You see, it used to get cold outside
Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.
...it'll be a vacuum!
I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...
Conditioner
Customer: No thanks, I'd have no use.
Man: Here is my business card in case you ever do!
Customer: I can't read this, it's too small!
Man: Boy have I got the product for you!
Apparently iTouch kids isn't a good product name.
Oh don't mind him, he's just the product of our times!
Toucan play at that game
His funeral has been postponed until his family get the screw that wasn't included with his KÖFFIN product
Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.
Because it's the only Chinese product that lasted this long.
They cancelled the product when they realized nobody wants to buy something called iTouch Kids.
2 and a half hours of Amazon this and Amazon that... sheesh.
The first American product they tested blew everyone away.
When you're buying salt.
Thanks, but I'm not interested in microscopes right now.
Salesman: That's okay, take my business card anyway.
This text is tiny, I can't read it.
Salesman: Boy, do I have the product for you
And he always stood behind his product
For their 50th wedding anniversary a 70 year old man buys his wife a see through night gown
The next day he goes back to the store and returns it
Cashier: I'm sorry you were unsatisfied with our product. May I ask what was wrong with it?
70 Year Old Man: It was all wrinkled
Steve just got a job at the beverage factory and is getting a tour from the manager on his first day. The manager spends this time explaining the different assembly lines.
"Over here," the manager says, "is the lemonade assembly line. we take the product, package it up and prepare it to ship. To the right we're canning juice concentrates. On this side we have the soda line, bottles and cans and such."
"Wow, you guys produce a lot of drinks," says Steve.
"You bet, name a drink and we probably have an assembly line for it."
"Do you have a punch line?"
"Nope."
Polish Remover
iDoubtit
The first Apple product that doesn't suck
(not hating on apple or anything but i got this joke somewhere)
Ukraine.
Built in Antenna.
It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.
Because I am the product of a real mom and an imaginary father.
iVac
I opened a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
They should have seen it coming. They had a tearable product.
Half and Half
Me: I write product reviews online for mostly everything I buy.
Because you have no money left after buying an Apple product
He wanted to make something nice out of his collection so he brought them to leather tanner. When he goes to pick up his product he's surprised that all his foreskin collection only produced a coin purse. The leather tanner explained that if you rub the coin purse it turns into a duffel bag.
Scent from my iPhone
But the setup takes to long and the final product is mediocre.
...it was basically just a play, on words.
He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zooms out, and inverts itself, showing Phil standing under an airplane ."I'm on an airplane!" The pilot of the plane looks out the window and says,
"Weird Flex but okay."
I was at the shopping mall yesterday and met this 21-year-old girl who was a laundry detergent promoter. She told me she would have sex with me if I advertised her product to all my friends and contacts.
I was sadly amazed and obviously did not accept her offer because I am much older than her and I have strong moral principles and a clean soul.
A very clean soul... almost as clean as your laundry after being washed with the new AXON liquid detergent, super strong, coming with vanilla and lemon flavors for only $4.99.
Seriously, Slim Jims are terrible.
I met an old friend from high school the other day, and I couldn't believe how wealthy he had become. He ran a massively successful business, but could barely get a passing grade in math class when I knew him.
I asked him how he did it.
He said it was easy.
"All I did was find a product I could make for $2 and sell for $4. You'd be surprised just how much 2% adds up over the years!"
when they make a vacuum.
"My business is failing, nobody is buying my product," I told her.
An old man, who was completely naked, overheard and walked over. He said, "That's interesting."
"You are completely naked," I frowned, "There are children on this beach."
He said, "Well at least I know my target market."
A lawyer married a woman who had been divorced five times. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom, "How can that be if you've been married five times?"
"Well, Jim was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be but didn't know how to close.
Kevin was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Edward was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Charles was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Richard was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the Groom, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
New product, same design.
... but that's so much work.
Tamper Bay
They have a gross domestic product.
We exist / Together now
Two corpses / In one grave
Burma-Shave
Apple juice
There is a new slimming product in town.
It is called Brexit. It'll help you lose a lot of pounds.
It's supposed to get rid of dandruff, but it didn't work!
Turns out it's just sham poo.
I offered 20% steak
The regular one says "Made in China".
The fancy one says "Designed in the USA. Made in China."
Wrapping paper.
The product sells itself.
Just watch
It did great in the 12-25 prison stint group though.
I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented IPod after realizing that "ITouch Kids" is not a good product name.
Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.
Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and depth I was looking for. I gave her B marks.
Sasha wrote an paper on why capitalism is a disgusting byproduct of greedy fascists who seek to control the population. Needless to say, I gave him Karl Marx.
Conditioner Gordon.
Apollo cheese for the punchline.
But my buddy Kenwood.
They're really a product I can stand behind!
The iEyeCaptain
Haggis
1.) Make a list
2.) Cross off the first thing on your list
3.) Reward yourself with a nap
Look, eye don't care who cells the product. If it brakes, I won't by it with my hard urned cache!
They bump the price up
Set the location
And spike there product
That's when I saw butter fly.
Yes. It's a global conspiracy.
The Tiki Torch company is running an ad promoting their new product line.
"We stand behind our product"
Because they were under a buck.
I'm calling it: Cadaviar.
The Cross Product
A boar shin.
Swiss cheese, after all it's the holeist!
Roundup, because it kills the *weed*!
And now his watch has ended.
Brochure.
They're calling this new product the "Hypo- ten use"
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