Probability Jokes
52 probability jokes and hilarious probability puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about probability that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh your way to a better understanding of probability! We explore some basic probability concepts, featuring funny jokes about statistics and probability. Get ready to nerd out and improve your understanding of expectancy, higher-order probabilities, and more.
Quick Jump To
- Short Probability Jokes
- Probability One Liners
- Math Probability Jokes
- Statistics And Probability Jokes
- More Probability Jokes
Funniest Probability Short Jokes
Short probability jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The probability humour may include short percentage jokes also.
- I asked my mum "How much is a couple?" "2 or 3" she replied.
Probably explains why her marriage collapsed. - My laptop was making funny noises today, it sounded like it was singing... Probably because it's a Dell
- Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion Probably because Mexico has more aliens
- A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O" - Pearl jam tried to warn us about Ticketmaster in the Nineties. We didn't listen. Probably because we couldn't understand what Eddie Vedder was saying.
- You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
- My girlfriend asked me to name... My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with.
I probably should've stopped when I got to her. - My son asked me, Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge? I smiled and said, Sure..." "But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.
- My ex girlfriend was an absolute treasure I say this because just like treasure, you'll probably need a map and a shovel to find her
- My mate phoned me and asked what I was doing. "Probably failing my driving test," I replied.
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Probability One Liners
Which probability one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with probability? I can suggest the ones about population and potential.
- If you're questioning your sexuality... You probably aren't thinking straight.
- If I had a dollar for every racist thing I said a black guy would probably rob me.
- I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat' You've probably seen our posters.
- Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp, she's probably thick and tired of it.
- My friend text me 'what are you doing now?' I replied 'Probably failing my driving test'.
- There's a term for Presidents like Trump.. Probably not *two* terms though...
- They say a woman's work is never done that's probably why they get paid less
- Since this year they launched the iPhone 8/X We'll probably get to see 9/11 next year
- I wrote a book on penguins once.. Paper probably would've been better!
- Liquor probably won't fix your problems... but it's worth a shot.
- What's a Maths student's favorite drink? Probably tea.
- If I had a Delorean... I would probably only drive it from time to time.
- I was gonna tell a priest joke... But it would probably rub some kids the wrong way.
- I'd tell you a joke about the PS5 But you probably wont get it
- I hear that you're supposed to learn from your mistakes Probably why I'm an only child.
Math Probability Jokes
Here is a list of funny math probability jokes and even better math probability puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- One time my math professor asked everyone in class to write a complex number on their forehead You could probably imagine the expressions on our faces.
- A research says that 75% of the people are good at Math. I am probably the remaining 35%
- Math Joke Solve carefully:
230 - 220 × 0.5 =
You probably won't believe it, but the answer is 5! - States would make a lot more revenue if they taxed people who don't understand math or basic probability. Oh wait. I forgot about the lottery.
- My friend asked me to assist him with his math homework. I should probably help him before he stops *counting* on me.
- from my 9yo son: "You know why I think dinosaurs were good at math?" "They could probably crunch numbers really well".
- We should start taxing people who don't comprehend math or basic probability. Nevermind. I forgot about the lottery.
- [MATH] Eric: Dad, I really hate my math teacher. The topic was about circles & he can't properly explain how he got his 2 Pi... Dad: Probably where I got mine son.
*Yes, it's real* - Yo mama so fat... When she saw a pie chart in math class, she probably ate it.
- My friend: I hate probability in Maths... Me: Me too! What are the chances?!
Statistics And Probability Jokes
Here is a list of funny statistics and probability jokes and even better statistics and probability puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did Kevin Garnett say on his last day of Statistics 101? Anything is probable!!!!
- I saw a study online that said 1 out of 10 people are gay, which freaked me out because I've had s**... with 10 people Statistically, that means one of those other dudes was probably gay
- They say 1 in 10 people are gay. I've had s**... with 10 people.
That *really* weirds me out, because statistically speaking, one of those dudes was probably gay.
Happy Probability Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about probability you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean chance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make probability pranks.
A woman tells her doctor, "Kiss me!"
The doctor says, "What? Why would I do something like that?"
The woman says again, "Kiss me now!"
The doctor replies, "Certainly not!"
The woman demands a third time, "Doctor, I want you to kiss me!"
The doctor answers, "No! It's unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest we probably shouldn't even be having s**... right now!"
Did you know that a group of crows is called a m**...?
Well, technically it's only a m**... if there's probable caws.
Finally, a blonde joke I haven't heard before…
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun k**... a ball.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
'You ok?' she says.
'Yes.' he says.
'You can go and play with the other kids you know' she says.
'No, it's probably best I stay here.' he says.
'Why's that sweetie?' says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says,
Because I'm the Goalie!
**
My buddy just came to me all depressed and said My son flunked the third grade, and I just don't know how to break it to him.
So I said well…probably better tell him pretty slowly, so the little d**... will get it."
A college engineering student shows up with a new bike
"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.
"I was walking down the street last night and this g**... her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.
His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"
My wife just called me and said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day. They are absolutely gorgeous!"
I repied, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."
My husband commented on the new store that is being built nearby: That's a nice looking Aldi!
I told him it just looks like Aldi others.
...
Sorry y'all. It's been such a bad day, and this little exchange my hubby and I had earlier had us both laughing probably more than we should have. Hope it makes one of you out there smile too.
C'mon guys don't make fun of Amber Heard's lawyer
He probably gets enough a**... from her as it is
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked - Where did you get such a great bike?
The second one replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike".
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".
This is an old joke that my teacher told me when I was little and most people probably already know it but I remember loving it.
A police officer pulls over a man who has penguins in the backseat of the car.
"Sir you can't have penguins in your car. Bring them to the zoo or something," the police officer tells the man.
The next day, the police officer sees the man again. Again, the penguins are in the backseat of the car.
"Sir, I told you to take the penguins to the zoo!"
"I did, Officer! Today I'm taking them to the movies."
Two engineer students were biking across campus.
One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
My girlfriend "Dad joked" me on a hike.
I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike.
She said "I bet we couldn't understand them"
I said "why do you think that?"
She said "because they probably only bark"
She then laughed the next half mile down the trail barking occasionally and saying "shh, shh, do you hear that? Thats a tree talking in the distance"
Actual conversation today. My wife: "i'm tired of anaesthesiology. What other area of medicine should I try?"
Me: I don't know. Emerg?
Wife: Nah, I want something lower stress. Hey, what about sleep medicine?
Me: Sleep medicine?
Wife: Like, helping people with sleep disorders and such. I wonder what sort of education i'd need?
Me: Probably night school.
The checker at the grocery store asked me if I wanted my milk in a bag.
I told her to leave it in the carton.
I've probably told checkers that 100 times, and not once did they get the joke.
For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?
Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his b**... red.
What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries!
(Apologies if you've heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I'll get better material)
This is probably the best joke that I -a dad- have ever come up with
I bought my 19 year old daughter a new bed for when she goes off to university. She was undecided about whether she wanted to keep it.
I told her to sleep on it.
