Prison Sentence Jokes
126 prison sentence jokes and hilarious prison sentence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prison sentence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Prison Sentence Short Jokes
Short prison sentence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prison sentence humour may include short jail sentence jokes also.
- So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
- My brother who has a stutter is in prison. It's just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.
- I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
- Why do women's prisons give out tampons on release day? Because all sentences should end with a period.
- Whats a prisoners favorite punctuation mark? Period.
Because it marks the end of a sentence. - Judge: For your crimes against our citizenry, I hearby sentence you to a decade in prison. Man: That's a long sentence. Can you reduce it?
Judge: Ok. You go to jail 10 years. - My cousin who stutters was sentenced to 6 months in prison That was two years ago, but he still hasn't finished his sentence
- A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested. He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.
- Hey, remember how we used to finish each other's sentences when we were younger? Well I'm in prison now and I really need a favour
- Jared Fogle was sentenced to 16 years in prison He told the jury that he was happy with anything under 18
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Prison Sentence One Liners
Which prison sentence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prison sentence? I can suggest the ones about life sentences and prison.
- Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence
- A guy with a stutter died in prison before he could finish his sentence.
- What kind of laughter gets you a prison sentence? Manslaughter.
- When do women in prison get their period? At the end of their sentence.
- Why didn't the prisoner stop talking? Because he had a really long sentence.
- A prisoner got killed by words He got a death sentence.
- Why did the man with the peanut allergy die in prison? He was sentenced to the nuthouse.
- Jail is a prison term. And that was a prison sentence
- I had a short prison sentence. ^that was it.
- My girlfriend has the body of a model.. And a life prison sentence.
- WHY DID THE PRISONER TYPE IN ALL UPPERCASE? THEY WERE SENTENCED TO CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.
- Why do bad break-dancers get reduced prison sentences? Time served
- What does 36+16 equal to? A prison sentence.
- (OC) Why did the man from Scotland get sentenced to life in prison? He kilt someone.
- Bill Cosby was just sentenced to 3-10 years in prison. Or in his case, 3 years to life.
Hilarious Prison Sentence Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about prison sentence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prison release jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prison sentence pranks.
Teacher: "What is the present tense for the sentence 'I killed someone'?"
Student: "The present tense would be 'I am in prison.'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A runaway man from prison that was sentenced for life, has stayed in for 25 years.
While trying to find a place to hide, he enters a newlywed’s house, ties the man in a chair in a corner of the room and ties the woman in the bed.
He climbs on the bed, on top of the woman and appears to be kissing her neck.
Then he gets up and leaves the room.
Immediately the husband drags his chair up to the bed and whispers to his wife: "My love, this man hasn’t seen a woman for many years. I saw him kissing your neck and rushing out. Just play nice with him and do as he asks you to. If he wants to have s**... with you just agree and pretend that you like it. Whatever you do, don’t go against his will and upset him. Both our lives are at your hands right now, be strong and remember that I love you."
As soon as the half n**... woman recovers from the shock of what she just heard, she says: "Honey, I feel very relieved that you see it this way. You are right, this man has not seen a woman for years but he wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering to me. He said that he finds you very cute and asked me if we have Vaseline in the bathroom! Be strong and remember that I love you too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A press release:
"Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network p**... and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence."
Judge: "You are sentenced to 2 years of solitary confinement"
Me: "Thank you."
Former Basketball player is sentenced to 5 years in prison
At least he got to hit the court again
So there are three prisoners
who have all been sentenced to twenty years behind bars. They are all allowed to have a few items in their cell. The first prisoner asks for a pile of law books, the second for his wife, and the third for three thousand cigarettes. When they are released the first prisoner walks out happy and says, "Thank god for those books. I can now finally fulfill my dream of being a lawyer. The second walks out and says, "Thank god for my wife. I now have four children and I am now going to settle down and have a nice family life. Then the third walks out and says, "Anyone got a match?"
A man in prison
A man, who is sentenced to life imprisonment, decides to dig a tunnel to escape. He works for many months on this tunnel, and finally finishes it. He decides to break out during the day, figuring the guards will not suspect this. As he breaks through the ground to the surface, he finds himself in a preschool playground.
He is surprised, but he rejoices anyway, shouting, "I'm free, I'm free!"
At this a little girl approaches him, puts her hand on her hip, and says, "big deal! I'm four!"
An old man has spent 30 years working for the railroad, punching tickets and being mean to everyone who crossed his path.
Finally it's discovered that he's responsible for a string of dozens of murders up and down the railroad line, at almost every stop, going back almost the whole 30 years of his career. He confesses to all of them and is quickly convicted and sentenced to death by electrocution.
The day finally comes, they strap him into the chair and the guard throws the switch. Sparks fly and smoke curls upward from the straps and skullcap, but the old man is unhurt. The switch is thrown again and again, but always with the same result. Finally he is released from the chair, and the next day the governor commutes his sentence to life in prison.
When a reporter asks him about the incident and why he thought he survived, the man replies, "Well, I've always been a poor conductor."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days
He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then s**... off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I went over the wall". "Case dismissed" declares the judge
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The bride asks her husband
The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
Easy way to farm
A man robbed a bank and hid out for a year before getting caught by the police but they still don't know where the money is.
When he gets caught he's sentenced to 25 years in prison.
While in prison he gets a call so he calls his wife and after a little conversation about life she asks,
"I don't know when to plant the potatoes, when is a good time to plant the potatoes and should I hire someone to till the garden?"
He replies "I'll have the rototilling done by tomorrow, you can plant them right afterwards."
Confused she just says "ok." And hangs up the phone.
Afterwards while the man is sitting in his cell he tells one of the guards " I can't hold it in any longer, I buried the money in my garden."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 new inmates discussing their sentences
first new prisoner pipes up "i'm in for m**..."
the other two ask him "what did you get?"
"20-life"
second prisoner "i'm in for burglary and r**..."
"what did you get?"
"10-15"
third jailbird "i'm in for burning i**... immigrants"
"what did you get?"
"10 to the gallon!"
Three prisoners
There men are sentenced to 10 years in prison. However, the judge has allowed them an unlimited supply of whatever they want, within reason. The first man requests any meals he wants, it is granted. The second man requests any drinks he wants, it is granted. The third man requests any cigarettes he wants, and it is granted.
Ten years later, the prisoners are released. The first man is let out of his cell, much fatter than before.
The second man is released... stumbles three steps, and falls over.
The third man is released from his cell, walks out, and asks "does anyone have a lighter?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Kennedy's USSR joke
A man runs into the the Kremlin yelling, "the Premiere is an idiot the Premiere is an idiot".
The man was immidetaly arrested by the KGB and sentenced to 23 years in prison.
3 years for insulting a high ranking member of the party and 20 years for divulging a state secret.
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
A pair of twins have a deal...
They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.
It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If life was like middle school
Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?
Criminal: Nope
Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.
Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!
Judge: I don't care who started it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree m**...
He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a "tight end"
I was just sentenced to Prison
for my part in a timeshare fraud. I have to go to prison for two weeks every year for 20 years.
I recently signed up for a free trial
and was sentenced to life in prison.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**...
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**... are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
A woman, asks the Frenchman.
A telephone, says the Jew.
A cigarette, says the p**....
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The p**... walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?
Did you hear Jared Fogle got sentenced to 15.5 years in prison today?
Under 16, that is a big win for him.
Jared Fogle "the subway guy" was upset to be sentenced to 15 and 1/2 years in Prison today...
Funny because 15 1/2 years used to sound pretty good to him.
After being found guilty of massive tax fraud and sentenced to 30 years in prison, a world renowned clairvoyant used his short stature to escape and is currently on the run from authorities.
The headlines read 'Small Medium at Large'
Why do women spend less time in prison than men?
Because a period ends a sentence.
Why did the prisoner have such a long sentence?
Because he wasn't very good with words.
TIL that Eric Clapton was sentenced to 10 years in prison.
He shot the sheriff.
Darren Sharper was sentenced to 18 years in prison today.
I hope he can still cover a tight end.
A prisoner was half way through his ten to twelve stretch when he was beaten and fell into a comma
, which helped him finish his sentence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women shouldn't have to be in prison for more than a month.
Because their period should be the end of their sentence.
Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay?
He had served his sentence.
Why are there so many blood cells in female prisons?
Because the sentences usually end with periods.
Aaron Hernandez cheated his prison sentence
He is a true New England Patriot
PRISONS HATE HIM
Aaron Hernandez shows you how he dodged serving a life sentence with this handy trick
What's a word in English that is both a word and sentence
"Prison". Although some may claim it is actually "marriage".
I say same difference.
What do you call it when Taylor Swift sentences you to prison?
Swift justice
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a w**... go soft but simultaneously make it experience hard times?
Sentence it to 21 months in prison.
What happens when a wiener encounters puberty?
A 21 month federal prison sentence.
Judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison.
convict: (whispers to lawyer)
lawyer: my client has requested that you add one more year.
A boy brought his new book to show his friend....
He boasts to his friend: "The author must have been very thorough when he wrote this book, he took 10 years to write it!"
"That's nothing", the friend replies, "have you heard of the man who was sent to prison and took 20 years to finish a sentence?"
In the Soviet Union a man was sentenced to 50 years in prison for calling Nikita Khrushchev an idiot. 20 years for insulting him and 30 for giving away government secrets.
I heard Martin Shkreli is sentenced to 7 years in prison, although originally he was going to serve 51 days
they raised it 5000%
Why should prostitutes never hang out in front of prisons?
Because you should never end a sentence with a proposition.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'd rather be in Prison than Married
there's more s**... in prison, and it usually isn't a life sentence
They outlawed prostitution near prisons....
....Because you shouldn't end a sentence with a proposition.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I like my men how I like my prison sentence...
Long and hard, with no chance of an early release.
A police officer gets thee years in prison for
Just kidding, police officers never get a full sentence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I just read that a local serial killer has been handed 20 consecutive life sentences totalling 500 years in prison.
What a joke, in today's justice system he'll probably only do half of that.
Prison joke
Why do defendants drop their jaw when they hear that they're sentenced to life?
To get their mouths ready for prison
What's so bad about Bill Cosby's prison sentence?
He's still living in a gated community
Bill Cosby may have been convicted, sentenced to prison, and end up bankrupt...
But at least he'll always have a roofie over his head.
Prison may be just one word
But to others, it's a whole sentence
I fell asleep after posting this and woke up seeing it on the front page, thanks guys!
6ix9ine in prison:
first mumble rapper to make a full sentence
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to get a mumble rapper to complete a sentence
Send him to prison
Soulja Boy may be facing 20 years in prison for selling a console with counterfeit games
It'll be the first time a mumble rapper completes a sentence.
My English teacher told me I had no complete sentences
Then I asked her how she knew I broke out of prison twice
So 6ix9ine could be facing life in prison
Maybe a mumble rapper will finally finish a sentence
Why are prisoners incarcerated for life really bad at writing?
They're doomed to never finish their sentences.
Man sentenced to 5 years in prison for robbing a garden centre
The Judge ruled it as a crime against nature.
The date of a prisoner's freedom should be called a period
because it's the end of their sentence.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A two foot tall man named Shaw is sentenced to five years in prison
So naturally he's scared. In particular, he's scared of a large Dutch prisoner named Reedemps, who runs the cell block and gives the diminutive Shaw beatings on the regular.
Shaw makes friends with his cell mate, Joe, who is also afraid of Reedemps, Together, they hash out a plan to get revenge. Joe will get Reedemps to chase him, and Shaw will be waiting with a toothbrush he's s**... into a plastic knife.
The next day at lunch Joe dumps his prison lunch chili on Reedemps' head and runs into a closet. Reedemps opens the closet, where Joe kills the lights and yells:
Shaw! Shank Reedemps' shin!
Why did the mumble rapper broke out of the prison?
Because he couldn't complete his sentence
Less time in prison than he deserved why did the convict get?
Because the sentence got mixed up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two white guys and a black guy are in prison...
Two white guys and a black guy are in prison, discussing their crimes and sentences. The first white guy says, "I'm in here for five years. Attempted r**.... I'm lucky I didn't commit the r**..., I would've got double."
The second white guy says, "I'm in her for ten years. Attempted m**.... I'm lucky I didn't kill the guy, I would've got double."
The black guy speaks up. "I'm in here for twenty years. For riding my bicycle without lights. I'm lucky it was daytime..."