prison Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious prison stories

What are the best prison puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Prison? Well here is a complete list of the top prison jokes:

So Tekashi69 could face life in prison

Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

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Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison?

Cause you know he is actually guilty.

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I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

That priest is in prison now.

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After my wife died I couldn't look at women for 20 years

But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it

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My brother who has a stutter is in prison.

It's just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.

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At age 12, Little Johnny was blessed with a nine inch penis.



And three years later, that priest went to prison.

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Prison may be just one word

But to others, it's a whole sentence


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At age 13, Little Johnny was blessed with an eight inch penis.

And three years later, that priest went to prison.

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A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:

"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"

The officer laughs, saying:

"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

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I cry every time after sex

I fucking hate prison.

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3 men are in a Soviet Prison

They ask each other why they are in prison.
The first says 'I was always 5 minutes late for work, so I was accused of sabotage'
The second says 'I was always 5 minutes early for work, so I was accused of espionage'
But the third says 'I was always on time for work, so I was accused of having a Western watch'

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"Jesus loves you" can be very comforting words...

unless you hear them in a Mexican prison

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Jesus loves you.

A good thing to hear in church but a terrifying thing to hear in a mexican prison.

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Some guy walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and fries, please."

"Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"
"Fuck off you cunt," he snapped, before walking off with his food.


I love working in the prison canteen.

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my first day in prison...

On my first day in prison I was taking a shower when I noticed a bar of Dove lying on the floor.


Some big black guy said, "Hey, where's the soap?"


I said, "I'll be fucked if I know."

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What do you call a midget psychic that escapes prison?

A small medium at large.

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I don't like sex in the shower.

It's slippery, dangerous and one of the worst things about prison.

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Why is Facebook like a prison?

Because you write on walls and people you don't know poke you.

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I had sex last night.

Man I hate prison

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What do you call it when a psychic midget escapes from prison?

A small medium at large.

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Did you hear about the ghost who got put in prison?

He was charged with possession.

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Bathroom joke

What's the difference between sanctuary and prison?
Toilet paper.

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A 3 foot tall psychic escapes prison, then he gets a look at the newspaper

"Small medium at large"

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Touched by Jesus

Great words to hear in church, not so great to hear in a Mexican prison.

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Did you hear about the tight end who went to prison?

He came out a wide receiver

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Why did Tony the Tiger go to prison?

RRRrrrrrrrrrrrape!

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What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large

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I've been thrown in prison for telling dad jokes...

Turns out I wasn't authorised, as I'm not a dad.


But don't worry, I'll be seeking a pa-role.

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I was playing a prison simulator when the batteries in my keyboard died.

Now I can't escape.

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A guy goes to prison..

He walks into his cell for the first time. His cellmate is a big black guy. The first thing his celly says to him is: "You wanna be the husband or the wife?'' To which he replies "Uhhh...The husband?"

"Good, now get over here and suck yo' wife's dick."

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A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days

He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then shaved off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I went over the wall". "Case dismissed" declares the judge

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Yo gurl is your dad in prison?

'cause if I was your dad I'd be in prison.

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A psychic midget has escaped from prison

Yes, we have a small medium at large.

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"Jesus loves you." A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a MΓ©xican prison.

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Psychics

A young psychic dwarf escapes from prison.
The newspaper headline the next day:
"Small Medium at Large".

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Meow !!

4 men in a prison cell, a rapist, murderer, psycho and finally a gay man.

Rapist says, "If there was a cat in here I'd fuck it till it dies!'

The murderer replies, "Once you were done I'd torture it further!"

The psycho pipes in, "Oh yeah?, once your were done I'd fuck it till I die!"

The gay man in the corner listening in, very softly says, "Meow"

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As a volunteer, I taught a seminar on how to write persuasive speeches at my local prison.

I titled the course: "Prose and Cons".

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Did you hear about the guy who was caught hiding illegal immigrants in Prague?

He got prison for caching false Czechs.

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What did the prison guard say when Epstein cried for help?

"I'll be right there, just hang on for a minute."

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Context is everything

"Jesus loves you!"

A lovely thing to hear in church. Not so much in a Mexican prison.

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Did you hear about the midget psychic who escaped from prison?

The headline read "Small medium at large."

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What do you call a 4'11" fortune teller that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

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A blessing

It is a blessing to hear "Jesus loves you." In an American prison, but in a Mexican prison... Oh boy.

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What do you call a little person who can talk to ghosts and just escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.

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A legume broke out of prison today

Police are looking for the escapea.

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Yesterday, I failed my biology exam.
The question was: "Name something commonly found in cells."
Apparently, Niggers wasn't the right answer.

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The Energizer bunny was just releases from prison.

He was charged with battery.

. . .

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Short armed and dangerous.

Did you hear about the mind reading midget that escaped from prison? The papers said small medium at large.

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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...

...on your front step? Matt
...in a pot? Stu
...in a pan? Fry
...floating in the ocean? Bob
...bouncing on the highway? Skip
...hanging on a wall? Art
...that's been harpooned? Pierce
...lying face down in prison? Fucked

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A man is sent to prison

upon arriving his biggest fear is being someone's bitch. he gets to his cell and his cellmate tells him I only have two rules. The first is I get the bottom bunk. The man immediately agrees hoping to avoid any confrontation. "The second rule is I like to play house to right now you have to decide if you want to be the husband or the wife?" The man quickly responds husband. Well then get over here and suck your wife's dick.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best prison jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about prison. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty prison gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these prison jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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