The Best 35 Prison Inmates Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Prison Inmates jokes. There are some prison inmates jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these prison inmates puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Prison Inmates Jokes and Puns

A guy gets taken to his cell on his first day of prison...

...he meets his cellmate for the first time, a huge hulk of a man, who turns to him and says, 'We're gonna play a game, a game of mommies and daddies... Do you wanna be the mommy or the daddy?'

The new convict relunctantly replies, 'I guess I'll, ...I'll be the, ...the daddy?...'

The inmate smiles and says 'Fantastic! ...Now come over here and suck mommy's cock'.

A prison inmate is talking to his new cell mate

A prison inmate is talking to his new cell mate.
Inmate #1: so, why are you here?
Inmate #2: I'm in prison for something I didn't do.
Inmate #1: yeah?
Inmate #2: yea, I didn't wipe off the fingerprints from the murder weapon.

I take the bus to school

So every morning I take the bus to campus. On the way, it stops by the local prison.

This morning, while we were stopped by the prison, I heard a loud crash. I look to my right and I see what used to be a window, now shattered.

I'm looking at the window, and I see some rope fly out. Following the rope, I see an inmate. A rather small inmate. As a matter of fact, the man was a dwarf.

I stared at him in awe. As he made his way down the rope towards freedom, he notice me observing him. He gave me the stink eye. I thought to myself:

Wow, that's a little condescending.

How many prison guards does it take to throw an inmate down a flight of stairs?

None, he fell.

It is Fred's first day in prison.

After spending the morning being processed, he is taken to the huge mess hall for lunch. He finds a seat at a table full of inmates who look like they have been behind bars for years. Suddenly, an inmate stands in the middle of the room and yells, "41!" As he sits down, the room erupts in laughter. Then another prisoner stands and yells, "123!" Again, there is laughter throughout the room.

Puzzled, Fred asks the inmate sitting next to him what's going on. "Well," the older inmate says, "Most of us have been here so long that we have heard all the jokes. So we just number them and use the number."

Fred says, "I love to tell jokes! Give me one."

"Okay," says the older inmate. "Everybody loves old 72. It always gets a big laugh"

Fred stands up, waits for the laughter to die down from the last joke, and yells, "72!" There is nothing but silence as hundreds of inmates just turn and stare at him.

Fred sits down and looks at the inmate who gave him the number.

"What happened?" he asks.

The older man shrugs and says, "Some people just can't tell a joke."


I started a poetry club at the prison I work at. It's great for the inmates, but does mean I have to stay late with no extra pay

It's got prose and cons.

An old soviet joke.

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. What did they arrest you for? asks the first. Was it a political or common crime? Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven years.

Can you go to jail for this?

A demon enters a woman's body. During this time it makes her do horrible things. She commits multiple crimes.
A priest is finally able to free her of this demon, but legally she is still held accountable for all of her crimes.

She goes to prison and one of inmate says "I'm in for theft; what are you in for?"

She responds, "possession."

How many prison guards does it take to push an inmate down the stairs?

None, he fell.

A preacher visits a prison to give a sermon.

All the inmates attend the service.
The preacher opens with

"It brings me joy to see you all here"

Some inmates were complaining about the prison they're in

The walls aren't built to scale

You can explore prison inmates reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean prison inmates dad jokes. There are also prison inmates puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A couple of men in prison were telling each other jokes

After telling them so many times to each other they started referring to them as numbers. Someone would shout "45!" and they'd all start laughing. One day a new inmate arrived. He never understood why they laughed everytime someone said a number, so he just laughed along. After a week or so he decided it was his turn to try, so he shouted "345!" and to his luck, everyone laughed like never before because they hadn't heard that one before.

Inmates on death row should have prison ID's ending in .EXE

Because, eventually, they are all executable.

Prisoners are telling jokes

and because they heard all jokes a lot of times, they only say number of certain joke.
"Number 256" says first inmate as the rest of them laughs.
"Number 145" says second one as the rest bursts in laughs.
"Number 323" ,and while all laughs and and get ready to hear the next,one one guy is laughing a lot longer then rest.
Everyone is looking at him when someone ask him why he laughs so much.
He replies:"It's the first time i heard this one ".

There is a huge debate about letting NFL teams play against prison inmates as part of their rehabilitation program.

Understandable, it has a big list of pros and cons.

My friend is a prison warden currently doing sensitivity training. His homework entails "What would you do if you saw two curious inmates indulging in intercourse? "

I said "Why can't we just let bi-cons be bi-cons?!"

I run a rehabilitation program where we get prison inmates to write poetry to help them cope with their emotions.

I call it:
Prose and Cons

Did you hear about the sumo match happening at the prison tomorrow?

They're going to bring in professional sumo wrestlers and pit them against the fattest inmates but honestly I don't even know if the pros outweigh the cons.

A man named Adam is being sent to prison

On the first day in the shower he is approached by a giant muscular inmate who asks him intimidatingly

"With or without spit?!"

The man (Adam) thinks to himself that it will happen no matter what and that it might hurt less with spit so he frighteningly stammers

"With spit"

To which the giant shouts to another inmate.

"Hey come on over Spit, this dude wants a threesome!"


Hole in the wall

A guy was walking next to a prison and he could hear the inmates shouting repeadetly "SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN, SEVEN". The curiosity got the better out of him and he decided to take a peek through a small hole he saw in the wall. The man screamed in agony as he got poked in the eye from the other side and the inmates started shouting "EIGHT, EIGHT, EIGHT, EIGHT".

Prisons nationwide have integrated the Hokey-Pokey into their physical education program.

They think it will help the inmates turn their lives around.

3 new inmates discussing their sentences

first new prisoner pipes up "i'm in for murder"

the other two ask him "what did you get?"

"20-life"

second prisoner "i'm in for burglary and rape"

"what did you get?"

"10-15"

third jailbird "i'm in for burning illegal immigrants"

"what did you get?"
"10 to the gallon!"

A man with terminal cancer robbed a bank and was sent to prison.

A fellow inmate asked him, "Why did you commit this crime? You can't take money with you into the afterlife, and now you're going to spend your last days in prison!"

The man replied, "I knew I was going to get caught. That's the point! My doctor gave me six months, but the judge gave me thirty years."

A prison did a study on inmate morale by building them a fully accessible library

**It had its prose and cons.**

*modified joke, original idea by* /u/Cybersad3021

A new prisoner arrives at the gulag, and his fellow inmates ask what he was imprisoned for.

""Nothing! They gave me 10 years for nothing!", the new inmate said.

"Oh come on, don't lie to us!", replied the other inmate; "Everyone knows 'for nothing' is only 5 years!"

Why are Prisoners referred to as "inmates"?

Because, on their first night, they're most likely to have said to them: "I'm putting it in, mate!"

You know what sex in prison is called?

Inmating

It's okay to drop the soap in prison..

.. your fellow inmates got your back.

Did you hear about the book written by the inmate in the New York State Prison?

It got an early release for good behavior.

*Politics* Year 2019, two inmates are talking in a prison:

\- What are you here for?

\- I wrote a comic strip saying that our president was an idiot.

\- Did they charge you under an article for rioting or harassment then?

\- For disclosure of classified information.

Why do australian prisons have the highest percentage of homosexuals ?

They're all inmates.

What do you call a prison inmate with a skin disease?

A Leper-Con

A prison inmate walks into a bar.

Do you know what makes good license plates?

Prison inmates.

How do prison inmates communicate with each other?

With their cell phones

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the prison inmates jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working prison inmates piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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