Producer Jokes
49 producer jokes and hilarious producer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about producer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
These jokes are sure to make any music, record, theatre, or line producer chuckle and get the creative juices flowing! From audition mishaps to silly maker moments, this collection of producer jokes will help you lighten up and have a laugh in the studio. Whether you're the creator or consumer, these jokes are guaranteed to make you smile.
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Funniest Producer Short Jokes
Short producer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The producer humour may include short production jokes also.
- When a maple syrup producer sees a maple tree they don't own, do they think "I'd tap that"?
- My daughter asked why I drink so much beer I told her it's because I actually have a condition that's pretty unfortunate. You see, my body is actually not capable of producing its own alcohol.
- I have an issue getting fair market value when I try to sell gravity. My wife thinks it's because it was mass-produced.
- A struggling SoundCloud rapper decides to get a job as a farmer... He now produces his own beets
- I'm just milking it now. Studies show cows produce more Milk when the Farmer talks to them.
It's a case of in one ear and out the udder. - If trees produced wifi we'd be planting them everywhere... ... too bad they only produce oxygen.
- Did you hear about the new minting machine that produces coins only if you focus intently on it? It makes cents if you think about it.
- Why do catholic nuns have more clothes than other nuns? Because their clothes are mass produced...
- I got kicked out of a grocery store for inappropriate behavior in the produce section. All I did was take a leek.
- My mate lent me $5,000 to produce my idea of a fruit-based torch, then took all credit. He stole my limelight.
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Producer One Liners
Which producer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with producer? I can suggest the ones about provider and creator.
- Why is gravity so cheap? Why Because it's mass-produced.
- What do you call a factory that produces OK products? Satisfactory
- What bee produces milk? A boo-bee
- Which fast food produces the most radiation? >!Fission chips. !<
- If a cow doesn't produce milk... Is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
- Why did the producer of Dirty Jobs get fired? He was a Mike Rowe manager.
- I asked a produce seller from boston if they had a truck. They were like "No, I avocado"
- My cow got Parkinson's Now she only produces milkshakes.
- How did the cow feel when it couldn't produce milk? Udderly useless.
- How do you call the greatest milk ever produced? Legendairy
- If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ... ....Then Soviet
- What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk? A milk dud.
- TIL you need a 3.0 GPA to produce honey You can't produce honey without Bs.
- I had to create a report on how wind energy is produced It was a breeze.
- What do you call a Communist Country who mass produces napkins? The Serviette Union
Music Producer Jokes
Here is a list of funny music producer jokes and even better music producer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- No matter what you think of the celebrities commenting on how we handle the current crisis, you should ALWAYS listen to music producers. They give sound advice.
- Did you guys hear about the music producer who got caught stealing people's music? He got a lot of FLAC.
- Music producers are basically like a pizza business. They both make their dough from mixers.
- What do you call a North Korean dictator who produces music on SoundCloud? Kim Jong Tune
- Your assistant says you have a voicemail from a music producer The DJ Khaled
- What's the best computer for producing music? A Dell.
- Christian music producers The only Christians who know how to use Logic and Reason.
- What do music producers eat for breakfast? Fruity Loops
Record Producer Jokes
Here is a list of funny record producer jokes and even better record producer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was talking to a record producer at the urinals and now I've got a number 1 on my hands
Entertaining Producer Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about producer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean maker jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make producer pranks.
George Clooney, Leonardo Dicaprio and Matthew Mcconaughey got together to make a movie...
George Clooney said, "I'll direct."
Dicaprio said, "I'll produce."
And Matthew McConaughey said, "I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In the original 'Good Will Hunting' script, there is a surprise gay s**... scene between the two straight leads. It was purposely put there as a test to see if studios actually read the script. Harvey Weinstein was the only producer who mentioned the scene
Weinstein said that the s**... scene usually takes place before he approves a movie
A couple who work in the circus go to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.
The couple produce photos of their 50 ft motorhome, which is equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is an expert in paediatric welfare and diet."
The social workers are finally satisfied.
They ask, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as he fits in the cannon"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is s**...?
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's s**...?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
My wife asked me to buy organic vegetables from the market, so I went and looked around and couldn't find any. I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and asked, These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?
The produce guy looked at me and said, No. You'll have to do that yourself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I can produce silver just by sniffing.
Smelt it with my own nose.
**I'll show myself out**
Recently a new supermarket opened nearby
It has an automatic water mist generator to keep the produce fresh.
Just before it starts the mist, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk section, you hear cows mooing and you get the scent of freshly cut hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.
When you approach the egg counter, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more…
Matthew McConaughey, Leonardo DiCaprio and Brad Pitt decide to make a movie together.
Of course, they are going to need roles for each other, but none of them can decide what they want to do. They argue over this for hours, until Leonardo finally decides he wants to direct, since he is the best with cameras. Eventually, Brad Pitt decides he wants to produce, since he's the one with the most money. Now there's only one left; McConaughey. DiCaprio turns to him and says,
Well what does that leave you with?
Matthew thinks about this for a while, until he finally turns to the two of them.
I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.
A biologist, physicist, and a chemist all go to the beach for the first time.
The physicist, upon seeing the majestic waves, exclaims,
"Behold! I wonder how much force the waves of the ocean can produce?"
And so he dives into the water but is never seen again.
The biologist, upon seeing fish in the water, cries out,
"I wonder how many life forms live in the depths below?"
And so he too dives into the water and is never seen again.
The chemist, after having observed everything that happened, then pulls out his lab notebook and writes,
*The physicist and the biologist were both soluble in water.*
Dad joke I came up with at work.
I work at a grocery store produce department. Today there was some misplaced cheese in a cooler. I saw it was sharp provolone. I took it to the deli lady and once she read it I said "be careful, it's sharp."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack", he says, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday".
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger. He says that his dad is m**... Jagger, and it's okay for him to take out all of the money because he is friends with the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says "Sure, have this", and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink, and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty tells him that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. She then disappears into the back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral". She holds up the tiny elephant pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, his old man's a Rolling Stone".
Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?
I wouldn't recommend it.
Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.
It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don't feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.
You'd be better off giving up, to be honest.
A man goes to audition for an anchor position at a local tv station
A man goes to the television station auditioning for an anchor position.
He sits down in front of the camera and begins, soon it is obvious that he has a terrible stutter, and hisleft eye continuously winks.
The producer says, "Thank you for your audition, we'll let you know."
The man says, "W-w-wait a moment, I c-c-can fix this."
He opens his breifcase, and about 200 condoms fall out, he digs deeper and pulls out a bottle of aspitin.
He take a single aspirin, and then re-reads his copy perfectly, his wink having vanished.
The producer is dumbfounded, and he says, "Thanks fantastic, but what's with the condoms?"
The man says, "This is what they give you if you stutter and wink and ask for aspirin at the pharmacy.
This Joke Is A Real Lemon
A barman was very proud of the fact that he could squeeze a lemon so that no more juice would come out of it He made a standing offer of $1000 to anyone who could get more juice out of a lemon after he'd squeezed it. Every night big, burly regulars at the bar attempted to get more juice from a lemon he'd squeezed, but no one could produce so much as a drop. But one night, a little bloke walked in and said he'd heard of the standing offer and would like to try. The barman said 'How do you think you could succeed when all these blokes have failed?' And the little guy said: 'Just give me a chance and I'll show you'.
So the barman, thinking his regulars would enjoy the joke, picked up a lemon and squeezed it. After squeezing all the juice he could out of it, he handed the dried ring to the little bloke and said: 'Here you go.' The little bloke took the lemon and squeezed it and managed to get one, two, three for fix, SIX more drops of juice. Amazed, the barman said: 'Well, here's your $1000. But what do you do for a living? Are you a professional bodybuilder or what?' And the little bloke said: 'No, I work for the Tax Department.'
Mahatma Gandhi...
...walked barefoot a lot, which probably produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. I've heard he also ate very little, which could have made him rather frail. The odd diet he kept leads me to believe he suffered from bad breath. I suppose you could have called him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
