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Professional Jokes

134 professional jokes and hilarious professional puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about professional that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article features humor for the workplace. Explore professional jokes geared towards medical, tax, golf, administrative, and finance professionals. Discover the funniest quips and gags to lighten the atmosphere and add wit to your work. Let the worrier within you take a backseat and enjoy a laugh at work!

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Popular Professional Short Jokes

Short professional jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The professional humour may include short expert jokes also.

  1. How can you tell if a Redditor isn't a native English speaker? They'll inform you after three paragraphs of professional English.
  2. Whats the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief? An amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!"
    A professional thief says, "sign here please.."
  3. TIL that after starring in 21 Kevin Spacey tried to play Blackjack professionally and lost all of his money. Kept hitting on 17.
  4. What does a Chicago police officer and a professional skateboarder have in common? They both shred footage.
    (*be gentle, it's my first time.*)
  5. So tim tebow just hit a home run in his first professional at bat But he had no idea what to do once he got to third base.
  6. "What is your biggest weakness?" asked the interviewer. I said, "Spiders."
    He said, "Professional ones?"
    I said, "I don't know, I've never seen one in a suit before."
  7. I wanted to become a professional sperm donor I already had my slogan ready: "Wait till you get a load of this guy!"
  8. I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but failed. Good players are hard to find.
  9. If professionals make difficult tasks look easy, what do you call someone who makes easy tasks look difficult? A coworker
  10. America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole day.

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Professional One Liners

Which professional one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with professional? I can suggest the ones about practitioner and career.

  1. Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
  2. My dad is a professional Russian roulette player. He only lost once.
  3. So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally I think she's a keeper
  4. A limbo professional walks into a bar He is immediately disqualified
  5. A professional limboer walks into a bar. He was disqualified from the competition.
  6. I tried to enter an ugly competition.. and was told sorry no professionals!
  7. I am a professional counterfeiter. I even have the certificates to prove it.
  8. Professional women's soccer is so boring. Why am I even jerking off to this?
  9. I tried to be a professional blacksmith for a living... But I was arrested for forgery.
  10. What do you call a sarcastic canine medical professional? A dog, duh.
  11. What do you call two healthcare professionals hanging out? A paramedics.
  12. I won't vaccinate my kids. I'll leave that to a professional.
  13. Keep away from professional dermatologists.. They make rash decisions
  14. Why don't snakes ever bite lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  15. What kind of contractors do cannibals like? Seasoned professionals

Medical Professional Jokes

Here is a list of funny medical professional jokes and even better medical professional puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I always assumed you took off your pants during a prostate exam But apparently that's "not appropriate for a medical professional".
  • What do you call a group of medical professionals who navigate around the Horn of Africa without being accosted by pirates? Doctors without boarders.
  • My new family doctor wrote me a prescription ... and I was able to read all of it perfectly, disappointed by how underqualified medical professionals are these days.
  • I would never vaccinate my own child because of all the complications Thats why I leave it to the certified medical professionals to do it.
  • If I were to ever become a parent, I would never vaccinate my kids... I'd get my doctor do it because I am not a medical professional.
  • I decided to treat my girlfriend, but she ended up dying... Apparently "cancer" is best left to "medical professionals"
  • You should not vaccinate your children. You should have a medical professional do it.
  • My Grandmother always wanted to be a medical professional She finally made it into medical school after 60 years. Rest in peace Grandma
  • I want to form a law practice specializing in s**... harassment suits against medical professionals... I'll call it "Doctors Without Boundaries"
  • Doctor: Come on, lots of medical professionals sleep with their patients Wife: d**..., John, you're a veterinarian!

Professional Boxer Jokes

Here is a list of funny professional boxer jokes and even better professional boxer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Did you hear that Mike Tyson just got a job at Amazon? He just really wanted to be a professional boxer again.
  • I organized a dozen professional boxers to stand in a row and hit anyone that got near them That was my best punchline ever
  • I'm always extra nice to the guy who used to deliver my mail. I'd hate to get into a fist fight with an ex-professional mail boxer.
  • I heard the professional boxers are among the highest paid people in the world Apparently my bosses at Amazon didn't get the memo
  • I was a professional boxer. Then I picked up Muay Thai just for kicks.
  • what do professional boxers and sugary candies have in common? they both make you lose your teeth
  • In honor of Mole Day: Why did the mole keep getting confused for a professional boxer? He was always making holey fields.
  • A professional boxer has to fight a rookie. Right before the match begins, the rookie exclaims ''I think I can take that guy blindfolded!'' His coach replies "But what if he is not blindfolded?"
  • I am professional boxer Floyd Mayweather. AMA
  • Why don't professional boxers have s**... before a fight? They probably don't like each other.
Professional joke, Why don't professional boxers have s**... before a fight?

Professional Wrestler Jokes

Here is a list of funny professional wrestler jokes and even better professional wrestler puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the worst thing about being a professional alligator wrestler? You have to start off by being an amateur alligator wrestler.
  • What's the difference between a superhero and a professional wrestler? Superheroes fight for a just cause; wrestlers fight just 'cause.

Hire Professional Jokes

Here is a list of funny hire professional jokes and even better hire professional puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help. I told her I don't have the money to hire a hitman.
  • I recently started remodeling my house and quickly got in over my head, so I decided to get some professional help. I also hired a contractor to work on my house.
  • Why did the company hire the glutton? Because he was a *consume*ate professional!
  • I really don't like hiring "professional" kitchen re-modelers... I find they are always counter-productive.
  • m**... is like... DIY s**... and can save you money from hiring a professional.
Professional joke, m**... is like...

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about professional can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of professional puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Quirky and Hilarious Professional Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about professional you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean prod jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make professional prank.

I am trying to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it is turning out to be really difficult.

Good players are hard to find.

America, a land ...

where many people think the moon landings were fake but professional wresting is real.

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist...

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.
The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent e**.... It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."
When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.

Tom had been a compulsive worrier for years...

...until he found a way to overcome this problem.
His friends noticed the dramatic change.
"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."
"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.
'I haven't had a single problem since."
"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"
"Tom replied, "That's his problem."

This Joke Is A Real Lemon

A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.
So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'

Professional boxers usually will abstain from s**... the night before a big fight....

...you might find this hard to believe, but they don't really like each other." - Jimmy Carr

Blondes and Blind Cowboy

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair,
Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
* The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
* The bouncer is a blonde girl.
* I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
* The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
* The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head
and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times

I paid a fish to come over to re-key my guitar, piano and drums.

He was a professional tuna.

A man walks into a pharmacy

A man walks in to a pharmacy &, after several minutes, walks up to the woman behind the counter.
She asked, "How can I help you?"
The man replied, "I need to speak to a male pharmacist."
The woman responded with, "I'm sorry. My sister & I run this pharmacy. There are no males employed here. Sir, how can I help you? I am a pharmacist & I will be professional."
The man pondered over this & then said, "Well. OK. Every day, I have an e**... that lasts for 3 hours. I don't take any pills. It's just a natural occurrence. What can you give me for it?"
The pharmacist thought about it for a moment, then said, "Let me call my sister. Wait right here." She came back a few minutes later & said, "Here's what we can offer you: 1/3 ownership of the store, a company truck, a king size waterbed, & $3000/month living expenses."

I thought of this joke this morning in the shower

A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"

Why do professional boxers not have s**... the night before a big fight?

Because they don't like each other very much.

What award did Chewbacca win his first season as a professional athlete?

Wookie of the year.

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...

An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."
Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a d**... professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"
The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.
The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."
"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"
"The peeling."

Having only ever competed in the 100m dash, what did the professional sprinter say after his first 200m race?

I've finally turned a corner in my career.

A blind man walks into a bar

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"
The man said to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler, and he's blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"
The blind man was silent for a moment and then said, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

A man goes into a job interview

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.
The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"
The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."
The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"
The man is super happy and says "Yay I got a yob!"

An old, blind cowboy wanders into a bar....

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a, very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
"Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A man walks into a psychologist's office

The psychologist says, "Tell me about yourself?"
The man replies, "It is my deeply held belief that I am in fact a moth."
The psychologist is a little surprised, but being a professional, he thinks for a moment and says, "Well, I am sure I can help you overcome that."
Indignant, the man shoots back, "No way! I love being a moth, thank-you very much!"
"So why on Earth did you come in here?"
"Oh, well I was just passing by and I saw your light on..."

A Professional

A man takes a taxi home after a long night of work
The taxi runs a red light
The man says "Be careful, we could've gotten in an accident!"
The driver replies "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi runs another red light
The man tells him to pay attention
The driver answers "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi stops at a green light
"The man screams "WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?!"
"In case another professional drives by."

What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea?

Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:
-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?
-Sure.
-It's pretty much worthless.
-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

I'm not a professional caddy or anything....

but I think Tiger Woods probably should've used a driver.

What's the difference between an IT professional and a polygamist?

The IT guy has two computers in case one goes down, the polygamist has two wives in case one doesn't.

I'm going to start a metal band that writes songs about how important it is to connect with people in your professional network...

...and call it LinkedIn Park.
I'll show myself out now.

Had my medical license revoked today.

Being a medical professional is like being in a minefield. All it takes is one mistep and you can lose it all. I made a one-time mistake and slept with a patient. A co-worker heard her passionate crys and came to find us in the act. Embarrassing be as it was, I never expected to be the end of my career.
12 years wasted as a veterinarian.

TIL Donald Trump personally built the barn for his daughters horses, and apparently he did a better job than most professional barn raisers do.

Guess you could say that makes him a stable Genius.

I met four professional coffee tasters and every one of them was a terrible person.

I don't know how they can sleep at night.

What's the difference between a professional drummer and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

If I had to box a professional athlete.

I would choose a soccer player.

*Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA*

That's to bad eh, they're parents could'nt afford hockey equipment growing up.

What do you call a professional angler?

An afishonado

What professional sport would be more fun to watch if the athletes drank alcohol during?

NASCAR

My best friend is a full-time professional sleep walker.

He's living the dream.

When I was in Thailand I had a driver that ran through all the red lights.

I got mad at him but he said he was a professional driver. When he stopped at a green light I asked why, and he said Just in case there are other professional drivers out there

A man walks into his doctor's office and says: My nose just keeps on running,

But that's not even the worst part about me either, doc. My feet smell an awful lot! Surely you must have a remedy for both.
The doctor replies: Well I'm sorry to tell you there's nothing I can do. It doesn't seem like you need a medical professional, but rather a bio-mechanical engineer!
After a confused look from the man the doctor explains: You've been built upside down.

I have this problem where I hallucinate different types of health professionals,

So I'm seeing a psychologist

3 men go to a hotel late at night

Only one room is left and there is only one large bed to sleep on, the men decide to go and share it.
The morning after...
Man on the left: Guys, I had an awesome dream last night. I hooked up with this smoking hot blonde and got a h**...!
Man on the right: whoa, what a coincidence... I had a similar dream but with a red head!
Man in the middle: That doesn't even touch the dream that I had! I was a professional skier!

My idea of starting a professional Hide and Seek tournament was a total disaster.

Good players are hard to find.

My girlfriend used to date a professional clown before she met me.

I have some big shoes to fill.

"Hello, I'm Peter, professional pickpocket."

...said the man as he handed me my business card.

I Am A Professional Procrastinator. Ask Me Anything

I'll be back to answer your questions in a few minutes.

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"
The man replied, "Oh that's when I went to Yale."
The employer is even more impressed, "That's great, you're hired!"
The man is super happy and says, "Yay, I got a yob!"

A man is home and sees a gorilla hanging on his backyard tree.

So he naturally picks up the yellow pages and calls the Gorilla Removal services. The professional arrives in less than ten minutes, and gets off his van with a pole, a ladder, a dog, a shotgun and handcuffs. He says "I see it's a male gorilla, so I'm taking the ladder up the tree and poke him with this pole. He's gonna fall, and my dog is trained to bite the crouch, so when the gorilla protects his groins, I handcuff him and bring him back to the wild. Hold this gun, please". The man asks "what do I do with it?", and the guy "If I fall from the tree, shoot the dog".

I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.

For the first couple weeks, I didn't earn much money. Then, I decided to rearrange the meat and the snacks in my store. I started earning lots of money. I knew that I would succeed when the chips were down and the steaks were high.

Since professional piano players are called pianist

then why aren't race car drivers called racest

Why don't professional fighters have s**... the night before a big fight?

They probably don't like each other.

A farmer posted on his local subreddit that he was looking to hire help to fix his fence...

The farmer's wife asked him, Why would you look to hire someone from the internet? Surely they will not be up to the physical demands of lifting and setting these heavy fence posts!
The Farmer replied We need a professional, and I heard that there is no one more experienced than a Redditor at re-posting.

Stung...

A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.
"I've been stung by a n**... insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."
"Okay," says the woman. "It was at Walmart."

Did you know R Kelly had a chance to become a professional Hockey player?

The only problem was.. is that he never wanted to score after the first period.

A guy in a dimly lit bar turns to the woman next to him and says hey you want to hear a blonde joke?

The woman responds, before you tell your blonde joke, let me tell YOU something. I'm a professional MMA fighter and I'm blonde. The woman next to me is a professional kickboxer and she's blonde too. Oh and next to her, a judo instructor. Also blonde. You still want to tell me that blonde joke?
The man turns back to his beer. Ughh. Not if I have to explain it THREE times.

A professional limbo player walks into a bar

He got disqualified

A blind man walks into a bar.

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

Reality vs LinkedIn

Reality:
I got my driving license
Linkedin:
I am honored and thrilled to announce that I have been selected among the top 5 applicants who participated in professional and the most-respected exam which evaluates the skills and ability to operate fuel-based vehicles. I cannot wait to see what the next chapter holds, and I cannot express my appreciation to the ministry of transportation, Wendy's, Google, NASA, my neighbors who supported me during this difficult journey.

Did you hear about the cannibal who used a group of businessmen to make a batch of chili?

I guess he wanted seasoned professionals.

a man walks into a bar and shouts

"who thinks he's badass enough and can beat me in an open fight?"
"I do", answers a man from the corner, 7 feet long, well muscled and looks like a professional boxer or something
Our man looks at him, then turns to the rest and shouts
"who thinks he's badass enough and can beat us two in an open fight?"

A gorgeous woman goes to a Doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse...

"I've been stung by a n**... insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the good doctor. "Our communication is privileged; I won't tell anyone."
"Okay, It was at Walmart."

Professional joke, A gorgeous woman goes to a Doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci h

jokes about professional

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these professional jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.