Following is our collection of funny Prof jokes. There are some prof exam jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these prof princeton puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
...you might find this hard to believe, but they don't really like each other." - Jimmy Carr
Two people meet at a bar and start talking about work.
The first person says 'so mate, what do you do for a living?'
The second, aroggently puffs out his chest and full of pride says with a smirk 'I sir happen to be an artist'
To which the first person reply's 'hey that's ironic I'm unemployed as well!'
Phillipe Floppe
Courtesy, my Neuroscience Prof.
Proctology.
I told him it would never get off the groud
Their personalities
Because they don't like each other very much.
He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.
Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."
The next class the professor handed the graded tests back out. This student got back his test, his test grade, and $64 change.
He says, "In some languages, a double negative stays negative, while in English, a double negative becomes a positive. There is no language, however, where a double positive becomes a negative."
A student at the back of the class says, "Yeah, right."
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"
You can explore prof theology reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prof professor dad jokes. There are also prof puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I said "It's the belief you are as perfect and infallible as I am."
Aced it!
A gynecologist.
A professor calls pencils down and one students keeps writing.
When the student goes to turn in his exam, the professor tells him "l'm not going to accept this, you didn't put your pencil down when I said to."
"Do you have any idea who I am?" The student says, snobbily.
"I don't have the slightest idea who you are and I don't care," the professor retorted.
"Good." The student replied as he slipped his exam into the middle of the stack and walked away.
He was disqualified from the competition.
They make rash decisions
So I gave him two pictures.
Why am I even jerking off to this?
"Your essays are good", he said. "But you need to come up with more reliable sources for the quotes you use."
"But sir," I started, "a man once said 'It is not the speaker that defines the merits of the words, but the words themselves.'"
He sighed. "Who did? Who said that?"
"Dave69 on Pornhub."
"To get an A in the test tomorrow your score will have to be as close as possible to 2/3s of the average score of the class."
Afterwards everyone signed up for the test.
The test was the next day.
No one showed up.
His words, not mine.
I even have the certificates to prove it.
After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said, Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
Wait, ladies, cried the professor, The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!
The black objects absorb more.
A man takes a taxi home after a long night of work
The taxi runs a red light
The man says "Be careful, we could've gotten in an accident!"
The driver replies "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi runs another red light
The man tells him to pay attention
The driver answers "Don't worry I'm a professional."
The taxi stops at a green light
"The man screams "WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?!"
"In case another professional drives by."
Suffocation, no breathing, this is my last report.
To a student from Germany, "Is there a Germany Dream?" He responded, "There was, but no one liked it."
but I think Tiger Woods probably should've used a driver.
"In English" he said, "A double negative makes a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right"
A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.
Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?
The student having no idea hands the professor $1.
Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?
The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.
Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?
The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.
The student said "watching your mother-in-law drive off a cliff in your new Cadillac."
None. Thats what grad students are for
Student: Yes sir.
Prof: so, tell me, where is Kentucky?
Student: At page 35 prof.
His words, not mine.
But I was arrested for forgery.
Prof: um... it's May
Me: LOL, sorry, what MAY I do to improve my grade?
NASCAR
Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.
We are from the south so things are going good.
I'll be back to answer your questions in a few minutes.
Professor X: "What's your power?"
JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."
Gay Professor X: "Interesting."
Me: Hindsight.
Professor x: that wont help us.
Me: Yes I see that now
They probably don't like each other.
then why aren't race car drivers called racest
They probably don't like each other.
A coworker
April: Oh, Professor. My parents will be so mad. I'm sure we can fix this. I'll do annnything to pass.
Professor: {gulp} anything?
April: YES! Anything you can dream up.
Professor: Will you…… study?
....when a young man approached his desk.
Here's my paper, sir, said the student.
I'm sorry, young man. That paper was due yesterday, and I do not accept late submissions.
Well, excuse me, sir, the student said, haughtily. Do you know who I am?
No, I do not, replied the professor.
Good! the student answered gleefully, as he hastily stuck his paper into the middle of the stack and beat a hasty retreat.
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
A professor of linguistics was giving a lecture about double negatives he " in some languages double negative means positive but in others double negative means still means negative , but there is no such thing as double positive meaning negative"
A student from the back was heard shouting "yeah right"
He got disqualified
Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah that's cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "OH. MY. GODDD !!!!"
After waking up, he puts a bandage on his foot. At work another professor notices the bandage and asks about it. After hearing the explanation he says: "That is exactly the kind of thing why normal folks think academic people are nutty. Why on earth did you go to sleep with bare feet?!"
A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting by herself at the bar. He sits next to her and, before he can say a word, she turns to him and says, "I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, for any reason." "What a coincidence," he replies. "I'm a lawyer, too."
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
r>Girl: "Yeah I was jut kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
But i lost my whey
but that career went off track.
An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Because there's no margarine for error.
Morticians. They are very deadicated.
Scientists.
They reject H0s all the time.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the prof discrete jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working prof chem piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.