prison Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious prison puns

So Tekashi69 could face life in prison

Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence

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Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison?

Cause you know he is actually guilty.

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I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

That priest is in prison now.

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After my wife died I couldn't look at women for 20 years

But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it

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My brother who has a stutter is in prison.

It's just heartbreaking knowing he will never finish his sentence.

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At age 12, Little Johnny was blessed with a nine inch penis.



And three years later, that priest went to prison.

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Prison may be just one word

But to others, it's a whole sentence


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At age 13, Little Johnny was blessed with an eight inch penis.

And three years later, that priest went to prison.

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A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:

"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"

The officer laughs, saying:

"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for months!"

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On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me...

"If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you alive. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either."

"Fucking great." I thought, "First day in here and I'm already married."

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A guy with a stutter died in prison

before he could finish his sentence.

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Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

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"Jesus loves you" is a wonderful thing to hear in church.

But a horrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

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If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna change my name to mitochondria...

I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.

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Prisoner: I'm sorry I tried to escape.

Guard: I'm not mad, just........disappointed.

Remember, kids, never let your guard down.

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If I had a dollar for every time I got anal

I'd have enough money to bail my ass out of prison.

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Hey guys, don't you just hate it when you're woken up in the middle of the night for sex?

can't wait to get out of prison.

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After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years...

But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it.

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What's the scariest thing about a white guy in a prison?

You know he actually did it.

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There is still hope for for Hillary Clinton

Nelson Mandela became President after 27 years in prison.

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A man just released from prison was walking down the street shouting, "I'm free! I'm free!"...

A little boy yelled back at him, "that's nothing, I'm four!"

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I just got a Christmas card promising lots of anal and oral sex this year...

I fucking hate prison.

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I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison...

...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

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Why did all the prisoners at the AT&T jail escape?

Because they had no bars on their cells!

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A prisoner was told how he'll be executed

Needless to say, he was shocked.

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Two prisoners are on death row

And the day of their execution has come.

The warden turns the first prisoner and asks, "Any last requests?"

"I'd really like to hear the Macarena one last time," he replies.

The warden nods. "Very well. And you?"
he asks the second prisoner.

"Kill me first."

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If prisoners could take their own mugshots...

They'd be called CELLFIES

I'll see myself out.

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Two women in a shared cell were in the prison for 15yrs. When they were freed...

...they spent another 2hrs talking outside.

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So a prison break was happening...

And I happened to be walking around when it happened. It had a huge wall, and I saw someone climbing down from it. Turns out I knew the guy, he's a famous midget con artist that I ratted out. As he climbed down, he gave me this wretched look.

It was a little condescending.

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What do prison and the Caps Lock button have in common?

They both turn o into an O .

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why should you be afraid of a white man in prison?

because you know he's guilty.

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Jesus loves you may be a wonderful thing to hear in church

But it's a terrible thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

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Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end

You'll go to prison for a very long time.

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I cry every time after sex

I fucking hate prison.

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"Jesus loves you."

A nice thing to hear in church. And a horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.

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What are the most funny Prison jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Prison? Well, here are the best Prison dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Prison pick up lines to share with friends.

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