Profit Jokes
77 profit jokes and hilarious profit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about profit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh your way to the bank with these hilarious and witty profit jokes. These jokes cover topics like the profit and loss, profit margin, investor deals, and lucrative opportunities. Get ready to crack up as you learn all about the world of business and money-making.
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Funniest Profit Short Jokes
Short profit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The profit humour may include short income jokes also.
- The pros and cons of being overly literal PROS:
People who profit as a result of their occupation.
CONS:
People found guilty of a criminal offense. - Indian restaurants make most of their money off of the bread.. They're naan-profit organizations.
- So my oilfield is haunted, turned out quite profitable... Now I can sell Super-Natural Gas!
- Since chipotle charges like a $1.30 for guacamole... I wonder if In their bussiness meetings, if they refer to their guac profits as
Avacadough - Petty Cash I place $20 in a box.
So do you.
Now the box contains $40, and we both know it.
I sell the box to you for $30.
And we both walk away with a $10 profit. - Do you guys wanna donate to my charity? It's a non profit organization called "Caw Caw Caw Caw"
It's four good caws - For-profit healthcare is a great system that benefits patients and ensures higher quality care. lul
- Did you hear about the kid who started a business tying shoelaces on the playground? It was a knot-for-profit.
- My uncle is such a great businessman that he made $6 million in profits this year He works in a non-profit organization
- How does a boat captain determine his profit? By using aquadratic equation.
(Via my coworker)
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Profit One Liners
Which profit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with profit? I can suggest the ones about productive and loss.
- Ideas that aren't profitable Don't make any cents
- What do you call a charity that gives bread to the poor? A naan-profit!
- Growing herbs can be very profitable After all, thyme is money
- I own a very profitable bakery I guess you could say, i'm rolling in the dough
- How do you milk a sheep and make a profit? Remove the audio jack
- Which race is the most profitable to run? A 401K
- Step 2. Profit Step 1. Time machine
- I work at a non-profit... ...but that's not what my boss actually wants.
- Talk is cheap. But AM radio still can't turn a profit.
- What do capitalists worship? profits
- When Apple created the $700 wheels... Did they expect profits to start rolling in?
- Investing in balloons just isn't as profitable as it used to be. I blame inflation.
- Moseses parents didn't start off rich but they made a handsome profit
- Why do Muslims invest in the stock market? For the profit.
- Step 1) Get a job selling punctuation marks. Step 2) ??????
Step 3) Profit.
Profit Organization Jokes
Here is a list of funny profit organization jokes and even better profit organization puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Can I write the money I spent at the Indian bakery off my taxes? They are a naan profit organization ...
- You know, there are 2 secret organization profiting off the election. They're called NASA and Space-X
Profit Margin Jokes
Here is a list of funny profit margin jokes and even better profit margin puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the profit margin of an abortion clinic? Just a small arm and leg over the competition
- My jokes are like diamonds. The demand for them is manipulated by a cartel to create artificial scarcity and drive up profit margins.
Amusing & Witty Profit Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about profit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wealth jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make profit pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Muslim who's a smart investor?
Profit Muhammad
"How do fast food restaurants make so much money?"
"They flip burgers for profit!"
Just thought of this at a baseball game today, kinda quirky and simple!
I inherited some land recently and managed to buy 100 donkeys for £100...
...I planned on selling them one by one for a profit, but overnight some sick guy broke into my farm and cut all the donkeys tails off! Now I'm left with 100 donkeys with no tails, so I'm going to have to wholesale them!
(ask me why I have to wholesale them...)
Well I can't retail them can I?!
Oscar Pistorius' new book deal
I thought I'd share a joke I just heard from a topic on a call-in radio show.
Radio DJ: "Should Oscar Pistorius profit from a book deal about the night he shot his girlfriend?"
Caller: "No he should not. I think you'll find that legally he doesn't have a leg to stand on."
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
My Balloons
I'm a newly graduated entrepreneur breaking into the party paraphernalia game. I bought a ton of balloons a year ago for 99 cents each. In order to make a profit, how much should I adjust my prices for inflation?
Why was Muhammad a successful merchant?
Because he was god's profit.
So the business man turned into a priest...
He talks alot about his new profit!
Bird Seeds
1. Go to the pet store
2. Buy Bird seeds
3. Ask the cashier how long it will take for the birds to grow
4. ???
5. Profit
A Politician wanted to build a bridge
A Politician wanted to build a bridge.
So, he calls 3 engineeering firms. One is Chinese, other is American and the last one is Brazillian.
The politician calls the heads of all the 3 firms to his office.
He asks the Chinese head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He says, "3 Million Dollar. 1 Million for the workers, 1 Million for materials, 1 million for the profit."
The Politician asks the American head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He says, "6 Million Dollars. 2 Million for the workers, 2 Million for materials, 2 million for the profit."
Finally, the Politician asks the Brazillian head, "How much do you take to build the bridge?"
He replies, "9 Million Dollars."
Suprised, the Politician asks him, "Why? Why so much?"
To which he replies, "3 Million for me, 3 Million for you, and 3 Million for the Chinese guy to build the bridge."
"Is it proper for one man to profit from the mistakes of another?"
A man asked his minister.
"Definitely not," was the clergyman's answer.
"Are you certain?"
"Absolutely!"
"In that case," said the guy, "would you mind returning the $50 I gave you after my wedding last year?"
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for a lifetime.
Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit.
What is the difference between Elon musk and Tony Stark?
Stark industries has actually turned a profit
A Crayola truck just got robbed for profit
We're currently searching for the purple traders
What will be the most profitable career in 2017?
Mexican ladder salesman.
Whats the difference between a hippie and a mutual fund.
Eventually a mutual fund matures and gains profit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the filthiest type of money?
g**... profit
I am making a crystal ball
People will be able to look into the future like there is no tomorrow.
It's going to make me a profit.
Joel Osteen may not be the best preacher...
but he is certainly not a false profit
My friend owns a store and he hadn't made any profit, even during the back to school season.
Me- You should consider moving your store.
Friend- I cant!
Me- Why?
Friend- Coz its stationery.
Profit & Loss Statement
Wife asks:
"Why is it that in all marriages the bride sits on the left side and the groom sits on the right?"
Husband's reply:
"Have you ever seen a Profit & Loss Statement? It follows the same logic. All income is posted on the Right and expenses are on the Left!"...
I've owned a tree store for years and we just started making a profit.
Wasn't until we branched out, that we started seeing the green.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not all Americans understand g**... profit
But their politicians have a good grasp on net profit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shares in the f**... firm 'Dignity' have fallen by 50%
due to profit losses and some stiff competition
Why did the proctologist did not like a fixed term deposit
Because they said they would pay the profit per annum.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 men walk into a bar. The first one gets n**... and sells his clothes. The second one punches himself with a chair and sues the barman. The third one challenges a service dog to a dance-off for a reward. Who made the biggest profit that night?
Their drug dealer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you're broke you can just go eat a lot in london. You will profit as you gain pounds.
Only works if American.
I used to own a company that built airplanes, but it went bankrupt before I ever turned a profit.
It just didn't take off.
Robert Mueller goes before Congress..
Rhetorically, he asks who would be so low that they would sell our country and values for personal profit?
All of the republicans stand to volunteer.
What do you call an Islamic capitalist?
Profit Muhammad
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you call the money earned by a sewage company?
g**... Profit.
Why was Muhammad so Rich
He made good profit
what do you call a rich priest?
a profit
Step One: Bop-it
Step Two: Twist It
Step Three: Profit
What do you call an Arab investor?
The Profit Mohammad
What do you call a place where something you created all on your own is claimed by someone else and they profit from it?
YouTube.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old lady decides to be a p**... to complement her income
Arriving home, she counts the profit with her husband:
- Its U$100,50.
- Honey, who gave you 50 cents?
- What do you mean "who gave me 50 cents"?! Everyone!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a rich Muslim Man?
The Profit Muhummad.
I bumped into an old school friend the other day.
He seemed to be doing very well for himself, fancy clothes, new car. You could tell he was now very successful and wealthy.
I asked him how he had been doing and he said great, I've got loads of money, fancy cars and a big house.
I asked him how he came to be so rich and he replied I've been using animal carcasses and boiling them down to a concentrate and selling that for a profit. I've made a killing on the stocks market.
My friend told me he got hit hard, lost 40% of his net profit in the market in the last year.
I said "so? I lost 85% of my net worth in the market in 1 day"
He said "what? Was it in a mutual fund?!"
I was like "no....my iPhone was stolen at the grocery store"
Two farmers
Two farmers were chatting,
One says, You reckon the profit on your crops this year will be significant?
All depends, said the other.
On what
My pea value
The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt
One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.
After several very angry calls from the royal family's lawyers, I found out that I had to pay Her Royalty her royalties for Her Royal Tee's^TM
There's a new company that's planning to feed cows a diet of cannabis mixed in with their food.
They claim that the relaxed cattle produce more milk, and tender meat. The issue is that the legal costs of this are through the roof, and even the best estimates are that they won't turn a profit until 2034. The steaks have never been higher.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had a dream I ran an Indian restaurant staffed entirely by former s**... workers…
It was a naan profit whoreganization.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend Jack is a prolific and unscrupulous trader, he has made a profit on everything
from silks to elephants, once he even purchased an enslaved nun. Calls himself Jack of All Trades, and master of nun.
