Problem Solve Jokes
128 problem solve jokes and hilarious problem solve puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about problem solve that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Problem Solve Short Jokes
Short problem solve jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The problem solve humour may include short solve problem jokes also.
- The doctor gave me six months to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 50 years. Problem solved.
- The doctor told me I had only six months to live, so I shot him dead. The judge gave me fifteen years. Problem solved.
- My stalker ex-girlfriend just threatened to kill herself if I didn't take her back. Isn't it great when problems solve themselves?
- Really enjoying my new life aboard the giant space station designed to solve Earth's overpopulation problem . Just a bit weird how the sun gets slightly bigger in my cabin window every day.
- I don't see why in this day and age there aren't marches against fat shaming Because marches would definitely solve the problem.
- The doctor gave me 5 month to live. So in the heat of the moment, I shot him.
And the judge gave me 25 years.
Problem solved. - Why can't Athiests solve exponential problems? Because they don't believe in higher powers.
- I bought a book titled How to Solve Half Your Problems. I read it twice, now I'm problem free.
- Mom, someone called me gangster at school today. Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem
Son: Make sure it looks like an accident. - My doctor said I have 2 weeks to live... So I shot him. Problem solved, the judge gave me 20 years.
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Problem Solve One Liners
Which problem solve one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with problem solve? I can suggest the ones about problem solving and word problem.
- My wife says I can't solve my own problems How do I prove her wrong?
- Being married is solving problems together. Problems I wouldn't have, if I was single.
- Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
- You can't solve every problem with calculus It has its limits
- I spent the whole night trying to solve a math problem... and then it dawned on me.
- I saw a book at the bookstore called "How to Solve 50% of your problem" So I bought two
- Drinking alcohol doesn't solve any problems. But then again, neither does drinking milk.
- Dear math, Solve your own problems
- How did the chief of police solve his fly infestation problem? He called the SWAT team
- Alcohol doesn't solve any problems… … but then again, neither does milk.
- My company uses salt water to solve any problem. We are called Saline Solutions.
- How does Al Gore solve math problems? He uses an Al-Gore-ithm
- What did the dancing queen use to solve her math problems? An ABBA-cus.
- I've solved every single mathematical problem! I have nothing more to add
- Politicians are like air freshener They don't solve problems. They cover them up.
Problem Solve Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about problem solve you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean solves jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make problem solve pranks.
One day I shall solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be alcohol.
Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
The people who create math worksheets are so lazy.
They create a bunch of problems and expect other people to solve it for them.
man in a hot air balloon
A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he's lost. He lowers the balloon, spots a man down below and shouts, "Can you help me? I promised a friend I'd meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon hovering 30 feet above this field, which is at 42 degrees N. latitude and 60 degrees W. longitude."
"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.
"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct but your information is useless and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below says, "You must be a manager"
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man below, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. And the fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met but now it's somehow my fault."
Physics Joke
I tried having a t**... with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three body problem
Chinese Philosophy.
The Great Lao-Tzu said:
"It is only when you see a mosquito
landing on your t**... that you realize
there is always a way to
solve problems without using violence.
Confucius Say
It is only when a mosquito lands on your t**... that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.
Can a blonde solve a math problem? (WARNING: math joke)
The odds are, they can't even
Having a crush on someone is like solving a math problem.
If you know you can't get it, all you can do is just stare at it.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just two. One to explain to the public that everything possible is being done to solve the problem, and the other to screw the lightbulb into the water faucet.
Relativity theory
In classical (Newtonian) physics, we can't solve the three-body problem. In the theory of relativity, we can't solve the two-body problem. In quantum mechanics, we can't solve the one-body problem, and with quantum electro dynamics, we don't even understand the vacuum anymore.
I highly doubt any alcohol or v**... will solve any of my life's problems
But I guess it's still worth the... shot
A programmer had a problem...
A programmer had a problem. He thought I know, I'll solve it with threads! . has Now problems. two he
Well I finally solved my drinking problem, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous
Yeah I still drink, I just use a different name, that's all
An ambitious Chinese man named Hoo Ming wanted to run for president. He understood the problems that Americans faced every day and so he wanted to show everyone he planned to solve it by making it his slogan...
Hoo Cares!
Why did the young Mexican solve the problem so easily?
It was a no buena
My girlfriend is Mexican so I love Mexican jokes. Let me know if you have one!
So I've heard there's a h**... epidemic among white teens...
I guess they're used to shooting up to solve their problems
Did you hear about the math teacher...
...who used a ladder to solve a calculus problem written at the very top of his blackboard?
He really rose to the equation.
So I went to the doctor yesterday because I've been feeling tired all the time.
He told me I needed to quit m**....
I asked him if that would solve my problem. "No," he replied, "but I can't examine you while you're doing it."
I can relate to alice in wonderland.
She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with the hope that it might magically solve her problems
There are almost no problems that cannot be solved by adding puppies into the equation...
except for world hunger...which come to think of it, they can also solve.
A Mathematician is given a psychological test.
The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."
How to solve issues with life expectancy
The doctor has given me four months to live.
I shot the doctor, The judge gave me 20 years.
Problem solved
Despite all the flak the public gives him, Trump has already solved the immigration problem in just a few days after becoming President-elect
Just ask yourself, who would want to sneak into America now?
What do you get if you ask a former presidential candidate to write a piece of music about a formula for solving a problem based on a sequence of specified actions?
An algorithm.
Dear math, stop telling me to find your X
Their not coming back, grow up and solve your own problems
The Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Enginner
A Mechanical Engineer, Project Manager and the Software Engineer were driving down a mountain when suddenly the car slides off the road and rolls down the Mountain. Amazingly none of the occupants had been hurt.
The Mechanical Engineer steps out and says hand me my Swiss army knife I will have this repaired in no time and we can be on our way.
The Project Manager says Wait Up, We need to set achievable goals, set a timeline and ensure we are all working with maximum efficiency to solve this problem.
The Software Engineer Just says "Wow! that is strange, lets push it back up and see if it happens again"
Enter job interview . Interviewer asks infamous question "what is your greatest weakness in the workplace?" Pause for 10 to 15 seconds then say "I'm bad with awkward silences "
If the don't laugh then pause again and say "sometimes my jokes aren't well received " problem solved
11 Blondes and a brunette
There are 12 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 11 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
What do my wife and my math teacher have in common?
They both love to create problems that I am apparently supposed to solve.
How do police solve problems in the streets?
troubleshooting
I tried to buy some cough syrup earlier, but apparently you need photographic ID.
Anyhow, I solved the problem.
I bought a huge box of laxatives and took them all - now I'm far too scared to cough.
There's this book entitled "solve 50% of your problems"
I bought two
Why do autistic kids solve math problems for fun?
Because they enjoy being mentaly challenged.
Cannibalism...
... has the potential to solve both of the world's hunger and overpopulation problem
water can solve all your problems, want to lose weight, drink mor water, want to wake up, splash want water on your face, someone getting on your nerves,
drown them
The problem with America is stupidity.
So why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
Patients in an insane asylum are eating plaster off the walls,
the head doctor calls in the best doctor in the country to try and solve this problem. So the best doctor comes in and inspects the walls. He tells the head doctor to repaint the walls from red to green. The next day after the walls are repainted the head doctor comes in and sees the patients sitting and staring at the walls. "Why aren't you eating the walls now?" the head doctor asks them. "They arn't ripe yet"
An economist was asked in a talk about how to solve 3 issues
"How would you solve the inevitable future problems of overpopulation, water and employment?"
"Well" he says, "In the future when the water get scarce, we will probably go to war so it can be secured, which will solve the employment problem, and the population should go down as well."
Math hole told to me 20 years ago by a professor
What's the difference between a physicist and mathematician?
There's a p**... of water on the table and both the physicist and mathematician are asked to boil it. The physicist picks it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematicians picked it up, puts it on the range, and lights the burner.
Next the p**... is placed on the floor with the same instructions. The physicist once again picks it up, places it on the range, and lights the burner. The mathematician picks it up and puts it on the table, thus reducing it to a problem that's already been solved.
A baby was born
A baby was born and minutes after he began to speak..."I am going to live only 4 days, my Mother will die in 6 days and my Father will die in 15 days..."
4 days later the boy died, after 6 days the Mother died. The Father was crazy coz the next one will be him. He sold everything and spent the whole money...
15 days later the neighbour died.
Do not rush in solving problems.
How did the math professor solve his constipation problem?
He worked it out with a pencil.
So my wife asked me yesterday "What would you do if You and I were 'Adam and Eve'?"
I replied nonchalantly, **"I'd fap and go to sleep. That would solve most problems."**
P.S: A'yup, I slept on the couch. :/
I really hate posting in forums when trying to troubleshoot a tech problem
person 1: Having the same problem please fix
person 2: same pls halp
person 3: same someone please find solution
person 4: doesnt work for me either
person 5: yeah please solve
I know how to solve the homeless problem and make bums into hard working citizens!
Give them construction worker helmets. They already have the standing around doing nothing part down!
Cats don't need smart phones to solve their problems, they just sleep until the problem solves itself.
Cats: There's a nap for that.
When I was in the library I saw a book titled how to solve 50% of your problems.
So i bought 2 books
I've realized that s**... would solve all my problems....
...if I could just get the right people to try it.
Went to see the doctor last week, he gave me 4 months to live, so I shot him.
Today the judge gave me life in prison, problem solved.
If somebody offered me a coin flip to either get 10 million dollars or instantly die, I'd accept in a heartbeat. A 50 percent chance to solve all my problems would be amazing!
And even if I lost the flip, I'd still get some money.
I'd say it's unfair that kids born into antivax families have to grow up believing that kind of stupidity is okay...
...but that problem sorta solves itself after the first few years, doesn't it...?
I never believed that chiropractors could solve my back problems
2 weeks later, I stand corrected
Alchohol may not solve your problems
but neither will water.
What do you call an anti-vaxxer couple and their kids on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call ten anti-vaxxer families on the moon?
A bigger problem.
What do you call a hundred anti-vaxxer families on the moon?
An even bigger problem.
So how about ALL the anti-vaxxer families on the moon?
Problem solved.
A recent study has shown that almost 92% of anti-vaxers are republican.
guess that problem solves itself.
A man with e**... problem go to the doctor
The doctor says:"in order to solve your problem you have to eat a lot of bread.
The man says:" how the bread can help me?!? ".
The doctor says:" trust me and eat a lot of bread.
The same day the man went to buy the bread in a trust shop and asks for 3kg of bread.
The baker knows that the man lives alone and asks:" 3kg seem too much, it will become hard."
The man exclaimed:" Hard, give me 6kg!!"
A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "turkish got 3 problems."
Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."
The Turkish respond: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside."
The Russian: "That's your second problem: You always want to solve your problems with violence."
The Turkish bring him outside and pull their knives.
The Russian: "And here's your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."
How to get the body you desire in 3 easy steps!
Step 1 - Go to your local gym.
Step 2 - Find the person whose body you wish to emulate.
Step 3 - Abduct that person.
Now you have the body you desire! Problem solved!
Why do dogs start barking instead of trying to solve the problem?
Because solving problems are ruff.
Old Russian joke. Russia has 2 major problems: roads and idiots. One of them can be solved by a road roller...
But it's impossible to figure out what to do with roads.
How did the Professor of Electromagnetism solve a complicated problem?
He used inductive reasoning
Water can solve all your problems..
Want to lose weight?
Drink water.
Clear Face?
Drink water.
Tired of a person?
Drown them in water..
I bought three sniffer dogs, to try and solve the drug problem in my area.
Thankfully, they managed to find me some.
A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."
Obvious repost
As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.
Turks: you come in our country and have the b**... to insult us.
Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.
Turks: Let's get him outside.
Russian: that's your second problem. you wanna solve everything with violence.
*They gets outside of the bar and Turks starts taking their knives out*
Russian: that's your third problem. you bring knives to a gunfight.
A Scientist, Inventor, and Engineer
A Scientist, Inventor, and Engineer are tasked with solving a major world problem. The Scientist does the research and makes a discovery that the Inventor then uses to invent the thing that will solve the problem. The engineer refines the invention until it is ready for operation. Their solution is a huge success and very profitable. Who makes all the money?
The businessman.
If Kanye West is running ...
I think Vanilla Ice should run for president at some point as well. He'd have a solid campaign slogan "If there was a problem, I'll solve it" and he'd make everyone collaborate and listen.
A man buys 2 books called "How to Solve 50% of your problem" so he could solve %100
His friend calls him a m**..., saying,
"You could have read it twice!"