Prisoner Jokes
104 prisoner jokes and hilarious prisoner puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prisoner that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Prisoner Short Jokes
Short prisoner jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prisoner humour may include short inmate jokes also.
- So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
- As I was driving past a prison yesterday, I saw a dwarf scaling down the wall. Confused , I stared up at him and he sneered back. And I thought to myself, "well that's a little condescending."
- After my wife died I couldn't look at women for 20 years But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it
- My brother who has a stutter is in prison. It's just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.
- bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
- "Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church. But a horrible thing to hear in a mexican prison.
- If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.
- Prisoner: I'm sorry I tried to escape. Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.
Remember, kids, never let your guard down. - Why are white gangs the scariest in prisons? Because they had a fair trial and still ended up there.
- Someone got 25 years in prison for saying Putin was an idiot 5 years for insulting the leader and 20 years for revealing state secrets.
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Prisoner One Liners
Which prisoner one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prisoner? I can suggest the ones about prison officer and hostage.
- Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? Cause you know he is actually guilty.
- Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence
- What do you call Andrew Tate in a romanian prison? In-cell
- A guy with a stutter died in prison before he could finish his sentence.
- After my ex died, I couldn't shower alone for 10 years But I'm out of prison now
- What's the scariest thing about a white guy in a prison? You know he actually did it.
- A prisoner was told how he'll be executed Needless to say, he was shocked.
- What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common? They both turn o into an O .
- When my wife died I couldn't shower alone for 12 years. But I'm out of prison now!
- why should you be afraid of a white man in prison? because you know he's guilty.
- I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall It was a little condescending
- What do prison and the shift key have in common they both turn your "o" into an "O"
- I got a prison tattoo of mitochondria Now I truly am the powerhouse of the cell
- Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 70% water. I can walk on babies. I'm... In prison.
- What do you call a prison full of kangaroos? Australia
Howlingly Hilarious Prisoner Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about prisoner you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prison inmates jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prisoner pranks.
A woman visits her husband in prison
Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:
"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"
The officer laughs, saying:
"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"
"b**...! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"
Jesus loves you.
A good thing to hear in church but a terrifying thing to hear in a mexican prison.
3 men are in a Soviet Prison
They ask each other why they are in prison.
The first says 'I was always 5 minutes late for work, so I was accused of sabotage'
The second says 'I was always 5 minutes early for work, so I was accused of espionage'
But the third says 'I was always on time for work, so I was accused of having a Western watch'
"Jesus loves you" can be very comforting words...
unless you hear them in a Mexican prison
Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape?
Because they had no bars on their cells!
Why do prison guards use Proactive?
To prevent further breakouts.
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 86% water...
...I can walk on babies.
Therefore I am...
...In prison.
How much c**... can a smuggler sneak into prison?
a buttload.
I asked my friend about his time in prison.
"I have mixed feelings. On one hand I was surrounded by the worst society had to offer. I shared cells with thieves, murderers, and rapists. On the other hand the prison library was filled with the best collection of literature that I've ever seen. I don't know. It has its prose and cons."
Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed...
...they spent another 2hrs talking outside.
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison...
...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving.
A dwarf escaped from prison so he could fulfill his dream to go skydiving. (Skydiving is when you jump out of a plane way up in the sky with a parachute to slow your fall) .... Sorry if that was a little con descending.
Came up with this joke this morning in the shower.
I took a tour of a prison for poets, at the end the warden asked what I thought of it. I said it has its prose and cons.
90% of Men in Chicago have had shower s**...
The other 10% have never been to prison.
Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for s**...?
can't wait to get out of prison.
Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin are taking a coffee break in Yalta...
Churchill takes out a small black notebook and starts writing something down.
"Taking notes?", Roosevelt asks.
"No," Churchill says, "I heard a new political joke about myself this morning. I collect all jokes about myself. I already have over 100 in this notebook."
"How funny," Stalin says. "I collect all jokes about myself too."
"Oh, really?" Churchill says. "So how many have you got?"
"Three prison camps so far."
Smoking two cigarettes at once
A girl saw a guy smoking two cigarettes at once, she asked him why ? he replied that he smokes one for himself and one for his buddy in prison. Another day, the same girl saw that guy again smoking only one cigarette this time, she said : "Congrats! i'm verry happy for you and your friend ! he must have missed you", he replied that he still is in prison, she asked : "so why are you smoking only one cigarette ?", he replied : "i stopped smoking".
There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton
Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.
To Hillary supporters, don't give up hope!
Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison before becoming President.
After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years...
But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.
Two prisoners were waiting to be executed.
"Any last requests?" asked the jailer.
"Yes," replied one of the prisoners. "I love music, so before I die could you play 'Never gonna give you up' by Rick Astley."
And the second prisoner said: "Kill me first."
A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"...
A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"
"Jesus loves you."
A nice thing to hear in church. And a horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.
A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...
...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'
The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'
The inmate smiles and says 'Fantastic! ...Now come over here and s**... mommy's c**...'.
An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son in prison:
"This year I'm unable to plant potatoes because I can't dig the ground. I know if you were here you would've helped me."
His son replied: "You idiot, don't dig the ground, I have hidden guns there."
Pretty soon, the Police read the letter, and the very next day the ground was dug by the police, and searched for guns but nothing was found.
The son wrote again: "Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here."
Whats a prisoners favorite punctuation mark?
Period.
Because it marks the end of a sentence.
A psychic midget has escaped from prison..
Police are looking for a small medium at large.
So a prison break was happening...
And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.
It was a little condescending.
Why do women's prisons give out tampons on release day?
Because all sentences should end with a period.
If prisoners could take their own mugshots...
They'd be called CELLFIES
I'll see myself out.
I work in a prison, and when people ask me if I enjoy my job...
...I tell them that it has it's pros and cons.
Jesus loves you.
A beautiful sentiment to hear at church.
The stuff of nightmares in a Mexican prison.
Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end
You'll go to prison for a very long time.
The other day, I saw a midget prisoner climbing down a wall.
About halfway down he turned and sneered at me, and I thought, "That's a little condescending."
Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up
Dad: That's a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That's right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
Homosexuality in Russia is a crime, and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with hundreds of other men.
There is a three year waiting list.
Touched by Jesus
Saying that you were touched by Jesus is a completely different story in a Mexican prison.
I just drove past a prison and noticed a short fella escaping by sliding down a rope hung from the prison wall...
I thought, that's a little condescending.
Two prisoners are on death row
And the day of their execution has come.
The warden turns the first prisoner and asks, "Any last requests?"
"I'd really like to hear the Macarena one last time," he replies.
The warden nods. "Very well. And you?"
he asks the second prisoner.
"Kill me first."
Breaking news just in. A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the highway,
Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals
Have a turkish joke
A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"
The first night in prison and not sleeping next to my wife, I wrestled uncontrollably with a large and throbbing e**....
I just wish it had been mine.
There's a guy who smokes 2 cigarettes together
They asked him: why do you always smoke 2 cigarettes together?
He said: one for me, and one for my brother in prison.
After a while they saw him smoking one cigarette only and they asked him: so your brother is out of the jail?
He said: no, I stopped smoking.
A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.
He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.
When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.
An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:
This year I wont be able to
plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here
you would help me The son wrote back: Dad don't even think of
digging the field because that's where I buried the money I stole
Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug
by police looking for the money but nothing was found.
The next day the son wrote again:
Now plant your potatoes dad; it's the best I can do from here.
The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, I stole a can of peaches.
The judge then asked, how many peaches were in the can?
Six, replied the woman.
After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn't know what to do.
And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, your honor, wait!
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.
She also stole a can of peas!
A prisoner digs a hole out of jail....
.... and ends up in a toddler playground
and yells "I'm free! I'm free!"
and a kids walks up and says "So big deal, I'm four!"
Next time you're feeling down remember life is all about perspective
I have a friend who has s**... 2-3x a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison
Next time you're feeling down, remember that life is all about perspective.
I have a friend who has s**... 2-3 times a day, exercises twice a day and reads two books every week yet he always complains how he much he hates prison.
Policeman: You're going to prison for forgery.
Me: *Slides him a $37 bill*. What about now?
A prisoner has been digging up a tunnel under his cell for years
One day he while he was digging he saw the light, he reached the end of tunnel and ended up in a kindergarten playground
"I'm free, I'm free!" shouted the escaped prisoner
"so what? I'm four" said one of the toddlers
A prisoner spent a month digging an escape tunnel and finally came out in the playground of a preschool.
He jumped around with excitement yelling "I'm free, I'm free". A small girl looked up at him and said, "Big b**... deal, I'm four".
Judge: For your crimes against our citizenry, I hearby sentence you to a decade in prison.
Man: That's a long sentence. Can you reduce it?
Judge: Ok. You go to jail 10 years.
Today I saw a dwarf laughing as he climbed down a prison wall
And I thought, "That's a little condescending"
As an executioner, I often ask prisoners for their last requests.
My last inmate asked me for a high five, but I just left him hanging
My Husband died. (One for the Ladies.)
After He died, I couldn't even look at another Man for almost 20 years.
But now that I'm out of Prison, I can honestly say it was worth it.
A blonde woman visits her husband in prison.
Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!
The officer laughs and says, Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!
The wife replies: Bullsht! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!
A guy is spending his first night in prison
He hears someone in another cell shout out "37!" and the whole cell block bursts out laughing.
Another guy shouts out "74!" Same thing.
"46!" and everyone loses their minds.
He asks his cellmate "What's going on? Why are the numbers so funny?"
"Well we've all been here so long we remember all the jokes by heart. To save time we just give them numbers and tell those instead."
"Oh I think I understand. Let me try. 63!"
There's dead silence.
The new guy says "What's wrong, is that one not funny?"
"Nah, it's a good one. Some people just don't know how tell a joke."
Recent political joke circulating in China
Three men who don't know each other sits in a prison cell. Each explains why he was arrested.
The first man said: I opposed covid testing.
The second man said: I supported covid testing.
The third man said: I administered the covid tests.
