The Best 65 Process Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Process jokes. There are some process questionnaire jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these process consultation puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Process Jokes and Puns
Guy walks into a funeral home
He tells the receptionist, my wife is dying, and i need to buy a gravesite.
Receptionist says, sure, no problem. Just fill out this paperwork and we'll get the process started.
Guy says, well you should know up front this might get complicated. See, my wife weighs 800 pounds.
Ah, the receptionist says. The plot thickens.
A young couple dies on their way to their wedding....
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; Could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer.... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?'
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Yes,' he informed the couple, 'You can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' said the couple. 'But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!!!' St. Peter shouted. 'It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer?
What do you call the process of becoming an honorary Asian?
Orientation.
What do you call the electronic process of making a sandwich?
A sub routine.
A Vampire died and was in the process of being reincarnated...
They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"
"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."
"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."
"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."
**Poof**
He became a maxi pad.
While we still don't know the motivations or the thought process behind the Boston Bombings
I think it's safe to say that the perpetrators are racists.
How do you process a queue of table delete requests for an asynchronous database?
Pop, Lock & Drop It
Proctologist
A guy goes in to his proctologist for a colonoscopy. The doctor has the camera up there, watching the video on the screen. The doctor says, "At this point in the process, it's normal to experience an erection."
The guys says, "But, doctor, I don't have an erection."
The doctor says, "I wasn't talking about *you*."
An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...
When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.
When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.
The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**
"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman
Looking puzzled, his business partner replied
"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"
Rorschach Test
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office for his first appointment. After the initial interview, the shrink decides to ease the man into the process with a simple inkblot test. After a few minutes, however, the shrink calls a halt.
"I think its fairly clear at this point that we're dealing with an Oedipus Complex." says the shrink.
"*I'VE* got an Oedipus Complex?!?" the man bursts out, "*You're* the one with all these pictures of my parents having sex!"
In the process of robbing a bank, a robber's mask came off
He quickly put it back on his face and asked the teller directly ahead of him if she saw his face. She admitted that she did, so he shot and killed her.
He then turned to a man, who just happened to be in the bank at the time of the robbery, then he asked if the man saw his face.
The man replied with, "No, but I'm pretty sure my wife did."
You can explore process rigorous reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean process materials dad jokes. There are also process puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
According to the BBC website, 'cocaine users are getting younger'
I have always avoided illegal narcotics but, now that I've found out that they actually reverse the aging process, I'm going to give them a go.
A guy goes into a bar...
He sits and ask for 2 beers. After he finished them, he take something in his pocket, look at it, put it back and ask for 2 more beers. After he finished them, he did the same process and ask for 2 more beers.
After he did it 4 more times, the bartender intrigued ask the guy what's in his pocket.
- Ohh its just a picture of my wive! When i'm drunk enough to find her attractive I know it's time to go home.
I'm gradually figuring out what the best lighting options are for my house.
It's a process of illumination.
I'm not sure if I have constipation or diarrhoea.
I'll find out by a process of elimination.
Honesty is the best policy
But by process of elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Keep that in mind.
I told my dad that I don't like being a single child.
"I want a brother!" I said.
He said, "Having a child is a long process, your mother and I don't need that right now."
"Maybe you should consider adoption?" I asked.
He said, "No, we're not doing that again."
People who process expired passports are so lazy
they're always cutting corners.
(Joel Dommett)
What do you call the process of a robot clearing its artificial nose?
An olfactory reset.
Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
A man trying to emigrate to Scandinavia found the process too daunting to complete.
He was never Finnished.
A professor once said, "A joke is like a frog....
You can dissect it as much as you want to understand it, but it dies in the process."
I finally got my seat on United!
The whole process was such a drag
What begins with P ends in S and is long and hard?
Process, you pervert.
I asked a red headed friend of mine what I could do to be just like him.
His response was "You have to go through the long and tough process of becoming a redhead." So, as of today, I have started the process of being trans-gingered.
Alzheimer's
An older woman was awaiting the results of a medical exam when her doctor informed her of some upsetting news. "I'm afraid you've got stage 4 cancer."
"Oh my god!" she shrieked.
"That's not all. To make matters worse, you have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease." he said.
She took a moment to process the news. After a few moments passed, relieved, she says "Well thank god I don't have cancer."
What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters?
They just give you a bra and say "Here, fill this out."
Hey girl, are you an obelisk?
Because I'm trying to find out what an obelisk is through process of elimination.
How do you pass a biology test on excretion?
Process of elimination.
What did the old processor say when it was thrown away?
"that megahertz"
Although the cannibalism of the praying mantis may seem severe, it is thankfully brief. In other species, the female will slowly suck the life out of her partner over a period of decades.
This process is commonly called marriage.
Thanks to the tireless work of an elder statesman, possibly one of the most dignified and smartest people in the process, we are starting to normalize relations with North Korea
Let's all give Dennis Rodman a big hand.
Scientists have developed a new, more efficient process for smelting aluminum.
They were thinking outside the bauxite.
There are three ways to respond to I'm pregnant.
You're kidding!
You're kidding.
You're kidding? (This is from a universe where the process of making a child, or kid, is called kidding).
I just got a how-to book for flipping on a lightswitch
It's called *Process of Illumination*.
In the 1600s people in the islamic states invented the condom by using a goat intestine.
A few hundred years later the British refined the process slightly by taking it out of the goat first.
Why do the leaves turn red at the same time each year?
Because the process is autumnated.
I decided to go vegan after visiting the meat production factory.
The livestock conditions were appalling.
The process involving production of Meatballs and Salami was bad.
But wait till you see the one of German sausage. It was the wurst.
Edit : Sweden has already decided to bring in regulations. I'd say they are ahead of the korv.
What's Hitler's favorite mathematical process?
Process of elimination
How many Buddhist monks does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one. But its a long process where the monk keeps telling the bulb that change must first come from within, until the bulb attains enlightenment.
An old woman visits a lawyer to draw up a will. He completes the process and charges her $100. She hands him a crisp, brand new $100 bill and as she turns to leave the lawyer notices another $100 bill stuck to it. His moral dilemma is causing him great discomfort because...
He can't decide if he should tell his partner.
A man's in-laws are causing him severe stress....
It's gotten so bad that he's decided to talk to his doctor about the physical pain he's experiencing. The doctor prescribes him some painkillers and sends him on his way.
A few days later, the man comes back complaining that the painkillers aren't working. The doctor ups his dose and sees him out. This process continues until a few weeks later. The man is visibly happier and healthier. The doctor asks him if the painkillers worked.
"Yep! They're finally dead."
A little girl asks her mom where babies come from.
The mom has been preparing for this so she explains the process using scientifically correct terms but in a way the young girl can understand. Afterwards she asks, "Do you have any questions?"
The little girl thinks for a few seconds and then says, "How does the daddy's sperm get into the mommy? Does she swallow it?"
"Sometimes," says the mom, "If she really wants some new jewelry."
Day 1: Staying home, avoiding social gatherings and eating food in my room
Day 50: Continuing with this process
Day 100: Still feeling okay
Day 2500: Now a global virus has arrived and others are doing what i do.
Why does fruit dislike being preserved?
The process is jarring.
Do you ever wonder if your house is haunted? Follow this easy step by step process to find out for sure!
Step 1: it isn't.
My wife asked me, Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change?
I said, Actually the process is the same. They just have tiny clothes.
My wife asked me if I was surprised by how little people change.
I said I have never seen them change but that I didn't think the process would be any different for them than it is for taller people.
My wife asked me "Are you sometimes surprised at how little people change ?"
I said, "The process is the same. They just have tiny clothes"
What's another term for a sexual fantasy?
A thot process.
Scientists say they may be able to synthesize a completely clean biofuel using the enzymes in finely shredded fungi, such as mushrooms...
Some critics have questioned the ethics of the process, but admit they are comforted by the researchers' strong Morel fibre.
Explaining a Joke is like Dissecting a Frog
Everyone understands it better, but you killed it in the Process.
Since its my cake day
I used to work at a very large balery known for making some of the most exquisite and famous cakes.
These cakes required a very intricate and delicate process to make them and involved a lot of processes and a secret recipe.
However in all my 20 years, the head baker never told me the full recipe only my part required in the preperartion.
He always told me that Bakers only trade recipes on a Knead to know basis.
My cat needed to take some antibiotics recently, so I wrapped it up in ham
When it couldn't run away it made the whole process much easier.
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is painstaking.
A healing priest is in the process of a miracle
Priest: Stand up!
(The man slowly stands up)
Priest: Now walk my child walk!!!
(The man slowly started walking and the crowd was shocked)
The priest then gave the microphone to the man.
Priest: Now what can you say upon this miracle of God!!??
Man: I still can't see
The year is 1921. Eastern Poland, the new border with Russia is forming after WWI.
One of the officials coordinating this process stumbles upon an old house that is located just on the path of where the border would be set. Property, with an old shed and few acres of land, is habited by one old farmer.
"This is your lucky day, old man. You can choose whether you prefer to be on the Polish or Russian side of the border" says the officel.
"Polish" the farmer answers without hesitation.
"And why is that if I may ask?"
"Cause Ruskies have very harsh winters."
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking.
I know the pandemic is causing people to struggle financially, but honestly, I'm making a fortune.
I rent out bookcases to be installed behind everyone doing a TV interview about either Covid or the Impeachment process.
My daughters pet lamb died today.
The grieving process was delicious.
Two drunks stumble out of a hotel...
...and manage to get into one of the cabs. After a bit of a process getting seated, one of them tells the cabbie.
"To the Grand Hotel please."
The cabbie turns around and says, "But we're already at the Grand Hotel."
One of the drunks gives the cabbie a bill, and says, "Next time, don't drive quite so fast."
I just read that in an alternate ending to Beauty and the Beast the Beast turns ravenous and eats Cogsworth
He was delicious, but the whole process was time consuming.
Hacker sent me an email that he has hacked into my computer.
I said "prove it" and he sent me the username and password of my email, bank and social media accounts.
I replied "Thank you, that was the easiest Forgot Password process I have ever come across".
Bought a new camera today…
and wanted to test it out. I was looking for a good subject and found a salon where a guy was cutting a woman's hair. I went in and asked him if I could take some pictures. He said she wanted a rainbow look, and it would be great to get some before and after pics to capture the coloring process.
That's when I shot a man, just to watch him dye.
Man walks into Starbucks
Not too experienced with the ordering process, he says " I"ll just have a mild roast".
The barrista says "you have very average ears"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the process slow jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working process require piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.