Proper Jokes
135 proper jokes and hilarious proper puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about proper that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for good, cheesy, or even English proper jokes? Read this article to discover how to find the perfect joke for any occasion. We provide tips on how to choose the most appropriate joke, Jon Culshaw's famous Peter Kay proper joke and much more!
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Funniest Proper Short Jokes
Short proper jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The proper humour may include short correct jokes also.
- My son kept chewing on electrical chords, so I grounded him... He's doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
- None of my european electronics worked properly in the US, until I prayed to God. Turns out they just needed a higher power.
- How does an ant put on a tie? With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
- I'm really looking to re-capture my lost youth... ...my basement door doesn't lock properly
- I made a device that travels to the past to make sure food is properly seasoned. I call it my Thyme Machine
- "Doctor, doctor!" "I've roast beef in one ear, Yorkshire pudding in the other ear and gravy all down my legs!"
Doctor: "Hmmm. I don't think you're eating properly." - People in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones... They should use them to build proper houses.
- Today I found out that King Charles is a gamer, and mostly plays Nintendo games. He knows how to properly use the royal Wii.
- How will Joe and Jill Biden spend thanksgiving with proper social distancing? Biden selves.
- My parents My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.
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Proper One Liners
Which proper one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with proper? I can suggest the ones about perfect and valid.
- What's the proper name for a gay couch? A homosectional.
- PSA: Please don't call them dwarves... It's not the proper gnomenclature.
- How do you properly greet a very fancy duck as you walk by? M'lard
- Why does Karl Marx hate earl grey? Because all proper tea is theft.
- Why does the homeless man only drink coffee? He had no proper tea..
- I never learned proper grammar because of the accident. I was in a comma.
- Serial killer jokes are ok If they're executed properly
- What does a british real estate agent care most about? His proper tea
- I'm sure my mate is having an affair with my wife... He's been proper miserable lately.
- What is the proper way to explore Italy? You Rome.
- My friend never learned to shave properly I guess her mom didnt razor right
- I don't know how to properly explain what an 'Art Thief' is but you get the picture
- What is the proper way to tell a red head joke? Gingerly.
- Why do Anarchists only drink herbal tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
- What is the proper name for the ghost of a buffalo? A booffalo.
Proper Good Jokes
Here is a list of funny proper good jokes and even better proper good puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Last Night I dropped Acid Being a good scientist, I used the proper base to neutralize and clean it up
- What is the proper expression of gratitude when someone calls you a good listener? "Huh?"
Proper English Jokes
Here is a list of funny proper english jokes and even better proper english puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- JavaScript is a lot like English; No one knows how to use semicolons properly.
Proper Spelling Jokes
Here is a list of funny proper spelling jokes and even better proper spelling puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Congrats! It's what people write when they can't spell properly Congrajulashons!
- There's 3 things that I hate 1- Hipocrisy
3- Lists
4- and people who don't know how to properly count
5- people who can't spell - I don't get what the big deal is about having ASMR Not being able to breath properly isn't very nice and anyway, you don't spell it like that.
Uproarious Proper Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about proper you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean real jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make proper pranks.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake.
My uncle Larry got bit by a snake. Not knowing if it was poisonous, he quickly grabbed the creature by the head, bit it in half and drove me, himself and the snake's body to the hospital.
As soon as we got there, the doctor informed us that for future reference proper term was *venomous* and this particular snake was not.
Which would have been a relief, except by that point uncle Larry had died of a poisonous snake bite.
A man went to confession.
"Forgive me, father", he cried. "During WWII I had someone in hiding in my attic."
"Well, that is not a sin?" Said the priest
"No, I know that," said the man, "but I made him pay rent."
"That is not proper, but your life was at risk, so you are forgiven."
"Thank you, father. But could I ask you another question?"
"Of course, my son."
"Do you think that I should tell him that the war is over?"
I wrote an essay on whales once, but I got a bad mark.
Didn't have the proper cetaceans.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Movember just reminds me that i inherited the inability to grow proper f**... hair from my father...
why couldn't i be more like my mom?
The half-wit
A man owned a small farm in Norfolk.
The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and sent a representative out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the rep.
'Well,' replied the farmer, 'there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him 200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her 150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about 10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of whiskey every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.'
'That's the guy I want to talk to...the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied the farmer.
Why did Marxism never catch on in England?
Because then it'd be impossible to get proper tea.
The Montana Department of Employment
The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards claimed a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
AGENT: That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one.
RANCHER: That would be me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the proper term for 'gangster pee'?
Gee w**....
As it is Alabama, It wouldn't be proper without the traditional speech...
From the father of the bride and groom.
Death
When a family member unexpectedly dies, what's the proper waiting period before removing their stick figure from the back of the minivan?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him.
Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg r**... and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"
What is a pirate's favorite drink?
The HI-C!
(punchline must be said in proper pirate voice)
(this is what I do when bored at work not even ashamed)
A man owned a small farm
A man owned a small farm near Maddock. The North Dakota Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well, there's my field hand who's been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week, plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works here about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I go into town and buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night," replied the farmer.
"That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer sadly.
Why did Karl Marx like going to continental Europe so much?
Because they did not have proper tea.
I asked a poor pirate why he had a seagull on his shoulder instead of a proper parrot.
"Arrrr...it were on sail.'
Why did Joseph Goebbels own a pair of binoculars?
For proper gander purposes.
What is the proper title to refer to a Liberal Arts Major.
Esquire.
Meatloaf would do anything for love
Except for eating a proper diet and exercising regularly.
If I had a dollar for every time I stepped on the cat when I arrived home...
I could afford to wipe my shoes on a proper door mat
"Is it proper for one man to profit from the mistakes of another?"
A man asked his minister.
"Definitely not," was the clergyman's answer.
"Are you certain?"
"Absolutely!"
"In that case," said the guy, "would you mind returning the $50 I gave you after my wedding last year?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women are like numbers ...
* Some are Rational, but infinitely more are Irrational.
* The Real ones might be Proper or Improper, but only the Imaginary ones are ever Pure.
* Some are Natural, the rest are Negative, or just not there.
* Some are Prime, but those are hard to find.
* Every other one is just plain Odd.
Husband, Wife and Doctor Joke
Doctor: Your husband needs a proper rest. Here are some sleeping tablets.
Woman: When will he have these?
Doctor: It's for you, not for him.
How did AL Gore program his computer?
With the proper al-gor-ithms
Proper diaper fitting
If the baby's legs turn blue, it's too tight, if they turn brown, it's too loose.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was talking to a girl about the establishment of the 4th r**... when a girl told me that I was being politically incorrect
Apparently the proper term is "European Union"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I don't get *really* mad when a girl can't give a proper h**......
It just rubs me the wrong way.
Did you hear about Santa's little brother?
Did you hear about Santa's little brother who refused to speak well, punctuate properly, or use proper syntax?
He's the insubordinate Claus.
Camped
Dad: We're going camped tomorrow, and I think we'll go extra deep into the woods.
Son: That sounds really fun, but wouldn't the proper statement be 'we're going camping.'
Dad: Normally, yes, but the verb changes because I'm sure we'll be going past tents.
What's the proper way to say goodbye to a room full of German britches?
Lederhosen.
Why wouldn't the Marxist ever make a decent cup of tea?
Because he'd read that all proper tea is theft.
My doctor told me to remove trans fats...
Who knew removing my tumblr app would get me back to proper health?
How to properly use the phrase "Fire in the hole!"
Step 1: Eat 4 spicy turkey burritos…
What's the proper punctuation for a negative pregnancy test?
A period.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do old hippies drink Honest Tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
What do you call a goose in a tuxedo telling the news?
Media Proper Gander
What happened when the Prague Bungee Jumping team couldn't afford proper equipment?
Their Czechs bounced.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you properly tell a joke about r**...?
You ask for permission first, then you tell it anyway
A rich Brit comes home from a long day of work...
He says to his most trusted servant: "I had such a long day, I'd love to have some proper tea."
The servant leaves the room and comes back 30 minutes later. "What took you so long?" says the rich Brit angrily.
"I bought you a new 4 bedroomed house. I hope it's ok."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young first officer asks his Captain
A young first officer asks his Captain,
"Sir, why does not my ability evolve. I don't seem to be getting better at flying?"
And the Captain patiently answers: "Son, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seem like flames?"
"Yes, my sir, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones but without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, sir, I have already witnessed it."
"Then the moon .. when it touches the calm water reflecting all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, sir, I have also observed this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all these s**... things instead of focusing on flying the aircraft."
What song did the fish sing after evolving
Baby I don't need proper gills to have fun tonight ..
Why do marxists only drink tea made with tea bags?
Because proper tea is theft
Here comes the mail lady!
Mom, I think the proper term is "transgender."
So this drunk guy stumbles up to a cop...
And says, excuse me officer I lost my car and the officer says, well where did you see it last?
Guy: it was right here on the end of my key
Officer: Alright well head down to the station and they'll set you up with the proper paperwork, but before you go, you might want to zip up your fly
The man looks down and says, Awww man they got my girl too!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can communists only drink herbal tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
Proper use of text font
*It's-a-me, Mario!*
What is the proper term for a lover of East Indian cuisine who doesn't deviate from the norm?
A naan conformist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Marxists enjoy a nice darjeeling?
Because all proper tea is theft.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Problems of Bein a non-native English speaker
The problem with being a non native English speaker is, that your brain sometimes just s**... up random words and you then use them later without really having a proper intestinal lining of said words. You just hope you used them correctly.
Why do socialists only drink decaffeinated tea?
Because proper tea is theft
The Name of God
Two Jews were arguing about the proper way to say God's name when the rabbi walked by.
Rabbi, called one of the men, could you settle an argument for us? We want to know if the proper way to say God's name is 'Yah way' or 'Yah vey.'
That's easy! the rabbi said. It's 'Yah vey!'
Thank you so much, rabbi. said the other man.
Ya velcome. Replied the rabbi.
Article adjective noun verb preposition proper noun...
Pronoun verb article adjective ableist slur!
I tried circumcision without the proper equipment.
It was a bit of a stretch, but I managed to pull it off.
People will get really angry if you don't refer to their proper job title.
My son's hairdresser didn't like being called a child groomer.
Did you know Steve Irwin may have survived if I had been wearing proper protection
I thought most people know The best protection against harmful rays is sun block
Hey did you hear about that medieval soldier that didn't get proper sleep?
Well, it's probably because he kept pullin' an all Knighter
Did you hear about the supremely proper way the Englishman greeted the master fisherman from Jaws?
It was 'ello, Quint!
Just like his father, Kim Jong Un takes a binocular wherever he goes.
For proper gander purposes.
Do you know what really grinds my gears?
When my maintenance guys fail to inspect them for the proper mesh and clearance.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the bedroom, my girlfriend really likes it when I wear a suit.
She's got this k**... fantasy where I have a proper job.
Invitation
Friend 1: Dude, me and Nick are going to a Giants game! Box seats, wanna go?
Friend 2: Nick and I.
Friend 1: What?
Friend 2: It's Nick and I. Me and Nick is not proper grammar dude.
Friend 1: You are right! It is Nick and I, because you are no longer invited.
I own this legitimate hot drink.
It's my proper tea.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes in to a catholic church to confess his sins but Father is still sleeping up stairs half drunk so one of the altar boys tries taking the confession instead
but soon this altar boy is put in a situation where he does not know what to do.
"Euh, excuses me for one sec. I will be right back to let you know what the proper penance is for that sin"
"Psssht, hey danny. Danny!"
"Yeah"
"What does Father give for m**...?"
"Two snickers and a marsbar"
Proper Etiquette
Q: Is it proper etiquette to eat chicken with the fingers?
A: No, the fingers should be eaten separately.
"There are dinosaur bones buried out back!", I told my kids.
It's not my fault we couldn't afford a proper burial for their grandmother.
Remember proper protection this valentines day
Ensure your safeword is at least 8 characters long and has a fair mix of uppercase, lowercase and digits
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you?
You guys just buy into anything big pharma tells you don't you? i'll have you know my son was diagnosed with the measles so I placed various crystals around his bed while he slept to promote the proper aura for healing.
He's dead now but at least he's not autistic
Things I hate
These are 5 things I hate.
1. people not using capital letters.
Two. People who aren't consistent
3 People who dont use proper grammar.
4.peoplewhodon'tusespacesm
5. Cliffha-
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are some women afraid to use proper interpunctuation?
They don't want to have their periods.
My proctogogist won't take my phone calls anymore.
I guess saying "What, no happy ending!" isn't proper exam room etiquette.
A government run initiative to restore the male geese population is getting a lot of media attention...
Critics are referring to it as proper gander.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is vaccinating before proper safety testing can occur such a bad idea?
Nobody likes p**... Inoculations.
