The Best 56 Profit Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Profit jokes. There are some profit workforce jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these profit benefit puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Profit Jokes and Puns
What do you call a Muslim who's a smart investor?
Profit Muhammad
I inherited some land recently and managed to buy 100 donkeys for £100...
...I planned on selling them one by one for a profit, but overnight some sick guy broke into my farm and cut all the donkeys tails off! Now I'm left with 100 donkeys with no tails, so I'm going to have to wholesale them!
(ask me why I have to wholesale them...)
Well I can't retail them can I?!
Oscar Pistorius' new book deal
I thought I'd share a joke I just heard from a topic on a call-in radio show.
Radio DJ: "Should Oscar Pistorius profit from a book deal about the night he shot his girlfriend?"
Caller: "No he should not. I think you'll find that legally he doesn't have a leg to stand on."
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
My Balloons
I'm a newly graduated entrepreneur breaking into the party paraphernalia game. I bought a ton of balloons a year ago for 99 cents each. In order to make a profit, how much should I adjust my prices for inflation?
Why was Muhammad a successful merchant?
Because he was god's profit.
So the business man turned into a priest...
He talks alot about his new profit!
Bird Seeds
1. Go to the pet store
2. Buy Bird seeds
3. Ask the cashier how long it will take for the birds to grow
4. ???
5. Profit
A Politician wanted to build a bridge
A Politician wanted to build a bridge.
So, he calls 3 engineeering firms. One is Chinese, other is American and the last one is Brazillian.
The politician calls the heads of all the 3 firms to his office.
He asks the Chinese head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He says, "3 Million Dollar. 1 Million for the workers, 1 Million for materials, 1 million for the profit."
The Politician asks the American head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He says, "6 Million Dollars. 2 Million for the workers, 2 Million for materials, 2 million for the profit."
Finally, the Politician asks the Brazillian head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He replies, "9 Million Dollars."
Suprised, the Politician asks him, "Why? Why so much?"
To which he replies, "3 Million for me, 3 Million for you, and 3 Million for the Chinese guy to build the bridge."
Petty Cash
I place $20 in a box.
So do you.
Now the box contains $40, and we both know it.
I sell the box to you for $30.
And we both walk away with a $10 profit.
Why do Muslims invest in the stock market?
For the profit.
You can explore profit deals reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean profit gain dad jokes. There are also profit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Step 1) Get a job selling punctuation marks.
Step 2) ??????
Step 3) Profit.
What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.
I hear most Muslims are capitalists...
They're always going on and on about some Great Profit.
"Is it proper for one man to profit from the mistakes of another?"
A man asked his minister.
"Definitely not," was the clergyman's answer.
"Are you certain?"
"Absolutely!"
"In that case," said the guy, "would you mind returning the $50 I gave you after my wedding last year?"
What happens when you cross Islam with Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime.
Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit.
How do you milk a sheep and make a profit?
Remove the audio jack
What is the profit margin of an abortion clinic?
Just a small arm and leg over the competition
How does a boat captain determine his profit?
By using aquadratic equation.
(Via my coworker)
I own a very profitable bakery
I guess you could say, i'm rolling in the dough
A Crayola truck just got robbed for profit
We're currently searching for the purple traders
Talk is cheap.
But AM radio still can't turn a profit.
What will be the most profitable career in 2017?
Mexican ladder salesman.
Can I write the money I spent at the Indian bakery off my taxes?
They are a naan profit organization ...
The pros and cons of being overly literal
PROS:
People who profit as a result of their occupation.
CONS:
People found guilty of a criminal offense.
Whats the difference between a hippie and a mutual fund.
Eventually a mutual fund matures and gains profit
What's the filthiest type of money?
gross profit
Why did the preacher build a new church?
Solely for the profit!
Why should you back an Indian charity?
Because they are all naan profit.
Joel Osteen may not be the best preacher...
but he is certainly not a false profit
My friend owns a store and he hadn't made any profit, even during the back to school season.
Me- You should consider moving your store.
Friend- I cant!
Me- Why?
Friend- Coz its stationery.
Profit & Loss Statement
Wife asks:
"Why is it that in all marriages the bride sits on the left side and the groom sits on the right?"
Husband's reply:
"Have you ever seen a Profit & Loss Statement? It follows the same logic. All income is posted on the Right and expenses are on the Left!"...
I've owned a tree store for years and we just started making a profit.
Wasn't until we branched out, that we started seeing the green.
Not all Americans understand gross profit
But their politicians have a good grasp on net profit.
Why did the proctologist did not like a fixed term deposit
Because they said they would pay the profit per annum.
3 men walk into a bar. The first one gets naked and sells his clothes. The second one punches himself with a chair and sues the barman. The third one challenges a service dog to a dance-off for a reward. Who made the biggest profit that night?
Their drug dealer
If you're broke you can just go eat a lot in london. You will profit as you gain pounds.
Only works if American.
I used to own a company that built airplanes, but it went bankrupt before I ever turned a profit.
It just didn't take off.
Step 2. Profit
Step 1. Time machine
Robert Mueller goes before Congress..
Rhetorically, he asks who would be so low that they would sell our country and values for personal profit?
All of the republicans stand to volunteer.
How do you call the money earned by a sewage company?
Gross Profit.
Why was Muhammad so Rich
He made good profit
What do you call a place where something you created all on your own is claimed by someone else and they profit from it?
YouTube.
Old lady decides to be a prostitute to complement her income
Arriving home, she counts the profit with her husband:
- Its U$100,50.
- Honey, who gave you 50 cents?
- What do you mean "who gave me 50 cents"?! Everyone!
What do you call a rich Muslim Man?
The Profit Muhummad.
Moseses parents didn't start off rich
but they made a handsome profit
I bumped into an old school friend the other day.
He seemed to be doing very well for himself, fancy clothes, new car. You could tell he was now very successful and wealthy.
I asked him how he had been doing and he said great, I've got loads of money, fancy cars and a big house.
I asked him how he came to be so rich and he replied I've been using animal carcasses and boiling them down to a concentrate and selling that for a profit. I've made a killing on the stocks market.
My friend told me he got hit hard, lost 40% of his net profit in the market in the last year.
I said "so? I lost 85% of my net worth in the market in 1 day"
He said "what? Was it in a mutual fund?!"
I was like "no....my iPhone was stolen at the grocery store"
Two farmers
Two farmers were chatting,
One says, You reckon the profit on your crops this year will be significant?
All depends, said the other.
On what
My pea value
The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt
One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.
After several very angry calls from the royal family's lawyers, I found out that I had to pay Her Royalty her royalties for Her Royal Tee's^TM
Do you guys wanna donate to my charity?
It's a non profit organization called "Caw Caw Caw Caw"
It's four good caws
If you make money selling Indian bread...
You run a Naan Profit Organization.
There's a new company that's planning to feed cows a diet of cannabis mixed in with their food.
They claim that the relaxed cattle produce more milk, and tender meat. The issue is that the legal costs of this are through the roof, and even the best estimates are that they won't turn a profit until 2034. The steaks have never been higher.
I had a dream I ran an Indian restaurant staffed entirely by former sex workers…
It was a naan profit whoreganization.
Why do fishmongers keep all the profit for themselves?
Because they sel fish
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the profit earn jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working profit sell piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.