Prophet Jokes

130 prophet jokes and hilarious prophet puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prophet that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Prophet Short Jokes

Short prophet jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prophet humour may include short preacher jokes also.

  1. How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two: Prophet.
  2. I've started a business crafting small figurines of Jesus. I'm only making a little prophet.
  3. If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15. Did you make a prophet?
  4. I've started a business selling prayer mats which are also trampolines... Prophets are going through the roof.
  5. I joined a religion where flatbread tells us about god. Its a naan prophet organization.
    I have no idea why this was the first thing my brain did when I woke up this morning.
  6. So many Christians run non-profit organizations. On the other hand, atheists... ...only run non-prophet organizations.
  7. I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
  8. Why did the Red Cross not allow Jesus and Muhammad to volunteer? It's a non-prophet organization.
  9. my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane?
    A. osmoses
  10. So there's this girl named Mary... 1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph
    2. Mary ends up pregnant
    3. ???
    4. Prophet

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Prophet One Liners

Which prophet one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prophet? I can suggest the ones about religious leader and priest.

  1. What is atheism? A non-prophet organisation.
  2. Jesus' life told by the bible 1. baby
    2. ???
    3. prophet
  3. Step 1: Be named Muhammed. Step 2: Get some followers. Step 3: Prophet.
  4. What kind of organization is Atheism? Non-prophet.
  5. Where do atheists donate their money? Non Prophet Organizations
  6. If atheism was a business, what kind of business would it be? A Non-Prophet organization.
  7. All of the local atheists decided to organize They became a non-prophet organization
  8. What do you call an atheist business? A non-prophet organization.
  9. Please donate to Don't worry, it's a non-prophet organisation.
  10. Why do atheists give away all their unnecessary money? They're a non-prophet organization
  11. How to start a cult 1. Claim you have talked to God
    2. ???
    3. >!Prophet!<
  12. Why shouldn't you invest in muslim-owned businesses? They never show a prophet.
  13. Why was God such a savvy businessman? He knew how to make prophets.
  14. What do you call an atheist charity? A non-prophet organisation.
  15. Why didn't Jesus start a charity? Cuz they're not for prophets.

Prophet Muhammad Jokes

Here is a list of funny prophet muhammad jokes and even better prophet muhammad puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I've started a business crafting small figurines of Muhammad. It's making little prophets.
  • I started a figurine company that specializes in miniature Muhammad statues We make a small prophet.
  • I just started volunteering at this place called Muhammad's Bakery. It's a naan prophet organization.
  • Why did Muhammad hire Moses to help with his start-up? He wanted to double his prophets.
  • A priest, a rabbi, and the Holy Prophet Muhammad walk into a bar. The Prophet Muhammad beheads the priest and the rabbi, and burns down the bar.
  • 1. Muhammad 2\. (Peace be upon him)
    3\. Prophet????
  • I recently bought a teddy bear named Muhammad... for $10. And a week later, sold it for $20. The question is, did I make a Prophet?
  • What did the Prophet Muhammad call his baby sheep? Is-lamb.
  • Why did Muhammad cross the road? You should not question the prophet's motives infidel!
  • What does an atheist call the meeting of Muhammad, Moses, and Joseph Smith? A non-prophet organization

Prophet Mohammed Jokes

Here is a list of funny prophet mohammed jokes and even better prophet mohammed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I recently purchased a teddy bear for £10 And named it Mohammed, then sold it for £20.
    My question is.....have I made a Prophet?
  • Did you know that you don't pay taxes on flatbreads if they have a picture of Mohammed on it? That's because naan-prophets are tax-exempt.
  • I don't think Muslims go far enough in killing people who draw images of the prophet Mohammed. I think they should kill people who are named
    after him as well.
  • What did the prophet Mohamed say when his wife asked for a divorce? "Those are pretty big words for a 6 year old!"
  • Thanks to me, Mohammed became Christian today. I, too, turned a prophet.
  • I once had to draw the prophet Mohammed in pictionary game night at the mosque was never the same
Prophet joke, I once had to draw the prophet Mohammed in pictionary

Prophet Islam Jokes

Here is a list of funny prophet islam jokes and even better prophet islam puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why is Islam so unethical towards its employees Ironically, it's all about prophets
  • Why don't Islamic banks charge interest? Because they can't draw prophets.
  • Haramadan Islam,
    just so you know it,
    there is ham,
    in your prophet
  • How are stocks similar to Islam? They both involve prophets.
  • What do you call a man that as s**... with his 9 year old wife? The holiest Prophet of Islam.
Prophet joke, What do you call a man that as s**... with his 9 year old wife?

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Prophet Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about prophet you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean messiah jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prophet pranks.

The plastic straw bans now happening in many cities were predicted by a 16th Century prophet.

His name was No-straw-damus.

Why were Mary and Joseph considered such good businessmen?

Because they produced such a great prophet.


this guy is making mines cleverly disguised as prayer mats. he says his prophets are going through the roof!

Who are the greatest financiers in the bible?

Noah, all his stock was afloat when the rest of the world was in liquidation, and Pharaohs' daughter, who went to the bank and found a little prophet.


An ISIS fighter got arrested by soldiers around 10.00: "Kill me before 13.00, so that I can have lunch with the prophet and his companions in paradise" he said. One soldier answered: "No, we'll kill you after, so you'll wash the dishes"...

Wheel of Nostradamus

A man was at the fair when he heard a carnie shouting "Step right up and spin the Wheel of Nostradamus and win a prize!" Intrigued, the man approached and asked how much for one spin.
"Only five dollars per spin, sir."
Outraged, the man asked why it was so expensive. The carnie replied:
"I'm trying to turn a prophet here!"

It was just discovered that islams prophet mohamed was a huge help.

A nomad happened upon mohamed and asked him what he was doing.
The architect of the Islamic faith turned red and said: *"I was just helping this goat through the fence!"*

How did Prophet Muhammad split the moon?

By revealing his b**...-crack.

Which prophet said "Let my molecules flow?"


Step 1: Walk without rhythm, Step 2: Ride the worm

Step 3: Prophet

Did you know atheism

Is a non prophet organization

Who is the richest person in the Bible?

The Pharao's daughter.

She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.

Did you know that God is rich?

Yeah, back in Israel he made a prophet.

Mary was in the prophet making business

Hippocrates and the Prophet

Tiresias, blind prophet of Apollo, once went to Hippocrates with a serious case of depression. In no time, Hippocrates had figured it out -- "Aha!" said he; "an imbalance of black bile!" He bled the excess melancholia into an urn and handed it to the prophet. Tiresias did not see the humour.

Why couldn't moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter?

Because the shelter was non prophet.

1. Religion. 2. ?

\3. Prophet.

Mohammad is a great name for a businessman

It's all about the prophet.

I've started a new business making statues of people who can tell the future... far, I'm making a prophet.

Why are muslim charities the worst to donate to?

Because they are for prophet.

Joseph confronts Mary...

Joseph: "Mary, I've heard you've been prostituting your body through the town!"
Mary: "Don't worry, Joseph. I was just trying to make a little prophet."

1. Go to seminary.

2. Get degree.
3. ???
4. Prophet.

He died for our sines

Parent to Teacher: Our Son doesn't need to do math, 'cause he's a prophet! Prophets don't do math! Would you make Jesus do math?"
Teacher: Jesus was a carpenter. He knew his math.

What kind of money do religious businesses make?


What do you call a 58 year old man that has s**... with a 9 year old girl?

The Prophet Muhammad.

Why was the priest also an imam?

Double the prophet.

So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:

Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet

What song would Jesus dance to?

Prophet like its hot.

Step 1: Walk on water. Step 2: Turn water into wine.

Step 3: Prophet

A Comprehensive Guide on How to be Like Jesus

1. Be a carpenter.
2. Be a nice guy.
3. ???
4. Prophet.

A devout Muslim entered a cab in London

He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio, because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music, because in the time of the prophet there was no music especially western music, which is the music of the infidel.
The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab, and opened the door. The Arab asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered,
"In the time of the prophet, there were no taxis, so get off and wait for a camel!"

Step 1: create arcane religion

Step 2: build followers
Step 3: prophet

Why did Mary become rich after giving birth to Jesus?

She made a prophet!

What do you call a 50 year old that sleeps with 9 year olds?

A prophet.

I was sitting on the toilet.

So, how do you think they determined what size cross to nail jesus to?
Prophet sizing

Who do businessmen pray to?

The Prophet Margin

Why did the Covenant Economy collapse?

Because there was no Prophet.

Steps to success:

1. Predict the end of the world.
2. Write a book about it.
3. Prophet?

Why does Jesus only sell Bibles?

It's the only way he can make prophet.

Where did the annoying prophet go on vacation?


A Afghan man named Ahmed is walking down a dirt road with his wife ahead of him a few steps.

He meets another man going the opposite way.
"Salam aleikum, brother" he says.
"Aleikum Assalam" replies Ahmed.
"Did you know that the Great Prophet would never allow a woman to walk ahead of him?" asks the man.
Ahmed replies, "And did you know that there were no minefields in the time of the Prophet?" He then turns to the wife, "Keep walking, Saida."

What did the prophet say to the other prophet?

"Hey, are you still working on that novel?"

Step 1: Die

Step 2: Be resurrected
Step 3: ????
Step 4: Prophet

What do you call a cute prophet?


The car of a woman stops at midnight

A man come to help her. He start fixing the car.
After he finished, he tells the woman to try and start the car.
"Jesus, make this car start."
"Saint Mary, make this car start."
" St. Peter, make this car start." said the man.
"You must be a very religious Christian man." said the lady.
"No, I am a Muslim " said the man, " I can't wake up our prophet in the middle of the night!"

How do you know Pharoah's daughter had good business acumen?

She was able to pull a prophet from the rushes at the banks.

Why did i stop making religious puns?

There's just no prophet in it. That's the last one I'll ever Jew.

Step 1. Predict the Sun will rise in the morning

Step 2. ???
Step 3. Prophet

Step 1: Adopt a religion.

Step 1: Adopt a religion.
Step 2: ????
Step 3: Prophet.

Hey v**... Mary! Stop having s**... for money !

Whoa Whoa Whoa...I'm just trying to make a little prophet

How to start a fiscally successful church:

Step 1: Learn how to converse with your God
Step 2: Do That
Step 3: Prophet!!!
For an introductory guide on how to talk to your God please send 9.99 to my church address. Email for details.

Step 1: Marry your first wife.

Step 2: Marry ten more wives.
Step 3: Prophet!

Why are corporations and mosques so similar?

They both only care about the prophet

When a mute prophet is predicting the end of the world,

that's a sign of the end times.

I'm planning on opening an art boutique.

I'll sell paintings of jesus smoking w**....
It'll be a high prophet enterprise.

How to use religion to your advantage

1. Claim divine visitation of some nature
2. ???
3. Prophet

Step 1: Listen to gods commandments Step 2: ???

Step 3: Prophet

What do you call a man who can predict the number of fish a boat will catch?

A net prophet.

Abraham's Four-Step Plan

Step 1: become religious
Step 2: receive the literal word of God
Step 3: ???
Step 4: prophet

I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..

Did *not* see that coming.

What does a mosque and a 9 year old girl have in common?

Prophet Mo's been in both.

A long time ago, in the middle east

There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.
Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in public. Mere days later, a mysterious disease swept through the town and killed every last one of them.
They should have obeyed the Quran teen.

Who was the most high-tech prophet? Moses.

He used a tablet.

There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible

One was Noah, who floated his stock while everyone else had to go into liquidation.
The other one was pharaoh's daughter, who went to the bank of the Nile and drew out a prophet.

Prophet joke, There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible

jokes about prophet