Programmable Computer Jokes
55 programmable computer jokes and hilarious programmable computer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about programmable computer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Programmable Computer Short Jokes
Short programmable computer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The programmable computer humour may include short computer programming jokes also.
- A computer programmer goes to buy some bread. On his way out, his wife says, "and while you're there, get a carton of eggs".
He never returned. - What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer? One is disgusted by rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by lack of RAM.
- I wanted to be a better computer programmer so I decided to slowly improve my binary skills You could say I improved bit by bit
- A computer programmer goes fishing. When he comes home his wife asked him how it went? As he holds up 8 fish, he says "I only got one byte"
- What did the computer programmer name his son? Cody.
(pretty sure I just made this up :) ) - Why was the computer programmer who was sent back in time to 1700 disappointed? Because it was all baroque and no byte
- What do computer programmers and aged-care nurses have in common? They both worry about the position of colons.
- What do you call an unconscious computer programmer? dfghjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
- What do you get when you give a computer programmer an aggressive dermal viral infection? Open sores.
- A computer programmer was asked if he used Java or something else. After a short pause, he replied "Yes."
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Programmable Computer One Liners
Which programmable computer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with programmable computer? I can suggest the ones about computer programmer and computer password.
- Why was the NSA computer programmer late for work? Because he got Snowden
- It's OK to go number 1 in the shower... ...unless you count like a computer programmer.
- Why was the little girl scared of the computer programme? He was a PDF file
- What do you call a computer programmer that likes to kidnap children? A PDFile.
- What happens when a computer programmer does a marathon? Runtime Error.
- Why did the computer programmer put his brownies back in the oven? They were too GUI.
- IAmA dyslexic government computer programmer, AMA! Whoops, wrong usb.
- What does the libertarian computer programmer say? All fields should be private.
- How do computer programmers like their cookies? GUI.
- What is a computer programmer's favorite moon? Io
- 90% of programmer errors come from data from other programmers.
- On Unix, I always hide all of my personal files in the /bin/laden directory.
- Chuck Norris can make a Java Program in visual studio 2010.
- A system administrator has 2 problems:
- dumb users
- smart users - What is a computer programmers favorite brand of ice cream. Haagen DOS
Playful Programmable Computer Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
What funny jokes about programmable computer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean computer keyboard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make programmable computer pranks.
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?
Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
- Good monkey, it's worth the money.
He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
"What does this monkey know?"
"It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad."
"Nice, even I don't know those things."
On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
"And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?"
"I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
A Computer Engineer was asked by his five-year-old son:
"Dad, what is Windows 95?"
"Well, it’s 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road.
The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week".
The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great s**... for a week".
The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great s**... for a whole year!"
The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great s**... for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?"
"I'm a programmer," he replies.
"I don't have time for s**....But a talking frog is pretty neat."
Programmers: See one warning, fixes warning.
Compiles...
See two errors, fixes errors. Compiles...
See 83 errors, pitches computer.
Jesus vs Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
Jesus VS Satan
Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with.
Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers.
Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God chuckles, "Everybody knows... Jesus saves"
A computer programmer was sitting at home with his wife.
He takes a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it, and takes a puff.
His wife looks at him angrily and says,
"You really need to stop doing that. Can't you see the warning on the box? It says 'hazardous to health!'"
The programmer takes another puff of his cigarette and says,
"I'm a computer programmer. I don't care about warnings. I only care about errors."
Why was the computer programmer single?
Because he couldn't commit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Princess Frog
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week". The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great s**... for a week". The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great s**... for a whole year!". The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great s**... for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?"
"I'm a programmer," he replies. "I don't have time for s**....... But a talking frog is pretty neat."
A computer programmer is called to code a video game.
He says, "I'll work for free. No strings attached. Except for this one."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Back in 1999 I saw a couple of computer programmers in a s**... shop. I asked them, "Hey, are you two K-Y compatible?"
Programmer goes to his computer
He's working at home. Right now, he's coding a music player for his own system. He tests it, seeing that it works.
His friend calls him, and says: "What are you listening to right now?"
The programmer replied: "I'm listening to The Script."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If an Indian programmer has no bread and his computations don't even give #NAN
that's double trouble.
Computer Programmer and Mechanic Driving
A computer programmer and a mechanic were driving down a steep mountain slope. The brakes stop working. The car careens out of control and scrapes the guard rails. They make it safely to the bottom of the mountain and pull over. After recovering, the mechanic says, "The brakes must have gone out." The programmer says, "Lets turn the car off, back on, drive it up the mountain and see if it is repeatable."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I need to get a new friend
I've been trying to develop a website on my laptop but needed help as I only know basic coding. I asked my friend, a computer programmer, for advice and he told me to get Python
After about a week, the snake arrived. It then proceeded to wrap itself around the computer now it doesn't work at all. Seriously w**...? I should have just dumped coffee onto my keyboard because JavaScript is clearly better