The Best 81 Programmers Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Programmers jokes. There are some programmers programmer jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these programmers computer programmer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Programmers Jokes and Puns

Why are programmers so consumeristic?

Because they're object oriented.

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, it's a hardware problem!

Why are C programmers poor?

They don't have any inheritance.

Or...

Why should you not date a C programmer?

They have no class.

Programmers joke, Why are C programmers poor?

Why do programmers like UNIX?

unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep

A nerdy sysadmin joke for today

Why do programmers think Halloween's the same as Christmas?

Because 31OCT == 25DEC

(thank you very much)


How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. We don't address hardware issues.

A programmers wife tells him...

A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.

The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread...

Programmers joke, A programmers wife tells him...

What do you call a nation of programmers?

A developing country

A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery

She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."

The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.

What do computer programmers and aged-care nurses have in common?

They both worry about the position of colons.

How many programmers do you need to fix a light bulb?

None, it is a hardware issue!

You can explore programmers inheritance reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean programmers hardware dad jokes. There are also programmers puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A programmers wife tells him...

"Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

He returns with 12 loaves of bread.

@SciencePorn tweeted this, I saw it there, don't know the original source.

A programmers wife tells him to buy groceries

She says buy bread, and if there are eggs get a dozen.

He came home with twelve loaves of bread

Why can't Java programmers see well?

Because of the eclipse

How do programmers like their snacks?

Byte-sized.

Programmers wife tells him to go to the store...

She tell him, "Get some bacon, if there's milk get three."
He comes back with three packs of bacon and no milk.

Programmers joke, Programmers wife tells him to go to the store...

Why are Communists bad Java programmers?

They don't like classes.

How do programmers get a sixpack?

int[][] abs = new int[2][3]

There are 2 kinds of programmers

Those who understand pointers and
Segmentation fault (core dumped)


I don't understand why women programmers are mad when male programmers objectify their body....

After all, it is object oriented programming.

Why don't programmers go on panty raids?

Because they get undie find errors.

A few jokes for programmers

Programmer: My wife is expecting a baby in 6 weeks!

Friend: Is it a boy or a girl?

Programmer: Yes.

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world,

Those who know binary, those who don't, and those who expected this to be in base 3

There are only 10 kinds of people in this world,

Those who know hexadecimal, and F the rest

Why are C programmers never invited to parties?

They have no class

Why do Java programmers need glasses?

Because they can't C#.

Programmers today...

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.

So far, the Universe is winning.

Why do computer programmers confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

Why are C programmers just the worst?

They're classless.

why don't programmers like nature?

because it has too many bugs

There are 10 types of programmers:

Those who understand binary and those who don't

Why do programmers struggle with girls?

They tend to objectify them.

*I'll see myself out*

Why do programmers have a hard time with improv?

They can't execute without a script.

Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween?

DEC 25 == OCT 31

The tech manager said that none of the programmers will be allowed to work from home.

Because she'd have no way of checking if they were following the dress code.

NOTE: This is actually what she said and not as a joke. All I'll say is it's a hospital in northern Ohio.

A programmer and his wife...

A programmers wife asks him to go to the shop and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.

The programmer returns with one loaf of bread and twelve eggs because programmers don't act like computers unlike some others on this sub.

Why are programmers so good at poetry?

Well, all words rhyme in binary.

Why can programmers become good lawyers too?

Because they know how to pass arguments.

Why do blind programmers use Java?

Because they can't C.

(I'm so sorry.)

New Years resolution

Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year's Resolution

Trump receives a message

Last week Trump received a coded message, reportedly from Chinese Hackers.

It read: 370HSSV-0773H

Trump was stumped and asked Pence what the message could mean. Pence was totally stumped too, so they passed it to the top American programmers, who spent 2 days trying to decipher it. Knackered, the programmers sent it to the FBI.

The Director of the FBI suggested Trump should turn the message upside down.

Don't trust javascript programmers

All they do is promises but they never callback.

A zombie walks into a brain store

On the shelves, a pound of C++ programmers' brain sells for $500, of Java programmers, $1000, and of PHP programmers, $1,000,000. The zombie gets confused and asks the store owner why PHP programmers' brain is so much more expensive. The owner says "do you know how many PHP programmers I kill to get one pound of brain?"

Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)

Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the bartender, "I want a hard whiskey, and put it on my tab." The Python programmer gets a look of disgust and shouts "Tab?!?"

The programmers shopping list

The programmer's wife sent him to the grocery store.

"Hun, I need you to buy a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, buy a dozen.." she says.

Programmer comes home with 12 loafs of bread.

The one language programmers all know

Is profanity

Two programmers are talking about life...

Programmer 1: Does my life have meaning?

Programmer 2: False

Programmer 1: Stop Boolean me

Why are all programmers drug addicts?

Cause they do a lot of codeine.

Why can't programmers maintain good relationships?

They have a lot of arguments.

A programmer walks into a bar

Wait, do programmers have enough time to go to a bar?

Why are programmers so immature?

They're still developing

What language is most commonly used by programmers?

Vulgar

Why do programmers wear glasses?

Without them they can't C#

Why do programmers love winter?

Because there are no bugs...

What do programmers do when something is stuck in their throat?

They hack.

Programmers and mathematicians disagree on a lot of things

but at least we can all agree 0!=1

Programmers are so sexist...

They treat their dates as objects.

Why do programmers celebrate Halloween and Christmas on the same day?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

Why are conservatives bad programmers?

Because they keep getting triggered by the .libs

Why can't Communists be programmers?

Because there is a hierarchy of classes, inheritance, and private properties

Why do programmers get confused between Halloween and Christmas?

Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25

Why are programmers no fans of the outdoors?

There are too many bugs

What do novice piano players have in common with embedded systems programmers?

They both write in C.

What Syntax do British Programmers Always Use in Python?

\_\_init\_\_

What is a programmers suicide note called?

A goodbye world program

Why does Java programmers always wear glasses?

Because they don't C#

What do Spanish programmers code in?

Si ++

What do programmers want from their bosses?

Arrays

Only programmers will get this one:

Why did the functions stop calling each other?

Ans: Because they had too many arguments.

What do programmers do when they're hungry?

They grab a byte

Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because Oct 31 = Dec 25

What do the C programmers do while running?

They sprintf.

Why do most programmers use dark mode?

Because the light attracts too many bugs

Why do Python programmers have low self esteem?

They're constantly comparing their self to other.

Whats at the end of every programmers suicide note?

Goodbye World

How programmers and cats are alike?

They both can sit in the same position for long time and get excited when they find a bug

Why do exterminators make for good programmers?

They're experts in debugging!

Why do good programmers never put circles into their games?

Because no one likes pointless features.

I get annoyed when people say that us programmers have a superiority complex.

It's not a complex, you idiots

How many computer programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, it's a hardware problem.

There are 2.00000001 types of programmers in the world

Those who experience off-by-one errors, and those who experience rounding errors.

What do computer programmers do after work?

They go out and grab a byte.

Why does programmers use dark mode?

Cause light attracts bugs.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the programmers employers jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working programmers java piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes