Prison Sentence Jokes
126 prison sentence jokes and hilarious prison sentence puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about prison sentence that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Prison Sentence Short Jokes
Short prison sentence jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The prison sentence humour may include short jail sentence jokes also.
- So Tekashi69 could face life in prison Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
- My brother who has a stutter is in prison. It's just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.
- I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison... ...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
- Why do women's prisons give out tampons on release day? Because all sentences should end with a period.
- Whats a prisoners favorite punctuation mark? Period.
Because it marks the end of a sentence. - Judge: For your crimes against our citizenry, I hearby sentence you to a decade in prison. Man: That's a long sentence. Can you reduce it?
Judge: Ok. You go to jail 10 years. - My brother who stutters was sent to prison. I feel bad knowing he will never complete his sentence.
- My cousin who stutters was sentenced to 6 months in prison That was two years ago, but he still hasn't finished his sentence
- A private goes AWOL from the Army to follow his calling as a pastry chef, but gets caught and arrested. He was eventually court-martialed and sentenced to five years in prison for being a desserter.
- Hey, remember how we used to finish each other's sentences when we were younger? Well I'm in prison now and I really need a favour
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Prison Sentence One Liners
Which prison sentence one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with prison sentence? I can suggest the ones about life sentences and prison.
- Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence
- A guy with a stutter died in prison before he could finish his sentence.
- Prison may be just one word But to some people, it's a long sentence.
- Prison is just one word. But for some people it's a whole sentence.
- What kind of laughter gets you a prison sentence? Manslaughter.
- Prison might just be one word to you... But to some people, it's a long sentence.
- When do women in prison get their period? At the end of their sentence.
- Prison is just one word to some people... But to others, it's a complete sentence.
- Why didn't the prisoner stop talking? Because he had a really long sentence.
- A prisoner got killed by words He got a death sentence.
- Why did the man with the peanut allergy die in prison? He was sentenced to the nuthouse.
- Jail is a prison term. And that was a prison sentence
- I had a short prison sentence. ^that was it.
- My girlfriend has the body of a model.. And a life prison sentence.
- WHY DID THE PRISONER TYPE IN ALL UPPERCASE? THEY WERE SENTENCED TO CAPITAL PUNISHMENT.
Hilarious Prison Sentence Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends
What funny jokes about prison sentence you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean prison release jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make prison sentence pranks.
Teacher: "What is the present tense for the sentence 'I killed someone'?"
Student: "The present tense would be 'I am in prison.'"
A press release:
"Yesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network p**... and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence."
Judge: "You are sentenced to 2 years of solitary confinement"
Me: "Thank you."
A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days
He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then s**... off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I went over the wall". "Case dismissed" declares the judge
The bride asks her husband
The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
Why do bad break-dancers get reduced prison sentences?
Time served
3 new inmates discussing their sentences
first new prisoner pipes up "i'm in for m**..."
the other two ask him "what did you get?"
"20-life"
second prisoner "i'm in for burglary and r**..."
"what did you get?"
"10-15"
third jailbird "i'm in for burning i**... immigrants"
"what did you get?"
"10 to the gallon!"
Kennedy's USSR joke
A man runs into the the Kremlin yelling, "the Premiere is an idiot the Premiere is an idiot".
The man was immidetaly arrested by the KGB and sentenced to 23 years in prison.
3 years for insulting a high ranking member of the party and 20 years for divulging a state secret.
My Grandfather's Favorite Joke [word play]
A male prisoner promised a female guard that he would marry her if she helped him escape. This is an example of someone using a proposition to end a sentence with.
A pair of twins have a deal...
They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.
It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.
If life was like middle school
Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?
Criminal: Nope
Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.
Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!
Judge: I don't care who started it.
Mike Tyson is hosting a spelling bee
A contestant approaches the stage and Mike says, "the word is dictate"
The contestant thinks for a second, clearly pondering the spelling of the word. "Dictate... Mike, could you please use that in a sentence?"
Mike smoothly replies, "Well of course. When I was in prison, Maurice told me that my dictate good"
Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree m**...
He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a "tight end"
I was just sentenced to Prison
for my part in a timeshare fraud. I have to go to prison for two weeks every year for 20 years.
I recently signed up for a free trial
and was sentenced to life in prison.
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**...
A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**... are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
A woman, asks the Frenchman.
A telephone, says the Jew.
A cigarette, says the p**....
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The p**... walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?
Jared Fogle "the subway guy" was upset to be sentenced to 15 and 1/2 years in Prison today...
Funny because 15 1/2 years used to sound pretty good to him.
Jared Fogle gets sentenced 15 1/2 years in prison
At least he'll still be able to enjoy footlongs
Jared Fogel was sentenced to 15.6 years in prison for having s**... with underage individuals
He was just happy to get anything under 18
After being found guilty of massive tax fraud and sentenced to 30 years in prison, a world renowned clairvoyant used his short stature to escape and is currently on the run from authorities.
The headlines read 'Small Medium at Large'
What's long and hard on a black guy
His prison sentence
I hope this hasn't been said before, I half came up with this all by my lonesome
Why did the prisoner have such a long sentence?
Because he wasn't very good with words.
What does 36+16 equal to?
A prison sentence.
Darren Sharper was sentenced to 18 years in prison today.
I hope he can still cover a tight end.
A prisoner was half way through his ten to twelve stretch when he was beaten and fell into a comma
, which helped him finish his sentence.
Women shouldn't have to be in prison for more than a month.
Because their period should be the end of their sentence.
Why did the criminal get released from prison after he wrote a short essay?
He had served his sentence.
Why don't incarcerated women m**... in prison?
Because a period comes at the end of the sentence.
Why don't women stay long in prison?
As soon as they have their period they are let out.
Everyone knows a period comes at the end of a sentence.
PRISONS HATE HIM
Aaron Hernandez shows you how he dodged serving a life sentence with this handy trick
The news is talking about the prison sentences of nearly half a dozen turban-wearing men who committed some minor felonies
"One to Three for Five Sikhs"
What's a word in English that is both a word and sentence
"Prison". Although some may claim it is actually "marriage".
I say same difference.
What do you call it when Taylor Swift sentences you to prison?
Swift justice
How do you make a w**... go soft but simultaneously make it experience hard times?
Sentence it to 21 months in prison.
What happens when a wiener encounters puberty?
A 21 month federal prison sentence.
Judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison.
convict: (whispers to lawyer)
lawyer: my client has requested that you add one more year.
A boy brought his new book to show his friend....
He boasts to his friend: "The author must have been very thorough when he wrote this book, he took 10 years to write it!"
"That's nothing", the friend replies, "have you heard of the man who was sent to prison and took 20 years to finish a sentence?"
In the Soviet Union a man was sentenced to 50 years in prison for calling Nikita Khrushchev an idiot. 20 years for insulting him and 30 for giving away government secrets.
A man was in a court after being caught shoplifting a can of peaches.
The judge asked him, "How many peaches were in the can you stole?"
The man replied, "Five".
The judge gave him his sentence, "You will have five weeks in prison, one for each peach in the can".
The wife of the man, who was present in the court room, raised her hand and said, " Your Honour, he also stole a can of peas!"
I heard Martin Shkreli is sentenced to 7 years in prison, although originally he was going to serve 51 days
they raised it 5000%
Why should prostitutes never hang out in front of prisons?
Because you should never end a sentence with a proposition.
Jared Fogle was sentenced to 16 years in prison
He told the jury that he was happy with anything under 18
I'd rather be in Prison than Married
there's more s**... in prison, and it usually isn't a life sentence
They outlawed prostitution near prisons....
....Because you shouldn't end a sentence with a proposition.
(OC) Why did the man from Scotland get sentenced to life in prison?
He kilt someone.
I like my men how I like my prison sentence...
Long and hard, with no chance of an early release.
A police officer gets thee years in prison for
Just kidding, police officers never get a full sentence.
How do you tell if a female prisoner is on her period?
When her sentence ends abruptly.
I just read that a local serial killer has been handed 20 consecutive life sentences totalling 500 years in prison.
What a joke, in today's justice system he'll probably only do half of that.
Prison joke
Why do defendants drop their jaw when they hear that they're sentenced to life?
To get their mouths ready for prison
Bill Cosby was just sentenced to 3-10 years in prison.
Or in his case, 3 years to life.
What's so bad about Bill Cosby's prison sentence?
He's still living in a gated community
Bill Cosby may have been convicted, sentenced to prison, and end up bankrupt...
But at least he'll always have a roofie over his head.
Prison may be just one word
But to others, it's a whole sentence
I fell asleep after posting this and woke up seeing it on the front page, thanks guys!
Soulja Boy may be facing 20 years in prison for selling a console with counterfeit games
It'll be the first time a mumble rapper completes a sentence.
My English teacher told me I had no complete sentences
Then I asked her how she knew I broke out of prison twice
Man sentenced to 5 years in prison for robbing a garden centre
The Judge ruled it as a crime against nature.
The date of a prisoner's freedom should be called a period
because it's the end of their sentence.
Why did the mumble rapper broke out of the prison?
Because he couldn't complete his sentence
Less time in prison than he deserved why did the convict get?
Because the sentence got mixed up.
My twin brother called me from prison
He said, "So you know how we always finish each others' sentences?"
A prisoner slipped on the stairs 5 years into his 14 year sentence.
He suffered some minor injuries but he decided to pretend to be in a coma for rest of his sentence.
When he finally decided to drop the act on the last day of his sentence, the warden arrested him again, because you aren't supposed to end a sentence with a coma.
A maestro is convicted of murdering his wife, and sentenced to die in the electric chair.
On the night of the execution, he is strapped into the chair and they pull the switch. Nothing happens.
Thinking it must be a power supply problem, they turn off all the lights in the prison and try again. Still nothing.
They turn out all the lights in the town and try again. Nothing.
So, they let him go because he was such a poor conductor.
BREAKING: American Jazz musician sentenced to 12 months in prison, legally changes name
Felonious Monk will be eligible for parole in 6 months
I've got a brother. He's in prison, and stutters real bad...
It's really sad knowing that he'll never finish his sentence.
The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, I stole a can of peaches.
The judge then asked, how many peaches were in the can?
Six, replied the woman.
After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn't know what to do.
And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, your honor, wait!
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.
She also stole a can of peas!
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to prison for so long she went through menopause?
She was most upset that there would be no period at the end of her sentence.
What's a prisoner's favourite piece of punctuation?
Periods, exclamation marks, or question marks - whichever one ends the sentence quicker.
My kid comes up to me and asks...
Hey mom, if you're sentenced to prison in the court of God, would you need Christian Bale??