The Best 72 Properly Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Properly jokes. There are some properly unable jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these properly industry puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Properly Jokes and Puns

My friend had this really fancy business meeting...

He had this special outfit prepared, but he needed it to be properly fitted, to look nice. I offered to do it but he said he could do it himself

"Fine," I said...

"Suit yourself"

An elderly man in Saskatchewan.

An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked, or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

how many Frenchmen does it take to properly defend Frances borders?

No idea, No ones ever tried.

Properly joke, how many Frenchmen does it take to properly defend Frances borders?

The old Man's Pond

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'

2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen

There were 2 Irishmen, 2 Scotsmen, and 2 Englishmen stuck on a deserted island. In one year, the two Irishmen made a still and was brewing beer, the two Scotsmen built a pub and were selling it. The two Englishmen still weren't talking to each other because they weren't properly introduced.


No one on Twitter ever quotes me properly.

I'm so mis-tweeted.

How is a computer like an air conditioner?

They both stop working properly when you open windows.

Properly joke, How is a computer like an air conditioner?

America was not shut down properly.

Would you like to restart America in safe mode, with free healthcare & without the guns? (Recommended)

Cucumber, carrot, banana - none of them used for scale

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me Doc?" he asks.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly!"

Sophie walks into the church wearing a very low cut blouse.

The parish priest went up to her " you must not enter the house of God unless properly dressed"
" Oh, but I have a divine right"
"You also have a divine left" sighed the clergyman,"but I still have to insist that you should cover up"

An US tourist visiting the USSR fell down the open manhole...

After he was helped out, he started complaining: why on earth such as danger was not marked properly? In the USA there would be red lanterns or at least some red flags. "How did you arrive in Moscow?" asked one of the Russians who helped him out. "Well, via Sheremetyevo airport". "Haven't you noticed the huge red flag on its main building?"

You can explore properly carts reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean properly actively dad jokes. There are also properly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Women never listen properly

Wife: I lost my keys

Man: Its in your jeans

Wife: Dont drag my family into this.

This is what I learned from Russian Literature

Alright so 2 guys and 1 girl are stranded on a island

If they were French then they would have a "menage a trois" and get along just fine.

If they were English then they would be mad at each other because none of them were properly introduce.

And if they were Russian then the girl would have married the guy she didn't like and everyone would be unhappy.

Properly relocating a cavewoman

Q: Why did the caveman drag his cavewoman around by the hair?
A: Because if he dragged her around by the feet she would fill up with dirt.

I'm really looking to re-capture my lost youth...

...my basement door doesn't lock properly

My dog kept me awake all night.

Dreadful diarrhoea.

Don't think I cooked him properly.

Properly joke, My dog kept me awake all night.

A blonde goes to the dry cleaners

She hands him her dress which has a huge stain in the front. She pays him and says "I need this dress for a party. So can you please get it cleaned by Thursday?" Now the dry cleaner was very old and couldn't hear properly so he asks her "Come again?"
The blonde blushes furiously and says "No, it is mayonnaise this time"

Did you hear about the guy who was told his genitals hadn't developed properly?

He got a little testy.

What do you call a 20 year old spaceship that whines all the time and never wants to run properly?

The Millenial Falcon.


Good news and Bad news

wife: i have a good news and a bad new.
Husband: i am very busy.Just give me good news.
wife: The airbags worked properly in our new BMW.

How does an ant put on a tie?

With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear and he says,

"I don't know what's the matter with me lately"

The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."

Doctor and Lady

Doctor: You are looking so weak and exhausted! Are you properly taking 3 meals a day as I had advised?

Lady: Oh my god! I heard 3 males a day.

Anyone who says they don't like cats

hasn't had them cooked properly.

What's the similarity between your wife and a tin roof in a hurricane?

If you didn't nail them properly they'll go see your neighbor

I recently learned how to store jam properly.

I must say, it was a rather jarring event.

Do you avoid clickbait properly?

You don't

Why do we evacuate women before the men in an emergency?

So we can assess the situation properly.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

Zero. It was engineered properly the first time and does not require changing.

None of my European electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God.

Turns out they just needed a higher power.

How do you properly tell a joke about rape?

You ask for permission first, then you tell it anyway

Studying engineering in school is like World War 2.

The objective is clear, there's an obvious enemy, and everyone is fighting for the same cause.

Interviewing to get an engineering job is like Vietnam. Everybody tells you a different objective, you're not properly equipped for the environment, and the Asians are always one step ahead.

Interviewer: so what can you bring to the company?

Interviewee: my biggest weakness is probably not being able to listen properly.

Most people don't clean their teeth properly

They just brush past them

If you aren't part of the solution

Then you weren't properly dissolved.

Since the crash, I haven't been able to use my hand properly.

Hopefully Pornhub will be up and working again soon.

In one episode of Dexter's Laboratory, Dexter fires Dee-Dee because.....

....he can't focus properly when she distracts him. So he hires this pretty blonde girl to mimic Dee-Dee, and he asks her "I want to see you dance" "That'll be 50$ extra" Took me awhile to figure that one out

A warehouse worker...

A warehouse worker is getting ready to ship a bunch of cases of disgusting, prepackaged food, but he can't get it to fit properly on a skid.

The food was unpalatable.

How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None if engineered properly

Today I told my boss that I liked his new car...

He said:

If you set goals for yourself, work hard and do your job properly, I'll be able to buy an even better one next year.

A man comes home to find his door lock is not working properly

He promptly unscrews the hinges, picks up the door and takes it to the market to repair the lock.

The locksmith asks *"If the door's here...what if someone walks into your house?"*

Confused, he replies *"How would anyone get in when I have the door?"*

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.

How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees? he asks himself.

Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn't work properly.

Hmm, it looks okay, says the server, and starts the chainsaw.

The man jumps back in shock and cries, What's that noise?

My computer mouse isn't working properly

It could type paragraphs, but now it's just randomly slamming its tiny paws on the keyboard.

April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

A boy and girl are playing in a swimming pool...

The boy says to the girl... I'm going to duck you!
The girl laughs and says... don't be silly you can't even say it properly

What will people say when they are able to handle pandemics properly in the future?

Hindsight is 2020.

A priest was invited to attend a house party

.Naturally, he was properly dressed and wearing his priest's collar.

A little boy kept staring at him the entire evening. Finally, the priest asked the little boy what he was staring at. The little boy pointed to the priest's neck.

When the priest finally realized what the boy was pointing at, he asked him, "Do you know why I am wearing that?"

The boy nodded his head yes, and replied, "It kills fleas and ticks for up to three months."

Not properly prescripted

- Granny, have you seen my pills? They are oval shaped with the initials "LSD" engraved on 'em.

- F*ck them, darling! Can't you see there is a dragon in our kitchen?!

I caught my daughter chewing on an electrical cable.

So I had to ground her and kept her at ohm

She's doing better currently .

And conducting herself properly

I get why a lot of people don't properly wear masks over their noses

It's because they're mouth breathers

A man goes to the doctor with a carrot sticking out of his ear..

a banana in his other ear, spaghetti on his head and a sausage sticking out of his nose.

He says "Doctor, I'm not feeling very well".

Doctor replies "Hmmm, I don't think your eating properly".

A man walks into a doctor's office

He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.

What's the matter with me? he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, You're not eating properly.

i caught my son chewing on electrical cords.

so i had to ground him. he's doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.

I'll never forget my granddad's last words

Are you holding that ladder properly?

I was eating a cheeseburger when I was confronted by a vegan.

The vegan said I should give up killing and eating cows, he said I should start eating vegan. If prepared right, you will get more vitamins and enjoy it more.

At the end of the day, he was right, cooked properly, he was delicious.

A prince visited a famous Yogi

When the Prince walked up to the Yogi, He was meditating in a handstand pose. The prince felt that it was extremely rude that the man would not stand up and great him properly.

The prince said, Sir, stand up greet me properly!

Namaste upside down said the Yogi

My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him...

He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

I don't know how to properly explain what an 'Art Thief' is

but you get the picture

I caught my son biting the electrical cord

I was shocked and grounded him. He resisted but I told him to stay positive. It's been a week, he's currently doing better and conducting himself properly.

Remember, having sex on a regular basis helps keep your memory healthy and functioning properly.

Here's to an unforgettable new year!! Happy 2018, everyone!!

This joke about Covid circulating around Chinese web boards...

If someone walking ahead of you farts and you can can hear it, that means you're not practicing correct social distancing.

If you can smell it, that means you're not wearing your mask properly.

If you are wearing your mask properly and can still smell it, then congratulations, you don't have covid-19.

A Texan visits Harvard ...

He meets a student and asks, "Say there, do you know where the bathroom's at?" The student replies, "Sir, here at Harvard we speak properly, and certainly don't end our sentences with prepositions."

Texan replies, "OK, where's the bathroom at, asshole?"

My wife left me this morning...

My wife left me this morning. She said that I never communicate with her properly or let her know how I feel about things.

I didn't know what to say.

Jokes about murderers aren't funny.

Unless they're executed properly, that is.

What's in common with Chinese Rockets and telling morbid jokes to my friends?

They never land properly.

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly or...

Are they just given a quick crash course?

A man walked into the doctor's surgery

He had half a bun on his head, a sausage behind his ear, several pickles in his shirt and an ice cream cone on his foot.

The doctor took one look and said
"Im afraid you're not eating properly."

Electrical Joke- I caught my son...

"I caught my son chewing on electrical cords. So I had to ground him. He's doing better currently and now conducting himself properly."

My son was chewing electrical wires everyday.

So I grounded him until he conducts himself properly.

Church lady

There was a church lady who always was dressed very properly and always carried her bible with her. She had a bad habit of judging people and letting them know what she thought of them.
One day, she was riding on the crosstown bus and a drunk guy got on. There was only one seat left which was right next to the church lady.
She said to the man, you're a disgusting and smelly drunk. You're going straight to hell.
The man said Excuse me ma'am. I think I'm on the wrong bus.

There's 3 things that I hate

1- Hipocrisy

3- Lists

4- and people who don't know how to properly count

5- people who can't spell

I caught my daughter chewing on our neighbour's electrical cable...

Thankfully, they didn't press charges

But, I had to ground her and keep her at ohm

She's doing better currently

And conducting herself properly

But she's still on a short fuse, as there seems to be some confission as to what she did wrong.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the properly incorrectly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working properly depress piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes