Private Eye Jokes
13 private eye jokes and hilarious private eye puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about private eye that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Private Eye Short Jokes
Short private eye jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The private eye humour may include short eye doctor jokes also.
- A private eye recounts one of the cases he's worked in: "From the moment I saw her outside my office window, I knew she was in big trouble." "Mainly because my office was located on the 7th floor."
- How did the private eye use math to find the intent of the crime? He solved for y!
Thought this one up myself and thought it was post worthy - Pirate party One eyed ducks are having a private party. A duck comes by and asks: " How come this is a private party?"
One eyed duck says: " because it's a pirate party". - Why did the private eye finish his spaghetti, even though he was already full? He just couldn't leave any loose-ends.
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Private Eye One Liners
Which private eye one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with private eye? I can suggest the ones about pink eye and eye glass.
- Why did the detective wear a patch on his left eye? It's his private eye.
- What do you call a stock broker that also works as a private eye? An Invest-igator
Private Eye Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about private eye you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean eye related jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make private eye pranks.
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to go skinny dipping...
Suddenly, they saw three women walking towards them. Each was a member of their flocks. The priest and the minister covered their privates with their hands and closed their eyes waiting for the agony to end.
After the women walked away they noticed the rabbi had covered his face and not his nether regions. He said, "My flock recognizes my face. What kinda sermons do you give?"
A soldier was having a psychiatric test prior to discharge.
The psychiatrist asked, "Tell me, Private, what would happen if I cut off one of your ears?"
"It would be hard to hear", replied the soldier.
"Good", said the psychiatrist. "What would happen If I cut off your other ear?"
"I wouldn't be able to see."
"That's interesting , why do you say that?"
"Because my cap would fall over my eyes."
Too soon.
I was sitting at the bar babying my drink and I turn to notice a beautiful woman sitting alone in the corner. She seems solemn and desperate. I can't help but feel like there is something I can do to help so I approach her table. Walking toward her I notice a tear rolling down her face.
Are you alright? I ask.
No, I have recently lost someone very close to me, she replies burying her face in her hands as the tears stream from her eyes.
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss, would you like me to leave?
Actually I could use some company, but could we go somewhere more private? Nothing about this seems right but before I stop to gather my thoughts the words were already out.
My place is not far from here, I said with nervous excitement. Opening my front door she is all over me, we fall onto the couch kissing and groping. My hand slides to her inner thigh, she pushes me away with a look of disgust.
Is something wrong? I blurt feeling foolish and confused.
This just doesn't feel right, it's too soon, she said looking down with mauled eyes. Without thinking I ask,
Are you a lesbian? she glares wide eyed as her vulnerable demeanor quickly turns to rage, she slides a knife from her boot and replies
No, I'm a necrophile.
A private school dance...
There are two private middle schools having a school dance together in on of the school's gyms. One is an all girls' school, and the other is an all boys' school.
All of the kids are dancing in the middle of the school's gym and having a pretty good time...except for one girl with a peg leg and one boy with a wooden eye.
After about a half an hour of standing on opposite sides of the gym, the boy finally musters up the courage to speak to the girl.
The boy says to her "Hi I think you're very pretty, would you like to dance with me?"
Excited, the girl sweetly says "Would I!"
After a moment, the boy growls back at her "peg leg!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man's wife is in a coma in the hospital
The man, exhausted, sleeps in the waiting room as the nurse gives his wife a towel bath. As the nurse does this, she notices a slight movement from the comatose woman as she runs the washcloth over the woman's private parts.
The nurse gently wakes the man up, and as he rubs sleep from his eyes, she tells him, "I noticed something when bathing your wife, and it makes me think she might respond to o**... s**...."
The man thinks a moment, then says, "OK, I'll give it a try." He goes into the room while the nurse watches the woman's vital signs from the monitor at the nurse's station.
Suddenly, the heart monitor goes flat with a loud "BEEEEP". The nurse charges off and almost crashes into the man as he exits the door of the woman's room. "What happened!?" she shouts.
"She choked."