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Professor Jokes

179 professor jokes and hilarious professor puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about professor that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

If you're looking for some laughs, check out our collection of the best professor jokes! From jokes about Professor X and Professor Snape to Professor Mcgonagall and Professor Puzzle, we've got something for everyone. Find out why faculty and PhD's alike can get rolling in the aisles with these fun professor jokes, along with jokes about Professor Layton and the Professor Puzzle family.

Funniest Professor Short Jokes

Short professor jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The professor humour may include short lecturer jokes also.

  1. At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang? The professor replied, Sorry. No Time.
  2. My stats professor told me that the larger the sample size the more trustworthy the data. I guess the N's justify the means.
  3. Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
    Edit- This is a famous quote by Aaron Levenstein. A Professor told this to a friend.
  4. How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ? Just ask them to read this word: unionized.
  5. Professor X to JK Rowling: Professor X: "What's your power?"
    JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."
    Gay Professor X: "Interesting."
  6. I wish my college professors graded papers like Trump 'wins' elections \*Professor grading my test\*
    Well he got the first couple questions right looks like I can stop grading the rest.
  7. A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*
  8. Another blonde joke A professor told his class:
    "Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"
    A blonde asked, "Who is 'seed'?"
  9. Professor X asks: What's your superpower? Mutant: Hindsight.
    Professor X: That's not going to help us at all!
    Mutant: Yes, I see that now...
  10. My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet... The black objects absorb more.

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Professor One Liners

Which professor one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with professor? I can suggest the ones about instructor and senator.

  1. My professor accused me of plagiarism His words, not mine.
  2. What do you call Professor X doing a wheelie? Professor +
    I'm sorry. lol.
  3. How Long is a battleship. True or false? False. How Long is a man from China.
  4. My statistics professor told me I was average... ... I told her "that's Mean".
  5. The professor gave me a C on my Latin exam... Aced it!
  6. The professor told me, You don't deserve an A for this essay! He..berated me.
  7. I asked my astronomy professor, "How do stars die?" He replied, "Usually an overdose."
  8. Why did the skeleton not go to prom? He had no *body* to go with!!!
  9. A math professor didn't get enough sleep... The next day he couldn't f(x).
  10. Professor: I'm going to have to report you for plagiarism. His words, not mine.
  11. Why do failing college girls always screw their professors? Cause they want the D.
  12. My astronomy professor told me I was his star pupil.
  13. MRW a replacement professor enters the wrong class Oops, wrong sub.
  14. professor gave us a 2000 word essay... So I gave him two pictures.
  15. (OC) What do you call a doctor that works with Colons? An English professor.

College Professor Jokes

Here is a list of funny college professor jokes and even better college professor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • College Professors are like dora The Explorer They ask a question, stares at the class for a few seconds, and then gives the answer.
  • This doctor is so lucky An E.N.T. Professor retired from college. In the farewell college faculty
    gifted him a silver ear.
    Thanking the faculty the professor said: Thank god I am not a gynecologist.
  • Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting.
  • What did the cannibal say when he was eating the College Professor's nuts? Mmm. Academia!
  • Why are colleges starting to teach quantum computing? When professors try to explain binary states, the students tell them to go educate themselves.
  • Tommy Wiseau was my favorite college professor He always gave me hai marks
  • My college professor talked about double negatives today He said that you could use a double positive to describe something, but never a double negative.
    Yeah, right.
  • My right-wing sister accused me of getting indoctrinated by my college professors for my left-wing ideologies. I tell her "You're just jealous because I actually *finished* college."
  • What do CAPTCHAs and college professors have in common? They both generate and grade tests they themselves cannot pass. Enjoy midterm week!
  • College professors around the world are protesting people using a precise word meaning exactly for emphasis, and throwing garbage at the floor. It's called the litter-raly

Physics Professor Jokes

Here is a list of funny physics professor jokes and even better physics professor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Bang... ....but the professor couldn't, because there was no time.
  • After the physics lecture ended, I asked my professor What happened before The Big Bang? He said, Sorry. There is no Time.
  • What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito? You can't. A mosquito is a vector and the mountain climber is a scaler.
    Courtesy of my physics professor.
  • A Physics student is standing on the roof of a building preparing to leap to his death.... His professor calls out to him, "Stop! You have so much potential!"
  • What is the difference between a maths professor and a physics professor? You can get mathematical with the maths professor.
  • A physics student was about to jump off a roof His professor called out to him Stop! You have so much potential!
  • This popped into my head in class the other day... Why do professors like stats and physics students?
    Because they'll work for p naughts.
  • What did the Physics professor say to the fat kid in school? "You've got a lot of potential!"
  • What does my physics professor have in common with Gandalf? YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!
  • Why do physics professors prefer overweight students? They have greater potential.
Professor joke, Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?

Professor X Jokes

Here is a list of funny professor x jokes and even better professor x puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Professor X: What's your super power? Mutant: Hindsight
    Professor X: That's not going to help us at all
    Mutant: Yes, I see that now
  • Professor X: whats your super power? Me: Hindsight.
    Professor x: that wont help us.
    Me: Yes I see that now
  • An Original Joke X-Men Recruitment Interviews
    Professor X: What's your superpower?
    Me: Hindsight
    Professor X: Isn't this joke stolen?
    Me: Yes, I see that now
  • My true love was a math professor She is now my x and I am left wondering y.
  • Professor X: What's your superpower? Me: Foresight
    Professor X: You know that redditors were expecting a hindsight joke repost?
    Me: Yes I knew that.
  • Why did Professor X take on an insect as a student when it couldn't talk? Because it was a mute ant.
  • A lot is said... A lot is said about the famous mutant Telepath, Professor X...
    Less is said about his incredibly inquisitive younger brother, Professor Y.
  • If Professor X can move anything with his mind... Why can't he move his legs?
    Said from my SO's 15 year old brother.
  • My professor went on to create word. We all called him Doc X
  • I always thought out of all the X-Men, Cyclops seemed like a stand up guy. Professor X, not so much.

Chemistry Professor Jokes

Here is a list of funny chemistry professor jokes and even better chemistry professor puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The chemistry professor says to his students: "There's deadly gas in this bottle. What steps do we take in case it breaks?"
    "Fast steps"
  • My Chemistry Professor told me that Hydrofluoric acid and Hydrochloric acid are the perfect buffer system. Her accusations are baseless.
  • My Chem professor said he'd give bonus points for the most original chemistry joke on the final, hit me with your best shot!
  • I complimented my chemistry professor, who's from Germany, "Sir, you're so effervescent." He replied, "Did you effer see me when I effer vasn't?"
  • A chemistry professor was arguing with his wife. He said, "Now see, If you are not a part of the solution then you are a part of the precipitate.
  • A German chemistry student holds up a small vial of HCn. The professor asks him if he's done with the lab.
    He says, "Yes, professor, this is my final solution."
  • What do you call a fat chemistry professor? A significant figure.
  • TIL that my chemistry professor is a z**... I walked in on him while he was in his lab
  • Two quantum mechanics professors had s**... They must have had physical chemistry.

Professor Snape Jokes

Here is a list of funny professor snape jokes and even better professor snape puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did Professor Snape hate Herbology His Lily died.
  • - Professor Snape, why are you m**...? >!\- You have your mother's eyes!!<
  • What's the name of the Hogwarts Professor that has an STI? s**... Snape
Professor joke, What's the name of the Hogwarts Professor that has an STI?

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Professor Jokes with Friends.

What funny jokes about professor you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chairman jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make professor pranks.

Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"

Anyone need a s**... costume for Halloween?

Just dress up as one of my professors, they barely cover anything

A college professor reminds her class of the next day's final exam saying, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever"

A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s**... exhaustion?"
The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

Professor X [sitting in his wheel chair] asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?" Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"

A linguistics professor is lecturing his class

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."

A college professor asks all of his students to yell out stereotypes for a class project

For a class project, a college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.
"Sony!" Yells the blonde girl in the front.

Use any units you'd like (actually happened in a class of mine)

Professor: Anyone want to guess the Earth's magnetic field strength? Use any units you'd like.
Student: *raises hand*
Professor: Yes?
Student: 1 Earth

A student comes to a young professor's office hours...

She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"

Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.

They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.
The day of the makeup test, the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says you may begin the test.
The boys open the final booklet and to their surprise, they each only have one question.
Which tire was flat?

Double Positives.

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"




Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.

Professor: April, you are failing my class.

April: Oh, Professor. My parents will be so mad. I'm sure we can fix this. I'll do annnything to pass.
Professor: {gulp} anything?
April: YES! Anything you can dream up.
Professor: Will you…… study?

My dog, Grandpa

The other day, my professor asked me what I'd name my dog if I got one.
I said, well I'd name him Grandpa.
That way, when people asked how my day was, I can say things like:
Oh man, I forgot to feed Grandpa today.
I feel bad for leaving Grandpa outside last night.
Grandpa pooped in the living room again.
I had to put grandpa down today.
Grandpa ran away again.
I caught Grandpa h**... my friend's leg again.
And people who don't know me, won't know what I'm talking about.

A visitor to Harvard asks a professor...

A visitor to Harvard asks a professor, "Excuse me, but would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at?"
"Sir," came the sneering reply, "at Harvard we do not end a sentence with a preposition."
"Well, in that case, forgive me," said the visitor. "Permit me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the Harvard Library is at, j**...?"

My professor called me into his office.

"Your essays are good", he said. "But you need to come up with more reliable sources for the quotes you use."

"But sir," I started, "a man once said 'It is not the speaker that defines the merits of the words, but the words themselves.'"

He sighed. "Who did? Who said that?"

"Dave69 on Pornhub."

I got caught cheating on my physics exam. Furious, my professor said to me "I hope you understand the gravity of the situation".

But if I had known that, I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.

Student walks into professor's office

She says, "I'm just not doing very well in your class. I was wondering if there was anything I could do to raise my grade?"
The professor looks her up and down and asks, "What are you willing to do to raise your grade?"
"I'd do *anything*," she answers coyly, playing with her hair.
"Anything?"
"*Anything*!" she repeats with a knowing grin.
"Would you....study?"

Did you hear about the professor who could tell the acidity or baseness of a solution by dipping his g**... into it?

He had a PH D

A linguistics professor says

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

Students are smart

Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?
Student: No
Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?
Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn't put it in.

There was an old professor who started every class with a v**... joke.

After one particularly n**... example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of w**... in India?
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
Wait, ladies, cried the professor, The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!

At a frat party, a young man fell off the balcony and tragically passed away

His physics professor came to give a eulogy. He said He was such a brilliant student. Right at the end of his life, he had so much potential.

A student goes up to his professor after class...

A student goes up to his professor after class and asks him to define a dilemma. The professor says "I'll do you one better and give you a perfect example. You're laying in bed n**... with a gorgeous n**... g**... the right of you, and a n**... gay guy on your left. Who do you turn your back to?"

How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Thats what grad students are for

A Blonde Takes a Test

The professor notices a blonde student flipping a coin as she answers the True/False questions. She finishes long before everyone else, and starts flipping the coin again, sometimes changing her answers.
When she brings her test to the front, the professor asks, "Why were you flipping that coin?"
She responds, "I was checking my answers."

A group of engineering students and their professor were given free airline tickets to go on a holiday...

Once they boarded the plane, the captain announced that they would be flying on a plane that the students had built.
Every one of the students panicked and left the plane, except for the professor. When the flight attendant asked the professor why he hadn't left the plane too he responded "I know the abilities of my students quite well... this s**... won't even start".

I asked my professor how long my paper should be. He said it should be like a woman's skirt...

Long enough to cover the subject but short enough to be interesting.

Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah that's cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "OH. MY. GODDD !!!!"

A gorgeous student walks into her professor's office...

She says "Professor I'm really struggling in your class."
He say's "Ok it's good you're here then, what can I help you with?"
"Well I don't quite understand the material but honestly, I would do anything to pass."
"Anything?" He asks.
She leans in close and softly says "Anything."
He leans in closer, almost whispering as he asks:
"Would you, study?"

A college professor is driving home drunk one Saturday night....

When he gets pulled over. The cop comes up to his window and asks him:
"Excuse me sir, you were speeding, you ran a red light and you appear to be drunk, where are you going?"
The professor replies: "I am currently on my way to a lecture concerning the dangers of drinking, smoking and staying up late."
The police officer says: "Who could possibly be giving that kind of lecture at this time?"
The professor responds: "My wife."

A beautiful college professor reminds her student of the big test tomorrow

She says "You cannot be absent unless you are wounded, seriously ill or you have a sudden death in the family." One boy asks "But what about extreme fatigue from a hot night of s**...?" When the class is done laughing the professor smiles and says
"In that case you can write with your other hand."

Annoyed by the professor of anatomy

who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."

A professor said that

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department...

...and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"

"I'll do ANYTHING for an "A" in this class!"

"ANYTHING?!?" the professor asked.
"Yes," she said, "ANYTHING!"
"Will you . . . . study?"

A professor was teaching a languages course

"In English" he said, "A double negative makes a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right"

After a terrible night, two professors have to run through campus while n**......

As they run, the first guy covers his g**... and the second covers his face. The first guy asks the second, "Are you not ashamed of your indecency?"
The second guy responds, "Yeah... But, I don't know about you, but more people recognize me by my face than by my g**..."

A professor is giving his class a lesson about languages.

He says, "In some languages, a double negative stays negative, while in English, a double negative becomes a positive. There is no language, however, where a double positive becomes a negative."

A student at the back of the class says, "Yeah, right."

In law school...

Professor: What is fraud?
Student: If you don't let me pass the exam, you've committed fraud.
Professor: (surprised) how so?
Student: According to the law, those who take advantage of others' ignorance to cause them losses are committing fraud.

The creative writing students all shifted a little uneasy as they realized they had clearly picked the wrong professor

My biology professor's favorite joke

What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear an enzyme!

I asked my German professor...

..."can you tell me how many credit hours of German this school offers?"
She replied, "nine."
"Well, thanks anyways," I said.

One time my math professor asked everyone in class to write a complex number on their forehead

You could probably imagine the expressions on our faces.

Other students come by train

A student to his father:
Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son
Next day, an answer comes:
My dear son,
I transferred 20M€ to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly.
Your loving father.

My professor asked me to define narcissism

I said "It's the belief you are as perfect and infallible as I am."

A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"

A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.
When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.
"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.
"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.

A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University ...

A Texan arrived for his first day at Harvard University and found himself lost in the yard. He stopped a professor who was walking by and said to him, "Howdy Pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor couldn't believe his ears. "What did you say?" he said.
The Texan again said, "Howdy pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at?"
The professor became indignant, "You can't talk like that at Harvard University. I mean, you've ended your sentence with a preposition. Try to do better!"
The Texan shuffled for a second and said, "Well pardner, could y'all tell me where that there library is at...a**...!"

"What would a peaceful death be like?" asks the professor

"The same way my grandfather died" The student replies
"And how died your grandfather?"
"He fell asleep"
"Nice answer. And what would be a terrible death?"
"The way that my grandfather's friends died"
"And how died your grandfather friends?
"They were in the car with my grandfather when he fell asleep"

i watched my classmate m**... our professor with a calculator

it was graphic

Professor opened with this in first year engineering lecture: What do engineers use for birth control?

Their personalities

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year

than a professional athlete earns in a whole day.

How to stay in class

A college student walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day. Our calculus instructor has to be one of the most difficult professors on the campus," the student says. "If she wasn't so drop-dead gorgeous I would have dropped the class already." "So I guess you could says she's easy on the eyes," the bartender says. "But hard on the pupils?"

The s**... is made up of Glucose........

MBBS Professor:
The s**... is made up of Glucose, the same material Sugar is made of.
A Girl raised her hand:
"Then why doesn't it
taste like Sugar?"
Suddenly silence in hall.
Girl:Oops.
Then Professor's reply was also a Medical master piece:
My dear, Thats because, the taste buds are located on the tip of your Tongue and not at the end of your t**...
Killer .

"Students nowadays are so clueless", the math professor complains to a colleague.

"Yesterday, a student came to my office hours and wanted to know if General Calculus was a Roman war hero..."

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

About Language...

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."

A dilemma

A student asked his english professor, "What is the definition of a dilemma." "The professor said, "well, there's nothing better than an example to illusrate that! "Imagine that you are laying in a bed with a beautiful n**... young woman on one side and a gay man on the other." "Who are you going to turn your back on?"

4 college students are having a great time on spring break.

So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"

Black sheep

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child.

The Final Exam

The weekend before their big history final, four college buddies decided to go to St. Louis to party with friends. However, after partying all night, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Springfield until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking their history final then, they decided to find their professor after it was over and explain to her why they had missed it.
They had gone to St. Louis for the weekend, they told her, and had planned to come back in time for the test, but on the way back, they'd taken a short cut down a dirt road and had had a flat tire. They didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time and as a result they missed the final.
The Professor thought about it awhile and then agreed they could make up the final the following day.
The guys were elated. They studied together that evening and, the next morning, arrived for the test. The professor placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.
They looked at the first problem. It asked:
"(For 5 points) On what date was the Declaration of Independence ratified?"
"Cool," they thought at the same time, each in his separate room. "This test is going to be a breeze."
Each wrote July 4, 1776 and then turned the page.
On the second page was written:
"(For 95 points): Which tire?"

The Albino and the Black Sheep

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child.
The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"
The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Ok, ok, you no tell anyone, I no tell anyone."

A professor makes a bet with a student

A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.
Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?
The student having no idea hands the professor $1.
Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?
The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.
Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?
The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.

A good, short oldie to end your Monday

A professor is working in his office during his open hours. It's only a week away from the final exam, so he thinks nothing when one his students comes in. That is, until he sees she's in a short skirt, a low cut top, and closes the door behind her.
She quickly takes a seat and leans over the desk, saying, "Professor, I *really* need to pass this class. If I pass this exam, I'll pass the class, so I really need your help. It's very important to me. I mean, I would do *anything* to pass this exam."
She reaches out and touches the professor's hand lightly. The professor raises an eyebrow and glances at the closed door. He clears his t**... and leans in.
"Anything?" he asks.
"Anything," she nods.
He takes in a deep breath and then asks, "Would you . . . study?"

Why did a mathematician named his dog Cauchy?

Let me test math awareness of this sub. This was told by a professor in a class.
Answer: because it left residue at every pole!

Professor joke, Why did a mathematician named his dog Cauchy?

jokes about professor