Prof Jokes
101 prof jokes and hilarious prof puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prof that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Prof Short Jokes
Short prof jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prof humour may include short prov jokes also.
- What do you call a Frenchman that wears sandals? Phillipe Floppe
Courtesy, my Neuroscience Prof.
- Hey Prof, what can I do to improve my grade? Prof: um... it's May
Me: LOL, sorry, what MAY I do to improve my grade? - Talking about the American Dream in a college class and the prof asks: To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."
- Prof to the student: Did you study geography? Student: Yes sir.
Prof: so, tell me, where is Kentucky?
Student: At page 35 prof. - Prof.: There are no dumb questions! Prof.: "Are there any questions? There are no dumb questions!"
Student: "Do cows sweat more under the black dots than under the white ones?"
Prof.: "Wow..." - I read an interesting sociology paper about how your name can affect your career choices. Written By Prof. Nominative Determinism.
- In Electromagnetic theory lecture Prof Bhatt : What is BxA for a thin straight current carrying conductor?
Me : Wired Flux.
Bhatt : Ok. - A Psychology prof is helping his students review material for an exam. "Does Pavlov ring a bell?"
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Prof One Liners
Which prof one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prof? I can suggest the ones about prob and prim.
- I asked my philosophy prof about Nihilism He said it was all pointless.
- What did Professor Oak say before he got into a fight DON'T PROF. OAK ME
- My stats prof is so romantic... He keeps talking about his Bayes' Theorem
- What's a good book for a short trip? *The Benefits of Brexit*, by Prof. Figel Narage.
- My prof is gay, I said hooray! Because hey, I'm gonna get an A.
- My physics prof keeps mentioning erections Guess she's just missing the D
Hilarious Fun Prof Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about prof you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prom jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prof pranks.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
I was a professional boxer.
Then I picked up Muay Thai just for kicks.
Its not a profession.
Two people meet at a bar and start talking about work.
The first person says 'so mate, what do you do for a living?'
The second, aroggently puffs out his chest and full of pride says with a smirk 'I sir happen to be an artist'
To which the first person reply's 'hey that's ironic I'm unemployed as well!'
What was the first profession to go all digital?
Proctology.
My professor proposed we start a Pessimists Club on campus...
I told him it would never get off the groud
I used to know a very professional scarecrow
He was outstanding in his field.
The Three Professors
Three professors are arguing over who is the best at teaching.
The first professor boasts, "I teach so well, my students never ask any questions. This proves they understand me immediately!"
The second professor responds, "Nonsense! I teach so well, my students never ask questions OR take notes. It's clear they remember the lesson instantly!"
The third professor grins and says, "You're both amateurs. I teach so well, my students don't even have to show up to class!"
My CS Professor dropped this on us today...
What's the difference between a CS degree, an IT degree, a Fine Arts degree, and a pepperoni pizza...?
A Fine Arts degree can't feed a family.
Professor opened with this in first year engineering lecture: What do engineers use for birth control?
Their personalities
What is a professors favourite snack?
Academia Nuts.
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.
He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
Why can't the professional jenga player have kids?
Because he is the best at pulling out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I think the most profound advice my father ever told me was...
"Stop using me in your b**... stories."
4 college students are having a great time on spring break.
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yes, I'm a professor. I teach i**... 101 and my wife is the only student.
She's getting a D
My professor told me my writing reveals my erudite nature.
I explained that my birthstone is actually amethyst.
My professor asked me to define narcissism
I said "It's the belief you are as perfect and infallible as I am."
The professor gave me a C on my Latin exam...
Aced it!
What profession is it important to know how to read lips?
A gynecologist.
A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"
A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.
When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.
"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.
"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.
I really don't want to be a professional web developper
Selling my
feels wrong.Keep away from professional dermatologists..
They make rash decisions
Which profession has the worst sense of humour?
Well, chiropodists like *corny* jokes.
But opticians like them *cornea*.
professor gave us a 2000 word essay...
So I gave him two pictures.
My professor called me into his office.
"Your essays are good", he said. "But you need to come up with more reliable sources for the quotes you use."
"But sir," I started, "a man once said 'It is not the speaker that defines the merits of the words, but the words themselves.'"
He sighed. "Who did? Who said that?"
"Dave69 on Pornhub."
Professor: What inspired you to write this essay?
.... the due date
A professor was teaching a class of hyperintelligent youngsters on Game Theory
"To get an A in the test tomorrow your score will have to be as close as possible to 2/3s of the average score of the class."
Afterwards everyone signed up for the test.
The test was the next day.
No one showed up.
My professor accused me of plagiarism
His words, not mine.
My professor asked me to give an example of a word whose definition got reversed.
I literally had no answer.
I own a very profitable bakery
I guess you could say, i'm rolling in the dough
I am a professional counterfeiter.
I even have the certificates to prove it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There was an old professor who started every class with a v**... joke.
After one particularly n**... example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of w**... in India?
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
Wait, ladies, cried the professor, The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!
My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet...
The black objects absorb more.
Why are IT professionals bad at being therapists?
Patient: I just have too many problems in my life.
IT professional: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
A Professional
A man takes a taxi home after a long night of work
The taxi runs a red light
The man says "Be careful, we could've gotten in an accident!"
The driver replies "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi runs another red light
The man tells him to pay attention
The driver answers "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi stops at a green light
"The man screams "WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?!"
"In case another professional drives by."
What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea?
Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.
My professor wanted me to write an essay on existentialism...
So I passed in a blank sheet of paper
I'm not a professional caddy or anything....
but I think tiger woods probably should've used a driver.
A professor makes a bet with a student
A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.
Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?
The student having no idea hands the professor $1.
Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?
The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.
Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?
The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.
Profit & Loss Statement
Wife asks:
"Why is it that in all marriages the bride sits on the left side and the groom sits on the right?"
Husband's reply:
"Have you ever seen a Profit & Loss Statement? It follows the same logic. All income is posted on the Right and expenses are on the Left!"...
A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...
The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."
How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Thats what grad students are for
Professor: I'm going to have to report you for plagiarism.
His words, not mine.
Professional female athletes are tasty
because they're chick contenders
Why did Professor X take on an insect as a student when it couldn't talk?
Because it was a mute ant.
I tried to be a professional blacksmith for a living...
But I was arrested for forgery.
Prof.X died the other day whilst hooked up to his mind machine.
As a consequence, everyone on earth was frozen in time.
It's a terrible condition... Cerebro Pausey
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
*Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA*
That's to bad eh, they're parents could'nt afford hockey equipment growing up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As a professional s**... educator I have frequently teach kids that the "pull-out method" is almost 90% effective when I do it right.
That or I'm shooting blanks
What professional sport would be more fun to watch if the athletes drank alcohol during?
NASCAR
My professor said to put my name on the top of my paper
I was super confused. It was just too thin!
I used to be a professional ski athlete
It just went downhill from there
A professor in South africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.
Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.
A professional cartoonist died the other day
The details are still a bit sketchy
When I professed my love to a female friend she told me she loved me like a brother...
We are from the south so things are going good.
I Am A Professional Procrastinator. Ask Me Anything
I'll be back to answer your questions in a few minutes.
Professor X to JK Rowling:
Professor X: "What's your power?"
JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."
Gay Professor X: "Interesting."
If your professor dies during your online class, what grade would you get?
An F.
To pay respects.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If a professional piano player is a pianist..
..then a professional race player is a racist?
*rap musicians scurrying about*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
- Professor Snape, why are you m**...?
>!\- You have your mother's eyes!!<
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't professional boxers have s**... before a fight?
They probably don't like each other.
A professor in a Logic class says "Alright class, if you know what 'affirming the consequent' means, then raise your hand."
A student raises her hand.
The Professor says "Ah, yes. You know what it is?"
The student says "No, why would you think so?"
If professionals make difficult tasks look easy, what do you call someone who makes easy tasks look difficult?
A coworker
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the professor say when the Urology student did not know the technical name for pee?
u**... idiot.
Professor: April, you are failing my class.
April: Oh, Professor. My parents will be so mad. I'm sure we can fix this. I'll do annnything to pass.
Professor: {gulp} anything?
April: YES! Anything you can dream up.
Professor: Will you…… study?
A professor was starting to read and grade the immense stack of term papers on his desk....
....when a young man approached his desk.
Here's my paper, sir, said the student.
I'm sorry, young man. That paper was due yesterday, and I do not accept late submissions.
Well, excuse me, sir, the student said, haughtily. Do you know who I am?
No, I do not, replied the professor.
Good! the student answered gleefully, as he hastily stuck his paper into the middle of the stack and beat a hasty retreat.
Two professional limbo players walk into a bar.
You really would've thought they'd have ducked.
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
Two professors were at an award ceremony.
An interviewer approached them.
"Sorry to ask but everyone has been wondering, which one of you is cleverer?"
The first professor smiled modestly.
"I don't want to boast. But i also don't want to be dishonest...."
The second professor interrupted
"And yet you've managed to do both!"
Professor X: What's your superpower?
Me: Foresight
Professor X: You know that redditors were expecting a hindsight joke repost?
Me: Yes I knew that.
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah that's cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "OH. MY. GODDD !!!!"
A professor dreams that he steps on a rusty nail
After waking up, he puts a bandage on his foot. At work another professor notices the bandage and asks about it. After hearing the explanation he says: "That is exactly the kind of thing why normal folks think academic people are nutty. Why on earth did you go to sleep with bare feet?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.
A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a professional pickup line
A guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting by herself at the bar. He sits next to her and, before he can say a word, she turns to him and says, "I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, for any reason." "What a coincidence," he replies. "I'm a lawyer, too."
Professor X [sitting in his wheel chair] asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?" Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
I tried to be a professional body builder once
But i lost my whey
