The Best 76 Program Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Program jokes. There are some program captcha jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these program winrawr puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Program Jokes and Puns
A programmer
goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:
-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.
He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.
-- But why?, she asks.
-- They had eggs.
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, it's a hardware problem!
How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We don't address hardware issues.
I wanted to major in reverse psychology.
My dream school turned me down.
So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their stupid program. They sent me a diploma.
A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery
She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."
The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.
A programmer heads to the shops
His wife says "grab a loaf of bread and if they have eggs get a dozen"
He comes home with twelve loaves of bread.
How many programmers do you need to fix a light bulb?
None, it is a hardware issue!
A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn't be objectified...
He demands, "Are you suggesting women are primitives?"
A programmer went to go grocery shopping.
A programmer went to go grocery shopping. He called his wife and asked what was needed.
His wife said: "You need to get 2 loaves of bread. Oh, and also, if there's eggs, buy a dozen."
So he came home with a dozen loaves of bread.
[Programmer Joke] Why did the int drown?
Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)
You know, not all Italians are in the mafia.
Some are in the Witness Protection Program.
You can explore program programme reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean program scheme dad jokes. There are also program puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man in a job interview.
Interviewer: "This job requires you to know Powerpoint, how skilled are you with the program"
Man: "Well, I Excel in Powerpoint"
Interviewer: "Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun?"
Man: "Word."
Programmers wife tells him to go to the store...
She tell him, "Get some bacon, if there's milk get three."
He comes back with three packs of bacon and no milk.
A programmer tells a coworker that his wife just had a baby
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Yes."
Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil?
Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
What does a programmer have during sex?
An ||gasm.
Man my friends are such jerks, as soon as I tell them I'm a dance addict...
...what do they do? Put me in this amazing 12-step program.
A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.
At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and crash into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"
Why did the programmer quit his job?
Because he didn't get arrays.
Just had a Jehovah's Witness come to the door and ask if I had found Jesus yet.
I said no, isn't he under the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program?
A programmer goes on a walk
A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."
He never returned.
Every program I write is completely error-free
No exceptions!
Which program do Jedi use to open PDF-files?
Adobe Wan Kenobi
Why don't programmers go on panty raids?
Because they get undie find errors.
Why are C programmers never invited to parties?
They have no class
A programmer began to cuss
Because getting to sleep was a fuss.
When laying in her bed
Looping round in her head
Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;
As a programmer, I may not be able to set up a parade...
But I can make an array of floats...
How did the programmer celebrate his birthday?
var celebration = ["Hip", "Hip"];
I got accepted into Harvard's medical program
I just have to die first and give them my body
why don't programmers like nature?
because it has too many bugs
A programmer goes shopping
A room mate asked his friend who is a programmer to go shopping.
"hey, can you buy a bottle of milk? Oh and if they have eggs, buy 12"
So the programmer went shopping.
When he got back, he bought 12 bottle of milk and his room mate asked
"why the heck did you bought 12 bottle of milk?!"
The programmer responded.
"they have eggs"
I made a java program to tell me my purpose.
It keeps saying "Null point exception", so it works great.
Why do programmers struggle with girls?
They tend to objectify them.
*I'll see myself out*
Humans are being tested against the new AI program
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA
Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween?
DEC 25 == OCT 31
99 programming bugs in the code
.
99 programming bugs.
Take one down, patch it all up.
111 programming bugs in the code.
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.
A programmer is heading to the store
A programmer is heading to the store and gets a text from his wife:
While you are out, buy some eggs
He never returned.
Why are all programmers drug addicts?
Cause they do a lot of codeine.
A programmer went to a store to pick up some groceries
As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.
A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant
Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
"Table for 8, please"
"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"
"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
"0, 1, 2, 3..."
Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate...
They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.
Why are programmers so immature?
They're still developing
A programmer tells his wife, I'm going to the store.
The wife says, While you're there, buy some milk.
He never came back.
Why do programmers love winter?
Because there are no bugs...
A programmer got stuck in the shower because...
The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."
Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon
They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.
Why do programmers get confused between Halloween and Christmas?
Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25
I had to shut down my human centipede program
I couldn't make ends meet.
Back in the DOS days, I wrote a single file program that was a hit.
baseball.bat
A programmer and his wife are reviewing their grocery list.
She says, We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six.
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?
He replies, They had eggs.
What does a programmer wear?
Whatever is in the dress code.
I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician.
I think it's maoware.
As a programmer, I would make a UDP joke
But you might not get it.
A programmer
A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"
Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning
It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz
What do programmers do when they're hungry?
They grab a byte
If you're a programmer, you would know:
// the real joke is always in the comments
(Programmer) What did 0 say to 1?
You're a bit too much.
Why do most programmers use dark mode?
Because the light attracts too many bugs
My wife started a program to support whistle blowers by knitting them sweaters.
She calls the program Snitches get Stitches
A programmer dies and meets St Peter outside the pearly gates.
[cr
How programmers and cats are alike?
They both can sit in the same position for long time and get excited when they find a bug
A programmer is asked by his wife to go to the store
"Go to the store to buy some eggs", she says, "If they have avocadoes get 6". The programmer returns with some eggs and 6 avocadoes because he's a programmer and not a badly written program.
A programmer walks into a bar,
A programmer walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says I'll have three beers please.
Dear sir, On behalf of Channel Four may I thank you for your application submitted on behalf of your wife for our new reality show.
Also the charming photograph you enclosed. Whilst agreeing that she could make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would point out that the correct title of the series is actually "Fact Hunt". Kind regards Channel Four.
I got in trouble with the Super Soaker Mafia the other day
I had to be put in the Wetness Protection Program
Programming logic
The programmer's spouse asks the programmer to go to the store
The spouse says, "Get a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread and says, "They had eggs."
If the Simpsons entered a witness protection program, what would Homer's alias be?
John D'oh!
What does George Lucas look for when rating a university's sports program?
He makes sure there are two D2 teams.
To deal with the high price of petroleum, public transport systems are looking at alternative fuels, including grasses and herbs.
The program has had some failures, but on the bright side at least the trains run on thyme.
Why does programmers use dark mode?
Cause light attracts bugs.
Just watched a documentary about beavers...
it was the best dam program I've ever seen
The vampire hunters' association had a community outreach program
they had to appeal to stakeholders.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the program exe jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working program eugenics piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.