Proper Good Jokes
16 proper good jokes and hilarious proper good puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about proper good that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Proper Good Short Jokes
Short proper good jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The proper good humour may include short actual good jokes also.
- Good news and Bad news wife: i have a good news and a bad new.
Husband: i am very busy.Just give me good news.
wife: The airbags worked properly in our new BMW. - Last Night I dropped Acid Being a good scientist, I used the proper base to neutralize and clean it up
- What's the proper definition of the word p**...' ? When an Australian person takes a good look at something.
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Proper Good One Liners
Which proper good one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with proper good? I can suggest the ones about real good and proper.
- What is the proper expression of gratitude when someone calls you a good listener? "Huh?"
Proper Good Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about proper good you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean good honest jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make proper good pranks.
A one-armed eldery man and his wife step into a restaurant in Paris
The man orders a steak while his wife goes for a salad. The waiter sees the man struggle with his steak, as he only has one arm. The waiter feels bad for the man, but doesn't want to ask him if everything is alright because he might embarrase the man. At one point the man leaves the table to go to the bathroom and the waiter approaches the woman.
"Is everything alright?" He asks. The woman tells him that her husband lost his arm in the second world war when he was fighting in Paris. The waiter tells his manager they've got a proper veteran in their restaurant and the manager doesn't think twice. "Everyone that fought for our freedom eats for free!"
The waiter brings them the good news and the couple is much delighted. After dinner the manager and the waiter e**... the couple to the door. When holding the door open for the veteran he looks at the manager and says "Vielen dank für die guten abend"
Proper English
An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby.
"Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!"
The Englishman looks confused and replies, "I'm sorry, my good man, I didn't understand a word of that! I'm English and on a walking holiday!"
The shepherd smirks and says, "I said use both hands; you'll get more water that way!"
An old farmer writes his son...
An old farmer writes his son (who is in prison) a letter and he tells his son that he won't be planting potatoes this year because there is no way he can dig up the field by himself. His son writes back and tells his his dad that there's no way he can dig up the field cause that's where he hid all the money he stole. Well, the cops read that letter and the next day the cops sure dug up that field good and proper. The same day the cops got to digging, the son writes his dad again telling his dad to go ahead and plant his potatoes and that is the best he can do from in here.
A woman goes to a doctor for a v**... examination
After the examination, the doctor says that everything looks good.
Well, says the woman, That is great because I'm getting married for the fourth time tomorrow!
Oh... the doctor says. But the research shows that you are a v**... ...
Yes, that's right, the woman answers, but my first husband was a gynaecologist and he only looked at it.
After that I married a psychologist and he only wanted to talk about it.
And my third husband was a contractor. He just kept saying we would start next week.
But tomorrow I'll marry a lawyer so I'm sure I will get s**... properly!
For anyone who gets confused about proper grammar and style in writing
I offer from the Internet, the following tip sheet, "How to Write Good":
- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Contractions aren't necessary
- The passive voice is to be avoided.
- Prepositions are not the words to end sentences with.
- Be more or less specific.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
As tends to happen at the start of jokes, 5 men and a woman survive a shipwreck, and wake up on a deserted island...
...where they find everything they need to survive and live well: food, water, shelter. But being people, they have certain needs. Lovey-dovey needs.
The woman is a proper lady, though, and so they come up with a fair system. She will sleep with the first guy the first week (unlimited supply of condoms too on this heckuva-awesome island), guy #2 week 2, guy #3 week 3, guy #4 week 4, guy #5 week 5, and then start back over with guy #1 for week 6.
They all agree, and for ten straight years, they live like royalty.
But all good things must come to an end, and sadly, the girl eventually passes away.
The first week after things are fine.
Week two, things are starting to deteriorate.
It's messy by week three.
By week four, it's unpleasant by any measure.
And week 5, by week five, it's simply unbearable.
So they bury the body.
Skinny Dipping . . .
An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, to check it out.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "we're not coming out until you leave!"
The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**... so that I could get a good look at you," holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
A man goes to the doctors office with his wife...
... after the examination, the doctor leaves the patient in the room and comes out to speak with his wife. The doctor says "If you don't want your husband to die, you must take a good care of him. You need to prepare his breakfast, lunch and dinner. Smile and be positive around him. If he says he is tired, you must make sure he rests properly, massage him for example. Long story short, never make him unhappy."
The guy comes out of the office as the doctor is leaving. With the curiosity boiling in him, he asks the wife "What did the doctor say?" The wife responds "That you are gonna die."
Proper Manners
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"
Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Edward, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, who I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'"
Give the frog a loan.
A frog hops into a bank and approaches the teller, "Please, ma'am," he says. "I need to take out a loan so I can feed my family."
"Do you have any sort of photo-ID?" The teller asks.
"No," the frog replies. "But I do have this!" The frog pulls out a small golden elephant.
The teller looks at the elephant, "I'm sorry but without proper photo identification I cannot give you a loan."
"Please! My family is hungry and we really need the money!" The frog looks at the teller's name-tag, "Please, Patty, I'm good for the money. This elephant was given to me by m**... Jagger. Please take it as collateral."
The teller looks from the frog to the elephant and sighs, "Give me a moment, I'm going to go talk to my manager and I'll see what I can do."
"Oh thank you so much!" The frog jumps joyfully as Patty walks into the back room and approaches her manager.
"Sir, there is a frog out in front that wants a loan. He has no form of photo-ID, but claims that he is good for the money. He has a small golden elephant that was given to him by m**... Jagger that he wants to use as collateral... What should I do?"
The manager looks Patty directly in the eyes and says, "It's a knick-knack, Patty-whack. Give the frog a loan."
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.
The Lamaze class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher.
Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"