Principal Jokes

Following is our collection of foremost humor and chief one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Principal puns for adults, dirty headmaster jokes or clean student gags for kids.

There is an abundance of mother jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 61 funniest jokes on principal. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any school witze you can hear about principal.

The Best jokes about Principal

Do you know who i am?

Boy: Our principal is so stupid.

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No

Girl: I'm the principal's daughter.

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No

Boy: Good (*walks away)

The principal at my school called me in to his office today. He said "I've just had a rock thrown through my window, are you responsible?"

No, I'm irresponsible. That's why I threw it.

It was my first day at a new school.

When I arrived, I wanted to make sure nobody would pick on me so I walked up to the captain of the football team and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground, unconscious. From that day forward, everyone knew not to mess with the new principal.

Principal joke, It was my first day at a new school.

Late for School

Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."

Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."

Mother: "Yes, you do."

Victor: "Give me one good reason."

Mother: "Because you're 34 years old, and you're the principal."

Waking up on a Monday morning...

On a Monday morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up son. It's time to got to school!"
"But mom, I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why."
"Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers hate me too!"
"That's no reason. Come now get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go?"
"Well for one you are 52 years old. And for another, you're the principal!".


What do you call a principal who gives good blow jobs?

A headmaster.

2 Reasons Why I Should go to School

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.

"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"

"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me also!"

"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."

"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."

"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"

Principal joke, 2 Reasons Why I Should go to School

So Trump is working with Putin on cybersecurity...

In other news, the principal at my school is working with the boys to install a surveillance system to insure privacy in the girls' locker room.

Lipstick Girls

A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.

The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.

The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

A middle school in Oregon

According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled brush, dipped it into the toilet and scrubbed the mirror.

Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Difference between Hypothetical and actual

So a young boy comes home from school and says, "dad, my teacher said my homework for the night is to find out the difference between hypothetical and actual."

His dad says, " well son, go ask your mother if she'd sleep with her boss for a million dollars. Then, go ask your sister if she'd sleep with her principal for a million dollars and come back, tell me what they said. "

So the young boy goes and asks both his mom and sister, comes back. "dad, they both said yes."
"Well son, that's your answer."

"But I don't get it", the boy says. 

"Ya see, HYPOTHETICALLY we could be millionaires but, we're ACTUALLY living with a couple of whores."


The gym teacher gets a handgun, the janitor gets a shot gun, and the principal gets an uzi. What do they arm the lunch lady with?

A salt rifle

My fifth grade teacher taught me how to smoke pot and kiss.

Best hire I've ever made as a school principal.

The phone rang in the principal's office...

Principal: "Hello?"

Caller: "Umm yes hi, my son won't be coming to school today because he's got the flu."

Principal: "OK and who may I ask is speaking?"

Caller: "Umm my dad."

Today my son was sent home from school for receiving a hand-job from a girl in his class for the third time this year. Each time this has happened he has been given a stern talking to from the principal and had to change schools.

Tired of constantly moving around, I said to him "Son if this keeps happening
they are going to ban you from teaching altogether."

Get together

Son: Dad there's a small get together at school tomorrow !!!

Father: small get together.? ..how small

Son: only me...you...and principal

Principal joke, Get together

A high school's star quarterback is about to be kicked from the team.

A high school's star quarterback is about to be kicked from the team because of his bad grades. To try and keep him on the team, the coach takes up the matter with the principal.

The principal , not wanting his team to lose, decides that he will make an exception. He gives the kid one last chance to stay on the team if he passes a test.

The coach, the principal, and the quarterback gather in the principal's office for the test.

"Here's the test. What is 4+7?"

The quarterback thinks for a long while, and then replies "10."

The coach starts to plead "Oh, come on. Give him another chance. He only missed it by two!"

Offensive Joke: The principal of my daughter's elementary school wanted to talk me about her behavior.

Apparently she was making racist remarks towards the black kids in her class and insulting them.


I must say I am terrified and very disappointed, she isn't even allowed to talk to them.

Do You Know Who I Am?

BOY: Isn't our principal stupid?

GIRL: Hey, do you know who I am?

BOY: No, why should I?

GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.

BOY: Do you know who I am?

GIRL: No.

BOY: Thank goodness


Principal: Sorry for calling you in, but your son set the school on fire.

Parents: Arson?

Principal: Yes, your son.

Time to go to school

Mom: Time to wake up and go to school!

Son: No, I don't wanna go to school today!

Mom: But you have to go to school.

Son: But, I don't wanna go to school.

Mom: Give me three good reasons why you should stay home, and I will give you three reasons why you need to go to school.

Son: Well, all the students hate me…and…All the teachers hate me…and… I just don't wanna go to school.

Mom: Well I have a lot to do today, and I can't take care of you today…

Two, you are over 40-years-old…

And three, you are the principal.

The principal of a school stops by a teacher's room...

and tells her, "I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, you're going to have three new students today, from out in the country."
The teacher prepares three new desks, and waits all morning, but no new students show up. That is, until one boy in a pair of overalls runs in at about 10:00 a.m. and says, "Sorry Miss Teacher, ma'am. I was on the top of Blueberry Hill till just now, and then I see the time and come a-runnin!"
The teacher excuses his tardiness. At 11:00 a.m, another boy in overalls runs into the room and says, "Sorry ma'am, I was on Blueberry Hill, then I see the time and come a-runnin!"
The teacher excuses his tardiness. At noon, a girl in overalls comes running into the room. The teacher says, "Hello, am I to assume that you were on Blueberry Hill as well?" The girl replies, "No ma'am, I AM Blueberry Hill."

In the morning, the mother wakes up the child "Come on, wake up, you know the quarantine is over and school starts again!"

"But, mom, why do I have to go? I hate school!"

"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."

"One: all children hate me, two: all teachers hate me even more!"

"These are just excuses, get up once and for all!"

"But then YOU give me two reasons to go."

"One: you are 41 years old, two: you are the school principal!"

Last year, 7th grade students were forced to clean the entire school.

This year, the principal said, "Last year, the 7th grade student did the cleaning. This year, let the 8th grade students do it."

I've accepted that my brother is never paying back that money I loaned him...

I've lost interest, and I'm just giving up on the principal.

A mother tries to convince her son to go to school

Early one morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up, Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.

Son: Awww Mom! I don't want to go to school.

Mom: Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school.

Son:
One, all the children hate me.
Two, all the teachers hate me.

Mom: Oh, that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.

Son: Okay, you give me two good reasons why I should go to school!"

Mom:
One,
you are FIFTY-TWO years old,
And should understand your responsibilities.

Two,
You're the principal of the school! "

Bad orchestra director

An orchestra conductor walks in on his wife cheating on him with his principal violinist. She confesses, "I haven't loved you for a while now. It's your job - you're a lousy conductor."

In a crime of passion, he shoots them both dead.

At his murder trial, he's found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. He's strapped in, the switch is thrown, and... nothing. Confused, the executor flips the switch back and forth a few times and shrugs. Turns out his wife was correct; he's a bad conductor.

Why did the boy look at each and every one of the animal crackers?

Because his mother told him not to eat them if the "seal" was broken.

Credits to my school principal

I went to a High School pep rally....

The principal had announced earlier that day that he would make an inspirational speech for us. At the rally, he walked up to the microphone for his speech. But, all he did was look at the crowd, smiled, and stepped down.

We were left speechless.

Once all the engineering professors were sitting on one plane...

Before the take off an announcement came over the fanboy.
"This plane is made by your students"
Then all professors stood up, ran and went outside, but the principal was sitting.
One professor came and asked "Are you not afraid?"
The principal replied " I trust my students very well and I am sure the plane won't even start"

The Tallest Boy

As the Principal made his rounds during the first day of school, he could hear a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms.

He quickly rushed in and spotted one boy, much taller than the others, who appeared to be making the most noise.

He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to remain there until he was excused.

Returning to the classroom, the Principal restored order and lectured the students for quite some time on the importance of good behavior.

"Now," he said, "are there any questions?"

One girl stood up timidly and asked, "Yes, sir. May we please have our teacher back?"

Why are stock traders so good at sex?

Same principal, you gotta pull out at the right moment or it costs you.

My dad said this at his retirement... he is a former principal

"I remember a time when Harass was two words.

A little girl has her first day at a new school...

Her teacher asks her what her name is and the girl replies "It's Happy Butt." The teacher says in disbelief "That's not your name. Go see the principal."

She walks into the principal's office and the secretary asks for her name and the girl replies "It's Happy Butt." The secretary says in disbelief "That's not your name. Sit in that chair in front of the principal's office and wait for her to call you in."

The principal calls her in and asks for her name and the girl replies "It's Happy Butt." The principal finds her transfer file and says "Your record here says your name is Gladys."

The girls replies "Glad Ass...Happy Butt...whatever."

It's the first day of high school...

...and the principal is giving an orientation to the freshmen class. He says "Welcome to high school! We have a few rules we must go over. First, men will use the men's locker room, and women will use the women's locker room. If anyone is caught in the other gender's locker room, it is a $20 dollar fine for a first offense, $30 for a second offense, $40 for a third, and so on. Any questions?"
A kid in the back stands up and asks "How much for a season pass?"

Where does the architecture school's principal send bad students?

To the suspension bridge.

The principal is so dumb a little boy says.

A girl next to him says do you know who I am?

No The boy says

I'm the principals daughter the girl replies

Do you know who I am? The boy asks

No the girl says, curious of who he could be.

Good. The boy says, and walks away.

Mom: - "Get up Liam, you will be late for school."

- "But I don't wanna go, all the teachers and students hate me."
- "You have to go."
- "Give me one reason why I should go."
- "Your 35, and you're the principal."

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! *Walks away*

The son told his mom: "I don't want to go to school today. The kids tease me, the teachers hate me."

"But Michael, you must be in school. You're the principal!"

What did the inflatable principal say to the inflatable student who brought a pin to the inflatable school?

Not only have you let me down, you have also let the school down but mainly you have let yourself down.

Johnny said he doesn't want to go to school anymore.

His mother tried to persuade him to go to school.

"I don't want to," said Johnny, "every kids in school hates me."

"Honey, you have to go," said his mother, "you're the principal."

True false tests

Why did the school principal forbid the use of true/false tests? It was part of the school's anti Boolean campaign.

Why was the hot teacher promoted to principal?

Because she was the Headmaster!




My first submitted joke :)

Hanging in the hallway at a high school are...

...the basketball team pictures from the past decades. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "92-93," "93-94," "94-95," etc.

One day the principal spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos.

Turning to the principal, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"

A joke from Italy

Pierino returns home from school and he is very happy. He tells his dad "Hey Dad! did you know that today me and my friends placed a bomb in the school?

"Are you Crazy?" his dad responds. "You will be in a lot of trouble when i tell the principal what you did and he expels you when you go back to school tomorrow!"

Pierino: "School? What school?"

I need new pals. So I was at my locker before class with all the stuff I like in front of me, attached to yarn. "What're you doing?" asks the Principal. "Fishing for a new friend group. This is stuff Im into they may like." I said. "You cant leave this stuff laying here." He says. So I say "Why..."

It's just clique bate.

Boy: "Isn't the principal a dummy!

Boy: "Isn't the principal a dummy!"
Girl: "Say, do you know who I am?"
Boy: "No."
Girl: "I'm the principal's daughter."
Boy: "And do you know who I am?"
Girl: "No,"
Boy: "Thank god!"

A teacher goes into the principals office and tells her that a student of his, Karen, wasn't doing any assignments and sat idle throughout the class.

The principal calls Karen into his office and before he has a chance to speak she says,"Why am i in trouble? I did nothing!"

School Question

Mother: Why are you home from school so early?
Son: I was the only one who could answer a question.
Mother:Oh, really? What was the question?
Son: Who threw the eraser at the principal?

Peter wakes up one morning

"I don't wanna go to the school!"

"Give me one good reason why you should stay home!"

"I can give you three: I don't like the school cafeteria's food, I don't like the teachers and I don't like the students"

"Well, Peter, I've already packed your lunch. You're 54 years old and the principal. GO TO WORK!"

Son: I don't want to go school, Ma!

Son: All the teachers think I Am stupid and the kids hate me.
Mom: No! You should go, because you are the "Principal!"

The four kids....

The four kids sat on four different chairs in front of the principal looking rather sad.

Why did you get sent here? asked the principal to the boy sitting far right.

I threw rock into the water.

Okey, that's a weird reason for your teacher to send you here responded the principal as he turned his head towards the second boy what about you?

I also threw rock into the water. answered the second boy.

The principal looked surprised and turned towards the third boy, whom also said that he threw rock into the water.

Finally the principal faced towards the last and fourth boy.

Let me guess, you also got sent here for throwing a rock?

No said the fourth boy I am Rock

The principal is so dumb

Guy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Guy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Guy: And tell me, young lady, Do YOU know who I am?

Girl: No...

Guy: Good! **walks away**

Kevin is woken up for school.

Kevin is woken up by his mother.
"Rise and shine, Kevin! Time to go to school!"

"But mom, I don't want to get up."

"No, you're getting up now, no excuses."

"Name me two good reasons for why I should get up now and go to school.."

"First of all: You're 54. And second of all, you're the principal!"

*Source: Hamburger Abendblatt issue #124*

Son hates school...

A mother walks in Monday morning and shakes her son to wake up for school.

The son turns over pulling the blanket and groans "I don't want to go to school!"

The mother insists, "Why don't you want to go to school?"

"Everyone hates me! I don't want to go to school!" he cries.

"Well, that's unfortunate. You need to go to school.", the mother states again

"Give me one good reason why I need to go to school!", the son requests.

"...You gotta go to school cuz you're the principal!"

What did the Christan principal say when she kicked a student out of school?

THE POWER OF CHRIST EXPELS YOU.

My principal doesn't allow guns in school...

...So i had to put on a long sleeve shirt

Mr. Rogers the biology teacher called on Mary

"Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions expands upto 6 times it's normal size?"

Mary gasped and said in a huff, " Mr. Rogers! That is a very inappropriate question. The principal will be hearing of this. " She sat down red faced.

"Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Rogers.

"The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions." said Susan.

"That is correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you, Firstly, You have not studied your lesson.
Secondly, You have a dirty mind. And Third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday."

Jobs of our fathers

The principal of a school was to inspect one of the classes in her school. Before the inspection the head teacher goes to the class and tells the students that to every question from the principal, they need to give an illustrious answer even if it's not true.

The principal arrives. She goes over to little Jimmy and asks him:
"What does your dad do little boy?"
Now Jimmy's father was a poor shoemaker but Jimmy said:
"Oh, he's the owner of this large shoe factory."

She then goes to Timmy and asks him about his father's occupation.
Timmy was also relatively poor, his dad worked as a bricklayer.
"My pops owns a large construction company!" Timmy says smiling.

Finally she asks Ben. Now Ben was so poor, his father didn't have a job, but the local church out of charity let him ring the church's bells.
"Well my dad works as a DJ in the church."

Today the principal at my school incorrectly let go of our school's cherished relief teacher.

Whoops, wrong sub

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes