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Profit Jokes

80 profit jokes and hilarious profit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about profit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh your way to the bank with these hilarious and witty profit jokes. These jokes cover topics like the profit and loss, profit margin, investor deals, and lucrative opportunities. Get ready to crack up as you learn all about the world of business and money-making.

Funniest Profit Short Jokes

Short profit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The profit humour may include short income jokes also.

  1. So many Christians run non-profit organizations. On the other hand, atheists... ...only run non-prophet organizations.
  2. The pros and cons of being overly literal PROS:
    People who profit as a result of their occupation.
    CONS:
    People found guilty of a criminal offense.
  3. Indian restaurants make most of their money off of the bread.. They're naan-profit organizations.
  4. So my oilfield is haunted, turned out quite profitable... Now I can sell Super-Natural Gas!
  5. I hear most Muslims are capitalists... They're always going on and on about some Great Profit.
  6. Did you know that Indian Restaurants make most of their money on their flatbread? They're naan-profit organizations.
  7. A man was arrested for killing gang members, then cutting off their feet and taking them When apprehended, the man said he had heard it was profitable to sell Crip toes.
  8. An Englishman starts his own business in Afganistan He is making land mines that look like prayer mats! He is doing quite well! Profits are going through the roof!
  9. Since chipotle charges like a $1.30 for guacamole... I wonder if In their bussiness meetings, if they refer to their guac profits as
    Avacadough
  10. Petty Cash I place $20 in a box.
    So do you.
    Now the box contains $40, and we both know it.
    I sell the box to you for $30.
    And we both walk away with a $10 profit.

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Profit One Liners

Which profit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with profit? I can suggest the ones about productive and loss.

  1. What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism? No more jokes about the profit.
  2. What happens when you cross Islam with Capitalism? No more jokes about the profit.
  3. If you make money selling Indian bread... You run a Naan Profit Organization.
  4. What type of writing is the most profitable? A ransom note.
  5. Ideas that aren't profitable Don't make any cents
  6. What do you call a charity that gives bread to the poor? A naan-profit!
  7. Growing herbs can be very profitable After all, thyme is money
  8. I own a very profitable bakery I guess you could say, i'm rolling in the dough
  9. How do you milk a sheep and make a profit? Remove the audio jack
  10. Which race is the most profitable to run? A 401K
  11. Step 2. Profit Step 1. Time machine
  12. I work at a non-profit... ...but that's not what my boss actually wants.
  13. Why should you back an Indian charity? Because they are all naan profit.
  14. Why do fishmongers keep all the profit for themselves? Because they sel fish
  15. Talk is cheap. But AM radio still can't turn a profit.

Profit Organization Jokes

Here is a list of funny profit organization jokes and even better profit organization puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Do you guys wanna donate to my charity? It's a non profit organization called "Caw Caw Caw Caw"
    It's four good caws
  • My uncle is such a great businessman that he made $6 million in profits this year He works in a non-profit organization
  • Can I write the money I spent at the Indian bakery off my taxes? They are a naan profit organization ...
  • You know, there are 2 secret organization profiting off the election. They're called NASA and Space-X

Profit Margin Jokes

Here is a list of funny profit margin jokes and even better profit margin puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is the profit margin of an abortion clinic? Just a small arm and leg over the competition
  • My jokes are like diamonds. The demand for them is manipulated by a cartel to create artificial scarcity and drive up profit margins.
Profit joke, My jokes are like diamonds.

Profit And Loss Jokes

Here is a list of funny profit and loss jokes and even better profit and loss puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Shares in the f**... firm 'Dignity' have fallen by 50% due to profit losses and some stiff competition
Profit joke, Shares in the f**... firm 'Dignity' have fallen by 50%

Amusing & Witty Profit Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about profit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wealth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make profit pranks.

What do you call a Muslim who's a smart investor?

Profit Muhammad

I inherited some land recently and managed to buy 100 donkeys for £100...

...I planned on selling them one by one for a profit, but overnight some sick guy broke into my farm and cut all the donkeys tails off! Now I'm left with 100 donkeys with no tails, so I'm going to have to wholesale them!
(ask me why I have to wholesale them...)
Well I can't retail them can I?!

What's the difference between having s**... and killing animals?

One is OK to do for fun but not OK to do for profit, the other is vice versa.

Oscar Pistorius' new book deal

I thought I'd share a joke I just heard from a topic on a call-in radio show.
Radio DJ: "Should Oscar Pistorius profit from a book deal about the night he shot his girlfriend?"
Caller: "No he should not. I think you'll find that legally he doesn't have a leg to stand on."

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

My Balloons

I'm a newly graduated entrepreneur breaking into the party paraphernalia game. I bought a ton of balloons a year ago for 99 cents each. In order to make a profit, how much should I adjust my prices for inflation?

Why was Muhammad a successful merchant?

Because he was god's profit.

So the business man turned into a priest...

He talks alot about his new profit!

Bird Seeds

1. Go to the pet store
2. Buy Bird seeds
3. Ask the cashier how long it will take for the birds to grow
4. ???
5. Profit

A Politician wanted to build a bridge

A Politician wanted to build a bridge.
So, he calls 3 engineeering firms. One is Chinese, other is American and the last one is Brazillian.
The politician calls the heads of all the 3 firms to his office.
He asks the Chinese head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He says, "3 Million Dollar. 1 Million for the workers, 1 Million for materials, 1 million for the profit."
The Politician asks the American head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He says, "6 Million Dollars. 2 Million for the workers, 2 Million for materials, 2 million for the profit."
Finally, the Politician asks the Brazillian head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He replies, "9 Million Dollars."
Suprised, the Politician asks him, "Why? Why so much?"
To which he replies, "3 Million for me, 3 Million for you, and 3 Million for the Chinese guy to build the bridge."

Why do Muslims invest in the stock market?

For the profit.

Step 1) Get a job selling punctuation marks.

Step 2) ??????
Step 3) Profit.

"Is it proper for one man to profit from the mistakes of another?"

A man asked his minister.
"Definitely not," was the clergyman's answer.
"Are you certain?"
"Absolutely!"
"In that case," said the guy, "would you mind returning the $50 I gave you after my wedding last year?"

The biggest profit I made from going to was college was

Selling my t9 calculator

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime.

Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit.

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation.
(Via my coworker)

A Crayola truck just got robbed for profit

We're currently searching for the purple traders

What will be the most profitable career in 2017?

Mexican ladder salesman.

Whats the difference between a hippie and a mutual fund.

Eventually a mutual fund matures and gains profit

What's the filthiest type of money?

g**... profit

I am making a crystal ball

People will be able to look into the future like there is no tomorrow.
It's going to make me a profit.

Joel Osteen may not be the best preacher...

but he is certainly not a false profit

My friend owns a store and he hadn't made any profit, even during the back to school season.

Me- You should consider moving your store.
Friend- I cant!
Me- Why?
Friend- Coz its stationery.

Profit & Loss Statement

Wife asks:
"Why is it that in all marriages the bride sits on the left side and the groom sits on the right?"
Husband's reply:
"Have you ever seen a Profit & Loss Statement? It follows the same logic. All income is posted on the Right and expenses are on the Left!"...

I've owned a tree store for years and we just started making a profit.

Wasn't until we branched out, that we started seeing the green.

Not all Americans understand g**... profit

But their politicians have a good grasp on net profit.

Why did the proctologist did not like a fixed term deposit

Because they said they would pay the profit per annum.

3 men walk into a bar. The first one gets n**... and sells his clothes. The second one punches himself with a chair and sues the barman. The third one challenges a service dog to a dance-off for a reward. Who made the biggest profit that night?

Their drug dealer

If you're broke you can just go eat a lot in london. You will profit as you gain pounds.

Only works if American.

I used to own a company that built airplanes, but it went bankrupt before I ever turned a profit.

It just didn't take off.

Robert Mueller goes before Congress..

Rhetorically, he asks who would be so low that they would sell our country and values for personal profit?
All of the republicans stand to volunteer.

How do you call the money earned by a sewage company?

g**... Profit.

Old lady decides to be a p**... to complement her income

Arriving home, she counts the profit with her husband:
- Its U$100,50.
- Honey, who gave you 50 cents?
- What do you mean "who gave me 50 cents"?! Everyone!

What do you call a rich Muslim Man?

The Profit Muhummad.

Moseses parents didn't start off rich

but they made a handsome profit

I bumped into an old school friend the other day.

He seemed to be doing very well for himself, fancy clothes, new car. You could tell he was now very successful and wealthy.
I asked him how he had been doing and he said great, I've got loads of money, fancy cars and a big house.
I asked him how he came to be so rich and he replied I've been using animal carcasses and boiling them down to a concentrate and selling that for a profit. I've made a killing on the stocks market.

My friend told me he got hit hard, lost 40% of his net profit in the market in the last year.

I said "so? I lost 85% of my net worth in the market in 1 day"
He said "what? Was it in a mutual fund?!"
I was like "no....my iPhone was stolen at the grocery store"

The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt

One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.
After several very angry calls from the royal family's lawyers, I found out that I had to pay Her Royalty her royalties for Her Royal Tee's^TM

There's a new company that's planning to feed cows a diet of cannabis mixed in with their food.

They claim that the relaxed cattle produce more milk, and tender meat. The issue is that the legal costs of this are through the roof, and even the best estimates are that they won't turn a profit until 2034. The steaks have never been higher.

I had a dream I ran an Indian restaurant staffed entirely by former s**... workers…

It was a naan profit whoreganization.

My friend Jack is a prolific and unscrupulous trader, he has made a profit on everything

from silks to elephants, once he even purchased an enslaved nun. Calls himself Jack of All Trades, and master of nun.

Profit joke, My friend Jack is a prolific and unscrupulous trader, he has made a profit on everything

jokes about profit