Principal Teacher Jokes

Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.
The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.
The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up late. He will tell Johnny a lie so big that he will never tell another one. Ever.
The next day, Johnny shows up two hours late.
Johnny says, "I was two hours early today so I had time to fish in the pond on my way to school. I caught a 17-pound trout and had to take it home. If I didn't clean it and freeze it, my mom would've been angry. That's why I'm so late".
The teacher promptly takes him to the principal's office and explains the story to the principal.
The principal tells Johnny about his own trip to school that day.
He says, "I was walking to school through the park on the trail today when I heard something behind me. I turned around and was shocked to see a giant grizzly bear behind me. He was 24 feet tall and had 6-inch fangs. He was going to eat me, Johnny! Just then a little dog ran out from the bushes, jumped up and attacked the bear. The little dog killed the bear and then ate the whole bear right there in front of me. What do you think of that, Johnny?"
Johnny replies, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Sparky. That's his third bear this week."

A private school was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lip stick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. 
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. 
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. 
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. 
There are teachers... and then there are educators.

The principal of a school stops by a teacher's room...

and tells her, "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, you're going to have three new students today, from out in the country."
The teacher prepares three new desks, and waits all morning, but no new students show up. That is, until one boy in a pair of overalls runs in at about 10:00 a.m. and says, "Sorry Miss Teacher, ma'am. I was on the top of Blueberry Hill till just now, and then I see the time and come a-runnin!"
The teacher excuses his tardiness. At 11:00 a.m, another boy in overalls runs into the room and says, "Sorry ma'am, I was on Blueberry Hill, then I see the time and come a-runnin!"
The teacher excuses his tardiness. At noon, a girl in overalls comes running into the room. The teacher says, "Hello, am I to assume that you were on Blueberry Hill as well?" The girl replies, "No ma'am, I AM Blueberry Hill."

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now..

chicken, pork and beef

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...

A teacher assigns her students to read a chapter of a book.

"Class, I want you to read chapter 31 of the book I assigned you. Understood?"
The entire class agreed. "Okay. Class is dismissed. Remember to read it."
Skip to the next day in the classroom. "Okay, so whoever read chapter 31, please stand up."
Every student stood up. "Now, all of you go to the principals office."
Every student is shocked and confused.
"Why, you ask? There isn't any chapter 31!".

2 Reasons Why I Should go to School

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"

Parents' Occupation!

The teacher in Little Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.
"Mary, what does your parents do?"
Little Mary replied, "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse.
"That's very nice," said the teacher. "Robert, what do your parents do?" Robert proudly exclaimed, "My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!"
"That's very nice," said the teacher, "Johnny, what do your parents do?"
He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a h**...."
Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. 15 minutes later, he returned.
"Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher.
Little Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me a chocolate and asked for my phone number."

Jobs of our fathers

The principal of a school was to inspect one of the classes in her school. Before the inspection the head teacher goes to the class and tells the students that to every question from the principal, they need to give an illustrious answer even if it's not true.
The principal arrives. She goes over to little Jimmy and asks him:
"What does your dad do little boy?"
Now Jimmy's father was a poor shoemaker but Jimmy said:
"Oh, he's the owner of this large shoe factory."
She then goes to Timmy and asks him about his father's occupation.
Timmy was also relatively poor, his dad worked as a bricklayer.
"My pops owns a large construction company!" Timmy says smiling.
Finally she asks Ben. Now Ben was so poor, his father didn't have a job, but the local church out of charity let him ring the church's bells.
"Well my dad works as a DJ in the church."

The Tallest Boy

As the Principal made his rounds during the first day of school, he could hear a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.
He quickly rushed in and spotted one boy, much taller than the others, who appeared to be making the most noise.
He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to remain there until he was excused.
Returning to the classroom, the Principal restored order and lectured the students for quite some time on the importance of good behavior.
"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"
One girl stood up timidly and asked, "Yes, sir. May we please have our teacher back?"

A mother tries to convince her son to go to school

Early one morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up, Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.
Son: Awww Mom! I don't want to go to school.
Mom: Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school.
Son:
One, all the children hate me.
Two, all the teachers hate me.
Mom: Oh, that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.
Son: Okay, you give me two good reasons why I should go to school!"
Mom:
One,
you are FIFTY-TWO years old,
And should understand your responsibilities.
Two,
You're the principal of the school! "

A teacher...

A teacher is playing a guessing game with her students:
"Alright class, I'm thinking of something: it's round, it's red"
An enthusiastic student interrupts
"Teacher! Teacher I know what it is, It's a tomato!"
"No, it's an apple" replied the teacher, "But I like the way you think".
"Let's try again, I'm thinking of something: it's long, it's yellow"
The same student interrupts again "Teacher! Teacher I know what it is, it's a banana!"
"No, it's a pencil" replied the teacher, "But I like the way you think".
Having gotten the hang of the game the student says "Teacher I have one for you, I'm thinking of something: it's in my pants, it's hard, it's got a head on it"
Blushing and embarrassed the teacher shrieks "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!!"
"No teacher its a quarter" he replied "But I like the way you think".

Difference between Hypothetical and actual

So a young boy comes home from school and says, "dad, my teacher said my homework for the night is to find out the difference between hypothetical and actual."
His dad says, " well son, go ask your mother if she'd sleep with her boss for a million dollars. Then, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with her principal for a million dollars and come back, tell me what they said. "
So the young boy goes and asks both his mom and sister, comes back. "dad, they both said yes."
"Well son, that's your answer."
"But I don't get it", the boy says. 
"Ya see, HYPOTHETICALLY we could be millionaires but, we're ACTUALLY living with a couple of w**...."

The four kids....

The four kids sat on four different chairs in front of the principal looking rather sad.
Why did you get sent here? asked the principal to the boy sitting far right.
I threw rock into the water.
Okey, that's a weird reason for your teacher to send you here responded the principal as he turned his head towards the second boy what about you?
I also threw rock into the water. answered the second boy.
The principal looked surprised and turned towards the third boy, whom also said that he threw rock into the water.
Finally the principal faced towards the last and fourth boy.
Let me guess, you also got sent here for throwing a rock?
No said the fourth boy I am Rock

Give me two good reasons

Today, all schools reopened after a long summer vacation.
In one home in our neighbourhood, early this morning, a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up, Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.
SON : Awww Mom! I don't want to go to school.
MOM : Give me two good reasons why you don't want to go to school??
SON : "One, all the children hate me.
Two, all the teachers hate me!!
MOM : Oh! that's not a reason darling. Come on, you have to go to school.
SON : OK. You give me two good reasons, WHY I should go to school?
MOM : One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old, and should understand your responsibilities!
Two You are the 'PRINCIPAL' of the school "😂