Program Jokes
163 program jokes and hilarious program puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about program that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These program jokes will have both program managers and directors rolling in their chairs. From jokes about the Witness Protection Program to 12-Step Program, Python Program and Microsoft Program, these jokes are sure to get you laughing. They'll also give you insight into the schedule unauthorized programme!
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Funniest Program Short Jokes
Short program jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The program humour may include short software jokes also.
- My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning It's a girl and weigh 7lbs 12 oz
- Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.
- A man and a woman meet in a programming class. Suddenly man touches the women's breast. Women: Hey! they are private. Man: But we are in the same class.
- I accidentally installed a program that keeps showing me a picture of a Chinese politician. I think it's maoware.
- Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate... They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.
- My girlfriend told me I care more about my programming job than about her. I told her she is the #1 thing I care about.
- I've invented a machine that prints money. I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....
It makes no cents. - I watched so many programming tutorial videos in college My inner monologue started developing an Indian accent
- Just had a Jehovah's Witness come to the door and ask if I had found Jesus yet. I said no, isn't he under the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program?
- An unpublished manuscript of Hemingway's last novel has been discovered. It's about a man in his seventies trying to learn programming. The Old Man and the C.
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Program One Liners
Which program one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with program? I can suggest the ones about project and platform.
- What language is most commonly used in programming? Profanity.
- What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming? Computin.
- Do you know why programers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.
- Every program I write is completely error-free No exceptions!
- Which program do Jedi use to open PDF-files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
- Once you stop doing functional programming... You never return
- There's a 12-step program for pun users. But it dozen work.
- I had to shut down my human centipede program I couldn't make ends meet.
- You know, not all Italians are in the mafia. Some are in the Witness Protection Program.
- Back in the DOS days, I wrote a single file program that was a hit. baseball.bat
- Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil? Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
- What programming language do they use in Star Wars? JawaScript
- There's a new 12 step program for people who can't stop talking. On-and-on-anon.
- What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist? Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI
- If my wife thinks I'm obsessed with programming, she's crazy. Endif
12 Step Program Jokes
Here is a list of funny 12 step program jokes and even better 12 step program puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today I conquered my fear of public speaking and gave a rousing, powerful speech about how nobody likes a quitter. ...aaaand they kicked me out of the 12-step program.
- I'm in a 12 step program for musical theatre addicts. I'm on step 5, 6, 7, and!
- I have a step ladder I never knew my real ladder...but I heard great things about him, like he supported 3 people at one time... last I heard he was In a 12 step program
- I was so addicted to ladders, using them to get high. Luckily, i found a 12 step program to get off.
- I am an alcoholic currently in the 12 step program. I am about 8.33% done.
- Why did the recovering alcoholic give away his Fitbit? His program had only 12 steps.
- My Dad wanted more kids, But my mom didn't... She was really committed to the 12-step program. Every time she got pregnant she would throw her self down a flight of stairs.
- What do you call the 12 step program for people who talk too much? On and on anon.
Witness Protection Program Jokes
Here is a list of funny witness protection program jokes and even better witness protection program puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm in the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program. I have to go door-to-door and tell people I'm somebody else.
- If the Simpsons entered a witness protection program, what would Homer's alias be? John D'oh!
- Did you hear that Judas turned state's evidence against the lord? He had to go into the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.
- What was Poppin Fresh's new name after he was put into the witness protection program? John Dough
- I had to have my name changed now that I'm in the witness protection program... I'm Joe King
- First rule of witnesses protection program Don't talk about witnesses protection program
Microsoft Program Jokes
Here is a list of funny microsoft program jokes and even better microsoft program puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have a self-driving car, yesterday I added Microsoft word to its AI program. Today it wrote it's autobiography.
- TIL that there is a special Microsoft Program that makes only Cabinets! It's called makecab.exe
Program Manager Jokes
Here is a list of funny program manager jokes and even better program manager puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The two most difficult things in programming... The two most difficult things in programming are memory management, naming things, and off by one errors.
Humorous Program Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about program you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean script jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make program pranks.
What was the motto of the German rocket program?
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss you'll hit London.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do programmers like UNIX?
unzip, s**..., touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep
I've been programming for ten years, but I keep learning new things. For example:
for (int i = 0; true; i++) {
// this is a for example
}
A programmer gets home one day...
...and finds his wife crying. "Ever since we got married you've avoided this question. Now I want an answer: Do you really love me or did you just marry me so you won't be alone?"
So he replies: "Yes".
For some reason the Pope didn't...
sponsor my program for terminally ill Chinese children. He said he didn't like the name - What's wrong with "Youth in Asia"???
How many programmer does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We don't address hardware issues.
Yesterday, Iran asked the U.S. for an extension on disabling their nuclear program.
When asked how much time they needed, they said, 10, 9, 8…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I wanted to major in reverse psychology.
My dream school turned me down.
So I wrote them back and told them I wasn't even interested in their s**... program. They sent me a diploma.
Civics teacher dropped this on us today.
Have you heard about the new Nasa program? They're fixing up one of their shuttles and sending some cows into space to study. It'll be the herd shot around the world!
A programming joke
There are three hard problems in computer concurrency. science. Cache invalidation, naming things, off-by-one errors, and
I heard Facebook is looking to start a program with insurance companies...
It'll be called Friends With Benefits.
I'm so glad I married a big strong program like WinRAR
He can open all of my .jars!
How many programmers do you need to fix a light bulb?
None, it is a hardware issue!
A programmers wife tells him...
"Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.
@SciencePorn tweeted this, I saw it there, don't know the original source.
A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn't be objectified...
He demands, "Are you suggesting women are primitives?"
[Programmer Joke] Why did the int drown?
Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)
How do programmers like their snacks?
Byte-sized.
A man in a job interview.
Interviewer: "This job requires you to know Powerpoint, how skilled are you with the program"
Man: "Well, I Excel in Powerpoint"
Interviewer: "Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun?"
Man: "Word."
Programmers wife tells him to go to the store...
She tell him, "Get some bacon, if there's milk get three."
He comes back with three packs of bacon and no milk.
Donald Trump has just announced a massive jobs program involving tax credits for shredded cheese factories.
He says he wants to "make America grate again."
A programmer tells a coworker that his wife just had a baby
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Yes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Programming is like s**....
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
This is a step ladder.
I never knew my real ladder.
Last I heard he was in a twelve step program.
I'll see myself out.
Dad says, "College students are more interested in women today than ever before.."
A lot of them are in a program where they study a broad
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a programmer have during s**...?
An ||gasm.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man my friends are such jerks, as soon as I tell them I'm a dance addict...
...what do they do? Put me in this amazing 12-step program.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke I've picked up from working in Higher Education.
At a small university there is the director of the Sociology program, the director of the Religious Studies program, the director of the Anthropology program and the university president. All four of them are heading to a conference in the next town over. The directors all decide to carpool, and the president is driving his Porsche behind them. On the way to the conference the directors loose control of their vehicle and c**... into oncoming traffic. It's a horrific accident. The university president manages to stop his car, gets out, witnesses the accident and exclaims...
"Oh the Humanities!"
Why did the programmer quit his job?
Because he didn't get arrays.
How do programmers get a sixpack?
int[][] abs = new int[2][3]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't programmers go on p**... raids?
Because they get undie find errors.
Why are C programmers never invited to parties?
They have no class
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." --career advancement program at my job
Then they fired me for violating the dress code at the bank. Hypocrites. How am I ever going to become a sumo wrestler now?
Two step program to become a millionaire in less than a year!
1. Become billionaire.
2. Get married.
Programmers today...
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning.
Which way did the programmer go?
He went data way.
A programmer began to cuss
Because getting to sleep was a fuss.
When laying in her bed
Looping round in her head
Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;
A programming genius named Sewter
Built a limerick-writing computer
The metre was fine
And the rhymes quite divine
But for some reason it always got the last line wrong
What do Hutts use to program computers?
JabbaScript
As a programmer, I may not be able to set up a parade...
But I can make an array of floats...
I just watched a documentary about hydroelectricity
Best dam program I've seen in a long time.
When a programmer is born, what are their first words?
"Hello world!"
How did the programmer celebrate his birthday?
var celebration = ["Hip", "Hip"];
why don't programmers like nature?
because it has too many bugs
Programming takes time. Just remember...
Chrome wasn't built in a day
I made a java program to tell me my purpose.
It keeps saying "Null point exception", so it works great.
Why do programmers struggle with girls?
They tend to objectify them.
*I'll see myself out*
Give a man a program, and frustrate him for a day.
Teach a man to program, and frustrate him for a lifetime.
Humans are being tested against the new AI program
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.
Why can programmers become good lawyers too?
Because they know how to pass arguments.
A man in a coma is like a non-responsive Windows program
You can either wait for it to respond or terminate it.
Why did the programmer talk to his boss?
Because he wanted arrays
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
While wandering through the woods....
I came upon a rabbit who said he could jump over the moon. So I shot him. Then I happened upon a deer who said he was faster than the speed of light. So I shot him. Then a bear appeared and said he was in the Russian space program. So I shot him.
Remember, only you can prevent forest liars.
What is The Pope's favorite workout program?
Cross-fit
Why can't programmers maintain good relationships?
They have a lot of arguments.
Why is programming in Django hard?
You can only use two fingers on your left hand.
How does a programmer undress his girlfriend?
gf.getString();
My parents and I came to the US from Germany when I was a little girl.
They didn't speak much English, but were experienced educators back home. One winter, they decided to open a tutoring/ study session program to help students stay productive and focus over the break. It wasn't until after a flood of angry phone calls and visitors that we realized that "Concentration Camp" was not an ideal program name.
Have you heard about that new TV program about origami?
It's paper view...
A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant
Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
"Table for 8, please"
"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"
"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
"0, 1, 2, 3..."
Why are programmers so immature?
They're still developing
Why do programmers love winter?
Because there are no bugs...
A programmer got stuck in the shower because...
The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All states should legalize m**... and redirect the resulting tax revenues to road repair
We'll call the program "Operation p**... Holes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do programmers do when something is stuck in their t**...?
They hack.
Programmers and mathematicians disagree on a lot of things
but at least we can all agree 0!=1
Programmers are so sexist...
They treat their dates as objects.
I took a programming class in high school
I got a C++
How do you know God didn't program the human digestive tract in C#?
It ends with a whole colon instead of a semicolon.
Why do programmers get confused between Halloween and Christmas?
Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25
They have found water on the mars...
Is Nestle already planning its own space program?
