The Best 85 Prophet Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Prophet jokes. There are some prophet secular jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these prophet fatima puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Prophet Jokes and Puns

The plastic straw bans now happening in many cities were predicted by a 16th Century prophet.

His name was No-straw-damus.

Why were Mary and Joseph considered such good businessmen?

Because they produced such a great prophet.

So there's this girl named Mary...

1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph
2. Mary ends up pregnant
3. ???
4. Prophet

Prophet joke, So there's this girl named Mary...

my 14 year old came back with this after his biology class

Q. who was the Jewish prophet that led the water molecules across the partially permeable membrane?
A. osmoses

prophets

this guy is making mines cleverly disguised as prayer mats. he says his prophets are going through the roof!


I've started a business crafting small figurines of Jesus.

I'm only making a little prophet.

Who are the greatest financiers in the bible?

Noah, all his stock was afloat when the rest of the world was in liquidation, and Pharaohs' daughter, who went to the bank and found a little prophet.

Prophet joke, Who are the greatest financiers in the bible?

ISIS Joke

An ISIS fighter got arrested by soldiers around 10.00: "Kill me before 13.00, so that I can have lunch with the prophet and his companions in paradise" he said. One soldier answered: "No, we'll kill you after, so you'll wash the dishes"...

Wheel of Nostradamus

A man was at the fair when he heard a carnie shouting "Step right up and spin the Wheel of Nostradamus and win a prize!" Intrigued, the man approached and asked how much for one spin.

"Only five dollars per spin, sir."

Outraged, the man asked why it was so expensive. The carnie replied:

"I'm trying to turn a prophet here!"

I recently bought a teddy bear named Muhammad...

for $10. And a week later, sold it for $20. The question is, did I make a Prophet?

What do you call a man that as sex with his 9 year old wife?

The holiest Prophet of Islam.

You can explore prophet mecca reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prophet islam dad jokes. There are also prophet puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How did Prophet Muhammad split the moon?

By revealing his butt-crack.

Why shouldn't you invest in muslim-owned businesses?

They never show a prophet.

Which prophet said "Let my molecules flow?"

Osmoses

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

Step 1: Be named Muhammed. Step 2: Get some followers.

Step 3: Prophet.

Prophet joke, Step 1: Be named Muhammed. Step 2: Get some followers.

Step 1: Walk without rhythm, Step 2: Ride the worm

Step 3: Prophet

Did you know atheism

Is a non prophet organization

Who is the richest person in the Bible?

The Pharao's daughter.

She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.


Did you know that God is rich?

Yeah, back in Israel he made a prophet.

Mary was in the prophet making business

Hippocrates and the Prophet

Tiresias, blind prophet of Apollo, once went to Hippocrates with a serious case of depression. In no time, Hippocrates had figured it out -- "Aha!" said he; "an imbalance of black bile!" He bled the excess melancholia into an urn and handed it to the prophet. Tiresias did not see the humour.

Why couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter?

Because the shelter was non prophet.

1. Religion. 2. ?

\3. Prophet.

Mohammad is a great name for a businessman

It's all about the prophet.

I recently purchased a teddy bear for Β£10

And named it Mohammed, then sold it for Β£20.
My question is.....have I made a Prophet?

I've started a new business making statues of people who can tell the future...

...so far, I'm making a prophet.

I started a figurine company that specializes in miniature Muhammad statues

We make a small prophet.

Why are muslim charities the worst to donate to?

Because they are for prophet.

Joseph confronts Mary...

Joseph: "Mary, I've heard you've been prostituting your body through the town!"
Mary: "Don't worry, Joseph. I was just trying to make a little prophet."

1. Go to seminary.

2. Get degree.
3. ???
4. Prophet.

He died for our sines

Parent to Teacher: Our Son doesn't need to do math, 'cause he's a prophet! Prophets don't do math! Would you make Jesus do math?"

Teacher: Jesus was a carpenter. He knew his math.

What kind of money do religious businesses make?

Prophet.

What do you call a 58 year old man that has sex with a 9 year old girl?

The Prophet Muhammad.

Why was the priest also an imam?

Double the prophet.

So the 2017 World Chess Championships are being held in Iran. There's going to be some rule changes:

Queens won't be able to move without the king's permission, and bishops will face summary execution for spreading the word of the false prophet

Step 1: Walk on water. Step 2: Turn water into wine.

Step 3: Prophet

A Comprehensive Guide on How to be Like Jesus

1. Be a carpenter.

2. Be a nice guy.

3. ???

4. Prophet.

A devout Muslim entered a cab in London

He curtly asked the cabbie to turn off the radio, because as decreed by his religious teaching, he must not listen to music, because in the time of the prophet there was no music especially western music, which is the music of the infidel.

The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab, and opened the door. The Arab asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered,

"In the time of the prophet, there were no taxis, so get off and wait for a camel!"

Jesus' life told by the bible

1. baby
2. ???
3. prophet

Why did Mary become rich after giving birth to Jesus?

She made a prophet!

What do you call a 50 year old that sleeps with 9 year olds?

A prophet.

I was sitting on the toilet.

So, how do you think they determined what size cross to nail jesus to?

Prophet sizing

Baduntsss

I just started volunteering at this place called Muhammad's Bakery.

It's a naan prophet organization.

Who do businessmen pray to?

The Prophet Margin

Why did the Covenant Economy collapse?

Because there was no Prophet.

Steps to success:

1. Predict the end of the world.
2. Write a book about it.
3. Prophet?

Why does Jesus only sell Bibles?

It's the only way he can make prophet.

Where did the annoying prophet go on vacation?

Budapest!

A Afghan man named Ahmed is walking down a dirt road with his wife ahead of him a few steps.

He meets another man going the opposite way.

"Salam aleikum, brother" he says.

"Aleikum Assalam" replies Ahmed.

"Did you know that the Great Prophet would never allow a woman to walk ahead of him?" asks the man.

Ahmed replies, "And did you know that there were no minefields in the time of the Prophet?" He then turns to the wife, "Keep walking, Saida."

What did the prophet say to the other prophet?

"Hey, are you still working on that novel?"

Step 1: Die

Step 2: Be resurrected

Step 3: ????

Step 4: Prophet

What do you call a cute prophet?

Adoracle

The car of a woman stops at midnight

A man come to help her. He start fixing the car.

After he finished, he tells the woman to try and start the car.

"Jesus, make this car start."
"Saint Mary, make this car start."
" St. Peter, make this car start." said the man.

"You must be a very religious Christian man." said the lady.

"No, I am a Muslim " said the man, " I can't wake up our prophet in the middle of the night!"

Why did i stop making religious puns?

There's just no prophet in it. That's the last one I'll ever Jew.

Step 1. Predict the Sun will rise in the morning

Step 2. ???

Step 3. Prophet

If you buy a goat for $10 and named him Mohammed, then sell it for $15.

Did you make a prophet?

Step 1: Adopt a religion.

Step 1: Adopt a religion.
Step 2: ????
Step 3: Prophet.

Hey Virgin Mary! Stop having sex for money !

Whoa Whoa Whoa...I'm just trying to make a little prophet

How to start a fiscally successful church:

Step 1: Learn how to converse with your God

Step 2: Do That

Step 3: Prophet!!!

For an introductory guide on how to talk to your God please send 9.99 to my church address. Email for details.

Step 1: Marry your first wife.

Step 2: Marry ten more wives.

Step 3: Prophet!

Why are corporations and mosques so similar?

They both only care about the prophet

When a mute prophet is predicting the end of the world,

that's a sign of the end times.

I'm planning on opening an art boutique.

I'll sell paintings of jesus smoking weed.

It'll be a high prophet enterprise.

How to use religion to your advantage

1. Claim divine visitation of some nature
2. ???
3. Prophet

What did the Prophet Muhammad call his baby sheep?

Is-lamb.

Step 1: Listen to gods commandments Step 2: ???

Step 3: Prophet

1. Muhammad

2\. (Peace be upon him)

3\. Prophet????

What do you call a man who can predict the number of fish a boat will catch?

A net prophet.

Abraham's Four-Step Plan

Step 1: become religious

Step 2: receive the literal word of God

Step 3: ???

Step 4: prophet

I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..

Did *not* see that coming.

What does a mosque and a 9 year old girl have in common?

Prophet Mo's been in both.

A long time ago, in the middle east

There was a town where everyone worshipped many gods. But one day, a young boy arrived from afar, claiming to be a prophet sent by Allah. He told them to convert to Islam, or else they would receive divine punishment.

Naturally, the townspeople rejected his words, and they executed him in public. Mere days later, a mysterious disease swept through the town and killed every last one of them.

They should have obeyed the Quran teen.

Who was the most high-tech prophet? Moses.

He used a tablet.

How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two:

Prophet.

How to start a cult

1. Claim you have talked to God
2. ???
3. >!Prophet!<

I joined a religion where flatbread tells us about god.

Its a naan prophet organization.

I have no idea why this was the first thing my brain did when I woke up this morning.

There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible

One was Noah, who floated his stock while everyone else had to go into liquidation.

The other one was pharaoh's daughter, who went to the bank of the Nile and drew out a prophet.

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.

Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and gave him this command: "Prophet, tell me when you will die!"The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him, immediately, no matter what answer he gave. So he said, finally, "I do not know when I will die. I only know that whenever I die, you will die three days later."

What did the fake psychic say when she got the ability to see the future?

I could prophet off of this.

Oedipus wants to learn of his fate.

He travels to Thebes to consult the blind prophet Tiresias and asks him, "What does my future hold?"

Tiresias thinks quietly for a time and answers, "First you'll murder your father."

Oedipus is shocked to hear that he'll become a killer, but there must be more to his fate.

He asks, "What happens next?"

"Then you'll take his throne."

Oedipus is pleased to hear that he'll become king, but there must be more to his fate.

"And what happens next?"

"Then you'll sleep with Joe."

Oedipus is confused.

"Who's Joe?"

Step 1: Travel back in time

Step 2: Impress people with your ability to predict the future

Step 3: ???

Step 4: Prophet

Who's the best businesswoman in the bible?

Pharoah's daughter; she went to the Nile bank and drew a little prophet

An Afghan villager is walking down a road with his wife ahead of him a few steps.

He meets his fellow villager going the opposite way.

He says, "Ahmed, Prophet Muhammad would never let his wife walk ahead of him."

The first villager replies, "Well, at the time of the Prophet there were no minefields."

I asked my Arabic friend how he made all his money…

He said it was 3 simple steps:

Step 1: Be named Muhammed.
Step 2: Start a new religion.
Step 3: Prophet.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the prophet mooslim jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working prophet pilgrimage piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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