Pronounce Jokes

This article will explore how to pronounce jokes, including tongue twisters, puns and more. Learn the proper way to say words like jif and stead, and learn how to utter jokes in a way that will get the biggest laughs.

Gather Around for Heartwarming Pronounce Jokes and Uplifting Humor

How can you tell a chemist from a plumber without seeing them?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized."

A plumber would say- 'you-niun-ized' ,whereas a chemist would say- 'un-ayon-ized'.

I started a new diet..

Where I only eat things I can pronounce. I thought it would help me lose weight, but I just became a better reader.

Two american tourists are having lunch at a McDonald's in Leicester square

They are arguing how to pronounce Leicester. To solve their dispute, they decide to walk up to the counter and ask the cashier.

"Excuse me ma'am, but can you tell me where we are? But can you pronounce it slowly, as you see, we're not from around here."

The cashier nods and says "Mic...don...alds"

I hear people from Illinois get mad when you pronounce the S,

It really ill-annoys them

How do you tell the difference between an electrician and an electrical engineer?

Ask them to pronounce the word, "unionized".

How do you tell the difference between an adult film star and a psychiatrist?

Ask them to pronounce the word analyzed.

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

Pronounce joke, Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

My son walked in on me and my wife "wrestling" on the bed.

We call it "wrestling" because he can't pronounce jiu-jitsu.

Man goes to a wizard

A man goes to see a wizard and says:

"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"

"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"

The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."

My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients

I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.

Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia.
As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.

As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... ver-r-ry slo-o-owly?"

The waitress leaned over the counter and says, "Tiiimmmmm Hoorrrrttooonnns"

You can explore pronounce utter reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean pronounce fairer dad jokes. There are also pronounce puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

How do you pronounce "nihilism?"

It doesn't matter

I just thought up a really nerdy joke...

How can you tell if a person works in HR or IT?

Ask them to pronounce the following:

**HIRES**

I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.

I had no idea how to pronounce her name.

I asked my English teacher whether I should pronounce "either" as "ee-ther" or "eye-ther"

He said, "You can say either."

A trip to Wales.

A couple are driving through Wales late one night and they pass through Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwilllantysiliogogogoch. With nothing much else to do , they start arguing over the pronunciation. Eventually they decide to stop somewhere and ask a local. They pull up somewhere and go inside, and ask the staff member "excuse me, could you pronounce the name of this place, really slowly?"
The kid behind the counter gives them a confused look, and says "burr-gurr kiiiiing"

Pronounce joke, A trip to Wales.

A man meets a witch.

A man goes to a witch and asks her to be liberated from an old spell.

>I can help you, I do however, need to know the exact same words of said spell

I remember, it was: *I now pronounce you, husband and wife.*

I can't help but pronounce A, E, I, O, and U very aggressivley.

I think I have irrititable vowel syndrome.

A Comparison of the Different Languages

**French**: This chair is feminine. "La Chaise"

**Italian**: This chair is feminine! "La Sedia"

**German**: This chair is masculine. "Der Stuhl"

**English**: This chair is an object, I don't see how it has a gender.

**Japanese**: If you don't pronounce chair exactly right, you'll end up calling your mother a pair of rotten testicles instead.

If 'womb' is pronounced as 'woom' and 'tomb, as' 'toom'

Shouldn't 'bomb' be pronounced 'boom'?

Have you heard the people who pronounce 'Pangea' with a hard 'g' instead of the soft one?

For the confused, I'm talking about consonantal drift.

What's the correct way to pronounce nihilism?

Doesn't matter.

How do you pronounce oddly spelt Welsh words?

Caerphilly

Two friends are visiting Wales

Two friends are visiting Wales when they come to the town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. They are arguing about how to pronounce it, so they decide to go to the fast food restaurant that they are near, and ask the cashier to pronounce the town name.

They ask the cashier "Where am I? Pronounce it slowly for us please."

The cashier replies, "Buurrrrr-guuuurrrrr kiiiiing"

How do you pronounce "Aunt"?

"Ont", "Ant", or "Goldnt"?

Why do brits pronounce water with a silent "t"?

They drank it

Pronounce joke, Why do brits pronounce water with a silent "t"?

How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce the following word:

"U-N-I-O-N-I-Z-E-D"

Some pronounce it as gif, others say gif but the correct way is actually

gif

Smart waitress

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

It should always be pronounced "Gif"

Unless you're a choosy mom. Choosy moms choose "Jif".

Why is the most difficult phrase to pronounce if you have a lisp?

I love you

Source: my father has a lisp

The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere

Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.

(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning. Along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)

How do you pronounce XXXTentacion?

Dead.

How do you pronounce XXXTentaction?

According to all the news sources he is pronounced dead

My surname, Stead, rhymes with bed

My surname, Stead, rhymes with bed, but people often pronounce it as "steed", like the horse. One day a business associate of mine came over to the house and was greeted by my girlfriend.

"Is Mr. Steed in?" the woman asked.

"He's Stead," my girlfriend snapped.

"Oh, no!" the women gasped. " I was talking to him only yesterday."

If you don't know how to pronounce the "g" in "gif"...

it's pronounced just like the "g" in "gigantic"

Meanwhile at a catholic church...

We pray you Saint Anne...

The devil appears: Oh, it's you guys again. For Pete's sake stop calling me if you don't mean it and at least pronounce my name right.

(Made this up myself, still giggling...)

To pronounce the word, Queue ,you only have to pronounce the letter Q because....

...All the other letter are waiting in line

62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".

Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.

How do you tell the difference between a seamstress and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce the word "sewer".

Vicar: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T man and wife V W X Y Z

Groom: Why did you say that?

Vicar: Because I now pronounce u 'man and wife'

How do you pronounce the capital of Kentucky? Louie-ville or Louis-ville?

It's Frankfort.

Two English tourists were driving through Wales.At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch they asked the waitress: Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument.Can you pronounce where we are,very,very,slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said:

Burrr… gurrr… King.

Why don't we pronounce k in knowledge

We haven't acknowledged it yet

I'll walk myself out

When British people pronounce words like Water they say it like Wuh-er . So what happened to the T?

They drank it

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a construction worker?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a chemical factory worker?

Write down the word *'unionized'* and ask them to pronounce it.

As a non-American, I love seeing Americans saying Happy 4th of July.

It's the only time Americans pronounce dates correctly.

A man goes to see a wizard and says, "Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"

Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"

The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."

Why do british people pronounce water as wa ah?

They don't want to have t in the water again

Some say the "e" in the word "subtle" is silent

But I just pronounce it subtly.

Why do the British pronounce British as Bri'ish?

The Americans dropped the t

I was wondering why British people pronounce it as Bri-ish.

Then I realised that they drank all the tea.

Where are we?

Not mine:

Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."

Why don't the bri-ish pronounce the t?

They fooking drank it all.

So, a man goes to see a Wizard...

and asks "Can you lift a curse a Priest put on me years ago?"

Maybe, says the wizard. Can you remember the Priests exact words ?

Yes replied the man, they were "I now pronounce you Man and Wife"

People who pronounce "vase" like "voz"

Make me want to punch them in the foz.

How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a scientist?

The way they pronounce unionized.

Two Canadians in Kentucky

So these two Canadians are driving into Louisville, Kentucky and are arguing about how to pronounce the name of the city.

Its pronounced Lou-is-vill…obviously The oilman from Alberta says

No, you see, it is French! It is pronounced Loo-ie-vee! The guy from Quebec retorts.

They stop at a Burger King for lunch while they're in town. How do you pronounce the name of this place? Say it real slow, we're having an argument we want you to settle.

The kid at the counter takes a deep breath and says… burr-gerr-king

Why don't British people pronounce the t in Bri'ish?

Because they already drank all the t

Easiest way to tell a scientist from a construction worker?

Have them pronounce unionize.

Why do Brits pronounce British as Bri'ish?

They drank the t

Why do British people pronounce the word Bri'ish like they do?

Because they drank all the T.

(Told to me by my 11yo)

Why do British people pronounce it "bri'ish"?

Because after the incident in Boston, they always hide the t

Why do Bri'ish people never pronounce the letter 't' ?

Because they drank it all

I just can't pronounce `Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn`, but I'm trying to do better -

I just signed up for an online course called `Hooked on Cthonics`

What's the difference between a pipe fitter and a chemical engineer?

They way they pronounce unionized.

How do you tell a chemist and a plumber apart?

​

You ask them to pronounce unionized.

Why do British people pronounce it bri'ish?

Because the Tea fell in the harbor.

Whilst driving through Wales with my pal, we stopped off at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch for lunch.

I asked the waitress, "Could you settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very slowly?" The waitress replied, "Burr gerr King!"

How can you tell a Futurama fan by asking them about the current state of Covid?

They can correctly pronounce Omicron

Now we know

Why do British people pronounce British as Bri'ish?

Because they drank the tea.

How do you tell a chemist from a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce "Unionised"

why can't the British people pronounce "T"?

They drank all of it.

How do you tell a chemist and a teamster apart?

Ask them to pronounce unionized.

How do you distinguish between a news reporter and a chemist....

Ask them to pronounce "lead".

A person was pulled over in California

The police officer asked Where are you going to?
The person replied To San Jose (pronouncing it with the j sound)
The police officer said In this part of the country we pronounce j like h. How long have you been around here
The person said Since about Hanuary. I plan to leave around Hune or Huly.

Relapse

"Great news, Mr. Oscarson," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again. "Gee, that's great, Doc," the patient replied."And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store.
You'll see - you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever. "Oh, Doctor, whatever can I do to thank you? "Well," suggested the psychiatrist, "if you DO have a relapse, I could use a new microwave. "

a teacher is doing attendance. she comes across the name hijkm she says i'm sorry, i'm not sure how to pronounce this name, then spells it out. a girl raises her hand and says this:

that's me, and it's pronounced noelle

When Sean Connery first learned to talk..

he would pronounce his name like "Sawn."

His mother explained, "no dear, the S makes a "SH" sound.

And the resht is hishtory.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and an electrician?

Ask them how they pronounce unionized.

Mark went for a walk in the park.

As he strolled up the path he heard someone shout, "Mark!"

He stopped and turned his head, and heard it again. "Mark!"

There was nobody around except for an old man on a bench with his dog, so he walked closer.

"Mark! Mark!" said the dog, tugging on its leash in the man's hands.

Mark was taken aback. "You.. you know my name?! ..and can ***talk***?"

"Oh?" the man lifted his head. "I'm sorry, she can't pronounce her B's".

My annual cake day joke repost - how can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce unionized

How can you tell the difference between an influencer and a computer scientist?

By checking how they pronounce the word bios

My FiancΓ© said she wanted to be a Trophy Wife

Now that we're married all she does is lie around so much she can barely walk. And that's how I learned my wife doesn't know how to pronounce atrophy.

I'm friends with a Chess grandmaster from Prague, but I can't pronounce his name

Is it OK if I just call him a Czech mate?

How do you tell a chemist from a communist?

ask them to pronounce unionized.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the pronounce nihilism puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working pronounce words pronounce piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes