The Best 59 Problems Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Problems jokes. There are some problems dilemma jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these problems marital problems puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Problems Jokes and Puns

Girls who talks about girls' problems are great.

But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

Someone just told me ignorance and apathy are the world's two biggest problems

I didn't know that, but I don't really care.

Problems joke, Someone just told me ignorance and apathy are the world's two biggest problems

What's common between a Game Tester and Gynecologist.

They both look for problems in places where other men find pleasure.

little Johnny

Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."


Guy goes to the doctor and says, " I cnat siht!"

The doctor says, "Clearly, you are having problems with vowel movements."

Sorting out Problems

Remember, whenever you have a problem with someone, use hydrochloric acid. It's always a solution.

Problems joke, Sorting out Problems

The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)

Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?

None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.

Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.

Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is sucking her cone. Which one of these women is married?

Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one sucking the cone.

No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.

Three old women are discussing how their memory isn't what it used to be.

The first woman says, "Sometimes, I'm in the elevator, and I don't remember if I'm going up or down."
"The second woman says, "sometimes, I have a bottle of mayonnaise in my hand, and I don't remember if I'm taking it out of the fridge or putting it back."
"The third woman says, "Well, I don't have any of those problems, knock wood," knocking on the table. "Oh, hold on a second, someone's at the door."

My Grandma E-Mailed me this one

When you drink vodka over ice, it can give you kidney failure.
When you drink rum over ice, it can give you liver failure.
When you drink whiskey over ice, it can give you heart problems.
When you drink gin over ice, it can give you brain problems.

Apparently, ice is really bad for you. Warn all your friends.

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

You can explore problems conundrum reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean problems bladder dad jokes. There are also problems puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Jew problems

An old jew comes to a rabbi and says: "Please help me, my son became a christian!"

The rabbi replies: "i can't help you, god has the same problem."

Pinocchio and his girlfriend were having problems.

Every time they would have sex, she would complain about splinters. Eventually, Pinocchio went to Gepetto for help.

Gepetto told Pinocchio to go to the hardware store and buy some sandpaper to sand off the splinters before he had sex with his girlfriend.

A week later, Gepetto asked Pinocchio, "So how's it going with your girlfriend?"

"Who needs a girlfriend?," said Pinnochio.

I've got 69 problems.

My girlfriend is a midget.

Is it ok to have sex with a third cousin?

I didn't seem to have any problems with the first two.

A man is kissing a tractor

A man is kissing and hugging a tractor
Another man goes up to him and says "what on earth are you doing to this tractor" the man replies explaining that him and his wife are having some marriage problems so a friend said that he should do some sexy thing to a tractor. (Attract her)

First time posting ever, sorry for any mistakes.

Problems joke, A man is kissing a tractor

There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science

0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors

Liquor probably won't fix your problems...

but it's worth a shot.

I went to the doctors with hearing problems...

He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"


Why can't Athiests solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

If you have bladder problems...

Urine trouble

I don't think drinking Vodka is the solution to all of my problems...

But it's worth a shot.

Finally found out why MTV doesn't do crossover episodes

The FCC had some serious problems with "Pimp my Pregnant 16 Year Old."

Girls are like math problems...

If they are under 18, it's best you do them in your head.

Son: "Dad! My lsd is missing!"

Dad: "We have bigger problems son, there's a dragon in the kitchen."

My girlfriend is a magician...

She creates problems out of thin air

A Guy walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

On the bright side of this United Airlines ordeal.

At least they won't have any more problems with overbooking.

Deal with your problems like Jesus did

Pretend you're dead and disappear for three days.

My stalker ex-girlfriend just threatened to kill herself if I didn't take her back.

Isn't it great when problems solve themselves?

I don't mind the Chinese students in my Math class being really good at the subject

But I must say, it's pretty cocky of them to do the problems with their eyes closed.

Why is a math book so sad?

Because it's full of problems.

Robin was having problems starting the Batmobile

And then he went to Batman "The Batmobile won't start!"

"Have you checked the battery?"

"What's an Ery?"

What are the two problems with the French flag?

The red bit and the blue bit.

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems....

...if I could just get the right people to try it.

A blonde and a brunette are talking about their boyfriends' dandruff problems

The brunette says, my boyfriend used to have dandruff, but I gave him Head and Shoulders and it went away in a few days

The blonde thinks for a minute and then replies, how do you give shoulders?

If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!

And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.

A man joins the mob and becomes the personal assistant to the Godfather

One day he receives a text message from the boss. "I've been having problems with my wife. Please pull the plug and then call someone in to take care of the matter."

The man knows better than to question the Godfather, so he dutifully carries out the command. He shoots the boss's wife, and then calls in the clean up crew.

But a short while later, he receives another message. "Stupid autocorrect. I meant wifi."

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."

The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."

The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."

What are the two main problems about being an egg?

You only get laid once and the only woman to sit on your face is your mother.

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . . . nothing," he says. "I can't burden you with my problems. It wouldn't be fair."

"*Your* problems?" the wife says. "We are partners. We face everything together. Your problem is my problem. There is no I, just we. Now please, tell me, what is it?"

"Well," he says, looking up at her glumly. "we got our secretary pregnant and now she's suing us for support."

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.

*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*

Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.

A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".

The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"

The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"

A man goes to the doctor

Man: doctor I'm having problems with my hearing

Doc: can you describe the symptoms?

Man: marge has blue hair and homer is a fat guy

I was looking for a sofa to buy, and the salesman pointed to one and said, This one can seat three people without any problems.

I said, Where the hell am I going to find three people without any problems?

As I expected, my therapist told me that I have problems verbalizing my emotions.

Can't say I'm surprised.

My uncle prayed to God to solve all his family's problems

God answered his prayers.

My uncle's funeral is next week.

My government is spreading obviously false covid-19 info about x-mas parties

Here in Sweden the government lies and says that we can have Christmas gatherings of up to 8 people without any problems. Such obvious bull! Who knows 8 people without any problems?

me: will this car fit 5 people?

**salesman:** yeah, without any problems.

**me:** damn! my homies have lots of those

Record low temperatures causing snow and freezing all over the southern United States.

Finally: white people in Texas are having problems with ICE.

A group of homosexuals were staring at me earlier.

But I've got no problems with gaze.

My wife told me, There's no such things as problems, just opportunities. "

That's great, I thought. Well, I have a serious drinking opportunity !!

An applicant is being interviewed for an engineering position

Interviewer: Your resume says that you can solve math problems quickly.


Applicant: Yes


Interviewer: Okay, what is 35 x 8?


Applicant: 250!


Interviewer: That's way off.


Applicant: Well, it is, but as my resume said, I'm a quick solver.

I saw a book on Amazon, How to reduce your life's problems by 50%.

Naturally I ordered two copies.

Old soviet joke

The new soviet leader has just taken power.

The former leaders says to him 'I have left you two letters. When you get into problems open the first letter. If you still have problems open the second letter .

About 1 year into his leadership things are going badly for the new guy. He then remembers the words of the former leader and opens the first letter, which reads 'blame all your problems on me'. The new guy does this and everything is fine for a little while.

But sadly things go from bad to worse, so he opens the second letter, which reads 'sit down and write two letters'.

Why did the psychologist leave the math teacher?

He has way too many problems that need solving.

A guy goes to the doctor with bowel problems

"Doc. My butt just ain't right the past few days." he says.

"Alright," says the doctor.

"Pull your pants down and tell me where it's hurting exactly."

The guy does so, points and says,

"It's particularly painful near the entrance here."

The doctor is taken back and says,

"Well... I believe it is hurting because you just called it the entrance"

What do you call the grim reaper with hearing problems?

Deaf..

I got 99 problems...

But using derogatory language to refer to women ain't one

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the problems shortcomings jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working problems equation piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes