The Best 43 Professors Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Professors jokes. There are some professors campus jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these professors nutty professor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Professors Jokes and Puns
Anyone need a slutty costume for Halloween?
Just dress up as one of my professors, they barely cover anything
The professors of an engineering school are invited to fly on a new plane
When they arrive, they are told that the plane was built by their students. After hearing this, almost all the teachers run away and leave the plane, except for one.
When is asked "why did you stay in the plane?" He says "i know my students and i am pretty confident that this thing won't even turn on"
Other students come by train
A student to his father:
Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son
Next day, an answer comes:
My dear son,
I transferred 20M€ to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly.
Your loving father.
Three stat professors were out hunting...
...when they came upon a deer by a river.
The first professor fired his rifle, and the shot went three feet to the left.
The second professor fired, and the shot went 3 feet to the right.
The third stood and exclaimed "Alright! We got him!"
The Three Professors
Three professors are arguing over who is the best at teaching.
The first professor boasts, "I teach so well, my students never ask any questions. This proves they understand me immediately!"
The second professor responds, "Nonsense! I teach so well, my students never ask questions OR take notes. It's clear they remember the lesson instantly!"
The third professor grins and says, "You're both amateurs. I teach so well, my students don't even have to show up to class!"
This popped into my head in class the other day...
Why do professors like stats and physics students?
Because they'll work for p naughts.
What is a professors favourite snack?
Academia Nuts.
Two quantum mechanics professors had sex
They must have had physical chemistry.
Why do failing college girls always screw their professors?
Cause they want the D.
The two Propositional Logic professors at a local university are named Professor P and Professor Q.
Police question Professor P about the identity of a criminal who has committed a series of heinous acts. P implies Q.
When professors with tenure need a quick snack
Do they eat academia nuts?
You can explore professors statistics reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean professors professor dad jokes. There are also professors puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Is the reason why all of the Pokemon professors are named after trees because
They embark you on your journey?
When I was younger my father was a math professor...
One day I asked him what the average professor was like. He replied, "there is no average professors, but I know a lot of mean ones!"
Professors at a university stumbled upon a pile of dead crows.
Upon taking them in for examination, they noticed that most had faint paint stains on their bodies. It was determined 98% of the murder of crows were hit by trucks and 2% by cars as the cause of death.
Why were there so many hit by trucks rather than cars?
The lookout crow could call out "Cah," but they couldn't call out "Truck."
College professors around the world are protesting people using a precise word meaning exactly for emphasis, and throwing garbage at the floor.
It's called the litter-raly
One of my professors has been inappropriately touching me every night
Life is tough for autodidacts.
Why are colleges starting to teach quantum computing?
When professors try to explain binary states, the students tell them to go educate themselves.
Once all the engineering professors were sitting on one plane...
Before the take off an announcement came over the fanboy.
"This plane is made by your students"
Then all professors stood up, ran and went outside, but the principal was sitting.
One professor came and asked "Are you not afraid?"
The principal replied " I trust my students very well and I am sure the plane won't even start"
After a terrible night, two professors have to run through campus while naked...
As they run, the first guy covers his genitals and the second covers his face. The first guy asks the second, "Are you not ashamed of your indecency?"
The second guy responds, "Yeah... But, I don't know about you, but more people recognize me by my face than by my genitals"
College Professors are like Dora The Explorer
They ask a question, stares at the class for a few seconds, and then gives the answer.
Differential calculus professors suck.
They always go off on tangents.
Logic
Three professors visit a nudist beach, and strip off. After some time they notice the Dean and his wife approaching. Two of the professors immediately cover their private parts with towels, but the professor of logic covers his face. When asked why, he says "My face is the way that I am usually recognised".
How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Thats what grad students are for
What are math professors addicted to?
Mathamphetamenes
Two University of Chicago professors are walking down the street
One says look, a twenty dollar bill!
The other replies no, if there was really a twenty dollar bill on the ground, someone would have picked it up .
Where do Calculus professors go when they get hurt?
L'Hospital
A group of professors are on a plane.
A group of professors are on a plane as an experiment. They were told that the plane was made by their students. Naturally everyone panicked, their students were not the brightest people. However there was one professor who did not show any sings of fear. When they asked him why he replied "how can i be worried if the plane won't even take off."
How do professors get to their first day of class?
The sylla-bus
Just saw a group of math professors leaving for lunch.
I wonder if they'll have some pi
What do CAPTCHAs and college professors have in common?
They both generate and grade tests they themselves cannot pass. Enjoy midterm week!
My right-wing sister accused me of getting indoctrinated by my college professors for my left-wing ideologies.
I tell her "You're just jealous because I actually *finished* college."
Ladies, most men are like professors that don't take attendance...
It doesn't matter to them if you come.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
What do you call someone exclusively attracted to college professors?
A-sexual
What do you call a London subway train full of professors?
A tube of smarties.
I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections
\*Professor grading my test\*
Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.
[Classic Old Joke] The son of an Arab oil tycoon joined a university in Berlin, after a month he sent an email to his dad.
'Dear Dad,
Germany is fine and the college is great. But I feel embarrassed to drive my gold plated Lamborghini to college when most of the students and even professors arrive by train'
Few hours later, he gets an email from his dad.
'Dear son ,
I just transferred $200 million to your bank account. Stop embarassing our family and buy a train for yourself'.
Two professors were at an award ceremony.
An interviewer approached them.
"Sorry to ask but everyone has been wondering, which one of you is cleverer?"
The first professor smiled modestly.
"I don't want to boast. But i also don't want to be dishonest...."
The second professor interrupted
"And yet you've managed to do both!"
A man spends his days studying archeology at university, and his nights dreaming of someday finding a girlfriend.
No matter how hard he tried, he could never master the techniques of dating.
Eventually, his professors had to fail him.
How to stay in class
A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the eyes," the bartender says. "But hard on the pupils?"
Take-home final exam
Bill always had a problem with school. He suffered from a fear of tests. When a professor hands out tests, it was almost like his brain shut down. He couldn't remember anything.
One of his professors gave the students a take-home test and told them to bring it back the next week for their final grade.
Three days later they found Bill. He was wandering the street, clutching that test. He hadn't answered any of the questions. The moment the prof handed him the test to take home, he forgot where he lived.
A college student slowly walks into a bar and orders a beer. He starts talking to the bartender.
"What a day. Our physics professor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus." The student complains. "If she wasn't so drop dead gorgeous I would've dropped the class already." The bartender looks at him and says "So you could say she's easy on the eyes, but hard on the pupils?"
A group of aeronautics professors walked onto a plane...
They all settled down into their seats when there was an announcement."We have decided to waive your fee since you were responsible for educating our engineer staff on how to construct this fine plane!"
All the professors run out of the plane immediately except one.
When a stewardess asked her why she didn't run out, she responded "If it's made by a student of mine, it will not start!"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the professors faculty jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working professors college professor piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.