JokoJokes

Progress Jokes

101 progress jokes and hilarious progress puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about progress that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

A timeless selection of work-in-progress jokes that address the perpetual ailments of completing a task and that are sure to lighten the mood and encourage productivity.

Quick Jump To

Popular Progress Short Jokes

Short progress jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The progress humour may include short revolution jokes also.

  1. I'v been a gym member for 6 months without any progress... I think I need to go personally to see what 's going on
  2. It's been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress I'm going there in-person to see what's going on
  3. Germany's failure in the World Cup wasn't that surprising They have always struggled to progress in Russia.
  4. Everybody's so up in arms about Covid, but I see it as progress. Nothing else made in China has ever lasted this long.
  5. Knock knock Knock Knock!
    Who's there?
    It's Dave!
    Dave who?
    Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
  6. Alabama is a really progressive state... Because when a woman gets married in Alabama she doesn't have to change her name!
  7. It's been 6 months since I've joined the gym and I haven't seen any progress. >!Tomorrow I'm heading down there in person to find out what's really going on.!<
  8. If you think about it, Futurama was an extremely progressive show. Truly ahead of its time.
  9. So we all know con is the opposite of pro, right? Well, if pro and con are opposites, then what's the opposite of progress? Congress.
  10. My friend told me he was making good progress with his erectile disfunction I told him, "Keep it up"

Share These Progress Jokes With Friends




Progress One Liners

Which progress one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with progress? I can suggest the ones about achievement and advanced.

  1. Why are diversity officers in progressive companies always women? Because it is cheaper.
  2. If the opposite of pro is con... Then that means the opposite of congress is progress.
  3. If con is the opposite of pro then isn't congress the opposite of progress?
  4. In a progressively incestuous household... ...it's about upping the auntie
  5. LG's new Bluetooth department is very progressive Everyone there is LGBT
  6. Do you know why I don't like simple chord progressions? They give me the EBGBs.
  7. What's the most progressive thing about Joe Biden? His dementia
  8. If pro and con are opposites Then the opposite of progress is Congress.
  9. What's the opposite of Protest? Contest.
    Whats the opposite of Progress?
  10. If Con is the Opposite of Pro... Does that make Congress the opposite of Progress?
  11. Why was the ghost progressive? Because he had transparents.
  12. The opposite of a pro is a con. The opposite of progress is Congress.
  13. I asked my shrink how he felt about the lack of progress he was making.
  14. What do you call a basement full of progressives? A whine cellar.
  15. What's the opposite of a progressive? A French tank.

Work In Progress Jokes

Here is a list of funny work in progress jokes and even better work in progress puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's been in the works for 7000 days and has barely made any progress? Me
  • I am taking a stand to be progressive. I support youthinasia. So I adopted a kid from there. Sorrymyspace bar isn't working allthetime now.
  • People say Ben Shapiro doesn't work out. I disagree He's the king of progressive overload
  • (Work in progress)What do you call a bunch of ravens pretending to be crows? A conspiracy to commit m**...!
  • (Work in progress) I want to have s**... with a news reporter. I want to have s**... with a news reporter.
    As soon as enter her, I want to scream
    "This Just In!"

Progress Bar Jokes

Here is a list of funny progress bar jokes and even better progress bar puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Karl Marx walks into a bar The punchline gets progressively better over time
  • I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.
  • My computer is so slow . . . . . . I get a progress bar when I copy and paste . . . text.
Progress joke, My computer is so slow . . .

Progress joke, My computer is so slow . . .

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about progress can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of progress puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Progress Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about progress you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean success jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make progress prank.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

My crush asked my help to impress a boy. So I told her we should pretend to date to make him jealous.

We've now been married for 10 years and have a kid and she hasn't made any progress with that guy. Maybe I should stop beating him up every time he tries to meet her?
Nah. Need to stay in character.

What's a Christian's favourite chord progression?

G,Esus.

Are you a v**...?

Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said: "Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Maria replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a v**...?" Joe was amazed!
"No, silly," she giggled, "I've never objected!"

Other jokes like, "If pro is the opposite of con, does that mean that congress is the opposite of progress?"

Just looking for some jokes similar to this one, playing on opposites and such.

After progressively lifting heavier weights, I was finally able to squat 600 pounds.

Unfortunately, all that money still weighs less than a kilo.

Sean Connery has been scouring Israel for ancient musical instruments.

When asked about his progress, he replied, "I've only found one shofar."

What do you call a lamppost in Niger?

Progress.

A man goes to see a film alone...

...and sits down next to a young boy, who has a golden retriever sitting on the seat aside him.
 
The film starts, but the man has a hard time paying attention. As the film progresses, his focus is increasingly diverted to the young boy and his golden retriever. The dog is laughing uproariously during all the funny scenes, gasping and pointing during all the shocking scenes, wooping and hurrahing during all the action scenes, and gently sobbing during all the dramatic scenes. By the end of the film, the man is utterly awestruck by this wondrous animal.
 
As the film draws to a close and the credits begin to roll, the man leans over and addresses the boy: "That animal of yours is absolutely amazing! He laughed, he cried, he gasped, he cheered. He enjoyed the film on every level that it could possibly be enjoyed. I am thoroughly impressed".
 
The boy says: "I'm impressed too! He hated the book..."

What's Bernie Sanders's favorite insurance company?

Progressive
*this just popped up in my head while in the shower. If already posted I apologize in advance*

A blonde woman was speeding

down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

You know homeless people are the real progressives of this country.

Always asking for change.

Why don't progressives go to the dentist?

Because dentists like everything straight and white.

Progressives are enraged, conservatives are cautiously optimistic, but no group is more excited than the Imagineers of Disney.

For the first time in the history of the Hall of Presidents, they have a shot at making an audioanimatronic more realistic than the original.

Progress is amazing. "w**... Only" is in the past

This new color safe bleach is fantastic.

Ban?????

"How did things go organizing a muslim travelling band?"
"Band? Sir, i'm sorry we thought you said ban."
"Ban! That's a bit harsh isn't it? Nevermind, how are things progressing with our new Mexican mall?"

What is the best thing about Tiger Woods' arrest?

A black man in America finally survived a traffic stop. Progress!

Progressive and allstate used to be one insurance company..

.. but nobody wanted prostate insurance.

If pro is the opposite of con....

If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
Congress.
Joe Swanson - Family Guy

In a progressive move, Mattel is making a new boyfriend for Barbie who's a homeless man from New Jersey

Hobo Ken.

A civilization of sentient deer may sound interesting

But I get the strange feeling that they'd make no progress in advancing their own culture once they come into contact with humans.
I guess that's what happens when you encounter Stagnation

I approached a lesbian at a bar.

I wasn't aware she was a lesbian at the time, so I asked if she would like to go home with me.
"How rude!" she responded. "Did you just assume my sexuality? I'll have you know that I'm not interested in men!"
I'm a fairly progressive man, so I wasn't going to let her beat me at my own game.
"How rude!" I shouted, catching her attention as she walked away. "Did you just assume my gender?"

A warning to be careful about drunk driving..

Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.
On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..

I appauld Amazon for being progressive on the whole "Who can use which restroom issue".

They don't care who pees in what bottle.

Did you know that within the UK, gender equality becomes significantly more progressed the further north you go...

If you go far north enough, it's common place for the men wear skirts and the women have deep voices.

I've been suffering from diarrhea the past few days

...but I'm finally making some solid progress.

Today i realised that Kung Fu Panda was actually a very progressive movie

Not only is the protagonist such a minority that he is literally an endangered species, he is also portrayed by a Black man

I don't fuss over the difference between "can" and "may" like other English teachers.

In fact, once a student asked me this: "Can you give me an example of future progressive tense?"
I responded with "Certainly. I will be seeing you after class."
He must have wanted another example, as he was still standing in my classroom when I arrived the next day.

"Hi I'm Eric and I'm an Alcoholic."

"Hi Eric. Welcome to the end of the year, support group! Tell us how long you've been sober for.'
"Maybe a month... 34 days...?"
"Great progress!"
"Oh, not in a row. Just the total for this whole year."

Russia can still win the world cup

Putin just has to make quite a lot of progress quickly on the Western front.

A blonde gets pulled over for speeding

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.
The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
"What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The officer replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the officer. "Here it is," she said.
The officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Joseph Stalin goes to visit one of the farming collectives outside Moscow

He wants to see their progress with the latest Five-Year Plan.
'Tell Me Comrade,' he asks one farmer. 'How did the potatoes do this year?'
'Very Well, Comrade Stalin. If we piled them up, they would reach God.'
'But God does not exist, Comrade Farmer'
'Nor do the Potatoes, Comrade Stalin'

We can all agree the opposite of pro is con, right?

In that case, the opposite of progress is...
Congress

A lot of people say I can't draw because I'm blind...

I think they're right, I see no progress.

A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.

1. Open your fly.
2. Take out your equipment.
3. Pull back the skin.
4. Do your business.
5. Let the skin forward.
6. Stow your equipment.
7. Close your fly."
She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."
She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."

Laziness is the engine of progress.

The accountant printed out 50 absolutely clean sheets on the printer. To the question Why? , she replied that she needed 50 blank sheets, and she did not want to count them manually.

Ancient Egypt must have been super progressive

I mean, all their daddies ended up turning into mummies.

Progressive and Allstate decided to merge and become one company

They're now called "Prostate"

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop…

It's 294 days after the US Election...

...Biden has progressed to 269.99 electoral votes, and Nevada has discovered 26 million uncounted postal votes that were discovered on 'Storage Wars'. More updates coming soon.

For the bridge enthusiasts out there: I think my ex must have been a bottom supported bridge with a track running down the middle.

Cantilever alone without someone running a train on her.
Work in progress, needs fine tuning.

Shock Rocker Alice Cooper says he's taken up Tap Dancing during lockdown, with online group lessons every Wednesday

He says he's making slow progress, but doing better than Elton John, who - after six weeks - is still standing.

Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar, and it was simply tense.

As they were drinking it was clear it was becoming progressively tenser.
By the time they'd walked out it had become perfectly tense.

News just in.

Apparently Harry Kane has visited Christian Eriksen in hospital.
"He's just managing to string some words together now,
so he's making good progress" said Erikson.
Good luck on a speedy recovery Christian.

Aside from King Crimson, did any other seminal progressive rock bands form in London in 1968?

Yes

Even though we're progressing, we really need to get rid of certain races.

Such as the 800 meter dash.

Jesus and the Devil have challenged each other to a typing battle on MS Word

It's a close battle and they're down to the last word, when boom! Power outage!
When the power outage is resolved, all of the Devil's progress was lost, but Jesus only had one word to type!
Moral of the story: Jesus saves, and so should you.

My brother told me this one...

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then the opposite of PROgress is CONgress.

My wife is frustrated that I'm not making enough progress on our kitchen remodel, noting the granite has been in for over two months…

I told her that I didn't like being counter-productive.

The golfer

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. As the night progresses, he finds himself with a very attractive woman and they hit it off immediately. He asks her out on a date. "But, before you say yes, I must warn you. I am an amateur golfer. Golfing is my life. Every free moment I'm out golfing. I read about golf, watch golf on TV, talk about golf. My exes all broke up with me because of my obsession with golf," he says. "Well, if you're going to be that honest, than so will I," she says. "I'm actually a h**...." "Oh my God!" the guy exclaims. "Me too!"

A psychiatrist is testing his patients

He asks the first one "what is 4+2?" The patient replies "potato" The doctor is disappointed and moves on to the next one. He asks the second one "what is 4+2?" the patient replies "5000" The doctor is disappointed and moves on to the next one. He asks the third one "what is 4+2?" the patient replies "6" The doctor is impressed. "That's correct! you're making progress. how did you figure it out?" The patient replies, "well doctor i just added potato + 5000 and got 6"

Hearing aid

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%.
A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased.
The man says, "Oh, I haven't told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I've changed my will three times!"

Progress joke, Alabama is a really progressive state...

jokes about progress

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these progress jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.