The Best 90 Prog Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Prog jokes. There are some prog store jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these prog programmer puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Prog Jokes and Puns
A programmer
goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:
-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.
He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.
-- But why?, she asks.
-- They had eggs.
Programmer husband
A wife says to her programmer husband, "Honey, go to the store and get a gallon of milk; if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes back with only 12 gallons of milk and says, "They had eggs."
How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, it's a hardware problem!
Why are C programmers poor?
They don't have any inheritance.
Or...
Why should you not date a C programmer?
They have no class.
Why do programmers like UNIX?
unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep
A programmer gets home one day...
...and finds his wife crying. "Ever since we got married you've avoided this question. Now I want an answer: Do you really love me or did you just marry me so you won't be alone?"
So he replies: "Yes".
How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We don't address hardware issues.
In a progressively incestuous household...
...it's about upping the auntie
A programmer...
A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store with the instructions, get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen. He comes home with a dozen loaf of bread and tells her, they had eggs.
A programmers wife tells him...
A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread...
A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery
She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."
The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.
You can explore prog condition reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prog week dad jokes. There are also prog puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A programming joke
There are three hard problems in computer concurrency. science. Cache invalidation, naming things, off-by-one errors, and
A programmer heads to the shops
His wife says "grab a loaf of bread and if they have eggs get a dozen"
He comes home with twelve loaves of bread.
How many programmers do you need to fix a light bulb?
None, it is a hardware issue!
A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn't be objectified...
He demands, "Are you suggesting women are primitives?"
A programmer went to go grocery shopping.
A programmer went to go grocery shopping. He called his wife and asked what was needed.
His wife said: "You need to get 2 loaves of bread. Oh, and also, if there's eggs, buy a dozen."
So he came home with a dozen loaves of bread.
[Programmer Joke] Why did the int drown?
Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)
A programmers wife tells him to buy groceries
She says buy bread, and if there are eggs get a dozen.
He came home with twelve loaves of bread
How do programmers like their snacks?
Byte-sized.
Programmers wife tells him to go to the store...
She tell him, "Get some bacon, if there's milk get three."
He comes back with three packs of bacon and no milk.
A programmer tells a coworker that his wife just had a baby
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Yes."
Programming is like sex.
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil?
Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
What does a programmer have during sex?
An ||gasm.
What programming language do they use in Star Wars?
JawaScript
Why did the programmer quit his job?
Because he didn't get arrays.
A programmer goes on a walk
A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."
He never returned.
Every program I write is completely error-free
No exceptions!
Which program do Jedi use to open PDF-files?
Adobe Wan Kenobi
Programming is like sex
One mistake and you're providing support for a lifetime.
Why don't programmers go on panty raids?
Because they get undie find errors.
What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?
Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI
Why are C programmers never invited to parties?
They have no class
A programmer began to cuss
Because getting to sleep was a fuss.
When laying in her bed
Looping round in her head
Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;
A programming genius named Sewter
Built a limerick-writing computer
The metre was fine
And the rhymes quite divine
But for some reason it always got the last line wrong
As a programmer, I may not be able to set up a parade...
But I can make an array of floats...
When a programmer is born, what are their first words?
"Hello world!"
How did the programmer celebrate his birthday?
var celebration = ["Hip", "Hip"];
why don't programmers like nature?
because it has too many bugs
A programmer goes shopping
A room mate asked his friend who is a programmer to go shopping.
"hey, can you buy a bottle of milk? Oh and if they have eggs, buy 12"
So the programmer went shopping.
When he got back, he bought 12 bottle of milk and his room mate asked
"why the heck did you bought 12 bottle of milk?!"
The programmer responded.
"they have eggs"
Programming takes time. Just remember...
Chrome wasn't built in a day
Why do programmers struggle with girls?
They tend to objectify them.
*I'll see myself out*
Progress is amazing. "Whites Only" is in the past
This new color safe bleach is fantastic.
Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween?
DEC 25 == OCT 31
99 programming bugs in the code
.
99 programming bugs.
Take one down, patch it all up.
111 programming bugs in the code.
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.
Why did the programmer talk to his boss?
Because he wanted arrays
A programmer is heading to the store
A programmer is heading to the store and gets a text from his wife:
While you are out, buy some eggs
He never returned.
Why are all programmers drug addicts?
Cause they do a lot of codeine.
Why can't programmers maintain good relationships?
They have a lot of arguments.
Why is programming in Django hard?
You can only use two fingers on your left hand.
A programmer went to a store to pick up some groceries
As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.
How does a programmer undress his girlfriend?
gf.getString();
A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant
Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
"Table for 8, please"
"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"
"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
"0, 1, 2, 3..."
Why are programmers so immature?
They're still developing
A programmer tells his wife, I'm going to the store.
The wife says, While you're there, buy some milk.
He never came back.
Why do programmers love winter?
Because there are no bugs...
A programmer got stuck in the shower because...
The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."
What do programmers do when something is stuck in their throat?
They hack.
I took a programming class. I should have gotten a B-
But the instructor gave me a C++
Programmers and mathematicians disagree on a lot of things
but at least we can all agree 0!=1
Programmers are so sexist...
They treat their dates as objects.
I took a programming class in high school
I got a C++
Why do programmers get confused between Halloween and Christmas?
Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25
A programmer and his wife are reviewing their grocery list.
She says, We're out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six.
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?
He replies, They had eggs.
Why are programmers no fans of the outdoors?
There are too many bugs
What does a programmer wear?
Whatever is in the dress code.
A programmer tries his hand at stand-up comedy: "Forward-slash forward-slash a man walks into a bar..."
A heckler yells at him: "Why do you keep doing that weird forward-slash thing?!"
He responds: "Don't you know? The best jokes are always in the comments."
As a programmer, I would make a UDP joke
But you might not get it.
What does a programmer say when he loses his glasses?
"Help! I can't C#"
A programmer
A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"
Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
What's the most progressive thing about Joe Biden?
His dementia
How do you tell a programmer from a DnD player?
Ask them to complete the list: int, char, str...
What do programmers want from their bosses?
Arrays
Only programmers will get this one:
Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Ans: Because they had too many arguments.
What do programmers do when they're hungry?
They grab a byte
I'm a programmer, wearing glasses
They are made to C#.
If you're a programmer, you would know:
// the real joke is always in the comments
(Programmer) What did 0 say to 1?
You're a bit too much.
A programmer won a contest....
... by getting the 0th position. Hip hip Array!!
(Happy new year everyone!)
Why do most programmers use dark mode?
Because the light attracts too many bugs
A programmer dies and meets St Peter outside the pearly gates.
[cr
That new program on netflix about subliminal persuasion and mind control is a load of boring shit.
Turned it off after just five seasons.
How programmers and cats are alike?
They both can sit in the same position for long time and get excited when they find a bug
A programmer is asked by his wife to go to the store
"Go to the store to buy some eggs", she says, "If they have avocadoes get 6". The programmer returns with some eggs and 6 avocadoes because he's a programmer and not a badly written program.
So I took a programming elective in school
My final grade was C+
How do you program a computer to make beef stew?
You use bullion logic.
My New OS
So I programmed an new Operating System.
I named it as a "Tetra-Hedral Artificial Neural Operating System."
Unfortunately, ThanOS took over my computer and wiped out half my files.
A programmer walks into a bar,
A programmer walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says I'll have three beers please.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the prog found jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working prog hospital piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.