The Best 35 Prison Sentences Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Prison Sentences jokes. There are some prison sentences jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these prison sentences puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Prison Sentences Jokes and Puns

So Tekashi69 could face life in prison

Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

My brother who has a stutter is in prison.

It's just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.

Prison may be just one word

But to others, it's a whole sentence

A guy with a stutter died in prison

before he could finish his sentence.

The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, I stole a can of peaches.

The judge then asked, how many peaches were in the can?

Six, replied the woman.

After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.

At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn't know what to do.

And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, your honor, wait!

The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.

She also stole a can of peas!


I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison...

...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.

He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.

When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.

Why do women's prisons give out tampons on release day?

Because all sentences should end with a period.

My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]

A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.

Whats a prisoners favorite punctuation mark?

Period.

Because it marks the end of a sentence.

Judge: For your crimes against our citizenry, I hearby sentence you to a decade in prison.

Man: That's a long sentence. Can you reduce it?

Judge: Ok. You go to jail 10 years.

You can explore prison sentences reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prison sentences dad jokes. There are also prison sentences puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My brother who stutters was sent to prison.

I feel bad knowing he will never complete his sentence.

My cousin who stutters was sentenced to 6 months in prison

That was two years ago, but he still hasn't finished his sentence

If life was like middle school

Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?

Criminal: Nope

Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.

Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!

Judge: I don't care who started it.

A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested.

He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.

A Frenchman, a Jew and a Polack

A Frenchman, a Jew and a Polack are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.

A woman, asks the Frenchman.

A telephone, says the Jew.

A cigarette, says the Polack.

Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.

The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.

The Polack walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?

Kennedy's USSR joke

A man runs into the the Kremlin yelling, "the Premiere is an idiot the Premiere is an idiot".
The man was immidetaly arrested by the KGB and sentenced to 23 years in prison.
3 years for insulting a high ranking member of the party and 20 years for divulging a state secret.

The bride asks her husband

The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

A man in Russia was arrested for saying that Putin is an idiot and given a peculiar sentence to one year and fourteen days precisely in prison.

That's fourteen days for criticising the government, and one year for revealing a state secret.


Hey, remember how we used to finish each other's sentences when we were younger?

Well I'm in prison now and I really need a favour

Jared Fogle was sentenced to 16 years in prison

He told the jury that he was happy with anything under 18

What's long and hard on a black guy

His prison sentence

I hope this hasn't been said before, I half came up with this all by my lonesome

Less time in prison than he deserved why did the convict get?

Because the sentence got mixed up.

Prison may be just one word

But to some people, it's a long sentence.

Ivan from Russia went to an anti-war protest in St. Petersburg carrying a sign that said: Putin is insane!

So, the courts sentenced him 22 years in prison. 2 years for treason, 20 years for giving away an official state secret.

My kid comes up to me and asks...

Hey mom, if you're sentenced to prison in the court of God, would you need Christian Bale??

What kind of laughter gets you a prison sentence?

Manslaughter.

A pair of twins have a deal...

They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.

It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.

A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days

He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then shaved off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I went over the wall". "Case dismissed" declares the judge

Did you hear about the murderer who wrote a really short autobiography in prison?

It was a life sentence

I heard Martin Shkreli is sentenced to 7 years in prison, although originally he was going to serve 51 days

they raised it 5000%

Prison might just be one word to you...

But to some people, it's a long sentence.

A maestro is convicted of murdering his wife, and sentenced to die in the electric chair.

On the night of the execution, he is strapped into the chair and they pull the switch. Nothing happens.

Thinking it must be a power supply problem, they turn off all the lights in the prison and try again. Still nothing.

They turn out all the lights in the town and try again. Nothing.

So, they let him go because he was such a poor conductor.

As a scientist, I received a lot of praise for figuring out a new method of getting drugs to enter cells more effectively and efficiently.

As a prisoner, I received another 2 years on my sentence.

Women shouldn't have to be in prison for more than a month.

Because their period should be the end of their sentence.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the prison sentences jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working prison sentences piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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