The Best 90 Prize Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Prize jokes. There are some prize medal jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these prize trophy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Prize Jokes and Puns
Just bought a raffle ticket, top prize a Mediterranean cruise.
Last week's was a rollover
Joe took his blind date, Kim, to the carnival...
"What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe. "I want to get weighed," said Kim, and so they ambled over to the 'guess-the-weight' stand. The owner guessed 121 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next the couple went on the Ferris wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. And back to the 'guess-the-weight' stand they went. Since they had been here before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.
The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
Have you guys heard about the scarecrow...
Have you guys heard about the scarecrow that got a nobel prize for being outstanding in his field?
Why did the scientist take off his doorbell?
...because he wanted to win the "Nobel" prize!
What did Orion receive when he won second place in the archery contest?
The constellation prize.
The Door Prize
Olie went to the neighborhood dance, and he won the big door prize. It was a toilet brush. So he took it home.
A few days later some friends of Olie asked him "Hey Olie how is that toilet brush working out for ya."
Olie said "Oh it works real good but I prefer toilet paper."
Mad Cow Disease
There are two cows out in the pasture, watching as the farmer takes a prize bull behind the barn to shoot it.
The first cow looks at the second one and says "Can't believe Joe came down with mad cow disease. Are you scared we might get it too?"
The second cow looks at the first cow with a puzzled look and says "Why should I be scared? We're ducks."
The Carnival Date
Jesse took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Amber?" asked Jesse.
"I want to get weighed," replied Amber.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Jesse again asked Amber what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Jesse lost his dollar.
By this time, Jesse figured that she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How did it go?"
Amber responded, "Oh, Waura. It was wousy."
My niece comes up with the best kid jokes. Why did the scientist remove his doorbell?
He wanted to to win the **Nobel Prize!**
I think gambling hotlines would be more effective
if every fifth caller won a prize.
Why did the cow win a Nobel Prize?
Because he was out standing in his field.
You can explore prize won reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prize atrophy dad jokes. There are also prize puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why did the scarecrow get the Nobel prize?
He was out standing in his field.
Why was Six afraid of Seven? Because Seven ate Nine. Lame, right? I made up some more!
Why did Two pay more for socks?
Because it was a three-for-five deal!
Why did Four get jealous of Five?
Because Five had six with Seven!
(And I heard that Seven ate Nine out)
Why did Negative One share its cash prize with Zero after they tied for first place in the race?
Because Zero won too!
So I entered an astronomy contest the other day...
...I didn't come first but I did get a constellation prize. :-)
Did you hear Victoria entered a boxing tournament where the grand prize was a sex change?
I heard she came out the Victor
Wheel of Nostradamus
A man was at the fair when he heard a carnie shouting "Step right up and spin the Wheel of Nostradamus and win a prize!" Intrigued, the man approached and asked how much for one spin.
"Only five dollars per spin, sir."
Outraged, the man asked why it was so expensive. The carnie replied:
"I'm trying to turn a prophet here!"
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer...
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
"Here'sto spending the rest of me Life,
Between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best
Toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the
Prize for the Best toast of The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life,
Sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking
Buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled
Leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit
surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell
asleep".
Farming for a Nobel Prize
Farmer John is driving along the road one day when he spots his neighbour, Bill, standing on top of his tractor in the middle of his field. Overcome with curiosity, he ambles over and asks Bill what he is up to?
Bill replies, "Trying to win a Nobel prize".
"How do you figure?"
"Well, I hear they give them to people who are outstanding in their fields!"
Did you hear about the time Orion lost an archery match?
He was given a constellation prize.
Best toast in all of Ireland
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me
Life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of
The night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside
Me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street
Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other
Night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's
Only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by
The ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
A beloved nursery rhyme from my childhood!
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
Who had so many children she didn't know what to do.
So she cut 'em up, put 'em into pies,
Took 'em to the fair and won first prize!
Why did a scientist disconnect his doorbell?
because he wanted to win the No-bell prize!!
Sorry, I ll walk out
Did you hear about the prize for the Amish children's cooking competition?
Whichever kiddo makes the best egg dish gets to keep the Amlet omelet amulet
Did you hear about the guy that invented the door knocker?
He won the "Nobell" prize.
Nobel Peace Prize
I would kill for one of those
Why did Alexander Graham Bell never receive a nobel prize?
Because it's a "no bell" prize.
What happened when the astrophysicist lost a competition?
He got a constellation prize.
Congratulations to Tu Youyou on winning the Nobel Prize in Medicine and for being the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.
What did they give the guy who invented the doorknocker?
A no-bell prize
Well now that Nietzsche won the prize for Best German Philosopher...
Immanuel Kant.
Someone's written an album about thermometers...
I've heard it's been nominated for a Mercury Prize.
How did the sheep get a Nobel Prize?
It was out standing in its field!
My brother won a prize for staying in a hospital bed for a really long time.
He got a trophy.
A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..
She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from sex.
The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in intercourse, but unfortunately the zoo couldn't afford to import a male gorilla just for her to have sex.
Giving his funding situation, he goes up to the janitor and asks him "Hey, for $500, would you have sex with this gorilla?"
The janitor thought about it for a minute, and then replied "Sure, on three conditions. First condition, I don't want to kiss her."
"Okay sure! I wouldn't expect you to!"
The janitor then stated "Second condition. I don't want anyone knowing about this ordeal."
"Sure, fine! Not a problem! What's your third condition?"
Janitor said "Give me at least 2 weeks to come up with the $500"
I got second place in a star gazing competition once.
The winner got a telescope, but all I got was a constellation prize.
Did you hear about the hunter who traded a prize deer for a high class prostitute?
He got the best bang for his buck
Did you hear about the scarecrow that won a nobel prize?
They said he was outstanding in his field
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
A trophy.
A Grand Prize
I phoned my local radio station today.
When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."
"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.
"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling
confident?"
"I've got a degree in Maths and I teach it at my local school," I proudly replied.
"Okay then, to win 2 VIP tickets to see Justin Bieber and to meet him back stage afterwards, what's 2+2?"
"7," I replied.
Congrats to Gaston on his award!
The No-Belle Prize.
What's the only prize that Gaston won in Beauty and the Beast?
The No Belle prize.
Whats the evidence that Gaston is the best guy ever?
He won the no Belle prize
Did you hear? Gaston won an award!
He won the No Belle prize.
What did the Russians receive when they lost the space race?
A constellation prize
A stupid person buys a lottery ticket for $1
To his delight, he won a million dollars. Going forward to claim his prize, he was informed that he will be paid in $1000 instalments. Appalled and shocked, he shouted to the register, give me my million dollars or give me my $1 back
Why wasn't 6 excited that 7 won a prize for her?
Because 711452.
I entered a contest where the grand prize was a shopping center, but I lost
Can't win the mall
What do you give a country that hasn't rang it's bell for war in 100 years?
A no bell peace prize.
Two priests are at a Bucking Bronco contest
The first priest hardly lasts 30 seconds, but the second priest lasts well over 2 minutes and walks away with the prize money.
The first priest says, "I don't know how you do it."
The second replies "One of my choirboys is Epileptic."
What award did Gregor Mendel receive for his work in the field of Genetics?
The Nobel Peas Prize.
I was really disappointed when I came last in the astronomy competition, but they still gave me a map of the stars just for participating.
It was a constellation prize
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke
Got the "no bell" prize
Did you hear about the french woman that invented the knock knock joke?
She won the No Belle prize
Why was the scarecrow nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize?
Because he was out standing in his field
The creator of the very first knock knock joke..
Must have won a no-bell prize
the person who invented knock knock jokes ...
deserves a Nobel prize
Star Trek fans always expect a gift when going to a convention.
They call it the Enter prize
Did you hear about the guy who made up the knock knock joke?
He won a "no bell" prize
The man who invented knock-knock jokes
should get a no bell prize.
A boy was standing in his father's wheat farm for several hours.....
His father finally asked him "son, why are you wasting your time standing out here?"
Son replied "father, I am not wasting my time, I am trying to win a nobel prize!"
The father thought he was studying the environment and was impressed, still he asked "how do you plan on doing that?"
Son replied "I have heard that people who won Nobel prizes were outstanding in various fields. So I am doing the same."
I always knock on the door and don't use the doorbell.
I think i deserve a Nobel prize.
What prize do you get for putting your phone on vibrate?
The no bell prize.
Lesser known Knights of the Round Table
I was the knight no one expected to see on the battlefield. - Sir Prize
I shall see you around. - Sir Cumference
We shall fight on land or sea. - Sir Fenturf
I was the knight who was afraid to fight. - Sir Render
I was the unbelievable knight. - Sir Real
I was the knight that drank too much. - Sir Rhosis
Donald Trump has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize
For real
What did the winner of the muscle loss contest receive as a prize?
Atrophy
When you don't qualify for a Nobel Peace Prize...
... Go for the Darwin Award!
Three scientists were awarded the Nobel Prize for their work on black holes. The Trump Administration immediately objected
and said that research would should be directed towards white holes as well.
There's a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you
Second place is just a constellation prize
Found this one in my 2014 meme stash
A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"
"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a driver's license."
"Oh, Ignore him.", his wife said, "He always speaks nonsense when he's drunk."
"I KNEW IT!", his father bellowed from the backseat, "I KNEW WE WON'T GET FAR IN A STOLEN CAR."
Then came the voice from the trunk, "Are we over the border yet?"
A guy takes a girl on a date to the county fair...
When they get there, he asks her what she wants to do now. She says "I wanna get weighed." So he takes her to one of those guess your weight booths and she gets a prize. He asks her again what she wants to do. Again, "I wanna get weighed".
This goes on the whole night. Finally the guy gets fed up and takes her home. When she walks in the door, her mom asks "how was your date?"
She replies "*sigh* wousy"
What is first prize in a competition to lose muscle mass?
a trophy.
How many journalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three:
One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the poor.
One to report it as a conspiracy to deprive the poor of darkness.
And one to win a Pulitzer Prize for reporting that the electric company hired someone to break the lightbulb in the first place.
But in the end none of them actually changed the bulb.
My kitten won top prize in a cute competition.
Unfortunately, they messed up the award... Instead of making it in the shape of a kitty's face they made it into a kitty's behind!!
It's a real cat-ass-trophy!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the no-bell prize.
Did you hear about the guy who won an award for having the most extra body parts?
He won the Chernobyl Piece Prize.
A young boy and his father are looking up at the night sky
The young boy gazes in amazement and then turns to his father.
Dad, where do you think we go when we die?
I believe that when we die our souls join the stars, son.
I've always heard that the afterlife is a gift that not everyone gets.
I'm not sure if it's a gift, but it's definitely a constellation prize.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
## Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the no-bell prize.
What do prize winning competitive mushroom pickers eat in the morning?
Breakfast of Champignons
What did the person who invented knock-knock jokes win?
A no-bell prize!
My Daughters Dad Joke this morning
Ran through a drive up this morning before school.
As we are pulling away from the window, she looks in the bag.
Dad you should see this! It's beautiful, the hashbrowns are stacked side by side, the sandwiches are perfectly wrapped, and the napkins are placed so they won't get oily...I am not sure who did this, but they should be awarded the Nobel Grease Prize.
She looked at me with a sly smile and I told her...I saw what you did there. We both laughed.
A great dad joke from a 10 yr old.
Which Disney character won the Nobel prize?
Gaston
How'd the little dipper get its name?
As a constellation prize!
Did you hear about the guy who wrote the first knock knock joke?
He won the Nobel prize
The taxidermist mounted the wrong end of my prize lion on the wall.
It's a catastrophe!
What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't used their muscles at all for the past year?
A trophy
Guess who won the nobelle prize.
Gaston.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
It's a constellation prize.
The Queen just phoned to say I have won a knighthood!
It was a complete Sir prize
What kind of prize do you give to a person that hasn't moved a muscle in over a year?
Atrophy
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the prize prizewinning jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working prize shmuel piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.