Hilarious Fun Properties Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
I'm playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton...
Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn't really own and is refusing to pay income tax
Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a "Get out of jail free" card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave
However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave
Why can't Communists be programmers?
Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties
My brother got all his properties taken way and thrown in jail last night
When he was in jail he threw f**... all over the walls..
That was the last time we played monopoly.
I had a chance to buy a couple of haunted houses and turn them into rental properties...
but I said no, because who wants to be the lessor of two evils?
There was a lawyer who had twelve kids.
He could not find a house to rent, as no landlords wanted to have twelve kids breaking their properties. As he believed that he must not lie, he told his wife to bring eleven kids to have a walk at a nearby cemetery. Then he took the other kid and went to meet a landlord. The landlord asked:
\- How many kids do you have?
\- Twelve.
\- Where are they now?
The lawyer answered with sadness:
\- They are at the cemetery, with their mother.
That's how the lawyer rented a house!
Cr
The herb with the most medicinal properties is Thyme...
It heals all wounds.
A family gather round the death bed of grandad, his solicitor arrives as the man is able to read out his will:
'To my daughter, I leave my Kensington properties says grandad'
'To my son, I leave my Richmond properties'
'Finally, as I have the most properties in Windsor and Ascot, I leave these for the grandchildren'
The solicitor turns to the grandmother and quietly whispers 'My god, I never knew your husband had amassed such wealth'
'Wealth!' Shouts out the grandmother 'These are his window cleaning routes'
I prefer to buy rental properties that take up an entire city block or more.
I'm in it for the long hall.
I saw a guy stealing gates
The other day I drove past a guy stealing gates! He was just taking peoples gates right off their properties! I was going to say something but thought he might take a fence.
"Excuse me, is this pool stirred up by angels and imbued with healing properties?"
"No, Sir, I'm afraid this font is sans-Seraph."
My wife's mad just because I told my mother in law I can't wait til she gets to move into one of our properties....
... we own a cemetery.
You can explore properties infinitely reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean properties inventions dad jokes. There are also properties puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
There was a monster who ate properties...
He ate a lot.
Two programmers are having a drink in a bar..
The first one says: "Do you see that chick over there ? What "properties" do you think she has ?"
The 2nd one says: "I tested her last night. She's "read-only".
There should be a warning on these math books.
Something along the lines of "Beware the additive properties"
If you are fixing things around the house, don't use Gorilla Goo
The gorilla likes it, but the adhesive properties are nil.
Why did Darwin love CSS?
Because children inherit properties from their parents.
Headline: Popular Anti-bacterial found to have anti-depressive properties.
Most commonly referred to as "v**..."
What number has both even and odd properties?
Seven, because it is both even and odd.
I work as a real estate agent, so Im often in charge of lots of different locations for resale. Unfortunately, in recent weeks somebody has been dumping wet mud and dirt onto one of my empty properties that is waiting to be built upon...
***the plot thickens***
They asked me if I'd sit on the boundary between two properties.
I'm on the fence about it.
What do you say if a Brazillian asks what is one of the main properties of a color?
Hue
TIL there's a potato native to Germany that is said to have healing properties
They call it the Sani-täter
My uncle is doing a shortsale
Baton Rouge properties all seem to be underwater
A man is lying on his death bed...
And he decides to share his will.
"My daughter, you get the high rises," he says,
"My son, you get everything south of the river," he says,
"And my wife, you get everything else."
Then he dies.
After this, the nurse says to his wife, "Wow, that sure was a lot of properties.
The wife says, "Properties? That was his paper route!"
