The Best 80 Project Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Project jokes. There are some project managers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these project project management puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Project Jokes and Puns
My dad works on Nukes and told me this today
What dessert was served during the Manhattan Project?
Yellow Cake
A cow joke
Our professor started our lecture on ketosis of dairy cows by telling us about an exciting new research project at our veterinary school's dairy facility. They are working with NASA to launch some cows into outer space to orbit the earth. The title of the project is The herd shot round the world.
A new project has started in Egypt;
The government has begun to put more cars on the road, ordering them to beep occasionally. As a result, the familiar sounds of the city will be returned in order to calm the residents of Egypt.
They have called this operation toot-and-calm-em.
Who is a Project Manager?
Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month.
What are some good fruit jokes?
My friend is doing a video project for school and needs fruit jokes.
The Human Genome Project had a breakthrough and isolated the genes that make someone homosexual.
They are skinny genes.
What is the final project for a student in cooking school?
A dessertation.
I really like the Manhattan Project
It's the bomb.
What did the astronaut get on his science project?
He received a T minus.
My boss recently fired me...
So, my boss recently fired me and he sent me an email that read "I did not want to fire you, but I had to. You were slacking on every project I assigned to you and you get too easily distracted. Please stop by and pick up your things, OK? I expect to see that your office is empty by Saturday."
I then realized how much OK resembled a stick-man.
My teacher was impressed with my mediocre computer programming project
He gave me a C++!
You can explore project programme reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean project renovation dad jokes. There are also project puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why don't frogs use screws?
Because they prefer rrrrrivets.
*been using lots of rivets on a project lately when I came up with this awful dad-style joke. But I'm 40 and a dad so I'm a fully-licensed dad joker ."*
Project Manager Humor
Why do Vampires make poor project managers?
Because the refuse you to meet with stake holders.
(why yes, I am a dad why do you ask?)
What's an Alzheimer patient's favorite horror movie?
The Blair...Which project?
[Made my roomie laugh at least]
Diminishing Return Joke (request)
Salesman: Lady, this vacuum cleaner will cut your house cleaning time in half.
Woman: Great, Gimme two of 'em!
*Does anyone know of any other jokes that demonstrate the Law of Diminishing returns? Its for a project I'm working on...
When my doctor told me that I am able to astral project at night...
... I was beside myself
A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project
For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.
"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.
I brought my camera to a strip club for my photography project
I ended up failing because everyone in my photos was over-exposed.
How's your homophone needlepoint project coming along?
Sew sew
In high school, I presented a project on communism
I thought I would get terrible marx for stalin but the teacher was pretty leninent.
In history class we got to read on a WW2 topic of our choice. I chose the Manhattan Project.
I heard it was the bomb.
4 women were working quietly on a project
that's it
Why are paraplegics bad project teammates?
They never carry their own weight.
A physicist, a biologist, and a geologist walk into a bar.
The physicist immediately liquors up and attempts to pick up chicks with his top secret details about a new slightly-cooler-than-molten-hot fusion project he's working on.
The biologist attempts to pick up chicks with stories about him working with baby elephants in Thailand.
The geologist says "Ouch".
I remember when my cloning project failed.
A part of me died that day.
Have you heard that China's panda project is disastrously failing?
All of the pandas are dying of pneumonia.
It's causing pandaneumonium.
What do you call hiring German engineers to work on your overseas project?
Krautsourcing
I started a project to hire people with depression on my dairy farm...
if there's one thing they're good at its milking it.
I'm an attorney working on my fifth freelance project.
That guy really needs to stop getting arrested.
"Time is an arbitrary concept"
is apparently a bad way to explain to your boss why you missed the project deadline
My daughter is making a documentary on the invention of the telephone, for a school project.
I remember the time I did that, in middle school.
Rings A Bell.
The Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Enginner
A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt.
The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way.
The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and ensure we are all working with maximum efficiency to solve this problem.
The Software Engineer Just says "Wow! that is strange, lets push it back up and see if it happens again"
Scientists Have Isolated a Single Unit of Potato and Taught it to Use 4chan
They've named the project Channing Tatum.
As compensation for their appalling behaviour, United Airlines are going to sponsor a lot more community sports and activities
Their first project will be Drag Racing
Where did the lazy quantum mechanics student say his project was
in a box
Scientists are testing new mind reading methods with ants
It sounds like a cool psy-ants project
TIL of a Nine Inch Nails and Tool collaboration project that never made it to the studio because of union issues
It was called Unlicensed Carpentry
Lucy, Linus, and Charlie Brown are assigned a history project.
Each person was assigned a country to report on.
Wow! Lucy said. I got Italy!
Interesting exclaimed Linus. I got Germany.
With dismay, Charlie Brown said, I got Iraq.
There was a major research project to find out how men became gay
They found that 17 percent of them felt they were born gay, the other 83 percent were sucked into it.
I wish that I could finish my time travel project
And I also wish that I would stop bugging me yesterday while I'm working on it
Why did the open source code project owner cross the road?
To git to the other side.
OK Joke
So, my boss recently fired me and he sent me an email that read "I did not want to fire you, but I had to. You were slacking on every project I assigned to you and you get too easily distracted. Please stop by and pick up your things, OK? I expect to see that your office is empty by Saturday."
I then realized how much OK resembled a stick-man.
(I found this on my home computer in a file called "OK Joke.txt". I have no idea where it came from. Also, I'm supposed to be working now.)
I have too many projects around my house...
I have my projects... and my wife has our projects...
I was part of a group project
With my wife.
I only put in 30 seconds of work but I still put my name on the birth certificate.
Why did the projectionist cross the road?
To get the other slides.
Where can I buy a gun?
Don't worry, it's for a school project.
I want my group project members at my funeral
They're gonna lower my casket into the ground.
So they can let me done one last time.
How many project managers does it take to change a light bulb?
Trick question. They can't actually do it. But they can record what percentage is complete.
If while building a wood project you find that many of your nails are pointed on the wrong end
Don't throw them away. Save them for the opposite side of the project.
A friend calls his engineer friend
A friend calls his engineer friend. What are you doing? He asks. The engineer answers "I'm in the middle of the project hydro thermal behavior of porcelain glass and metals under a controlled high-pressured environment". I am not sure I understand, can you explain it in plain language?. And the engineer answers "I'm washing the dishes and my wife is watching me"
I got fired for getting stressed and kicking the project I was working on.
I'm sorry, but defusing bombs just makes me really stressed.
Trump said he would build a wall but he hasn't even picked up a brick yet.
He's just another middle aged man failing at a DIY project.
I'm working on a top secret project using honey to create alcohol
It's on a mead to know basis.
Give an Eevee a Water Stone and it turns into Vaporeon. Give an Eevee a Fire Stone and it turns into Flareon.
Give an Eevee a couple dollars every month for their art project and it turns into Patreon.
The Manhattan Project was an urban development program
It was designed to make city populations explode
I've got an old project car that I named after my wife.
I haven't turned her on in years, now it usually takes a garage full of men to get her motor running.
Working on a house project with my dad today... I say "Come here, I need another pair of eyes."
He says, without pausing, "i'd like to keep my eyes."
Classic dad joke moment in action.
How would a giant robot that's controlled by multiple people be rendered useless?
Make operating it a school group project!
Don and his friend Eva we're exploring caves in the town of Level for our palindrome school project
Eva said there were many things they could not do in caves. Don asked her a question using his knowledge from palindrome school. Don said, Eva can I stab bats in a cave . She said no don . Don then said, Eva can I pose as aesop in a cave . She again said, no don .
What is the most important project task of a grill master at a chop house?
To please their steakholders
Beating this pandemic is a group project.
This is why I always hated group projects.
Boo me all you like, I just made it up.
I was at the local library trying to find a specific sound for my video project; that of a displeased audience. I was repeatedly listening to a variety of samples through the miniature speakers on the desk.
Unbeknownst to me, a lady who was sat at the desk in the next cubicle was growing irritated and she leant over,startling me, and screamed PICK A BOO!
What an odd game to play with another adult in a library.
What do you get when you cross a hamster with a polar bear?
A loss of project funding and a stern telling off from the university ethics committee
A cartographer is asked to make a giant topographic map
He is very meticulous, agonizing over every little detail on the map. After months of work, he nervously presents it to his client, who says it's perfect and commissions another big project. As he leaves the meeting, the cartographer takes a deep breath, turns to his assistant, and says, "I was really worried he wouldn't like it, but that was a huge relief."
How many Project managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they are all still discussing the best way to do it.
A good project manager makes updates.
A bad project manager makes up dates.
The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has came up with a new machine to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others , they have named it in honour of Putin who funded the project
It is called RARA's Grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine
For a school video project, I was partnered with the class bitch
Wanting it to be finished as soon as possible, I told her that I would do most of the project as long as she would stay out of my way. I then realized that my computer was undergoing repairs so I asked her if she had any audio editing software. And let me tell you,
This bitch had the Audacity.
Sean Connery arrives at a grand hotel ready for filming the next day
The director meets him, and is delighted "great to see you, Sean, its an honour to have you join us for this project" he says.
"The pleasure is mine" Sean replies, "though it's been a long drive and I'm tired. Is my room ready?"
"Of course, of course, I have your key right here", he says handing over the key. "I appreciate its quite late so we'll have a bit of a later start tomorrow. Are you happy to meet us in the lobby for ten-ish?"
"Tennish?" asks Sean, "but I didn't even bring my racket!"
... An old joke in honor of the great man.
I got a C- for my high school sewing project. The teacher's only comment was....
Seams reasonable.
Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.
I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.
Trump didn't finish the wall
He's just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project
Q. How do you reprimand a lazy scientist working in a cryogenetics lab?
A. "Your contribution in this project is absolute zero"
What do you call an Engineer who doesn't know how to use a calculator?
A project manager.
Microsoft has hired a new project manager: Hermione Granger...
She's in charge of spell-check.
What's the difference between a project manager and a person who poops?
The person pooping gets shit done.
My project manager posted in linkedin 'When I die,I want my developers to carry my coffin so that they can put me down one last time"
I commented on that post
"For the first time ,you have mentioned the requirements clearly".
Failed DIY project
I thought it would be cool to tar up my driveway, but it ended up looking hideous. Can't even blame anyone, it's my own stupid asphalt.
Where is Mike?
On a Monday morning, Paul, Mike's job's teammate, noticed Mike was not around and asked the project manager
'Where is Mike'
Upon which the manager replied
'He is in the hospital'
Paul having just seen Mike yesterday asked in confusion
'But I saw Mike yesterday dancing with a girl.'
The manager looked at him and said
'Yeah, his wife saw him tooooo.'
What did Sean Connery say after his woodworking project didn't turn out well?
"I'm ashamed of my shelf"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the project debrief jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working project project manager piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.