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Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25
Whatever is in the dress code.
None. We don't address hardware issues.
goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:
-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.
He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.
-- But why?, she asks.
-- They had eggs.
Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
"Table for 8, please"
"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"
"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
"0, 1, 2, 3..."
A room mate asked his friend who is a programmer to go shopping.
"hey, can you buy a bottle of milk? Oh and if they have eggs, buy 12"
So the programmer went shopping.
When he got back, he bought 12 bottle of milk and his room mate asked
"why the heck did you bought 12 bottle of milk?!"
The programmer responded.
"they have eggs"
The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."
As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.
She says, We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six.
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?
He replies, They had eggs.
A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."
He never returned.
She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."
The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.
The wife says, While you're there, buy some milk.
He never came back.ο»Ώ
They tend to objectify them.
*I'll see myself out*
A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"
But I can make an array of floats...
One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.
DEC 25 == OCT 31
Because there are no bugs...
A programmer is heading to the store and gets a text from his wife:
While you are out, buy some eggs
He never returned.
But you might not get it.
One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read aΒ quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more β the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear programme and the suffering economy and growing antisemitism across Europeβ¦" He points to the antisemitic rag. "NowΒ I read this and I feel much better. Turns outΒ there's actually a Jewish global conspiracy and we control the entire world."
None, it is a hardware issue!
They're still developing
Because getting to sleep was a fuss.
When laying in her bed
Looping round in her head
Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;
Because they get undie find errors.
A programmer went to go grocery shopping. He called his wife and asked what was needed.
His wife said: "You need to get 2 loaves of bread. Oh, and also, if there's eggs, buy a dozen."
So he came home with a dozen loaves of bread.
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Yes."
None, it's a hardware problem!
She tell him, "Get some bacon, if there's milk get three."
He comes back with three packs of bacon and no milk.
I tried to hide what I was doing and quickly changed the TV channel but it switched to a programme about disfigured babies. She saw what I was doing and saw what was on TV, so now she thinks I get turned on by disfigured babies. I mean, how unlucky is that? The same programme being on at the same time on two different channels!
Because he didn't get arrays.
An ||gasm.
He demands, "Are you suggesting women are primitives?"
His wife says "grab a loaf of bread and if they have eggs get a dozen"
He comes home with twelve loaves of bread.
because it has too many bugs
They have no class
var celebration = ["Hip", "Hip"];
Cause they do a lot of codeine.
Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)
A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread...
"Hello world!"
They have a lot of arguments.
Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Ans: Because they had too many arguments.
A heckler yells at him: "Why do you keep doing that weird forward-slash thing?!"
He responds: "Don't you know? The best jokes are always in the comments."
She says buy bread, and if there are eggs get a dozen.
He came home with twelve loaves of bread
Because he wanted arrays
...and finds his wife crying. "Ever since we got married you've avoided this question. Now I want an answer: Do you really love me or did you just marry me so you won't be alone?"
So he replies: "Yes".
Byte-sized.
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep
They don't have any inheritance.
Or...
Why should you not date a C programmer?
They have no class.
gf.getString();
A wife says to her programmer husband, "Honey, go to the store and get a gallon of milk; if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes back with only 12 gallons of milk and says, "They had eggs."
Arrays
"Help! I can't C#"
but at least we can all agree 0!=1
A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store with the instructions, get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen. He comes home with a dozen loaf of bread and tells her, they had eggs.
Stan has trying to make a program that can not only understand humour, but make original jokes.
After a year of neural network testing and months of creating the perfect algorithm, he runs the program for the first time.
Unfortunately all the program comes up with is stale, unfunny jokes that would get people booed off stage.
In dismay, he opens the program to try and fix bugs but five minutes into the search and he bursts out laughing.
He sent an email to every programmer he knew; he had to inform them of his program's sentience. He ended the essay of an email with a closing note.
"Looks like the real joke is in the comments"
There are too many bugs
Ask them to complete the list: int, char, str...
They treat their dates as objects.
They hack.
Because they know how to pass arguments.
One - without, if he does not.
He went data way.
His wife tells him "get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen." He returns with 13 gallons of milk.
She tell him "Buy some bread. Oh, and while you're there, get eggs."
He never came back.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning.
"Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.
@SciencePorn tweeted this, I saw it there, don't know the original source.
A goodbye world program
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
.... and while he's there, his wife calls and says: "While you're out, get some eggs."
He never returns.
int[][] abs = new int[2][3]
Programmer 1: Does my life have meaning?
Programmer 2: False
Programmer 1: Stop Boolean me
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.