Prog Jokes
92 prog jokes and hilarious prog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores some of the funniest jokes in progressive rock. From "loaf"-style puns to puns about the "plastic" conditions of prog music, get ready to laugh at these hilarious jokes!
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Funniest Prog Short Jokes
Short prog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prog humour may include short loaf jokes also.
- What are Captain Kirk's least favorite 1970's prog-rock bands? It's a tossup between the alan parsons PROJECT and GENESIS.
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Prog One Liners
Which prog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prog? I can suggest the ones about plastic and condition.
- A guy asked me if I could name a better prog-rock band than RUSH. I said Yes.
- Is there a better prog-rock band than Rush? Yes.
- Prog bands must hate today, because it's 4/4.
Comedy Prog Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about prog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean programmer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prog pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do programmers like UNIX?
unzip, s**..., touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes, fsck, fsck, fsck, umount, sleep
I've been programming for ten years, but I keep learning new things. For example:
for (int i = 0; true; i++) {
// this is a for example
}
A programmer gets home one day...
...and finds his wife crying. "Ever since we got married you've avoided this question. Now I want an answer: Do you really love me or did you just marry me so you won't be alone?"
So he replies: "Yes".
How many programmer does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. We don't address hardware issues.
Programming Job
I wanted to give you some C++ pointers but I wanted to make sure you got this reference.
A programming joke
There are three hard problems in computer concurrency. science. Cache invalidation, naming things, off-by-one errors, and
How many programmers do you need to fix a light bulb?
None, it is a hardware issue!
A programmers wife tells him...
"Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.
@SciencePorn tweeted this, I saw it there, don't know the original source.
A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn't be objectified...
He demands, "Are you suggesting women are primitives?"
[Programmer Joke] Why did the int drown?
Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)
How do programmers like their snacks?
Byte-sized.
Programmers wife tells him to go to the store...
She tell him, "Get some bacon, if there's milk get three."
He comes back with three packs of bacon and no milk.
A programmer tells a coworker that his wife just had a baby
"Is it a boy or a girl?"
"Yes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Programming is like s**....
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil?
Because that would be a sin-tax issue.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a programmer have during s**...?
An ||gasm.
What programming language do they use in Star Wars?
JawaScript
Why did the programmer quit his job?
Because he didn't get arrays.
How do programmers get a sixpack?
int[][] abs = new int[2][3]
Every program I write is completely error-free
No exceptions!
Which program do Jedi use to open PDF-files?
Adobe Wan Kenobi
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't programmers go on p**... raids?
Because they get undie find errors.
What does a programmer do in the toilet?
A log dump!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the programmer sexist?
Because he treats women like objects.
What programming languages would we use if C didn't exist?
Ans: PASAL, OBOL and BASI
Why are C programmers never invited to parties?
They have no class
Programmers today...
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning.
Which way did the programmer go?
He went data way.
Why was the programmer unhappy at his job?
He wanted arrays. It had to be reiterated several times before it was sorted out.
A programmer began to cuss
Because getting to sleep was a fuss.
When laying in her bed
Looping round in her head
Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;
A programming genius named Sewter
Built a limerick-writing computer
The metre was fine
And the rhymes quite divine
But for some reason it always got the last line wrong
As a programmer, I may not be able to set up a parade...
But I can make an array of floats...
When a programmer is born, what are their first words?
"Hello world!"
How did the programmer celebrate his birthday?
var celebration = ["Hip", "Hip"];
why don't programmers like nature?
because it has too many bugs
Why don't progressives go to the dentist?
Because dentists like everything straight and white.
Progressives are enraged, conservatives are cautiously optimistic, but no group is more excited than the Imagineers of Disney.
For the first time in the history of the Hall of Presidents, they have a shot at making an audioanimatronic more realistic than the original.
Programming takes time. Just remember...
Chrome wasn't built in a day
Why do programmers struggle with girls?
They tend to objectify them.
*I'll see myself out*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Progress is amazing. "w**... Only" is in the past
This new color safe bleach is fantastic.
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.
Why are programmers so good at poetry?
Well, all words rhyme in binary.
Why can programmers become good lawyers too?
Because they know how to pass arguments.
Why did the programmer talk to his boss?
Because he wanted arrays
In a progressive move, Mattel is making a new boyfriend for Barbie who's a homeless man from New Jersey
Hobo Ken.
Two programmers are talking about life...
Programmer 1: Does my life have meaning?
Programmer 2: False
Programmer 1: Stop Boolean me
Why can't programmers maintain good relationships?
They have a lot of arguments.
Why is programming in Django hard?
You can only use two fingers on your left hand.
How does a programmer undress his girlfriend?
gf.getString();
A programmer and his colleagues attempt to enter a restaurant
Amidst their chatting, one of them approaches the receptionist:
"Table for 8, please"
"Are you sure, Mister?" she replied. "I can see there are actually 9 of you here"
"What? No, you're mistaken. We're 8 people, look"
He turns around, and begins doing a head count:
"0, 1, 2, 3..."
Why are programmers so immature?
They're still developing
Something to consider if you have a program that keeps crashing.
Maybe it has a drunk Driver?
Why do programmers love winter?
Because there are no bugs...
A programmer got stuck in the shower because...
The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do programmers do when something is stuck in their t**...?
They hack.
Programmers and mathematicians disagree on a lot of things
but at least we can all agree 0!=1
Programmers are so sexist...
They treat their dates as objects.
I took a programming class in high school
I got a C++
Why do programmers get confused between halloween and Christmas?
Because
OCT 31 = DEC 25
What does a programmer wear?
Whatever is in the dress code.
A programmer tries his hand at stand-up comedy: "Forward-slash forward-slash a man walks into a bar..."
A heckler yells at him: "Why do you keep doing that weird forward-slash thing?!"
He responds: "Don't you know? The best jokes are always in the comments."
As a programmer, I would make a UDP joke
But you might not get it.
What does a programmer say when he loses his glasses?
"Help! I can't C#"
Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
What's the most progressive thing about Joe Biden?
His dementia
How do you tell a programmer from a DnD player?
Ask them to complete the list: int, char, str...
What do programmers want from their bosses?
Arrays
Only programmers will get this one:
Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Ans: Because they had too many arguments.
I've been programming too much
I can barely cout of my eyes
Why couldn't the programmer move his car?
He ran out of space on his drive
What do programmers do when they're hungry?
They grab a byte
Progressive and Allstate decided to merge and become one company
They're now called "Prostate"
I'm a programmer, wearing glasses
They are made to C#.
If you're a programmer, you would know:
// the real joke is always in the comments
What do the C programmers do while running?
They sprintf.
(Programmer) What did 0 say to 1?
You're a bit too much.
A programmer won a contest....
... by getting the 0th position. Hip hip Array!!
(Happy new year everyone!)
A programmer dies and meets St Peter outside the pearly gates.
[cr
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
That new program on netflix about subliminal persuasion and mind control is a load of boring s**....
Turned it off after just five seasons.
How programmers and cats are alike?
They both can sit in the same position for long time and get excited when they find a bug
So I took a programming elective in school
My final grade was C+
How do you program a computer to make beef stew?
You use bullion logic.
