Product Jokes

What are some Product jokes?

Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.

You see, it used to get cold outside

The day Microsoft makes a product that doesn't suck...

Is the day they make a vacuum cleaner.

If Microsoft ever makes a product that doesn't suck...

...it'll be a vacuum!

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

What is Pavlov's favorite hair product?

Conditioner

Man: Hey sir! Could I interest you in a microscope?

Customer: No thanks, I'd have no use.
Man: Here is my business card in case you ever do!
Customer: I can't read this, it's too small!
Man: Boy have I got the product for you!

<> Apple has decided to cancel the children's iPod.

Apparently iTouch kids isn't a good product name.

What did 2 say to 3 about 6?

Oh don't mind him, he's just the product of our times!

What did fruit loops say when launching their product to compete with cheerios?

Toucan play at that game

IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad dies at 91.

His funeral has been postponed until his family get the screw that wasn't included with his KΓ–FFIN product

Why aren't there any fat girls on the boxes of girl scout cookies?

Because good drug dealers don't use their own product.

The Great Wall Of China Is Famous

Because it's the only Chinese product that lasted this long.

Apple came up with a tablet computer with touch screen, geared toward children.

They cancelled the product when they realized nobody wants to buy something called iTouch Kids.

Wonder Woman would have been a much better movie without all the product placement.

2 and a half hours of Amazon this and Amazon that... sheesh.

It's not surprising that the Japanese have adopted so much of American culture.

The first American product they tested blew everyone away.

When is a product with 70% less salt a bad thing?

When you're buying salt.

A salesman approaches you

Thanks, but I'm not interested in microscopes right now.

Salesman: That's okay, take my business card anyway.

This text is tiny, I can't read it.

Salesman: Boy, do I have the product for you

My father sold podiums

And he always stood behind his product

A 70 year old man buys his wife a present

For their 50th wedding anniversary a 70 year old man buys his wife a see through night gown

The next day he goes back to the store and returns it

Cashier: I'm sorry you were unsatisfied with our product. May I ask what was wrong with it?

70 Year Old Man: It was all wrinkled

First Day On The Job

Steve just got a job at the beverage factory and is getting a tour from the manager on his first day. The manager spends this time explaining the different assembly lines.

"Over here," the manager says, "is the lemonade assembly line. we take the product, package it up and prepare it to ship. To the right we're canning juice concentrates. On this side we have the soda line, bottles and cans and such."

"Wow, you guys produce a lot of drinks," says Steve.

"You bet, name a drink and we probably have an assembly line for it."

"Do you have a punch line?"

"Nope."

What is Hitler's favourite beauty product?

Polish Remover

Will Apple ever release a product that lasts for more than a few years?

iDoubtit

Apple is going to release the first smart vacuum cleaner this year

The first Apple product that doesn't suck

(not hating on apple or anything but i got this joke somewhere)

What is Russia's favorite imported product?

Ukraine.

Seems like there are very few products made in America any more. I just bought a TV and it said,

Built in Antenna.

Jello has created a product that deters insects.

It's very effective, but the flavor is OFF-pudding.

I am a complex kid.

Because I am the product of a real mom and an imaginary father.

Apple finally releases a product that doesn't suck

iVac

A new type of product !

I opened a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Perforated Paper Products Inc just went out of business.

They should have seen it coming. They had a tearable product.

What is Thanos' favorite dairy product?

Half and Half

Interviewer: have you done any public service?

Me: I write product reviews online for mostly everything I buy.

An Apple a day keeps the doctor away

Because you have no money left after buying an Apple product

A Rabbi had been saving foreskin

He wanted to make something nice out of his collection so he brought them to leather tanner. When he goes to pick up his product he's surprised that all his foreskin collection only produced a coin purse. The leather tanner explained that if you rub the coin purse it turns into a duffel bag.

You could say the smell of a new Apple product is...

Scent from my iPhone

I would tell you a joke about Ikea furniture...

But the setup takes to long and the final product is mediocre.

So I went to a production about puns today...

...it was basically just a play, on words.

Phil Swift has a new product

He puts on a pair of boots and says, " I present to you the FlexBoots! Now this product may seem like ordinary boots, but with these bad boys you can run up walls, on the ceiling!" He goes on to demonstrate them by walking on random surfaces. "To show you the power FlexBoots", the camera slowly zooms out, and inverts itself, showing Phil standing under an airplane ."I'm on an airplane!" The pilot of the plane looks out the window and says,

"Weird Flex but okay."

A girl asked me to have sex with her

I was at the shopping mall yesterday and met this 21-year-old girl who was a laundry detergent promoter. She told me she would have sex with me if I advertised her product to all my friends and contacts.
I was sadly amazed and obviously did not accept her offer because I am much older than her and I have strong moral principles and a clean soul.
A very clean soul... almost as clean as your laundry after being washed with the new AXON liquid detergent, super strong, coming with vanilla and lemon flavors for only $4.99.

Gas stations should be ashamed for selling a poisonous product that we over-consume and that pollutes the Earth...

Seriously, Slim Jims are terrible.

Successful entrepreneur

I met an old friend from high school the other day, and I couldn't believe how wealthy he had become. He ran a massively successful business, but could barely get a passing grade in math class when I knew him.

I asked him how he did it.

He said it was easy.

"All I did was find a product I could make for $2 and sell for $4. You'd be surprised just how much 2% adds up over the years!"

Apple will make a product that doesn't suck....

when they make a vacuum.

I was on the beach with my wife.

"My business is failing, nobody is buying my product," I told her.

An old man, who was completely naked, overheard and walked over. He said, "That's interesting."

"You are completely naked," I frowned, "There are children on this beach."

He said, "Well at least I know my target market."

The Divorced Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had been divorced five times. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom, "How can that be if you've been married five times?"

"Well, Jim was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be but didn't know how to close.

Kevin was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Edward was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Charles was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Richard was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the Groom, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

What do Porsche and Apple have in common?

New product, same design.

I was thinking of taking the cross product of force and distance, ...

... but that's so much work.

What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida?

Tamper Bay

There is a country whose main export is spiders...

They have a gross domestic product.

If Gravemind from Halo did product placement...

We exist / Together now
Two corpses / In one grave
Burma-Shave

With your current salary what Apple product can you buy?

Apple juice

Brexit

There is a new slimming product in town.

It is called Brexit. It'll help you lose a lot of pounds.

I just bought this hair product that uses bat guano.

It's supposed to get rid of dandruff, but it didn't work!

Turns out it's just sham poo.

I went on shark tank to sell a mixed meat product

I offered 20% steak

What's the difference between a regular product and a fancy one?

The regular one says "Made in China".
The fancy one says "Designed in the USA. Made in China."

What paper product speaks really quickly?

Wrapping paper.

What's the best part of advertising for prostitutes?

The product sells itself.

Apple's next big product is going to be a total fail

Just watch

In a short-sighted rushed effort to reboot the iTouch product Apple decided to market it to schools. Apple named their new product iTouch Kids. It didn't go over well...

It did great in the 12-25 prison stint group though.

Apple scraps a new product...

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented IPod after realizing that "ITouch Kids" is not a good product name.

I just graded a social studies essay on capitalism

Dan, my brightest student, wrote a brilliant essay about how wages and labor are balanced to ensure that a vendor sells his product at a competitive price. I gave him A marks.

Emily wrote an essay that touched upon the fundamentals, but didn't really explain the concepts with the quality and depth I was looking for. I gave her B marks.

Sasha wrote an paper on why capitalism is a disgusting byproduct of greedy fascists who seek to control the population. Needless to say, I gave him Karl Marx.

What is Batman's favourite hair product?

Conditioner Gordon.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a celestial Greek dairy product?

Apollo cheese for the punchline.

I don't like product placement.

But my buddy Kenwood.

I'd like to take this opportunity to endorse podiums

They're really a product I can stand behind!

What is the name of Apple's revolutionary new product that allows elite pirates to see from their eyepatches.

The iEyeCaptain

What is Scotland's gross domestic product?

Haggis

How to be Productive:

1.) Make a list

2.) Cross off the first thing on your list

3.) Reward yourself with a nap

Got called a homophone after leaving a bad review on a store's website.

Look, eye don't care who cells the product. If it brakes, I won't by it with my hard urned cache!

Never buy Drugs from a volleyball player

They bump the price up
Set the location
And spike there product

Dairy product truck clashed and everything inside went flying out.

That's when I saw butter fly.

Did you hear that Rand McNally is trying to increase product sales by hiding evidence of a flat Earth?

Yes. It's a global conspiracy.

Bad news for people planning on boycotting tonight's NFL game.

The Tiki Torch company is running an ad promoting their new product line.

What did the company that makes wooden counters say to their client?

"We stand behind our product"

Why were deer testicles the most popular product at the meat fair?

Because they were under a buck.

I have a new starter business idea that's going to go viral! It's a unique product, created by harvesting the eggs from dead women…

I'm calling it: Cadaviar.

What is Jesus' favorite mathematical operation?

The Cross Product

What's the most controversial animal product?

A boar shin.

What dairy product is the most revered?

Swiss cheese, after all it's the holeist!

What's a Rastafari's least favourite product?

Roundup, because it kills the *weed*!

Did you hear about Jon Snow dropping his new Apple product?

And now his watch has ended.

"Bro, can you give me some kinda book or pamphlet for this location or product, bro?"

Brochure.

Scientists are using a new geometric formula to produce hypodermic needles that can be used up to ten times before being disposed.

They're calling this new product the "Hypo- ten use"

How to make Product jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Product to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Product? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Product pick up lines to share with friends.

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