Problem Solved Jokes
102 problem solved jokes and hilarious problem solved puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about problem solved that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Problem Solved Short Jokes
Short problem solved jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The problem solved humour may include short problem solve jokes also.
- The doctor gave me six months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.
- The doctor told me I had only six months to live, so I shot him dead. The judge gave me fifteen years. Problem solved.
- My stalker ex-girlfriend just threatened to kill herself if I didn't take her back. Isn't it great when problems solve themselves?
- Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
- I don't see why in this day and age there aren't marches against fat shaming Because marches would definitely solve the problem.
- The doctor gave me 5 month to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
And the judge gave me 25 years.
Problem solved. - Why can't Athiests solve exponential problems? Because they don't believe in higher powers.
- I bought a book titled How to Solve Half Your Problems. I read it twice, now I'm problem free.
- Mom, someone called me gangster at school today. Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem
Son: Make sure it looks like an accident. - My doctor said I have 2 weeks to live... So I shot him. Problem solved, the judge gave me 20 years.
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Problem Solved One Liners
Which problem solved one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with problem solved? I can suggest the ones about problem solving and solves.
- My wife says I can't solve my own problems How do I prove her wrong?
- Being married is solving problems together. Problems I wouldn't have, if I was single.
- Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
- You can't solve every problem with calculus It has its limits
- I spent the whole night trying to solve a math problem... and then it dawned on me.
- I saw a book at the bookstore called "How to Solve 50% of your problem" So I bought two
- Drinking alcohol doesn't solve any problems. But then again, neither does drinking milk.
- Dear math, Solve your own problems
- How did the chief of police solve his fly infestation problem? He called the SWAT team
- Alcohol doesn't solve any problems… … but then again, neither does milk.
- My company uses salt water to solve any problem. We are called Saline Solutions.
- How does Al Gore solve math problems? He uses an Al-Gore-ithm
- What did the dancing queen use to solve her math problems? An ABBA-cus.
- I've solved every single mathematical problem! I have nothing more to add
- Politicians are like air freshener They don't solve problems. They cover them up.
Hilarious Problem Solved Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about problem solved you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean problem jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make problem solved pranks.
Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
man in a hot air balloon
A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he's lost. He lowers the balloon, spots a man down below and shouts, "Can you help me? I promised a friend I'd meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon hovering 30 feet above this field, which is at 42 degrees N. latitude and 60 degrees W. longitude."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but your information is useless and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says, "You must be a manager"
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. And the fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met but now it's somehow my fault."
Physics Joke
I tried having a t**... with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three body problem
Confucius Say
It is only when a mosquito lands on your t**... that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.
Having a crush on someone is like solving a math problem.
If you know you can't get it, all you can do is just stare at it.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
I highly doubt any alcohol or v**... will solve any of my life's problems
But I guess it's still worth the... shot
Why did the young Mexican solve the problem so easily?
It was a no buena
My girlfriend is Mexican so I love Mexican jokes. Let me know if you have one!
So I've heard there's a h**... epidemic among white teens...
I guess they're used to shooting up to solve their problems
Did you hear about the math teacher...
...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard?
He really rose to the equation.
So I went to the doctor yesterday because I've been feeling tired all the time.
He told me I needed to quit m**....
I asked him if that would solve my problem. "No," he replied, "but I can't examine you while you're doing it."
I can relate to alice in wonderland.
She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems
There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation...
except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.
A Mathematician is given a psychological test.
The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."
Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect
Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?
What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?
An algorithm.
The Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Enginner
A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt.
The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way.
The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and ensure we are all working with maximum efficiency to solve this problem.
The Software Engineer Just says "Wow! that is strange, lets push it back up and see if it happens again"
11 Blondes and a brunette
There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
How do police solve problems in the streets?
troubleshooting
I tried to buy some cough syrup earlier, but apparently you need photographic ID.
Anyhow, I solved the problem.
I bought a huge box of laxatives and took them all - now I'm far too scared to cough.
water can solve all your problems, want to lose weight, drink mor water, want to wake up, splash want water on your face, someone getting on your nerves,
drown them
The problem with America is stupidity.
So why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
Patients in an insane asylum are eating plaster off the walls,
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
Math hole told to me 20 years ago by a professor
What's the difference between a physicist and mathematician?
There's a p**... of water on the table and both the physicist and mathematician are asked to boil it. The physicist picks it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematicians picked it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner.
Next the p**... is placed on the floor with the same instructions. The physicist once again picks it up, places it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematician picks it up and puts it on the table, thus reducing it to a problem that's already been solved.
A baby was born
A baby was born and minutes after he began to speak..."I am going to live only 4 days, my Mother will die in 6 days and my Father will die in 15 days..."
4 days later the boy died, after 6 days the Mother died. The Father was crazy coz the next one will be him. He sold everything and spent the whole money...
15 days later the neighbour died.
Do not rush in solving problems.
So my wife asked me yesterday "What would you do if You and I were 'Adam and Eve'?"
I replied nonchalantly, **"I'd fap and go to sleep. That would solve most problems."**
P.S: A'yup, I slept on the couch. :/
Cats don't need smart phones to solve their problems, they just sleep until the problem solves itself.
Cats: There's a nap for that.
When I was in the library I saw a book titled how to solve 50% of your problems.
So i bought 2 books
I've realized that s**... would solve all my problems....
...if I could just get the right people to try it.
Went to see the doctor last week, he gave me 4 months to live, so I shot him.
Today the judge gave me life in prison, problem solved.
If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!
And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.
I'd say it's unfair that kids born into antivax families have to grow up believing that kind of stupidity is okay...
...but that problem sorta solves itself after the first few years, doesn't it...?
What do you call an anti-vaxxer couple and their kids on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call ten anti-vaxxer families on the moon?
A bigger problem.
What do you call a hundred anti-vaxxer families on the moon?
An even bigger problem.
So how about ALL the anti-vaxxer families on the moon?
Problem solved.
A recent study has shown that almost 92% of anti-vaxers are republican.
guess that problem solves itself.
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."
Why do dogs start barking instead of trying to solve the problem?
Because solving problems are ruff.
Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...
But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.
Water can solve all your problems..
Want to lose weight?
Drink water.
Clear Face?
Drink water.
Tired of a person?
Drown them in water..
I bought three sniffer dogs, to try and solve the drug problem in my area.
Thankfully, they managed to find me some.
A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."
Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.
A Scientist, Inventor, and Engineer
A Scientist, Inventor, and Engineer are tasked with solving a major world problem. The Scientist does the research and makes a discovery that the Inventor then uses to invent the thing that will solve the problem. The engineer refines the invention until it is ready for operation. Their solution is a huge success and very profitable. Who makes all the money?
The businessman.
If kanye west is running ...
I think Vanilla Ice should run for president at some point as well. He'd have a solid campaign slogan "If there was a problem, I'll solve it" and he'd make everyone collaborate and listen.
A man buys 2 books called "How to Solve 50% of your problem" so he could solve %100
His friend calls him a m**..., saying,
"You could have read it twice!"
My uncle prayed to God to solve all his family's problems
God answered his prayers.
My uncle's f**... is next week.
Steve and his mother were way behind on their car payments
The repo man had been after them for a while but hadn't successfully gotten the car yet. One day Steve had an idea for a "sting" operation to solve the problem once and for all. Before he left he shouted to his mom that he was taking the car, but she was in the bathroom and couldn't make out what he said.
"What are you taking?" she asked.
"Car, ma, for repo sting!"
A blonde walks into a doctor's office, the doctor asks what's wrong and the blonde says "My entire body hurts!"
"Oh?" Said the doctor, "like a whole body ache?"
"No!" said the blonde "like everywhere is searing pain! Here I'll show you!"
The blonde pokes her shoulder "That really hurt!"
She pokes her stomach "That really hurt too!"
She bends down and pokes her knees "Both of those hurt super bad! Can you help me doctor!?"
The doctor looks at her, sighs, and says "Yes I can help you, in fact I solved your problem"
"What is it!?"
"Your finger's broken"
Bad dream
A guy went to the doctor complaining about a bad dream.
Doctor : what seems to be the problem?
Guy: I'm having dreams about this chickens playing in a soccer championship, every night.
Doctor: for how long?
Guy: must be a weak or so.
Doctor: okay, we'll solve this problem, just take this pills twice a day for a week, starting now!
Guy: OK Doc thank you but can I start tomorrow cause tonight is the final?
Four students are in the car that breaks down
First student, engineering student, says "This is mechanical problem, there's nothing we can do."
Second student, chemistry student, says "You're wrong, this is clearly reason of faulty gasoline. There's nothing we can do."
Third student, electrical engineering student, says "No, there's problem with ignition. There's nothing we can do."
Last student, IT student, says "We should exit car, close the doors, come in and try again. Maybe that will solve the problem."
I saw a book on Amazon titled How to Solve 50% of your life's problems.
Naturally I ordered two copies.
An applicant is being interviewed for an engineering position
Interviewer: Your resume says that you can solve math problems quickly.
Applicant: Yes
Interviewer: Okay, what is 35 x 8?
Applicant: 250!
Interviewer: That's way off.
Applicant: Well, it is, but as my resume said, I'm a quick solver.
A mathematician wants more excitement and wants to become a volunteer fireman on the weekends
He goes through the training, and proceeds to take the written final exam.
Question 1: You come across a car that is flipped upside down and on fire with the driver still in it. What do you do?
The mathematician answers with the steps he was taught in training.
Question 2: You come across a car that is flipped upside down with the driver still in it. What do you do?
The mathematician answers, Set the car on fire. Now it is a solved problem.
Why did the psychologist leave the math teacher?
He has way too many problems that need solving.
I went to the bookstore ....
I went to the bookstore and saw a book called;
How to solve 50% of your problems. '
I bought two
What is in the r**...'s toolkit?
- Duct tape
- WD40
- Coathanger
These solve every problem around the house and in the family.
A global crisis broke out, affecting every nation and people of all kinds
In response, the world banded together and quickly solved the problem through mutual cooperation and understanding
A man has serious a Gas Problem.
Then he came to visit a doctor, saying he has a serious problem, but every time he farts there is no noise and Smell.
Then added " i have f**... 20 times while talking to you"
Then doctor prescribed some medicine and said to visit him after 2 weeks.
After 2 weeks, he came to visit the doctor, saying that the medicine solved one problem. Everytime he farts, it has a serious bad smell, but still no noise. Your medicine didn't work
Then the doctor said, " medicine did worked it solved your nose problem, now i am prescribing new medicine for your hearing problem"
A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, I know, I'll solve it with threads!
has Now problems. two he
Three soldiers are talking about how they would solve different problems...
When asked what would they do if they woke up in the middle of the night with a hole in their tent, the Army private says "I would dig through my pack to find something to repair it until morning"; the Marine says "I'd roll over and go back to sleep, a Marine can handle getting a little wet"; the Air Force airman says "I'd call the front desk and ask why the h**... there's a tent in my room".
When I was in the shop today, I saw a book that said "Guide how to solve 50% of your problems"
so I bought 2 of them