Profusely Jokes

What are some Profusely jokes?

Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay."

Mom: *Stares at Dad*

Dad: *Clenches fist*

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: *Sweats Profusely*

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"

Son : Mom, Dad... I'm gay.

Dad : *Raising his right hand*
Mom : No , don't you dare!
Dad : *Sweating profusely*
Mom : Don't do it!
Dad : *waves at son* Hi gay , Im Dad.
Son : No Dad, I'm serious!
Dad : You're serious? I thought you were gay!
Son : I'm not serious!
Dad and Mom : Good.

One day, a taxi cab passenger touched...

a new cab driver on his shoulder to ask him something. The driver squealed EEEEEEEEEE! , lost control of car, and screeched to a stop after mounting the sidewalk. The passenger apologised profusely & said: "I had no idea you would be startled by me tapping your shoulder!"

Driver replied: Im sorry it's not your fault; I used to be funeral driver for 25 years.

Son:"Mom,Dad, I am gay"

Mom: Stares at Dad

Dad: Clenches fist

Mom: "Don't!"

Dad: Sweats Profusely

Mom: "..."

Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD

Son: "No dad, I'm serious!"

Dad: "You're serious? I thought you were Gay

You say a mesquito bit you and now you have the chills, a high fever and are sweating profusely? That's not funny.

That's malarious!

The pet shop parrot.

A lady was walking to work and passed a pet shop when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" This made the lady very angry, but she ignored the parrot and continued on her way.

On her way home from work later that day, she passed by the pet shop again, and yet again the parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" Furious, the lady stormed into the store to talk to the manager, threatening to go to the police.

The store manager apologised profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot never said that again.

The next day, she deliberately passed by the pet shop to see if the manager had kept his promise. "Hey, lady!" the parrot said.

"Yes?"

"You know."

A man walks into a police station

with his head profusely bleeding.


Officer: What Happened


Man: My Wife hit me in the head


Officer: Why..??


Man: Her parents came over unexpectedly, so she asked me to go and get them something.


Officer: And..??


Man: I got them a taxi

Curiosity killed the cat.

NASA apologized profusely.

George Bush was receiving his daily report from his Defense Secretary.

During the report, the secretary said; And yesterday, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. George suddenly went pale, put his head in his hands and began to sweat profusely.

His staff was astounded. They had never seen the president react like this to such a small loss. Then, after he had recovered slightly, the president brought his head up and quietly asked the aide next to him, "Just how many in a brazilian?"

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely, saying…..

"I must have taken Leif off my census."

Hey Lady!

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!" The lady was angry, but she continued on her way.

On the way home, she passed by the pet store again, and again, the parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"

This continued for a couple weeks. Eventually, the lady stormed into the store and threatened to sue the store if the parrot did not stop insulting her.

The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot. "Hey, lady!"

"Yes?", she said

The parrot said, "You know."

A father and son walk into a gas station...

After grabbing a few snacks they walk up to the register to pay for everything.

The cashier says "sorry sir, but you have to swipe your card again."

Son: "dad, don't."

Father: *sweats profusely*

Cashier: "sir?"

Father: "but I'm not wearing a cardigan!"

The parrot in a pet store

A lady was walking past a pet store when a parrot said, "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"

The lady was furious and continued on her way.

On the way home, she passed by the pet store again and the parrot once more said "Hey, lady! You're really ugly!"

She was incredibly ticked now, so she went into the store and said that she would sue them. The manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.

The next day, she deliberately passed by the store to test the parrot.

"Hey, lady!" it said.

"Yes?"

"You know."

A man walks into a bar with a Labrador and takes a seat.

The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here!" The man doesn't miss a beat and replies, "Excuse me, this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender apologises profusely and says, "Here, the first one's on me."

The man walks over and takes a seat near the door. Soon, another man walks in with a chihuahua. The first man says, "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man thanks him and heads over to the bar.

The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The second man says, "It's my seeing eye dog." The bartender scowls and says, "I do not believe they give chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs."

And the second man says, "They gave me a chihuahua?!?!?"

A man walks into a bar with his dog . . .

. . . and the bartender says "You can't bring a dog in here!"

The man says "It's my seeing eye dog". The bartender apologizes profusely and gives the man his drink on the house.

A second man enters the bar with his dog and the first man calls to him: "Pssst, buddy. You can't bring a dog in here unless you say it's your seeing eye dog". The second man thanks him for the tip, goes to the bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says "You can't bring a dog in here!"

The man says "It's my seeing eye dog".

The bartender says "I don't think so, they don't give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs".

The man says "WHAT?! They gave me a Chihuahua?"

A client just thanked me profusely for curing his erectile dysfunction.

-shrugs- It wasn't hard.

[Repost]A great dad joke that I had to share

Son: Mom, Dad, I'm gay.


Dad: (Clenches fists)


Mom: Don't.....


Dad: (Sweats profusely)


Mom:.........
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Dad: Hi gay! I'm Dad!

Science jokes!

A proton walks into a bar. Strolls up to the bartender and says "I don't care what you serve me, but I want the most expensive drink you offer."

The bartender looks at him quizzically. "You sure about that, buddy?"

**"I'm positive."**

A cute little neutron walks in right after him. "I'll have what he's having," she says.

The bartender pours another glass, slides it over with a wink. **"No charge."**

A mole walks into the same bar, sweating profusely.
"I just worked the hardest I've ever worked. I need a drink. No, I need a lot of drinks. Just keep them coming."

The bartender asks, "How many are you going to have?"

**"6.02 times 10 to the 23rd."**


During conversation, a guy mispronounces a physicist's name. Upon realizing this, he apologizes profusely.

The physicist says, "It's Feynman."

I was on a jungle expedition in Bangladesh with some colleauges of mine, when we all came across a tiger...

It was really messy, so out of courtesy we tried wiping it off while profusely apologising.

Walking your dog

A Korean man walks up to his friends house and sees that his dog is barking profusely and says,

"Do you want me to wok your dog for you?"

"God....You are NOT the father"

*God cripwalks all over the stage as a bewildered Mary cries profusely*

An elderly man was laying in his hospital bed...

... A nurse came in the room to administer his daily medication. Suddenly, the elderly man took a turn for the worse. He began turning red, gasping for air, and sweating profusely. He grasped for a pen and paper on the nightstand next to him, scribbled something quickly, and was gone. The nurse thought it best for his last words to be seen first by his family and loved ones, so she folded it up and put it in her pocket.

Later that day, they arrived, and the nurse handed a sobbing wife her husband's note. She read out loud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube, moron!"

A dyslexic man walks in to a bar.

Embarrassed, he apologized profusely and handed it back to her.

How to make Profusely jokes?

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