Print Jokes
81 print jokes and hilarious print puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about print that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a laugh? Look no further than this collection of jokes about all kinds of animal prints, like leopard, cheetah, zebra and cow print, along with other kinds of prints like ctrl and 3D. With jokes about small print, camo and fine print, there's something here for every tech-savvy technician.
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Funniest Print Short Jokes
Short print jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The print humour may include short paper jokes also.
- My grandad asked me how to print on his computer... I told him it's Ctrl-P. He says he hasn't been able to do that for ages.
- I think Unilever should print little government conspiracies on their cotton swabs. They could call them Q tips
- The waitress told me I could ask her 'anything about the menu' What a liar. She had no idea who printed it or where the paper came from.
- I went to a job interview at EA The interviewer, after reading my CV, said:
"I see that this CV was clearly printed on two pages, but I only have one. Where's the other one?"
"Page two is 19.99$" - I've invented a machine that prints money. I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....
It makes no cents. - In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags. Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time.
- I showed my 12 year old son an old floppy disk.. He said "Wow.. Cool! You 3D printed the save icon!"
- The Koreans were printing with movable type in 1403. I was in 1402 and the noise kept me awake all night.
- from MASH - How do you end a prayer to the noodle God? Ramen.
- I asked my phone what its favorite joke was: What did Cinderella say when her photos didn't arrive on time? "One day my prints will come."
Share These Print Jokes With Friends
Print One Liners
Which print one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with print? I can suggest the ones about display and presentation.
- How do you follow Will Smith in a snow storm? You follow the fresh prints.
- What does Chris Rock have on his face right now? Fresh prints!
- What did the python say when he came out of his shell? Print("Hello World!")
- What was a python's first words? print("s" \* 10)
- What's the best way to hunt Will Smith? Look for the fresh prints
- Why does Donald Trump print his emails? He's never been keen on fax
- What do you use to plan a haunted house? Boo prints. :)
- If you were a font, you'd be extra fine print Because you're hard to read
- I've got a 3D printer But it only prints pieces of paper.
- A soda company printed Michael Jackson on all of their cans He really is the king of pop
- Why are banknote printing machines absurd? Because they make no cents
- What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come.
- Printer jam Why couldn't the incontinent person print?
They couldn't Ctrl-P - How do you track Will Smith in the woods? You use fresh prints.
- Why can't you print money on shuttlecocks? That's badminton
Small Print Jokes
Here is a list of funny small print jokes and even better small print puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Boss: If I knew your writing was so small I'd never have hired you Me: Well it was on my resume, you should have read the small print
- I don't trust opticians Too much small print
- I don't trust dentists Too much small print
Fine Print Jokes
Here is a list of funny fine print jokes and even better fine print puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I handed a blind guy a sheet of sandpaper. He said he couldn't read the fine print.
- Why do eye doctors make such great scam artists? Nobody can read the fine print.
Leopard Print Jokes
Here is a list of funny leopard print jokes and even better leopard print puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A complete list of things that look awesome with leopard-print: Leopards. that's it.
Animal Print Jokes
Here is a list of funny animal print jokes and even better animal print puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Rules for wearing animal print yoga pants: 1. Weigh less than the animals they represent
2.
3. - Girls really shouldn't wear animal print clothing... ...if they're bigger than the said animal.
Charming Humor Print Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about print you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean published jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make print pranks.
Read the punchline out loud. I first heard this in high school, not sure how well it translates to print.
Poor Tom.
When he was seven, he lost his left eye in a tragic accident. Being from a poor family, the only replacement they could afford was a wooden eye.
When he was seventeen, three weeks before the prom, he was still dateless. He decided to work up the courage to ask someone, but he knew he has limits. He set his eye of Amy, a girl in his class, who spoke with a lisp.
He walked up to her at lunch, while she was surrounded by her friends, and he managed to stammer out a quiet "willyougotothepromwithme?"
"Whath that? I can't hear what you're thaying."
"Will you go to the prom? With me?" he answered, a little louder.
Amy smiled. She never thought anyone would ask her!
"Go with you? Would I? Would I?"
"LISP LISP LISP!"
I made this up today. How do you print something when you've really got to go to the toilet?
You ctrl p.
Did you hear they're going to print the Daily Mail on A1 sheets?
It's pretty big news.
Saw a billboard in Rhode Island.
"doesn't matter" . It was supposed to say "size doesn't matter" but the print was to big.
Hans meets an art dealer on vacation
A German man is on vacation in Spain. He sees a local man selling artwork, so he goes over and checks out his wares. He notices a print of Picasso's Guernica on an easel. The German asks did you do this? , to which the Spaniard replied, nope. you did.
Why did the printer have wet ink?
Because it couldn't control P
Why couldn't the surgeon 3D print a new pair of lungs?
He ran out of tissue paper.
Why are old printers so musical?
Because they are prone to jamming.
They are starting to print new Euro notes...
...on grease proof paper.
Why do printers hate Bob Marley?
Cuz he's Jam-makin'
Do you know why newspapers don't print the pictures of all criminals?
They would run out of black ink
How to make your wife take care while driving?
Tell her that if she meets with a serious accident, the newspaper will have to print her age.
Its not that Hillary is old and confused.
But she did print out her emails so she could shred them.
An old Jewish man dies.
His last wish to his son is to print an obituary. The son goes to newspaper office and asks how much they charge for an obituary. They tell him $5 per word.
He says then print "Solomon dead". The newspaper tell him they require minimum 5 words. He thinks for a moment and says, then make it "Solomon dead, wheelchair for sale".
My HP printer died today
It was like a Brother to me.
Why did the printer go to the gym?
To get toner.
I tried printing something in 4D
but I ran out of time.
I'm going to be opening a store that sells cow print socks
One for your left foot, one for the udder
A guy was just sacked from the local print shop for always aligning their text to the left margin
I think it's justified.
They charged me money to print out a screen shot of ufc fight night.
It was paper view.
Why does Norway print barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return they can just scan da navy in!
My Doctors surgery called me today to tell me that the print out I received stating I have Blood Type A was incorrect.
They say it was a Type O
Why is the printer making so many noises?
Because the papers are jamming
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told her that I like to print n**... photos at the 24 hour print store...
She said, "That's k**...."
And I said, "No, it's Kinko's."
There was a printing error on my textbook about the French revolution
All the headings got cut off.
Article on the future of L.A. rapper "Post Malone" was withdrawn from print by local mail service.
Or;
Post on post-Post Malone's career and goals was postponed from posting by postal service.
Buy a 3D printer
Print a 3D printer
return the 3D printer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was caught m**... in the library over the small print of laws and local regulations....
.....I got off on a technicality
American School System
5th grade: You better learn cursive, because in middle school; all your work will be done in cursive!
6th grade: Just write print it's easier to read
Highschool: You better learn these core classes because they'll be required to know before college!
College: You have to retake and pay for these Core Classes for your Degree
I 3D printed a tree branch today
It's PLA stick
During this lockdown, please think of the confidence level and mental health of your companies IT person.
They have gone more then three months without being able to look you in the eye without smirking, while first turning your computer off and then on again, before accessing the admin profile to delete then add the wireless printer again so you can print your emails.
My friend, a cyborg, showed me how he can print paper out of his mouth.
In response, I pulled my pants down and went into a squatting position
My friend asked What are you doing?
I responded Oh! I'm feeling a fax coming in
The print screen button doesn't work!
It may be out of paper.
What did the printer say when it ran out of paper?
Oh sheet
My printer just told me it was joining a band
Which makes sense.
It loves to jam.
A man walked into a copy shop, and requested that they print a book for him with pages 30 feet long and 1 foot wide.
Printer: "Why do you need pages that long?"
Man: "Well, it's a long story."
My printer died last night under suspicious circumstances.
Epson didn't kill itself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A soldier's wife has just returned from her insurance provider and is looking very, very unhappy
"What's the matter?" Her friend asked.
"I went to get my husband covered privately, but the fine print stated: no payouts when the holder dies as a result of an e**... and/or from injuries sustained in an e**...," she replied.
"Oh? So why would that make you unhappy?" Her friend asked.
"Well, it's too late to stop the freaking timer now!"
A man's printer started printing more and more faintly, so he called a local repair shop.
A friendly young man informed him, Well, you could bring it in for a cleaning, but we charge $50 for that, so you might be better off just reading the manual and trying the job yourself.
Pleasantly surprised by this candor, the man said, Thanks, son. Does your boss know that you discourage business?
Actually, it was my boss's idea, said the young employee. He says that if we let people try to fix things themselves first, we end up making even more money!
A guy calls Newspaper office to print death news of his Grandpa.
Clerk: $50 per word…
Guy: Grandpa Dead
Clerk: Sorry Sir, Minimum 5 words required…
Guy: Grandpa Dead, Wheelchair for Sale
What printers do they use on board the Enterprise?
Hewlett Pickards
3-D printers
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm pretty excited," the guy tells the bartender. "I just got one of those 3D printers. They say I can even make a gun on it." "Ha, I'm not impressed," the bartender scoffs. "I've had a canon printer for years."
I got an all out groan on this one
My son turned 18 and moved out. We turned his room into a home school classroom for my daughters. My wife moved her printer in there and needed to print something a little while later.
Wife- "my phone can't find the printer"
Me- "did you tell it that it moved"
Why did Joe get fired from the print shop that made calendars?
He took a couple of days off.
What happens to printers that perform miracles?
They get Canonized.
The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...
"Please, just wear your police uniform."
what do you call a printer that takes up painting?
The Artist, formally known as Prints.
