prob Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious prob puns

The problem with Trump jokes:

Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

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The problem with Nearly-Headless Nick

is that he is a poorly-executed character

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What are the two problems with the French flag?

The red bit and the blue bit.

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The problem with kissing a perfect 10

Is how cold the mirror feels on your lips.

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The problem with letting Jesus take the wheel...

Is that that motherfucker ain't afraid to die.

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The problem of working in IT:

If everything works fine: "What the hell are we paying you for?"
If something breaks: "What the hell are we paying you for?"

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To anyone who has a problem with pedophiles:

Grow up.

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There's only one problem with North Korea's miracle cure for AIDS and Ebola:

The directions say the medication must be taken with food.

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The problem with kissing a perfect 10 is that

Sometimes it's cold when your lips touch the mirror

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Problem about being in IT. You go by requirements and logic.

Husband is a programmer.


Wife : Honey, please go to the super market and get 1 bottle of milk.
If they have bananas, bring 6.


He came back with 6 bottles of milk.


Wife: Why the hell did you buy 6 bottles of milk?!?!


Husband (confused): BECAUSE THEY HAD BANANAS.

He still doesn't understand why his wife yelled at him since he did exactly as she told him.

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What was Hitler's problem when the lights went out?

He could Nazi.

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I've got 69 problems.

My girlfriend is a midget.

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I have no problem with Capital Punishment in theory....

I just have problems with its execution.

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I used to have a problem with grammatical tenses.

But not yet.

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No problems

A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.

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I don't have a problem with alcohol.

Only without it.

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I have no problem getting women into the sack...

... it's getting the sack into the back of my van that's the problem.

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Problems in bed

A man and his wife have been having some problems in bed so one day the woman tells her husband, "Maybe you should get some pills to help you out."

He agrees.

When he gets home from work she asks him if he got the pills.

He replies, "Yeah, here you go," and with this he throws her a bottle of diet pills.

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The problem with getting married in heaven..

On their way to get married a couple gets into a fatal car accident. They are sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to turn up and register them. While they're waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.

St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone's ever asked. Let me go and
find out," and he leaves.

The couple sits around for a couple of months and begins to wonder if they really should get married in heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all, What if it doesn ' t work out, they wonder. Are we stuck together forever?

St. Peter returns after another month looking somewhat worn out. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in heaven. "

" Great , " says the couple, " but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in heaven? "
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What ' s wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.

"Christ!" St. Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take me to find a lawyer? "

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I was having problems with my computer

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Joshua, the 11 year old next door, who plays League of Legends every day, all night long.

Joshua clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID Ten T error?

What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Joshua grinned, "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No", I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like that little boy.

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The problem with telling lawyer jokes is

Lawyers don't think they're funny, and everyone else doesn't think they're jokes.

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Probability theory

Probability theory is probably the least understood area by the general population (except for certain gamblers). As a simple example, consider the History Professor friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on an airplane?" I responded that (as long as these were independent events) it would be the square of the probability of having one bomb, which is 1 in a trillion - a truly astronomical number. So, from that day forward he always carried a bomb with him when he flew since it reduced the risk of having a bomb on the plane from 1 in a million to 1 in a trillion.

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That's the problem with writing books about suicide techniques

... you only get negative reviews.

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The only problem with kissing a perfect 10...

knowing that she has 8 more years until you can tell anyone about it.

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Problem about being a Programmer

Wife said, "Honey, please go to super market and get 1 bottle of milk. If they have bananas, bring 6".

He came back with 6 bottles of milk.

She said " Why the hell did you buy 6 bottles of milk?"

He said "BECAUSE THEY HAD BANANAS".

He still does not understand why his wife scolded him after his reply.😟😕😦

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I got 66 problems

And being upside down is one of them

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The Problem with Speaking English

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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The problem with America is stupidity.

So why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

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Problematic Speech Problem

So I heard this joke when I was younger and was in tears of laughter so I'd thought I'd share it here, it could have been posted before but here it is for those who haven't heard it.

So a guy (lets call him Fred) with a speech problem goes into a hardware shop and asks for a fucket, staff is confused at first and realised he means bucket.

Fred then goes into a pet shop and asks for a cocker spankit, the owner is confused and realises he means cocker spaniel (breed of dog).

Finally, Fred walks into a bakery and asks for a bum, once again, staff are confused at first, but realises he means a bun of bread.

So as he is walking down the street with his newly purchased items his brand new dog runs off the leash and Fred runs after it.
A nearby policeman notices Fred and asks him "what's the trouble mister?" Fred replies, "hold my bum and fuck it while I get my cock and spank it".

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The problem majoring in Electrical Engineering...

is keeping up with Current Events.

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The problem with Freud...

The problem with Freud is that none of his theories are testicle.

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The problem with Bill Clinton

Is that he never learned harass was one word.

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'Houston, we have a problem.

What?

'Nothing.

What's the problem?

'Never-mind.

Please tell us.

'I'm fine.

*first woman on Mars*

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Problems...

Husband: Honey, I have a problem
Wife: Don't say "you" have a problem, instead say "we", remember your problems are my problems too, honey.
Husband: Ok, "our" secretary is having a baby that' is "ours".

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I've got a problem with people who are into BDSM

I just want to strangle them.

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What are the most funny Prob jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Prob? Well, here are the best Prob dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Prob pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes