Pronounce Jokes
151 pronounce jokes and hilarious pronounce puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pronounce that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article will explore how to pronounce jokes, including tongue twisters, puns and more. Learn the proper way to say words like jif and stead, and learn how to utter jokes in a way that will get the biggest laughs.
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Funniest Pronounce Short Jokes
Short pronounce jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pronounce humour may include short pronunciation jokes also.
- How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them? Ask them to pronounce "unionized."
A plumber would say- 'you-niun-ized' ,whereas a chemist would say- 'un-ayon-ized'. - My annual cake day joke repost - how can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized
- 62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville". Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
- As a non-American, I love seeing Americans saying Happy 4th of July. It's the only time Americans pronounce dates correctly.
- Is the capital of Kentucky pronounced Loo-iss-ville or Loo-ee-ville? Wrong. It's pronounced Frank-fort.
- How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer? Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".
- Why isn't there democracy in North Korea? Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle
- Why do British people pronounce the word Bri'ish like they do? Because they drank all the T.
(Told to me by my 11yo) - How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an electrician? Ask them how they pronounce unionized.
- If 'womb' is pronounced as 'woom' and 'tomb, as' 'toom' Shouldn't 'bomb' be pronounced 'boom'?
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Pronounce One Liners
Which pronounce one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pronounce? I can suggest the ones about speak and say out loud.
- If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, Then soviet.
- How do you tell a chemist from a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "Unionised"
- What's the correct way to pronounce nihilism? Doesn't matter.
- How do you tell a chemist from a communist? ask them to pronounce unionized.
- FYI: The .gif file format is pronounced "jiff" I know because I joogled it.
- Why do British people pronounce it bri'ish? Because the Tea fell in the harbor.
- Why do brits pronounce water with a silent "t"? They drank it
- Why do the British pronounce British as Bri'ish? The Americans dropped the t
- How do you pronounce "nihilism?" It doesn't matter
- Some say the "e" in the word "subtle" is silent But I just pronounce it subtly.
- Some pronounce it as gif, others say gif but the correct way is actually gif
- A router and a modem got married..... They where pronounced husbandwith and WiFi
- Breaking: Spelling Bee Official Pronounced Dead. He then used it in a sentence.
- How do you pronounce oddly spelt Welsh words? Caerphilly
- Why do Bri'ish people never pronounce the letter 't' ? Because they drank it all
Words Pronounce Jokes
Here is a list of funny words pronounce jokes and even better words pronounce puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
- When British people pronounce words like Water they say it like Wuh-er . So what happened to the T? They drank it
- How do you tell the difference between a seamstress and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce the word "sewer".
- Sugar is the only word in English language in which "Su" is pronounced as "Shu". I am pretty sure about it.
- How do you tell the difference between an adult film star and a psychiatrist? Ask them to pronounce the word analyzed.
- How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker? Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.
- TIL That Elbillug is the only word that is pronounced the same forward and backward. Well, that and Rekcus.
- To pronounce the word, Queue ,you only have to pronounce the letter Q because.... ...All the other letter are waiting in line
- The key to pronouncing a word in French ...is to try to say it the way it's written, and then surrender halfway through.
- How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce the following word:
"U-N-I-O-N-I-Z-E-D"
Gather Around for Heartwarming Pronounce Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about pronounce you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean recite jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pronounce pranks.
Indian Father
**Indian boy:** Daddy I want to be an actor.
**Father:** Son, its pronounced *doctor*
I started a new diet..
Where I only eat things I can pronounce. I thought it would help me lose weight, but I just became a better reader.
A q**...!
A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A q**...."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A q**..., please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "s**...!" and storms away.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, I think it's pronounced 'Quiche'."
If I ever have a daughter I want to name her Noe.
It would be pronounced like noel and spelled the same but with no 'L'.
Henry Winkler on a plane
Henry Winkler is a passenger on a plane and the flight attendant asks him, "Would you like some headphones?"
He replies, "Yes, that would be very nice, but it's pronounced 'Fonz'."
My son walked in on me and my wife "wrestling" on the bed.
We call it "wrestling" because he can't pronounce jiu-jitsu.
Little Billy started playing o**... when he was 5
Little Billy started playing o**... when he was 5. He practiced and practiced every day. He had heard of this orchestra from his town that was really hard to get accepted into. This made him want to practice and practice even more. He even got private lessons with a skilled organist. Finally, the day came. He went to the audition room and started to play, but no sound would come out. The o**... was broken. The judge immediately arranged for another o**.... As Billy began to play, the o**... also creaked and then ceased to make a sound. The judge arranged for yet another o**... for Billy, but that one broke down as well. The judge suddenly collapsed to the ground.
At the hospital, the doctors pronounced the judge dead and performed an autopsy.
"The cause of death appears to be multiple o**... failure."
Man goes to a wizard
A man goes to see a wizard and says:
"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."
My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients
I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.
Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.
As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?"
The waitress leaned over the counter and says, "Tiiimmmmm Hoorrrrttooonnns"
I just thought up a really nerdy joke...
How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?
Ask them to pronounce the following:
**HIRES**
I used to go out with a welsh girl who had 36DDs.
I had no idea how to pronounce her name.
A man in a restaurant says to the waitress...
..."Hi can I have a q**...?"
The waitress gives him a dirty look and walks off. She later approaches the table and the man asks: "Can I please have a q**...?" The waitress responds: "Sir, If you ask me that one more time, I'm going to have to call my manager over." and walks off again.
The man looks completely bemused, so the lady at the table next to his turns and says: "I think it's pronounced 'kee-sh'."
I asked my English teacher whether I should pronounce "either" as "ee-ther" or "eye-ther"
He said, "You can say either."
News from the s**... health clinic
A friend of mine received news from the s**... health clinic, he opened the letter and gleefully shouted "high five!". Relieved I took a look at the letter, dont know how I'm going to tell him that it's pronounced H.I.V
A trip to Wales.
A couple are driving through Wales late one night and they pass through Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwilllantysiliogogogoch. With nothing much else to do , they start arguing over the pronunciation. Eventually they decide to stop somewhere and ask a local. They pull up somewhere and go inside, and ask the staff member "excuse me, could you pronounce the name of this place, really slowly?"
The kid behind the counter gives them a confused look, and says "burr-gurr kiiiiing"
For all you non-native English speakers out there...
"Read" is pronounced like "lead", while "read" is pronounced like "lead".
I can't help but pronounce A, E, I, O, and U very aggressivley.
I think I have irrititable vowel syndrome.
It's 2004 and George W Bush is on the campaign trail...
He stops at a small-town midwest diner for breakfast. After taking a seat he is greeted by a pretty young waitress.
"Mr president, what an honor it is to be serving you. So what will you be having this morning?"
Dubya looks up from his menu, smiles, and says "How about a q**...?"
The waitress is appalled. "Mr president! I voted for you because I thought you stood for morals! And family values! I guess you're no better than Clinton."
After she storms off, one of the president's advisors leans over and says "Hey, uh, George, it's pronounced *keesh*."
Be wary about dating a female that pronounces the letter H silent
Especially when she tells you that all she wants is happiness.
A Comparison of the Different Languages
**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"
**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"
**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"
**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.
**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten t**... instead.
My wife called me at work today.
"Honey, do you want to come home at lunch for a q**...?"
"Sarah, it's pronounced Quiche."
Have you heard the people who pronounce 'Pangea' with a hard 'g' instead of the soft one?
For the confused, I'm talking about consonantal drift.
Two friends are visiting Wales
Two friends are visiting Wales when they come to the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. They are arguing about how to pronounce it, so they decide to go to the fast food restaurant that they are near, and ask the cashier to pronounce the town name.
They ask the cashier "Where am I? Pronounce it slowly for us please."
The cashier replies, "Buurrrrr-guuuurrrrr kiiiiing"
My wife asked for a spa day for her birthday
I can't wait till she unwraps it, and I tell her it's pronounced s**....
Either!
Boy: Dad I can't tell if either is pronounced as ee-ther or i-ther... Which one do you use?
Dad: Either.
So, an Indian went to the US embassy
to get a visa for a visit to his friend placed there. When asked where he was going, he replied,"San Jose"...!
The immigration officer corrected that San Jose is pronounced ''San Hose'' ...J is pronounced as ''H''
'' So how long is your stay in San Jose?''
"7 months; from Hanuary to Huly."
I went to the US Embassy for a visa interview in Bangalore.
Officer: Where to in the US?
Me: San Jose
Officer: It's pronounced as "San Hosey". J is pronounced as H in the US
Me: Oh okay
Officer: So how long do you plan to be in the US?
Me: 7 months, from Hanuary to Huly
So I was teaching my brother English...
I told him to skip the first "H" when reading or pronouncing words (e.g. honour, hour, honest etc.) Later that day I told him to heat my lunch in the microwave... let's just say I didn't have any lunch.
Roll call on the first day of school in London, England....
Ahmed Al Sheriah ............................."Here."
Mustafa Al Sheriah ............................"Here."
Fatima El Bindihiri ............................."Here."
Ali Acmah Shabeeb ............................."Here."
Ali Sun Al En ..........................No answer.
Ali Sun Al En?
A little girl at the back stands up and yells .... "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for Christ's sake!"
My wife was wondering why she was so itchy
I asked why she pronounced it with a silent "B"
*On phone* Wife: Fancy coming home for a q**...?
Husband: It's pronounced "quiche"
Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner
After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.
Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a q**... please."
"A q**...?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."
Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it is pronounced 'Quiche'..."
If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound like a c**...
Then soviet
Gin and jinn are pronounced the same way.
Both are spirits in a bottle.
An attractive waitress approaches a table of two men and asks them what they would like to order.
How about a q**...? asks the one man. She immediately throws his water in his face and storms off to call the manager.
His friend leans across the table and says, Dude, it's pronounced quiche .
Today I met a guy who's last name was Rapier.
I thought it was an awesome name, until he told me people sometimes think it's pronounced "r**...".
I guess his name is a double-edged sword.
Smart waitress
A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."
It should always be pronounced "Gif"
Unless you're a choosy mom. Choosy moms choose "Jif".
I wasnt aware that the name Niamh was pronounced Neve
Until my mate Stiamh told me
I asked the waitress for a q**... and she slapped me.
The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."
Why is the most difficult phrase to pronounce if you have a lisp?
I love you
Source: my father has a lisp
An Arab girl asked me if I wanted a hijab..
I said, Sure. But I don't think that's how it's pronounced .
How do you pronounce XXXTentacion?
Dead.
How do you pronounce XXXTentaction?
According to all the news sources he is pronounced dead
There are two kittens sitting on a steep roof. Which one falls off first?
the one with the smallest *mu*
.
.
.
.
.
**Preemptive explanation:**
Coefficient of friction. The coefficient of friction (COF), often symbolized by the Greek letter µ (pronounced *mew*), is a dimensionless scalar value which describes the ratio of the force of friction between two bodies and the force pressing them together.
I asked a Spanish teacher to translate this sentence
"Me llamo comprar"
She looked at me confused and said
"Your name is to buy?"
"It's pronounced Toby"
A man and a women are in Hawaii on their honeymoon
They start arguing over the pronunciation of "Hawaii".
The man says it is pronounced "Hawaii" while the woman firmly believes it is pronounced "Havaii".
The woman is sick of this silly argument interfering with their vacation so she asks a local how it is pronounced and he says "Havaii".
The woman was elated to hear that she was correct and thanks the local for his help.
He responds, "You're Velcome".
If you don't know how to pronounce the "g" in "gif"...
it's pronounced just like the "g" in "gigantic"
I just found out that "Niamh" is pronounced "Neve"
I can't beliamh it
"This is the hardest part of our job," said the police officer after Adam was pronounced dead in the accident.
"Yeah, but break the news slowly. His wife is a very sensitive person."
The police officer knocks on the door and Adam's wife opens it.
"Are you Adam's widow?" said the police.
In Honor of His First Emmy, My Favorite Henry Winkler Joke
Henry Winkler boards a plane and sits in First Class. The attractive stewardess says, "Would you like a drink?" and he says, "Yes, thank you."
She brings him the drink, and then asks, "Would you like some headphones?"
He says, "Absolutely. But by the way, it's pronounced 'Fonz.'"
Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z
Groom: Why did you say that?
Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'
The #MeToo movement wouldn't have worked 20 years ago
Because it would have been pronounced Pound Me Too.
Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?"
The girl leaned over and said:
Burrr… gurrr… King.
English is weird. Sometimes the letter 'c' is pronounced like 's', but other times not.
Source: course
A man goes to see a wizard and says, "Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."
I am married to a Korean wife and she told me I get to name our son's English name
We live in Korea and gave our son my wife's last name 모 (pronounced 'mo').
I got to choose his English name so I said we should call him Lester.
So when I go around and introduce my child I could say
"This is our child 모 Lester"
Why do british people pronounce water as wa ah?
They don't want to have t in the water again
A soldier was rushed to the hospital with a horrific bayonet wound.
Unfortunately, he was pronounced dead on a rifle.
I was wondering why British people pronounce it as Bri-ish.
Then I realised that they drank all the tea.
