Pro Jokes
155 pro jokes and hilarious pro puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about pro that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make yourself and your friends chuckle with this collection of pro jokes - ranging from golf pros to word search pros, math facts pros and bass pros. Find out who's the true champion between the amateurs and professionals by having a good chuckle.
Quick Jump To
- Short Pro Jokes
- Pro One Liners
- Pro Bono Jokes
- Golf Pro Jokes
- Pro Choice Jokes
- Bass Pro Jokes
- More Pro Jokes
Funniest Pro Short Jokes
Short pro jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The pro humour may include short champion jokes also.
- To whoever lost an iPhone 14 Pro Max outside the train station yesterday Can you please stop calling my new phone?
- A woman ran screaming into the pro shop at the golf course... "I just got stung by a bee between the first and second hole!"
The guy at the counter said "Your stance is too wide". - Have you had to walk 500 miles and then you been advised to walk 500 more? You could be entitled to compensation.
Call Pro Claimers now. - No one laughed at my joke I made in school so maybe you guys will like it What do you call an english teacher who knows how to code
A pro-grammar - I accidentally joined an organization... I accidentally joined a pro-secession organization.
When I tried to leave, I was elected as their chairman. - I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes
- Have you had to walk 500 miles? Were you encouraged to walk 500 more?
You could be entitled to compensation
Call the pro claimers now - I really hate people who brag about their expensive stuff Sent from my iPhone 7 Plus
EDIT : had to manage as my MacBook Pro ran out of battery - "I'm not throwing away my shot" Alexander Hamilton, leader of the pro-vaccine movement 1780.
- At age 12, I started responding, "Twelving like a pro." whenever someone asked me what I was up to. Growing older, I've begun to wonder if the payoff will really be worth it by age 69.
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Pro One Liners
Which pro one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with pro? I can suggest the ones about amateur and professional.
- Pro-Tip: If a girl in a hot bikini DMs you about crypto Ignore him.
- Pro Life tip Don't get an abortion.
- I used to run a pro-life debate team. No one could de-fetus.
- I'm a pro at shoplifting candy bars. How, you ask? I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
- If the opposite of pro is con... Then that means the opposite of congress is progress.
- I've heard that U2 has never paid legal any legal fees Their lawyers all work pro-Bono.
- If con is the opposite of pro then isn't congress the opposite of progress?
- Why do masochists cook with gas? Because they're pro-pain enthusiasts.
- Dating pro tip: if s/he admires the Soviet Union... then that's a red flag
- I wanted to make a team for a Pro Hide and Seek Game But good players are hard to find
- If I was a pro-life picketer My sign would say "You Can't De-Fetus!"
- What do Pro-Vaxxers and Anti-Vaxxers have in common? They'll never be fully vaccinated.
- TIL if you buy the new MacBook Pro There is no escape.
- What kind of cancer always stands by the government? Pro-state cancer.
- Pro tip on how to pick up girls Lift with your legs
Pro Bono Jokes
Here is a list of funny pro bono jokes and even better pro bono puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I hate U2 so I smashed their vinyls at the store. My pro bono lawyer is not happy about it.
- I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono.
- Why don't U2's lawyers ever make any money? All their work is pro Bono.
- How do U2's lawyers work? Pro Bono.
- How do you know that a lawyer listens to U2? They are working pro-Bono
- What was U2's lawyer's hourly rate? Nothing, he was pro-Bono
- Did you hear that the band U2 gave away a free concert? Apparently, the crowd was very Pro Bono.
- Why do U2's lawyers never get paid? Because they work pro Bono.
- My lawyer dumped me after I said I hated U2. He was working under a Pro Bono agreement.
- Did you hear about the lawyer who moonlights as a U2 impersonator? He calls himself Pro Bono.
Golf Pro Jokes
Here is a list of funny golf pro jokes and even better golf pro puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was having trouble with my golf game so went to consult with a pro. He said I should take a break for a couple of weeks. Then I should quit.
Pro Choice Jokes
Here is a list of funny pro choice jokes and even better pro choice puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm not sure how I feel about Pro Choice. I mean, I am all for dead babies, but I don't like giving women choices...
- Pros and cons: Choice for abortions Pro: Killing babies.
Con: Giving women a choice. - I'm Pro Life Don't get me wrong, I'm all for killing babies, I just don't like to let women make choices.
- I can't decide between being pro-life and pro-choice On one hand, I want as many babies to die as possible, but on the other, I don't want women to have a choice.
- I'm not a father due to my belief of being pro-choice When my girlfriend was pregnant I chose to leave
- I'm pro-choice; pro-life is for babies.
- Don't you know anything about Roe vs Wade? Yeah, it's two ways to cross a river.
Sorry, I'm pro choice. But heard this one and thought it was funny. - After you were born Your parents changed they're minds.
They're pro-choice now. - You Don't Have to Choose Between Being Pro-Life or Pro-Choice As long as you are Pro-Phylactic
- I've heard all the Pro life vs Pro choice debates, and after hearing the debates, i came up with a compromise. I propose Pro Abortion, in which we abort everybody.
Bass Pro Jokes
Here is a list of funny bass pro jokes and even better bass pro puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish.... And a Bass Pro Shop salesman will eat for a lifetime.
- Why do l**... shop at Cabela's and Bass Pro Shops? Because they don't like d**...!
- I thought it was odd that there is a Bass Pro Shop and a d**... in the same shopping center.... But then I realized Bass Pro does attract d**...!
Fun-Filled Pro Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about pro you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean profit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make pro pranks.
A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings
A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings while she is golfing.
The pro asks: where'd you get stung?
Between the first and second hole , she answers.
The pro replied: your stance is too wide .
Golf lessons
A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee"
"where?" he asks.
"between the first and second hole," she replies.
He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."
Stop me if you've heard this one...
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
A lady runs up to a golf pro giving a lesson ...
... and says "Help! I've just been stung by a bee!". The golf pro asks where. The lady says "Between the first and second holes." The pro says, "Well, I can tell you right now your stance is way too wide."
A couple walk Into the clubhouse after a round of golf.
The pro asks "how was you round?" The husband says "it was good but my wife got stung by a bee". "Where did she get stung?" "Between the first and second hole". The pro says "well her stance was too wide."
A woman who is playing golf gets stung by a bee.
She rushes into the pro shop and says "I've been stung by a bee! I've been stung by a bee!
The pro say "Where?"
The woman says "Between the first and second hole."
The pro says "Your stance is too wide."
A woman was playing a round of golf
A woman was playing a round of golf when a bee stung her.
Fearing an allergic reaction she ran to the clubhouse and told the pro that she had been stung.
He asked where and she said between the first and second holes.
He replied "your stance is too wide".
A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.
She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.
Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she answered.
"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.
He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
So I got my concealed carry permit yesterday
So I got my concealed carry gun permit yesterday and then went over to the local Bass Pro Shop to get a small caliber p**... for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun, the cashier said, s**... down, facing me. Making a mental note to complain about these new invasive gun control laws, I did as she instructed. After her hysterical shrieking subsided, I realized she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the reader. I still don't think I looked that bad.
So, after winning the ball game, I decided to throw a ball into the crowd like I've seen pro baseball players on TV do
Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.
Taking a lesson because her golf game had been going so badly, a woman had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee.
Distraught and rather angry and disheartened besides, she went back into the clubhouse and told the golf pro about the incident.
"Where did it sting you?" he asked.
"Between the first and second hole," she replied.
The pro shook his head and quickly exclaimed: "That's your problem right there. You have your feet too far apart.
What's the difference between a successful bank robber and one who ends up in prison?
One's a pro, and one's a con.
Pros and cons of guys:
Con: They're d**....
Pro: Their d**....
A guy buys a golf course...
It's doing well, but maintenance costs are killing him, so he decides to build 3 robots. They're instantly doing 10 times the work of humans, & he's happy. One day the club pro is teeing off in a money game & gets blinded by the glare from a robot. Its not the first time, & he tells the owner he must fix this issue. He thinks about it, & decides to simply paint the robots black. So the next day two of them don't show up for work & the third one robs the pro shop.
What's the difference between US Politics and WWE?
one is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief
the other is pro wrestling.
Con is the opposite of pro, and con is bad.
So if we want to turn the constitution into something better, then we should change it to...
A buddy asked if I was pro gay...
I'm not even amateur gay; I didn't even know they had a league!
Did you know that R. Kelly wanted to be a pro hockey player?
He was good at it too, but the only trouble was that he didn't want to score after the first period.
So we all know con is the opposite of pro, right? Well, if pro and con are opposites, then what's the opposite of progress?
Congress.
A woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so bad that she ran to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, What's wrong?
I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
After s**..., I pee like a pro basketball player!
Lots of dribbling.
Thank you President Trump..
..for improving my vocabulary. I would have never known the meaning of sedition, insurrection, quid pro quo, colluding, etc without you!
Archery
When asked what they are aiming for,
A newbie will say precision,
A pro will say grouping,
And dads will say "the target."
I believe that if someone makes you calamari, you should make them calamari in return.
You know, squid pro quo.
If pro is the opposite of con....
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
Congress.
Joe Swanson - Family Guy
A woman gets a golf lesson.
A woman goes to her local golf course and gets a lesson from the course pro. After the lesson she decides to play a round to reinforce what she learned. But after only 20 minutes the golf pro sees her back at clubhouse. "What happened" asks the pro. She replies "I was stung by a bee while playing and didn't feel like continuing". "Oh no, where at" replies the golf pro. She says "between the first and second hole".
"Oh, I see" says the pro, "your stance is too wide".
If pro and con are opposites
Then the opposite of progress is Congress.
Life Pro Tip: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the kitchen floor, quietly kick it under the refrigerator.
Soon it'll be water under the fridge.
Can you imagine getting 72 v**... when you go to heaven?
The first half-dozen or so will be nice, but after that, I'm going to want a pro.
I don't understand why people have a problem with corona protest demonstrations.
Shouldn't everyone be pro testing?
A man decided to take up golf
so he signed up for lessons with the local pro. The pro showed him the proper stance and grip and swing and then said, Now just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green. The novice teed up and smacked a beauty, straight down the fairway, onto the green, stopping inches from the hole. Now what? the man asked the shocked pro. Uh, you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup. Oh, great! said the beginner in a disgusted tone. Now you tell me!
I was visiting my boyfriend the other night when I asked him if I could have a newspaper.
I don't waste my money on newspapers. Just use my MacBook Pro."
I can tell you this: That roach never knew what hit him.
Pro Life Tip
PLT : Avoid Abortion Clinics
You know what the number one leading cause of p**... is, right?
s**... kids.
(Pro Tip: I tell this to every single one of my First Dates. It's my Late 20s testing threshold for whether or not they'll tolerate me for very long.)
I feel sorry for the guy who lost his iPhone 13 Pro on the bus yesterday, I really do…
…but I wish he'd stop calling me on my new cell.
A pro ?
I asked a friend. If there are a 1000 d**... on the wall how many do u choke on
Friend says. None ?
Never knew my friend was such a pro ....
If Con is the Opposite of Pro...
Does that make Congress the opposite of Progress?
Life Pro Tip ~ if you start watching, "When Harry Met Sally" at exactly 11:15 pm on New Year's Eve, when the clock strikes midnight...
You'll still be just as single as when you started the movie...
A woman enrolls up for golf
A bee stings her in the very first round of golf. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.
A golf pro, who's out early for practice, enquires:
"You're back early. What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee!"
"Where?"
"Between the first and second hole."
He nods: "Your stance is far too wide!"
A woman runs into the clubhouse on a golf course, breathless.
Help... I've been stung by a bee... she gasps.
Where did this happen? asks the pro drinking at the bar.
Between the first and second holes, she replies.
Clearly madam, your stance is too wide.
A golf pro...
...is sitting at the clubhouse bar, when the bartender says:
"Long day?"
"Yeah, spent all morning dealing with these know-it-all's from--"
All of a sudden a man runs in screaming:
"My wife! She's allergic to bees, she got stung between the 1st and 2nd hole!"
The golf pro shakes his head and says: "I **told** her, her stance was too wide."
Just made up a joke and it's brilliant! What does Donald trump and a Mac book pro have in common?
They aren't PC
The police caught a person erasing people's criminal records
They said he was a real pro for a first offender.
Everybody loves the iPhone X, XS and 11 Pro...
Because their top notch
I like my women like I like my microwave.
Cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and she'll kill any baby I put inside her.
Who says America has downgraded testing because of Trump?
Don't you see they are pro testing.
We can all agree the opposite of pro is con, right?
In that case, the opposite of progress is...
Congress
The opposite of a pro is a con.
The opposite of progress is Congress.
My mom told me to wipe all surfaces in the bathroom.
When it came to the windows, I was a surface pro.
If the opposite of con is pro...
...the opposite of constitution has to be prostitution.
What do you get when a proctologist runs track?
r**... pro laps
I'm organising a debate to decide which member of U2 is the best.
I'm doing it completely pro bono
What do you call it when a cephalopod returns a favor?
Squid pro quo.
If you are anti-abortion...
Are you pro youth-in-asia?
I'm a practicing Catholic
But I'm not ready to go pro just yet.
I went golfing the other day and heard a woman running towards the pro shop, screaming that she was attacked by wasps.
I ran over and asked where she got stung. She said "Right between the first and second hole." I said, "First of all I think your stance is a little wide."
Why are writers really good at coding?
Because they are really into Pro grammar.
Life pro tip: always be nice to pies.
You don't want to hurt their fillings.
Why aren't any atheists buying a PS4 Pro?
They don't believe in higher power.
