The Best 61 Profession Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Profession jokes. There are some profession professional jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these profession vocation puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Profession Jokes and Puns

Professional boxers usually will abstain from sex the night before a big fight....

...you might find this hard to believe, but they don't really like each other." - Jimmy Carr

Its not a profession.

Two people meet at a bar and start talking about work.
The first person says 'so mate, what do you do for a living?'
The second, aroggently puffs out his chest and full of pride says with a smirk 'I sir happen to be an artist'
To which the first person reply's 'hey that's ironic I'm unemployed as well!'

It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

and each student had to write about their dad's profession. Ruby wrote about her dad being a doctor and David wrote about his dad being a construction work.

When the teacher asked Johnny he said, "My dad is a pimp and a drug fiend."

"What?!?! Johnny, be honest. I know that's not what your dad does!"

"You're really gonna make me to tell the entire class that my dad is a banker?!"

Profession joke, It was career day in Elm Park Elementary School...

Last Names.

It's commonly known that a lot of last names originate from an ancestor's profession, or what they were known for, hundreds of years ago.
If your last name is Smith, it's likely one of your ancestors was a blacksmith.
If your last name is Cooper, they may have been a cooper, who were known for making barrels.
If your last name is Dickinson I wouldn't delve too deep into your family history.

What was the first profession to go all digital?

Proctology.


Last Names

Back in olden days, people got their last names by their profession or something they were known for. For example, if your last name is smith, your ancestor was a black smith. If your last name is Carpenter your ancestor was a carpenter. And if your last name is Dickinson I have some bad news

I used to know a very professional scarecrow

He was outstanding in his field.

Profession joke, I used to know a very professional scarecrow

Why do professional boxers not have sex the night before a big fight?

Because they don't like each other very much.

Why can't the professional jenga player have kids?

Because he is the best at pulling out.

I should clean mirrors for a living.

It's a profession I see myself in.

What profession is it important to know how to read lips?

A gynecologist.

You can explore profession carpenter reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean profession trafficker dad jokes. There are also profession puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A professional limboer walks into a bar.

He was disqualified from the competition.

Keep away from professional dermatologists..

They make rash decisions

Which profession has the worst sense of humour?

Well, chiropodists like *corny* jokes.
But opticians like them *cornea*.

Professional women's soccer is so boring.

Why am I even jerking off to this?

After seven years of medical training and hard work

my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion.
He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession.
What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

Profession joke, After seven years of medical training and hard work

After seven years of medical training and hard work, my very good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion and I think it's outrageous . He slept with one of his patients and now can no longer work in the profession that he loves

What a waste of time, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

Devastated. A very sad day today. After seven years of training in the medical fields and hard work, a very good friend of mine was fired after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his clients and can now no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money...

A genuinely nice guy and an absolutely brilliant mortician.

I am a professional counterfeiter.

I even have the certificates to prove it.


Why are IT professionals bad at being therapists?

Patient: I just have too many problems in my life.

IT professional: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

A Professional

A man takes a taxi home after a long night of work
The taxi runs a red light
The man says "Be careful, we could've gotten in an accident!"
The driver replies "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi runs another red light
The man tells him to pay attention
The driver answers "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi stops at a green light
"The man screams "WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?!"
"In case another professional drives by."

What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea?

Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.

This made me smile for days

Absolutely devastated.
A very sad day today. After 7 years of medical training and hard work, a very good friend of mine has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients (they were good friends) and can now no longer work in the profession he loves. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

I'm not a professional caddy or anything....

but I think Tiger Woods probably should've used a driver.

The Cardiologist's Funeral

A renowned cardiologist passed away, and all his friends from the same hospital attended his funeral. In order to pay tribute to his profession and his passion, he was buried in a coffin shaped like a heart.

After the service, it was noticed that one of the doctors was smiling. When asked why, he said "Oh, I'm just imagining my own funeral. I'm a gynecologist, you see."

A cop pulls over a miner and asks

"Sir, whose car is this? Where are you headed? What do you do as a profession?"

And the miner replies "Mine."

The worst thing about being a profession skier...

...is that your career can only go downhill

A sad day for a doctor

After 7 years of study, training and hard work, a member of the medical profession has been fired after one minor lack of judgment. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.

What a waste of time, effort, training and money. This shows that one minor mistake can ruin your career. Praying for him and his family. He was a genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant veterinarian.

Professional female athletes are tasty

because they're chick contenders

They fired my friend, doctor, for sleeping with his patient

After 7 years of studying, they fired my friend, doctor. He slept with his patient and can no longer carry out his profession for this. So much effort, time, money, and hop, it's just a one little mistake that makes you lose everything. Dave, I stand by you, you are still a wonderful person and an excellent veterinarian for me!

I tried to be a professional blacksmith for a living...

But I was arrested for forgery.

My friend got fired recently...

After years of medical training, a friend of mine was fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients, so he can no longer work in his profession. I feel really bad for him because he is a genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

I'm thinking about changing my profession to mirror repair

It's a job I can really see myself doing.

*Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA*

That's to bad eh, they're parents could'nt afford hockey equipment growing up.

What professional sport would be more fun to watch if the athletes drank alcohol during?

NASCAR

I used to be a professional ski athlete

It just went downhill from there

A professional cartoonist died the other day

The details are still a bit sketchy

What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Not, not "Argh." Too obvious.

Not the "C" either. Everyone has heard that one.

"Without a P he's irate hahahahaha!" Blah blah blah. Nope.

Give up?

A letter of marque. It makes his profession semi legitimate, provides for a legal way to store his wealth in his homeland, and allows him to attain social prestige far above his station if successful enough.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Back in the day last name said something about your profession...

The Smiths would hammer away creating armor and weapons as blacksmiths. The Fishers would navigate the seas in search as fishermen. And The Dickinsons, well no one really knew what they did.

I Am A Professional Procrastinator. Ask Me Anything

I'll be back to answer your questions in a few minutes.

Today is a VERY, VERY sad day.

VERY VERY VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 7 years of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He is still paying his school loans. This just goes to show you one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family.

He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.

Why don't professional boxers have sex before a fight?

They probably don't like each other.

My dad asked me why I chose to take up window cleaning as a profession.

I told him it was the only job I could really see myself doing.

A doctor, an engineer, and a politician we're arguing over the oldest profession

The doctor said "in the Bible, Eve was made from Adam's rib, so the first profession was a surgeon." The engineer said, "God made the earth from chaos in 7 days, so engineering is the first profession." The politician said, "who do you think you made the chaos?"

A teacher is teaching a 5th grade class on Zoom.

The teacher says to Susie, "Tell the class why you want to be a teacher."

Susie says, "Actually, I want to be a stripper."

The teacher asks, "A stripper? I thought you wanted to do my noble profession."

Susie says, "That was before I saw your tiny apartment."

I can't believe my parents support my choice of profession!

I told them that I wanted to become a stand-up comedian.

They laughed at me.

Since professional piano players are called pianist

then why aren't race car drivers called racest

It's disgraceful that in 2020 the train-driving profession is overwhelmingly male-dominated. Surely it's...

a woman's right to choo-choos.

Why don't professional fighters have sex the night before a big fight?

They probably don't like each other.

If professionals make difficult tasks look easy, what do you call someone who makes easy tasks look difficult?

A coworker

What did the prostitute say when asked her profession and state of residence?

Idaho

The Man Who Needed Help.

So, a man walks into a Physiatrist office, he is wearing no clothing, but he is wrapped from head to toe in Saran wrap...

He asks the Shrink if in his profession opinion the man is okay.

The Physiatrist say; "Well I can clearly see your nuts!".

The man in Cling wrap turns around too walk about before sarcastically blurting out; "Woah, Thanks Doc...", then walked out of the Physiatrist office.

The Physiatrist looks at his receptionist and say's; "Did you see that ASSHOLE!".

Two professional limbo players walk into a bar.

You really would've thought they'd have ducked.

A professional limbo player walks into a bar

He got disqualified

A man told the doctor, "My wife's pregnant, but we haven't had sex in over a year. I don't understand it."

The doctor said, "It's what we in the medical profession call a grudge pregnancy."

"What's a grudge pregnancy?" asked the man.

The doctor replied, "Well, somebody's obviously had it in for you."

a professional pickup line

A guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting by herself at the bar. He sits next to her and, before he can say a word, she turns to him and says, "I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, for any reason." "What a coincidence," he replies. "I'm a lawyer, too."

My friend had an affair with a patient. Worked so hard to achieve his degree and one mistake means he lost everything.

A great loss to the veterinary profession.

I tried to be a professional body builder once

But i lost my whey

I used to be a Professional Digresser

but that career went off track.

Why do professional bakers and chefs always use butter?

Because there's no margarine for error.

What profession has the most retention?

Morticians. They are very deadicated.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the profession circumciser jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working profession oldest profession piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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