The Best 65 Proof Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Proof jokes. There are some proof impeccable jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these proof math proof puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Proof Jokes and Puns
I know russia is corrupt..
the proof is in the Putin.
Why would Bill Cosby make a great lawyer?
The proof is in the pudding
Proof that Jesus and his disciples were all Mexicans...
It says in the Bible that they all traveled in one accord!
Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.
Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.
When Obama made his inaugural speech, they put him behind bulletproof glass.
And that's proof of the racism that still exists in America today. I mean, just because he's black, doesn't mean he was going to go and shoot everybody.
I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass.
I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
My neighbour owes me Β£500 and he won't pay up...
A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me Β£500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?' asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'OK, then write him a letter asking him for the Β£1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only Β£500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!'
Not proof-reading ruins lives
A husband wrote the following to his wife: "I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
Men are the best..
Caitlyn Jenner winning woman of the year is proof that men are the best at everything. Including being women.
Proof of God
Every atheist becomes a theist if you give them a little space
Bill Cosby was charged with sexual assault
I guess the proof was in the pudding
You can explore proof economics reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean proof definite dad jokes. There are also proof puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Did you hear about those chicken proof yards?
They're impeckable.
Buried Knife Found at O.J.'s Estate
Proof that black knives matter?
Bernie supporters are dumber than Hillary supporters. Proof?
Hillary supporters spam social media for cash, while Bernie supporters do it for free.
It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"
A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question.
A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4β€2+2β€4.
An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writes down 5 just to be safe.
How do you find an inconvenient proof?
With an Al-Gore-rithm
I hate proof reading.
I like to think that whatever I wrote the first time around is already perefct.
When I found out my toaster wasn't water proof...
I WAS SHOCKED!
A fool proof way to never feel lonely.
If you're ever feeling lonely, watch a horror movie. You won't feel alone anymore.
We now finally have proof that Osama Bin Laden is dead
He just registered to vote in Chicago
I have proof that the FBI has no sense of humor
[REDACTED]
My English teacher is living proof that Grammar Nazis still exist.
Sorry... Alt-Write.
A man doesn't trust his wife...
He calls her from his work all the time asking where she is. She always tells him that she's in the kitchen preparing food. And so he asks her to turn on the mixer for proof, which she does.
One day he called his son and asked him where his mom is. His son said: "She went out like everyday... and took the mixer with her."
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
Luke cage
In marvels luke cage everyone thinks that luke has super powers because he's bullet proof.
But bullet proof black people isn't a super power it's straight up evolution.
It turns out that Bill Cosby was actually drugging his dates' desserts, not their drinks.
The proof is in the pudding.
The fact that president Obama needs four inches of bullet proof glass at every public speaking event, is proof that racism is still alive
Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot everyone.
Everyone says athiests tell terrible jokes
But I won't believe that until I have proof.
Has anyone else noticed
During most of the speeches Obama gave, he was behind bullet proof glass? I know he was black and all, but I doubt he would of shot anyone.
World is Flat.
"World is Flat". Jhonny said.
"How can you say that without any proof, Jhonny?" Amy replied.
"You're my world, Amy", he replied.
I have a chicken proof lawnβ¦
It's impeccableβ¦
There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...
There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.
Your dog loves you more than your wife does.
Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Let them out an hour later and see which one is happy to see you.
What is proof that Santa is a man?
No woman would ever wear the same outfit every year.
I have proof that God is black
Everyone refers to him as father , but no one's ever seen him
Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot:
It worked.
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
I have proof Jesus was a black man...
He loved Gospel, he called everyone 'Brother', and he couldn't get a fair trial.
Why a man should always choose a dog over a wife
No man should ever choose a woman when we can get himself a dog.
Want proof?
Next time they misbehave put your dog and your woman in the garage for an hour and lock the door. Which one is happy to see you when you come back?
I'm highly skeptical over the existence of "alcohol-free beer"...
There's literally zero proof.
There are many kinds of vests that protect you..
Life vests protect you from drowning.
Bullet proof vests protect you from getting shot.
Reflective vests protect you from getting hit when you are near a road.
And sweater vests protect you from women.
I have always thought of myself as a positive person.
Now thanks to COVID-19 I have proof!
Reddit's being overrun by an evil cabal of hyper-intelligent cow-people, and I have proof!
[remoooved]
A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me βΉ 50000 and he won't pay up.
'What should I do?'
'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?' asked the lawyer.
'Nope,' replied the man.
'OK, then write him a letter asking him for the βΉ1,00000 he owed you,' said the lawyer.
'But it's only βΉ50000,' replied the man.
'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!'
My wife is speeding and lying about it to me...
I can't find any tickets as proof but her friends tell me almost every day that she is getting nailed by 2 cops.
Did you hear that Rudy Giuliani has proof of fake ballots and fraud? He says he found a whole stack of 'em.
Yeah, and he's going to be turning them in soon. He just finished printing them, and is waiting for the ink to dry.
What's the difference between Trump and a can of beer?
At least the beer has proof.
What's the difference between God and alcohol?
Proof.
You want further proof that Biden is already the better president?
He's got 23 million more Twitter followers than Trump.
What does alcohol have that gods do not?
Proof
Ruff Policy
My dog, Case, swallowed my proof of car insurance. It's really no big deal though. My insurance is just in Case.
You can child proof a house all you want
But they always find a way back in
A math student invented a new method of making liquor, using electromagnetics to distill alcohol.
Proof by induction.
A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren't sick.
He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.
Wow said someone in the back. Imagine the score he could've gotten if he wasn't sick
I have 100% solid proof that masks don't work!
My wife went on a business trip and on the plane they made her wear a mask -- and now she has chlamydia!
Everybody gets mad when I say Jesus was white, but I have proof.
If my understanding of transubstantiation is correct, Jesus is a cracker.
I have 100% legit proof that masks don't do shit!
My wife went on a trip to her sister's.
On the plane they made her wear a mask.
Didn't do shit - she got chlamydia anyway!
I knew it! Masks don't do shit, and here's the proof:
Two weeks ago, my wife went on a business trip, and she had to wear a mask the whole time - and now she has chlamydia!
Historians found hard proof that Jesus could walk over water
They call it ice
Proof that a cockroach has ears in its legs
If you scream at it, it runs away
If you take off its legs then scream at it, it wont run
I just learned the earth is indeed flat and I have irrefutable proof.
70% of the earth is water.
All that water is uncarbonated.
The earth is flat.
[Probably already been seen here, just found this sub and wanted to share my best]
My local butcher's has started accepting crypto as payment.
But only proof of steak.
How do birds legally show where they liveοΏΌ?
Proof of perches
Russian Ministry of Communication announces proof that Putin invented the telephone.
Played recording of three messages on answering machine left by Alexander Graham Bell.
All the proof you need.
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man.
"OK, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owed you," said the lawyer.
"But it's only $500," replied the man.
"Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the proof false jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working proof forgery piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.