Project Manager Jokes
22 project manager jokes and hilarious project manager puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about project manager that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Project Manager Short Jokes
Short project manager jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The project manager humour may include short project jokes also.
- Who is a Project Manager? Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month.
- How many project managers does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question. They can't actually do it. But they can record what percentage is complete.
- A wise man once said Life becomes much more peaceful when you realize you are not responsible for the projections of others. …the movie theater manager then proceeded to reconsider his career.
- A classic project management joke. A woman can give birth in 9 months.
A project manager thinks that 9 women can give birth in 1 month. - Microsoft has hired a new project manager: Hermione Granger... She's in charge of spell-check.
- Project Manager Humor Why do Vampires make poor project managers?
Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders.
(why yes, I am a dad why do you ask?) - My project manager hired nine women to my project so that they can deliver it in one month
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Project Manager One Liners
Which project manager one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with project manager? I can suggest the ones about team lead and task manager.
- What do you call an engineer who doesn't know how to use a calculator? A project manager.
- A good project manager makes updates. A bad project manager makes up dates.
- How to live forever? Hire a project manager to plan your death.
Rib-Tickling Project Manager Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about project manager you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean office manager jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make project manager pranks.
The Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Enginner
A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt.
The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way.
The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and ensure we are all working with maximum efficiency to solve this problem.
The Software Engineer Just says "Wow! that is strange, lets push it back up and see if it happens again"
My project manager posted in linkedin 'When I die,I want my developers to carry my coffin so that they can put me down one last time"
I commented on that post
"For the first time ,you have mentioned the requirements clearly".
Where is Mike?
On a Monday morning, Paul, Mike's job's teammate, noticed Mike was not around and asked the project manager
'Where is Mike'
Upon which the manager replied
'He is in the hospital'
Paul having just seen Mike yesterday asked in confusion
'But I saw Mike yesterday dancing with a girl.'
The manager looked at him and said
'Yeah, his wife saw him tooooo.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a project manager and a person who poops?
The person p**... gets s**... done.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In group projects, they call me the task manager
I **control** the group, **shift** the blame, then proceed to **escape**
Information Technology cannibals
Five cannibals get selected as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and if you are hungry, you can go to the company cafeteria for something to eat. So don't bother the other employees". The cannibals promise not to bother the other employees.
Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. However, one of our cleaners has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals deny any knowledge of the missing cleaner.
After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which one of you idiots ate the cleaner?"
A hand rise hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything. Why you just had to go and eat the cleaner?!"
Glass half-empty or half full?
The optimist will say that the glass is half-full.
The pessimist will say that the glass is half-empty.
The engineer will say that the glass is 2 times bigger than it needs to be.
The politician will say that the glass would be more empty if the opposition were in charge.
The project manager will say that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
The fanatic will say that the glass is full, even though it isn't.
The IT support person will say that you should try emptying the glass and then refilling it.
Anyone else?
Artemis the Strangler
A few years ago, there was a hitman named Artemis who was known and sought after for his uncanny ability to strangle people. One day, he got an assignment from the local mob to take out a man who owed huge amounts of money and was refusing to pay it back. Artemis took the job, but the man turned out to be almost impossible to find. The target would seemingly vanish whenever Artemis was in the vicinity and tracking him was practically impossible.
However, one day Artemis got a call from his boss. The man had been spotted at a local Kroger and, since nobody knew when he would appear again, Artemis was to strangle the man in the store. Artemis was reluctant at first, but he was getting very tired of the long project and agreed to track the man inside.
Luckily, Artemis was able to corner the man in the produce aisle and strangle him. Unluckily, just as he was laying the man's body down, a woman came around the corner. Artemis panicked and in his desperation strangled the woman, only to see a poor store clerk out of the corner of his eye. Artemis strangled this man too. Finally, a manager came around the corner and also met his end.
All of this became too much for Artemis to cover up and he was arrested outside of the store. The next day, the local paper ran the headline:
ARTY CHOKES FOUR FOR A DOLLAR AT KROGERS
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!"
The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"