Proof Jokes
107 proof jokes and hilarious proof puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about proof that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Proof jokes are a funny way to look at the more interesting aspects of geometry and math proofs. Get your laugh on while reading jokes on future proofing, Winston Churchill, a druggist and more. Even some economics proof jokes make the rounds. Don't miss out on the fun, check out these proof jokes today.
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Funniest Proof Short Jokes
Short proof jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The proof humour may include short prove jokes also.
- I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
- Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter. He plan to buy it.
- Wife said the grandkids were coming over for the first time..I spent five hours child-proofing the house. They still got in.
- Your dog loves you more than your wife does. Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Let them out an hour later and see which one is happy to see you.
- You want further proof that Biden is already the better president? He's got 23 million more twitter followers than Trump.
- I have 100% solid proof that masks don't work! My wife went on a business trip and on the plane they made her wear a mask -- and now she has chlamydia!
- You know what would make your bad day even worse? Finding out your toaster is water-proof.
- What is the best proof we have that the world is not flat? If it were, cats would have knocked everything off the edge by now.
- My wife and I finally finished baby-proofing the house. Let's see that baby try and get in here now.
- Not proof-reading ruins lives A husband wrote the following to his wife: "I'm having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."
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Proof One Liners
Which proof one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with proof? I can suggest the ones about confirmation and confirmed.
- Proof that 9/11 wasn't a government plot: It worked.
- I have a chicken proof lawn… It's impeccable…
- I tried baby proofing my home.. But they keep getting in
- When I found out my toaster wasn't water proof... I WAS SHOCKED!
- Proof of God Every atheist becomes a theist if you give them a little space
- I have proof that the FBI has no sense of humor [REDACTED]
- Everyone says athiests tell terrible jokes But I won't believe that until I have proof.
- What's the difference between God and alcohol? Proof.
- My friends call me a skeptic.. I'd like to see some proof of that.
- What does alcohol have that gods do not? Proof
- How do you find an inconvenient proof? With an Al-Gore-rithm
- Historians found hard proof that Jesus could walk over water They call it ice
- My friend told me that he ate pavement. I asked him if he has any concrete proof of this.
- What's the difference between Trump and a can of beer? At least the beer has proof.
- My local butcher's has started accepting crypto as payment. But only proof of steak.
Math Proof Jokes
Here is a list of funny math proof jokes and even better math proof puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The real proof that one shouldn't judge a book by it's cover The real proof that one shouldn't judge a book by it's cover is that math text books have pictures of kids having fun on the front.
- A math student invented a new method of making liquor, using electromagnetics to distill alcohol. Proof by induction.
- After that math midterm.. the only proof I need is 80.
Future Proof Jokes
Here is a list of funny future proof jokes and even better future proof puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The IMF has announced that future Euros will be printed on Greece proof paper.
Hilarious Proof Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about proof you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prove it jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make proof pranks.
I have a driver's license but it's at home, I accidentally left it with my license plate and proof of insurance.
....I don't get it either but when I told it to the cop he laughed and said that's funny.
Why would Bill Cosby make a great lawyer?
The proof is in the pudding
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When Obama made his inaugural speech, they put him behind bulletproof glass.
And that's proof of the racism that still exists in America today. I mean, just because he's black, doesn't mean he was going to go and shoot everybody.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the old Russia, bevore USSR a small child comes home from the last day of school
and holding his grade sheet yells to his revolutionary father "Father! You know how you always say how bad our schooling system is? Now I have proof of it!"
In honor of The Challenger disaster: proof that I have no soul.
How do we know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?
Her head and shoulders washed up on the shore.
It was said that Christa's pupils were hit the hardest... by the instrument panel.
As she left for work that day she said to her husband "you feed the dog, i'll feed the fish."
How do you know her eyes were blue?
One blew one way the other blew another way.
Christa used to teach Social Studies ...now she's History
What does NASA stand for? Need another seven astronauts.
My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up...
A man went to his lawyer and told him, 'My neighbour owes me £500 and he won't pay up. What should I do?' 'Do you have any proof he owes you the money?' asked the lawyer. 'Nope,' replied the man. 'OK, then write him a letter asking him for the £1,000 he owed you,' said the lawyer. 'But it's only £500,' replied the man. 'Precisely. That's what he will reply and then you'll have your proof!'
Milliband, Clegg and Farage have quit.
Proof that the Conservatives are forcing people out of work.
She claimed to be a copy editor
but she had no proof.
How do you know if a chef is also a mathematician..
...the proof is in the pudding...
Did you hear about those chicken proof yards?
They're impeckable.
What does a proofreader have in common with a vampire?
They search for type-os
Buried Knife Found at O.J.'s Estate
Proof that black knives matter?
It's finals week and the only question on the test is "what is 2+2?"
A philosophy major writes a long eloquent response but doesn't bother to actually answer the question.
A math major makes a formal proof that 2=2 and that addition is commutative before using the squeeze theorem to prove that 4≤2+2≤4.
An engineering major knows the answer is 4 but writes down 5 just to be safe.
I hate proof reading.
I like to think that whatever I wrote the first time around is already perefct.
The Nokia 3310 was ahead of its time...
Dust proof, water proof, had a nearly infinite battery life, indestructible, AND no audio jack!
Being a proofreader isn't difficult.
If you know what to except.
Netflix's new show is Marvel's Luke Cage, whose "Superpower is unbreakable skin.
Bullet proof skin on a black man isn't a super power its straight up evolution!
-Danish Anwar
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We now finally have proof that o**... Bin Laden is dead
He just registered to vote in Chicago
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My English teacher is living proof that Grammar n**... still exist.
Sorry... Alt-Write.
A man doesn't trust his wife...
He calls her from his work all the time asking where she is. She always tells him that she's in the kitchen preparing food. And so he asks her to turn on the mixer for proof, which she does.
One day he called his son and asked him where his mom is. His son said: "She went out like everyday... and took the mixer with her."
..Trump said "Buy american, Hire american"
Standing on an Ikea podium from *Sweden*, behind bullet proof by Saint Gobain Glass from *France*, smiling at a 4K Sony *Japanese* Video camera, speaking into a Dolby Sennheiser *German* microphone, with vigorous hand gestures giving a glimpse of a Rolex under the cuff made in *Switzerland*
he patriotically said ..*"Buy American, Hire American, Stop Immigrants".* while standing beside a *Slovenian wife*
Trump being elected is proof that we never developed time travel.
Today I know why we never developed time travel.
Why did Obama have to say his speeches behind bullet proof glass?
I mean, I know he's black and all, but I'm pretty sure he won't shoot anyone
It turns out that Bill Cosby was actually drugging his dates' desserts, not their drinks.
The proof is in the pudding.
Doing the same thing over and over is a sign of insanity.
As proof, doing the same thing over and over is a sign of insanity.
Has anyone else noticed
During most of the speeches Obama gave, he was behind bullet proof glass? I know he was black and all, but I doubt he would of shot anyone.
World is Flat.
"World is Flat". Jhonny said.
"How can you say that without any proof, Jhonny?" Amy replied.
"You're my world, Amy", he replied.
There are several types of vests designed to protect a person...
There's Life Vests - designed to protect a person from drowning.
There's Bullet Proof Vests - designed to protect a person from bullets.
There's High Visibility Safety Vests - designed to protect a person from getting hit while near traffic.
There's Leather Vests - designed to protect a person from road rash when laying down their motorcycle.
And there's Sweater Vests - designed to protect a person from women.
My girlfriend asked me one night if I had protection
I told her of course and proceeded to unbutton my shirt. She asked, Why are you wearing a bullet proof vest?
Protection
I used to be in a band called "No Evidence".
I haven't got any proof, you'll just have to believe me.
My wife was arguing that women are naturally more compassionate and selfless creatures. I asked her to show me proof.
So she ordered me to sleep on the floor.
It's a real shame that, in this day and age, Barrack Obama had to give his speech about Martin Luther King Jr., while standing behind bullet proof glass...
Just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot somebody...
there was a suspicion of university diploma forgery
There was a suspicion of university diploma forgery. The police went to investigate that. "There was no proof that any crime was commited," said the police officer, John Brown J.D., M.D., B.D., Ph.D.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have proof that God is black
Everyone refers to him as father , but no one's ever seen him
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is murdered in a dessert factory.
The defendant is clearly guilty, but the investigators struggle to find the m**... weapon to properly incriminate him. Where could it possibly have been hidden? The lead investigator is at a loss, when one day he suddenly jumps from his desk as it comes to him.
The proof is in the pudding!
Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.
Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd
So my kid walks inside and says,
'Hey mom, can we get one of those new chicken proof lawns for the backyard? I hear they're impeccable".
My sister asked me to help her baby proof her house.
I told her, 'I helped you burglar proof the place last year, that should be enough to keep the babies out, too.'
I walked into a pet shop.
I said, "I want to return this bird cage. My girlfriend's parrot is dead. Choked to death."
He said, "Have you got the receipt?"
I said, "No."
He said, "Why not? We need proof that you paid for it."
I said, "The parrot ate it."
I'm highly skeptical over the existence of "alcohol-free beer"...
There's literally zero proof.
My bullet proof vest is...
Going ballistic
I don'f understand people making typos in their post titles...
Don't they proof read before submitting?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say if you have to prove you're straight, you're probably gay
And that is undeniable proof that I'm straight!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Proof-reading is vital - for example, you may accidentally type "I helped my uncle j**... a horse."
When in reality, all you did was sit and watch.
How can you tell if someone spiked your chocolate pie with alcohol?
The proof is in the pudding.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think we need to stop listening to scientists. They've been wrong about a fundamental topic...
...that you need a brain to survive. Look at Trump, he's living proof that you don't.
There are many kinds of vests that protect you..
Life vests protect you from drowning.
Bullet proof vests protect you from getting shot.
Reflective vests protect you from getting hit when you are near a road.
And sweater vests protect you from women.
I have always thought of myself as a positive person.
Now thanks to COVID-19 I have proof!
Reddit's being overrun by an evil cabal of hyper-intelligent cow-people, and I have proof!
[remoooved]
My wife is speeding and lying about it to me...
I can't find any tickets as proof but her friends tell me almost every day that she is getting nailed by 2 cops.
Did you hear that Rudy Giuliani has proof of fake ballots and fraud? He says he found a whole stack of 'em.
Yeah, and he's going to be turning them in soon. He just finished printing them, and is waiting for the ink to dry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son, 9 years old told me these jokes on different days and I wrote them all down as he told them.
What did the the dancer say when he found proof:
he found evi-dance
What did the lazy person buy at the store?
A Nap-kin
What is a goldfishes favorite story?
Goldilocks
What did the musician say when he was safe?
I'm safe and SOUND.
What do butts like to push best?
b**...
What dinosaur make the best music?
Rap-tors
What does pizza hate to get?
Pizzeria
Ruff Policy
My dog, Case, swallowed my proof of car insurance. It's really no big deal though. My insurance is just in Case.
You can child proof a house all you want
But they always find a way back in
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pretty dark you've been warned
Why does Obama give his speeches behind bullet proof glass? I know he's black and all but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.
A boss calls a meeting to discuss employees taking sick days when they aren't sick.
He had suspected that this had been happening, but he finally had his proof. He held up a copy of the newspaper, and in the sports section, there was an article about an employee, who had supposedly been sick, winning a golf tournament.
Wow said someone in the back. Imagine the score he could've gotten if he wasn't sick
Over half the deer in Michigan has contracted covid.
More proof that not only has this disease cost a few bucks, but also a lot of doe.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everybody gets mad when I say Jesus was white, but I have proof.
If my understanding of transubstantiation is correct, Jesus is a c**....
Proof that a cockroach has ears in its legs
If you scream at it, it runs away
If you take off its legs then scream at it, it wont run
I just learned the earth is indeed flat and I have irrefutable proof.
70% of the earth is water.
All that water is uncarbonated.
The earth is flat.
[Probably already been seen here, just found this sub and wanted to share my best]
How do birds legally show where they live?
Proof of perches
Russian Ministry of Communication announces proof that Putin invented the telephone.
Played recording of three messages on answering machine left by Alexander Graham Bell.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
We all know that Barney the Dinosaur is a LOVABLE PURPLE DINOSAUR.
In ancient Rome, there was no letter U, so they used a V instead, making Barney a LOVABLE PVRPLE DINOSAVR.
Now eliminate all the letters that are not Roman numerals. We are left with LVL VL DIV.
Next, let's refresh your brain. I=1, V=5, L=50, D=500.
When we add it all up, we get 50+5+50+5+50+500+1+5=6**....
And there you have it. Mathematical proof that Barney the Dinosaur is Satan.
