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Program Jokes

178 program jokes and hilarious program puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about program that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

These program jokes will have both program managers and directors rolling in their chairs. From jokes about the Witness Protection Program to 12-Step Program, Python Program and Microsoft Program, these jokes are sure to get you laughing. They'll also give you insight into the schedule unauthorized programme!

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Funniest Program Short Jokes

Short program jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The program humour may include short software jokes also.

  1. My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning It's a girl and weigh 7lbs 12 oz
  2. Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.
  3. 99 programming bugs in the code .
    99 programming bugs.
    Take one down, patch it all up.
    111 programming bugs in the code.
  4. A man and a woman meet in a programming class. Suddenly man touches the women's breast. Women: Hey! they are private. Man: But we are in the same class.
  5. I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician. I think it's maoware.
  6. Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate... They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.
  7. My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her. I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.
  8. I got accepted into Harvard's medical program I just have to die first and give them my body
  9. I've invented a machine that prints money. I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....
    It makes no cents.
  10. I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent

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Program One Liners

Which program one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with program? I can suggest the ones about project and plans.

  1. What language is most commonly used in programming? Profanity.
  2. What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming? Computin.
  3. Do you know why programers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
  4. Every program I write is completely error-free No exceptions!
  5. Which program do Jedi use to open PDF-files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
  6. What language is most commonly used during computer programming? Foul Language!!!
  7. Why are blind people bad at programming? Because they can't C
  8. Once you stop doing functional programming... You never return
  9. There's a 12-step program for pun users. But it dozen work.
  10. I had to shut down my human centipede program I couldn't make ends meet.
  11. You know, not all Italians are in the mafia. Some are in the Witness Protection Program.
  12. Back in the DOS days, I wrote a single file program that was a hit. baseball.bat
  13. Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil? Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
  14. What programming language do they use in Star Wars? JawaScript
  15. There's a new 12 step program for people who can't stop talking. On-and-on-anon.

12 Step Program Jokes

Here is a list of funny 12 step program jokes and even better 12 step program puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Man my friends are such jerks, as soon as I tell them I'm a dance addict... ...what do they do? Put me in this amazing 12-step program.
  • There should be a 12 step program for people who talk too much... On-and-on anon
  • Today I conquered my fear of public speaking and gave a rousing, powerful speech about how nobody likes a quitter. ...aaaand they kicked me out of the 12-step program.
  • I'm in a 12 step program for musical theatre addicts. I'm on step 5, 6, 7, and!
  • I have a step ladder I never knew my real ladder...but I heard great things about him, like he supported 3 people at one time... last I heard he was In a 12 step program
  • I was so addicted to ladders, using them to get high. Luckily, i found a 12 step program to get off.
  • I am an alcoholic currently in the 12 step program. I am about 8.33% done.
  • I'm addicted to laxatives... I'd get into a 12 step program, but I can't get that far from the toilet.
  • I joined a 12 step program for people who talk too much. Its called OnAndOnAnon
  • Why did the recovering alcoholic give away his Fitbit? His program had only 12 steps.

Witness Protection Program Jokes

Here is a list of funny witness protection program jokes and even better witness protection program puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Just had a Jehovah's Witness come to the door and ask if I had found Jesus yet. I said no, isn't he under the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program?
  • I'm in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program. I have to go door-to-door and tell people I'm somebody else.
  • If the Simpsons entered a witness protection program, what would Homer's alias be? John D'oh!
  • Did you hear that Judas turned state's evidence against the lord? He had to go into the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.
  • What was Poppin Fresh's new name after he was put into the witness protection program? John Dough
  • I had to have my name changed now that I'm in the witness protection program... I'm Joe King
  • First rule of witnesses protection program Don't talk about witnesses protection program
  • Yo' Mama is so fat, her shadow is used for the witness protection program.
  • Where did the fish go after witnessing a m**...? The wetness protection program.
  • I had to testify against a religious m**... I can't talk much about it, but I'm now in the Jehova witness protection program
Program joke, I had to testify against a religious m**...

Python Program Jokes

Here is a list of funny python program jokes and even better python program puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake? Now he's programming in python.
  • Why was the programer killed by a snake? He underestimated the speed of the python.
  • What's a Pirate's favorite programming language? Python.
    It's really readable and flexible, and has great scientific packages, so most people are pretty fond of it.
  • Did you know Programming Languages have Genders? Almost all Programming Languages have a Gender, except the Non-Binary ones like Python
  • What's a snakes favourite TV program ? Monty Python!
  • What do you call a programming boxer? Mike Python
  • What's a pirate's favorite programming language? Python. Duh.

Microsoft Program Jokes

Here is a list of funny microsoft program jokes and even better microsoft program puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call a very brief introduction to a Microsoft program? A 4 word forward for Word.
  • I have a self-driving car, yesterday I added Microsoft word to its AI program. Today it wrote it's autobiography.
  • TIL that there is a special Microsoft Program that makes only Cabinets! It's called makecab.exe

Program Manager Jokes

Here is a list of funny program manager jokes and even better program manager puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The two most difficult things in programming... The two most difficult things in programming are memory management, naming things, and off by one errors.
Program joke, The two most difficult things in programming...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about program can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of program puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Humorous Program Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about program you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean platform jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make program prank.

A programmer

goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:
-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.
He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.
-- But why?, she asks.
-- They had eggs.

Programmer husband

A wife says to her programmer husband, "Honey, go to the store and get a gallon of milk; if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes back with only 12 gallons of milk and says, "They had eggs."

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, it's a hardware problem!

What was the motto of the German rocket program?

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll hit London.

Why are C programmers poor?

They don't have any inheritance.
Or...
Why should you not date a C programmer?
They have no class.

Why do programmers like UNIX?

unzip, s**..., touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

A programmer gets home one day...

...and finds his wife crying. "Ever since we got married you've avoided this question. Now I want an answer: Do you really love me or did you just marry me so you won't be alone?"
So he replies: "Yes".

For some reason the Pope didn't...

sponsor my program for terminally ill Chinese children. He said he didn't like the name - What's wrong with "Youth in Asia"???

How many programmer does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. We don't address hardware issues.

A programmer...

A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store with the instructions, get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen. He comes home with a dozen loaf of bread and tells her, they had eggs.

A programmers wife tells him...

A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread...

Yesterday, Iran asked the U.S. for an extension on disabling their nuclear program.

When asked how much time they needed, they said, 10, 9, 8…

I wanted to major in reverse psychology.

My dream school turned me down.
So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their s**... program. They sent me a diploma.

A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery

She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."
The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.

A programming joke

There are three hard problems in computer concurrency. science. Cache invalidation, naming things, off-by-one errors, and

A programmer heads to the shops

His wife says "grab a loaf of bread and if they have eggs get a dozen"
He comes home with twelve loaves of bread.

How many programmers do you need to fix a light bulb?

None, it is a hardware issue!

A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn't be objectified...

He demands, "Are you suggesting women are primitives?"

A programmer went to go grocery shopping.

A programmer went to go grocery shopping. He called his wife and asked what was needed.
His wife said: "You need to get 2 loaves of bread. Oh, and also, if there's eggs, buy a dozen."
So he came home with a dozen loaves of bread.

[Programmer Joke] Why did the int drown?

Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)

A programmers wife tells him to buy groceries

She says buy bread, and if there are eggs get a dozen.
He came home with twelve loaves of bread

How do programmers like their snacks?

Byte-sized.

A man in a job interview.

Interviewer: "This job requires you to know Powerpoint, how skilled are you with the program"
Man: "Well, I Excel in Powerpoint"
Interviewer: "Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun?"
Man: "Word."

Programmers wife tells him to go to the store...

She tell him, "Get some bacon, if there's milk get three."
He comes back with three packs of bacon and no milk.

A programmer tells a coworker that his wife just had a baby

"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Yes."

Programming is like s**....

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

This is a step ladder.

I never knew my real ladder.
Last I heard he was in a twelve step program.
I'll see myself out.

Dad says, "College students are more interested in women today than ever before.."

A lot of them are in a program where they study a broad

What does a programmer have during s**...?

An ||gasm.

A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.

At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"

Why did the programmer quit his job?

Because he didn't get arrays.

A programmer goes on a walk

A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."
He never returned.

Programming is like s**...

One mistake and you're providing support for a lifetime.

Why don't programmers go on p**... raids?

Because they get undie find errors.

What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?

Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI

Why are C programmers never invited to parties?

They have no class

"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." --career advancement program at my job

Then they fired me for violating the dress code at the bank. Hypocrites. How am I ever going to become a sumo wrestler now?

A programmer began to cuss

Because getting to sleep was a fuss.
When laying in her bed
Looping round in her head
Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;

A programming genius named Sewter

Built a limerick-writing computer
The metre was fine
And the rhymes quite divine
But for some reason it always got the last line wrong

What do Hutts use to program computers?

JabbaScript

As a programmer, I may not be able to set up a parade...

But I can make an array of floats...

I just watched a documentary about hydroelectricity

Best dam program I've seen in a long time.

When a programmer is born, what are their first words?

"Hello world!"

How did the programmer celebrate his birthday?

var celebration = ["Hip", "Hip"];

why don't programmers like nature?

because it has too many bugs

A programmer goes shopping

A room mate asked his friend who is a programmer to go shopping.
"hey, can you buy a bottle of milk? Oh and if they have eggs, buy 12"
So the programmer went shopping.
When he got back, he bought 12 bottle of milk and his room mate asked
"why the heck did you bought 12 bottle of milk?!"
The programmer responded.
"they have eggs"

Programming takes time. Just remember...

Chrome wasn't built in a day

I made a java program to tell me my purpose.

It keeps saying "Null point exception", so it works great.

Why do programmers struggle with girls?

They tend to objectify them.
*I'll see myself out*

Give a man a program, and frustrate him for a day.

Teach a man to program, and frustrate him for a lifetime.

Humans are being tested against the new AI program

The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA

Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween?

DEC 25 == OCT 31

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.

One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.

A man in a coma is like a non-responsive Windows program

You can either wait for it to respond or terminate it.

Why did the programmer talk to his boss?

Because he wanted arrays

A programmer is heading to the store

A programmer is heading to the store and gets a text from his wife:
While you are out, buy some eggs
He never returned.

Why are all programmers drug addicts?

Cause they do a lot of codeine.

Why can't programmers maintain good relationships?

They have a lot of arguments.

Why is programming in Django hard?

You can only use two fingers on your left hand.

A programmer went to a store to pick up some groceries

As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.

How does a programmer undress his girlfriend?

gf.getString();

Have you heard about that new TV program about origami?

It's paper view...

A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant

Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
"Table for 8, please"
"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"
"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
"0, 1, 2, 3..."

Why are programmers so immature?

They're still developing

A programmer tells his wife, I'm going to the store.

The wife says, While you're there, buy some milk.
He never came back.

Why do programmers love winter?

Because there are no bugs...

A programmer got stuck in the shower because...

The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."

I took a programming class. I should have gotten a B-

But the instructor gave me a C++

Programmers and mathematicians disagree on a lot of things

but at least we can all agree 0!=1

I took a programming class in high school

I got a C++

Program joke, I took a programming class in high school

jokes about program

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these program jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.