Prof Jokes
103 prof jokes and hilarious prof puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prof that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Best Short Prof Jokes
Short prof puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prof humour may include short prod jokes also.
- What do you call a Frenchman that wears sandals? Phillipe Floppe
Courtesy, my Neuroscience Prof.
- Hey Prof, what can I do to improve my grade? Prof: um... it's May
Me: LOL, sorry, what MAY I do to improve my grade? - Talking about the American Dream in a college class and the prof asks: To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."
- Prof to the student: Did you study geography? Student: Yes sir.
Prof: so, tell me, where is Kentucky?
Student: At page 35 prof. - Prof.: There are no dumb questions! Prof.: "Are there any questions? There are no dumb questions!"
Student: "Do cows sweat more under the black dots than under the white ones?"
Prof.: "Wow..." - I read an interesting sociology paper about how your name can affect your career choices. Written By Prof. Nominative Determinism.
- In Electromagnetic theory lecture Prof Bhatt : What is BxA for a thin straight current carrying conductor?
Me : Wired Flux.
Bhatt : Ok. - A Psychology prof is helping his students review material for an exam. "Does Pavlov ring a bell?"
Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about prof can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of prof puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !
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Prof One Liners
Which prof one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prof? I can suggest the ones about prov and prob.
- I asked my philosophy prof about Nihilism He said it was all pointless.
- What did Professor Oak say before he got into a fight DON'T PROF. OAK ME
- My stats prof is so romantic... He keeps talking about his Bayes' Theorem
- My physics prof keeps mentioning erections Guess she's just missing the D
- What's a good book for a short trip? *The Benefits of Brexit*, by Prof. Figel Narage.
- My prof is gay, I said hooray! Because hey, I'm gonna get an A.
Hilarious Fun Prof Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about prof you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean prop jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make prof prank.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
Professional boxers usually will abstain from s**... the night before a big fight....
...you might find this hard to believe, but they don't really like each other." - Jimmy Carr
Its not a profession.
Two people meet at a bar and start talking about work.
The first person says 'so mate, what do you do for a living?'
The second, aroggently puffs out his chest and full of pride says with a smirk 'I sir happen to be an artist'
To which the first person reply's 'hey that's ironic I'm unemployed as well!'
What was the first profession to go all digital?
Proctology.
My professor proposed we start a Pessimists Club on campus...
I told him it would never get off the groud
I used to know a very professional scarecrow
He was outstanding in his field.
The Three Professors
Three professors are arguing over who is the best at teaching.
The first professor boasts, "I teach so well, my students never ask any questions. This proves they understand me immediately!"
The second professor responds, "Nonsense! I teach so well, my students never ask questions OR take notes. It's clear they remember the lesson instantly!"
The third professor grins and says, "You're both amateurs. I teach so well, my students don't even have to show up to class!"
My CS Professor dropped this on us today...
What's the difference between a CS degree, an IT degree, a Fine Arts degree, and a pepperoni pizza...?
A Fine Arts degree can't feed a family.
Professor opened with this in first year engineering lecture: What do engineers use for birth control?
Their personalities
Why do professional boxers not have s**... the night before a big fight?
Because they don't like each other very much.
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.
He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
A professor is giving his class a lesson about languages.
He says, "In some languages, a double negative stays negative, while in English, a double negative becomes a positive. There is no language, however, where a double positive becomes a negative."
A student at the back of the class says, "Yeah, right."
Why can't the professional jenga player have kids?
Because he is the best at pulling out.
I think the most profound advice my father ever told me was...
"Stop using me in your b**... stories."
4 college students are having a great time on spring break.
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"
My professor asked me to define narcissism
I said "It's the belief you are as perfect and infallible as I am."
The professor gave me a C on my Latin exam...
Aced it!
What profession is it important to know how to read lips?
A gynecologist.
A Professor Calls "Pencils Down"
A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.
When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.
"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.
"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.
A professional limboer walks into a bar.
He was disqualified from the competition.
Keep away from professional dermatologists..
They make rash decisions
Which profession has the worst sense of humour?
Well, chiropodists like *corny* jokes.
But opticians like them *cornea*.
professor gave us a 2000 word essay...
So I gave him two pictures.
Professional women's soccer is so boring.
Why am I even jerking off to this?
My professor called me into his office.
"Your essays are good", he said. "But you need to come up with more reliable sources for the quotes you use."
"But sir," I started, "a man once said 'It is not the speaker that defines the merits of the words, but the words themselves.'"
He sighed. "Who did? Who said that?"
"Dave69 on Pornhub."
A professor was teaching a class of hyperintelligent youngsters on Game Theory
"To get an A in the test tomorrow your score will have to be as close as possible to 2/3s of the average score of the class."
Afterwards everyone signed up for the test.
The test was the next day.
No one showed up.
My professor accused me of plagiarism
His words, not mine.
My professor asked me to give an example of a word whose definition got reversed.
I literally had no answer.
I own a very profitable bakery
I guess you could say, i'm rolling in the dough
I am a professional counterfeiter.
I even have the certificates to prove it.
There was an old professor who started every class with a v**... joke.
After one particularly n**... example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of w**... in India?
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
Wait, ladies, cried the professor, The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!
My professor just said that the particle of light is like a bullet...
The black objects absorb more.
Why are IT professionals bad at being therapists?
Patient: I just have too many problems in my life.
IT professional: Have you tried turning it off and on again?
A Professional
A man takes a taxi home after a long night of work
The taxi runs a red light
The man says "Be careful, we could've gotten in an accident!"
The driver replies "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi runs another red light
The man tells him to pay attention
The driver answers "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi stops at a green light
"The man screams "WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?!"
"In case another professional drives by."
What did the professional diving roach say to his captain right before being lost to the sea?
Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.
My professor wanted me to write an essay on existentialism...
So I passed in a blank sheet of paper
I'm not a professional caddy or anything....
but I think tiger woods probably should've used a driver.
A professor was teaching a languages course
"In English" he said, "A double negative makes a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right"
A professor makes a bet with a student
A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.
Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?
The student having no idea hands the professor $1.
Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?
The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.
Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?
The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.
A professor asked one of his automotive students if he knew what the definition of "mixed emotions" was...
The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."
How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Thats what grad students are for
Professor: I'm going to have to report you for plagiarism.
His words, not mine.
Professional female athletes are tasty
because they're chick contenders
Why did Professor X take on an insect as a student when it couldn't talk?
Because it was a mute ant.
I tried to be a professional blacksmith for a living...
But I was arrested for forgery.
Prof.X died the other day whilst hooked up to his mind machine.
As a consequence, everyone on earth was frozen in time.
It's a terrible condition... Cerebro Pausey
*Canada's first Professional Soccer team has made it to FIFA*
That's to bad eh, they're parents could'nt afford hockey equipment growing up.
What professional sport would be more fun to watch if the athletes drank alcohol during?
NASCAR
My professor said to put my name on the top of my paper
I was super confused. It was just too thin!
I used to be a professional ski athlete
It just went downhill from there
A professor in South africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.
Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.
A professional cartoonist died the other day
The details are still a bit sketchy
When I professed my love to a female friend she told me she loved me like a brother...
We are from the south so things are going good.
I Am A Professional Procrastinator. Ask Me Anything
I'll be back to answer your questions in a few minutes.
Professor X to JK Rowling:
Professor X: "What's your power?"
JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."
Gay Professor X: "Interesting."
If your professor dies during your online class, what grade would you get?
An F.
To pay respects.
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the test papers and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in.
The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying
"A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
Professor X: whats your super power?
Me: Hindsight.
Professor x: that wont help us.
Me: Yes I see that now
- Professor Snape, why are you m**...?
>!\- You have your mother's eyes!!<
Why don't professional boxers have s**... before a fight?
They probably don't like each other.
A professor in a Logic class says "Alright class, if you know what 'affirming the consequent' means, then raise your hand."
A student raises her hand.
The Professor says "Ah, yes. You know what it is?"
The student says "No, why would you think so?"
Since professional piano players are called pianist
then why aren't race car drivers called racest
Why don't professional fighters have s**... the night before a big fight?
They probably don't like each other.
If professionals make difficult tasks look easy, what do you call someone who makes easy tasks look difficult?
A coworker
Professor: April, you are failing my class.
April: Oh, Professor. My parents will be so mad. I'm sure we can fix this. I'll do annnything to pass.
Professor: {gulp} anything?
April: YES! Anything you can dream up.
Professor: Will you…… study?
A professor was starting to read and grade the immense stack of term papers on his desk....
....when a young man approached his desk.
Here's my paper, sir, said the student.
I'm sorry, young man. That paper was due yesterday, and I do not accept late submissions.
Well, excuse me, sir, the student said, haughtily. Do you know who I am?
No, I do not, replied the professor.
Good! the student answered gleefully, as he hastily stuck his paper into the middle of the stack and beat a hasty retreat.
Two professional limbo players walk into a bar.
You really would've thought they'd have ducked.
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
Professor of linguistics
A professor of linguistics was giving a lecture about double negatives he " in some languages double negative means positive but in others double negative means still means negative , but there is no such thing as double positive meaning negative"
A student from the back was heard shouting "yeah right"
Two professors were at an award ceremony.
An interviewer approached them.
"Sorry to ask but everyone has been wondering, which one of you is cleverer?"
The first professor smiled modestly.
"I don't want to boast. But i also don't want to be dishonest...."
The second professor interrupted
"And yet you've managed to do both!"
Professor X: What's your superpower?
Me: Foresight
Professor X: You know that redditors were expecting a hindsight joke repost?
Me: Yes I knew that.
A professional limbo player walks into a bar
He got disqualified
Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah that's cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "OH. MY. GODDD !!!!"
A professor dreams that he steps on a rusty nail
After waking up, he puts a bandage on his foot. At work another professor notices the bandage and asks about it. After hearing the explanation he says: "That is exactly the kind of thing why normal folks think academic people are nutty. Why on earth did you go to sleep with bare feet?!"
A professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept.
A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.
Professor X [sitting in his wheel chair] asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?" Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
I tried to be a professional body builder once
But i lost my whey
Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!
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Lazy Eye punsThe impact of these prof jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.