to ask for his blessing.
‟Hello, sir, I am here to ask for your daughter's hand
A bit skeptical and looking to see if he really does love her, the father asks ‟And why is that?
The guy lets out a long drawn out sigh… ‟Well, its just that mine have gotten tired.
Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion
After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.
The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.
Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"
Permission To Marry Your Daughter
Jimmy asks his girlfriend's father permission to propose.
The father says, "I need to ask you two questions. The first question is, do you love my daughter?"
Jimmy eagerly responds, "Sir, I love her with all my heart."
My second question is, "Do you think you earn enough money to support a family."
Jimmy immediately answers, "Yes sir, I certainly do."
The father says, "Slow down and think carefully Jimmy. There is six of us."
Great twist
Wife: look at that drunk guy
Husband: who is he
Wife: 10 years ago he proposed to me and I rejected him
Husband: oh my god he is still celebrating...
Husband and wife are in a bar when the wife sees her ex boyfriend
She says to her husband, 'see that drunk, I turned down his proposal 10 years ago.
Husband looks at his wife, looks at the guy and sighs, 'that explains why he is still celebrating'
A lawyer and your client have a meet.
The client has a proposal.
If I get ten years on jail I'll pay you $3.000. If i get five years, I'll pay you $5.000. And if i get 1 year I'll pay you $10.000.
The lawyer says ok and will go negociate with the prosecutor. Than he return and says: You need pay me $10.000. We got it! Only one year in a jail. And I have Luck, they tried to not guilt you.
~~Sorry, English is not my native language. I' m try hard.~~
Tom lost a foot in a traffic accident.
Years later, he fell in love with Mary. Tom didn't tell Mary his disability, worrying that she might leave him.
Tom loved Mary so much that he proposed to her and she said yes.
The next day after the wedding, Mary called her mother angrily : " My husband has only one foot "
Her mother calmly replied :" Your father has only 6 inches ."
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night
Aftwerwards I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
In this age of missinformation and misogony I propose a solution
Misterinformation and mistersogony.
