Following is our collection of funniest Procedure jokes. There are some procedure operation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these procedure doctor puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A strapadictomy
Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.
During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."
When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"
The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
His daughter took him to a doctor for a check up. During the check up - the doctor asks the old man about his visits to the toilet at night, and he replies: "I wake up, walk to the bathroom and God turns on the light for me". Confused, the doctor finishes his procedure and tells the old mans daughter about the whole "God-light" thing. To which she replies: "Oh no! He's been using the fridge again!"
While my doctor was preparing me for the examination he said, "Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection"
"I haven't got an erection," I said.
"No, but I have." he replied.
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He said it was really distracting and that he couldn't finish the procedure.
...but there is a blackout and her car isn't working. Her husband attempts to deliver the baby. Their young daughter is asked to hold a torch so that her father can see.
After a long and stressful procedure, the baby boy is born. The man spanks the newly born child and the baby starts crying. The mother asks the daughter about what she just saw.
"Smack him again, he shouldn't of crawled up there in the first place."
...and when things are well under way, the doctor says, "It's normal at this part of the procedure to experience and erection."
The guy says, "But, doctor, I don't have an erection."
The doctor says, "I wasn't talking about *you*.
The doctor looks at him for a minute and asks if he is sure. The man says yes, he's thought about it for some time and thinks its time to get it done. The doctor says alright, it's your body.
After the procedure, the man wakes up and the doctor comes over for a chat. He tells the man that while he was down there, he threw in a free circumcision.
Circumcision! the man exclaims. That's the word I was looking for.
Because wether he succeeded or failed, he knew he'd end up with a cat-ass-trophy on his hands.
You can explore procedure surgical reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean procedure anesthesia dad jokes. There are also procedure puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
The procedure removes their force-kin.
Well standard procedure is to jump 50 feet and spread over a wide area.
An Addadicktome.
It's such a draining procedure.
Midway through, the doctor says, "Don't worry, sir. It's perfectly normal to get an erection during this procedure."
The man says, "What are you talking about doc? I'm not hard."
"I wasn't talking about you."
When his dentist started to explain the procedure, he stopped him and said, "Don't worry, I know the drill."
It's a really new procedure; you've probably never heard of it.
A Nintendoscopy!
The surgeons cut off a man's entire left side, so now he's alright.
It was an experimental procedure, and it worked great!.... except now he's all cock-eyed.
A recently recruited soldier approaches his training officer and asks him:
-Sir, I have a question. What do I do if I step on a landmine?
-Well, son, the standard procedure in this case would be to rise about 20 feet into the air and then spread around a large territory.
They followed Standard Opera-rating Procedure
The Dr suggested a new procedure using his foreskin after circumcision to replace his missing lids. The only possible complication was that he would be a little cock-eyed.
Doctor warns him, "It is normal to get an erection while I perform this procedure, so don't be alarmed".
After the doctor is all finished the guy says, "Doc, I never got an erection, I didn't even feel like I was going to get one".
The doctor smiles and says, "Oh, not you silly".
If you half-ass it then it will come out mangled.
He came out just fine besides being a little cockeyed.
One means your brain will never function fully and one is a medical procedure.
Doctor: Yes, I don't see why not.
Patient: That's wonderful I could never play piano before!
An Adadictomy
He inquires the expert doctor about alternatives.
**Doc**: "We will have to remove the right half of your brain."
**Patient**: "Alright. Let's go through with it."
(The next day, after the procedure...)
**Doc**: "There were serious complications during the operation.
We had to remove your entire brain. There is of course the option of installing a monkey brain."
**Patient**: "Non, non, non. -C'est magnifique!"
A patient on the dentist's chair was scared and quite apprehensive about the procedure he was going to undergo.
He asks a lot of questions and details from the dentist.
The dentist says, reassuringly:
"Relax, it's not brain surgery....Unless I slip."
the doctor told me to get in the fetal position and relax.
"You, know", the doc said after about 30 seconds into the procedure, "it's shouldn't be embarrassing, and it's not uncommon for some men to get an erection during this procedure."
"I don't have an erection', I responded.
Doc responded, "Yeah, but I do."
- Doc, I am not Jack!
- I am.
I'd never had surgery, and I was nervous. This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure, the anesthesiologist reassured me. I felt better, until β¦ Heck, he continued, you have β¨a better chance of dying from the β¨anesthesia than the surgery itself.
Don't worry the doctor assured the father.
When we circumcise him we will use the skin to make him new eyelids. After the procedure the father is with the doctor. Well what do you think of the procedure? asks the doctor. I don't know? Does he look a little cockeyed to you?
He asks his doctor, "Will I be able to play the piano after the procedure?"
"Sure," his doctor replies.
"Good," says the man. "I've always wanted to be able to play."
After the procedure I asked the nurse what my blood type was out of curiosity. She told me I was type A so I thanked her and left. As I was walking out the door she came sprinting after me and said Wait, I told you the wrong blood type on accident, it was a type O.
::pinches nose::
And it caused him terrible discomfort and to make matters worse, the doctors feared he would inevitably go blind one day.
Then one doctor came up with an ingenious solution. He planned to circumcise the boy and use his foreskin to make new eyelids for him.
After a lengthy procedure, the surgery was a success and now the boy has two fully functioning eyelids.
The doctor says the boy is doing fine, he's just a little cock-eyed
Still, the wedding presents were amazing
A lobotany
He has to Improve eyes....
It was a ground-breaking medical procedure.
They will always have a change of heart.
As the man is bent over during the exam, the doctor says "you know, there's no need to feel embarrassed, it's pretty common to get an erection procedure."
The man says "I don't have an erection!"
The doctor whispers, "I do!".
... Said the doctor who was giving a physical.
"But I don't have one." Said the patient.
"I was talking about myself."
God bless his soul
I see trees of green, and red roses too.
The man asks "So, after the procedure, sex will feel the same?"
The doctor responds, "I can assure you there will be no vas deferens."
The police send out a LAMBer alert
The cheapskate replies, "I'll give you $50 and just loosen it."
A semicolon-oscopy
Adadictomy.
The new name will be...........Adadictomy!!
An addadicktome.
When they circumcised him, they used the extra skin to fix his eyelid.
The procedure went fine, he's a little cockeyed now though...
I haven't noticed a vas deferens after the procedure.
I was running low on cash so only I had enough money to cover 50% of his neutering procedure.
An addadiktomi
The doctor started the procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision.
The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "I'm going to give you a bracelet."
"Has it got rubies and diamonds?" I ask coyly.
"No," he said. "But it cost just as much."
A cardiovirgin
Officials praise the regime for finding common grounds with the US.
After I was circumcised I couldn't walk for a year.
While undergoing surgery, a lawyer has a vision of God by his bedside.
"Am I going to die?" Asked the Lawyer.
"No my son," replied God, "You have another 30 years to live."
Unfortunately the surgery was unsuccessful, and the lawyer died shortly after the procedure.
The lawyer sees God again.
"I thought you said I have 30 years!" He cries.
"That is correct my son," replies God, "I've simply added up your billable hours."
A blood transfusion
She says to the guy at the counter "Hopefully you have the expertise to apply a suitable chemical procedure to eliminate this unsightly blemish from my favourite frock."
He says, "Come again?"
She says, "No, it's mayonnaise this time."
A reporter asks him what he thinks will happen.
The blind man responds, I don't know, I guess I'll see.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the procedure method jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working procedure appendicitis piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.