Princess Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

My girlfriend kept telling me to treat her like a princess.

So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French.

My daughter told me I should treat her like a princess

So I married her off to a stranger in order to secure an alliance with the French.

My girlfriend told me that she wanted to be treated like a princess...

So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France

My friend wanted to feel like a princess on her wedding day

So we made her marry a man she never met in order to secure a French alliance.

My daughter demanded she be treated like a princess...

so I married her off to secure an alliance with the French.

Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? (My daughter's joke)

Darth Braider



(I know, I know. She's a kid though. Lol)

My daughter told me to treat her like a princess...

so I made her marry a man she has never met before in order to secure an alliance with France.

My girlfriend is angry with me for incorrectly quoting the Princess Bride

Unbelievable!

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess

So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle

I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess

So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She didn't wear a seatbelt.

My girlfriend told me she wanted someone who treated her like a princess

So I hired paparazzi to follow her and she died in a car accident.

She was a princess, He? a prince

She offered her honor.
He honored her offer.
All night long, it was
Honor, and Offer.

A knight comes to the royal castle with a bag and asks for king's attention

He enters, and says "Your Majesty, I kept my word. Here's the head of the dragon!" and takes the head of the dragon out of the bag.

A royal advisor brings a bag to the king. The king replies "Well, then, I kept my word too. Here's the hand of the princess!"

What's the difference between Pink Floyd and Princess Diana?

Pink Floyd kept going after the wall.

A man takes his wife out to dinner

A man takes his wife out to dinner one night. The wife says, "I want you to treat me like a princess." The husband drives his Mercedes into a wall.

My girlfriend said to treat her like a princess

So I forced her into a marriage with a man she'd never met so that I could make an alliance with Poland.

What does Africa hunger and a mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop either.

What do Pink Floyd and princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

My Wife told me to treat her like a princess

So I put her in the back of my car and crashed it into a tunnel

So Mario is talking to Luigi.

"So I breka up with tha princess last night. But I told her, it's a not you, it's a me! Mario!"

Engineering students

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Three nuns at the pearly gates with St. Peter.

St. Peter tells the nuns, "since you've all dedicated your lives to God, we will let you go back and live as anyone you'd like to."

The first nun says, "I'd like to be Mother Theresa", and Peter says, "No problem."

The second nun says, "I'd like to return as Princess Diana", and Peter says, "Sure thing."

The third nun says, "I'd like to be Sarah Pippilini." St. Peter says, "I'm sorry sister but I don't know who that is." The nun holds up a newspaper and points to the headline.

St. Peter laughs and says, "No, no sister that doesn't say 'Sarah Pippilini'; it says 'Sahara Pipeline laid by 500 men in 7 days'."

Why couldn't Princess Leia find love?

She was looking in Alderaan places.

What was the slutty princess full of?

Kingdom come

So I saw that Princess Diana is trending on tumblr.

She's all over the dashboard!

Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns?

So it doesn't Hang Solow

How do you ruin a date with Princess Leia?

By saying Alderaan things.

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.

How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.

Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can crash.

How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.

What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.

What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.

What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.

Yes I am a horrible person wow.

Whos the funniest disney princess?

raPUNzel

*sits there laughing to self*

...so lonely..

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess.

So I put her into the back of my Mercedes and drove it into a wall.

Kiss me

"A male engineering student was crossing a road one
day when a frog called out to him and said, If you kiss
me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over,
picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog
spoke up again and said, If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for
one week. The engineering student took the frog out
of his pocket, smiled at it; and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, If you kiss me and turn me
back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want. Again the boy took the frog out,
smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the
frog asked, What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and
do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me? The
boy said, Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

How do you make a plumber sad?

You tell him that the princess is in another castle.

A couple of secs

A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's Sex?"


"OK," he thinks, "this day was bound to come, and I'm not going to let my little princess learn about sex from the streets."


So, he sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, intercourse, puberty and menstruation.


Then she asks, "Daddy, what is 'A Couple'?"


And he carries on, "A couple is two people like your mom and me." And he goes on to describe gay, lesbianism, etc...


The father finally asks, "So why did you want to know about 'a couple' and 'Sex'?"


"Oh, mummy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..." the girl replies.

why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing her seat-belt.
Stay safe tonight everyone!

Like a princess

A man takes his girlfriend out on a date, and as they are leaving he says "I'm going to treat you like a princess".

So they jump in his Mercedes and he drives into a wall.

Why did Princess Dianna cross the road?

She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

John wanted to kiss a princess, so he asked Paul for help.

Paul agreed, as long as they split the profits. Paul then made an itching powder and put it in the breakfast of the princess. When her mouth itched, Paul declared to the King that John had saliva that possessed healing powers. The King paid John to heal the princess, and John French-kissed the princess whole night. The day after, John refused to split the profits with Paul. So Paul put itching powder in the King's underwear. The King then called for John to heal him of his extremely itchy bottom. You know what happened.

What is the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

One of them has a good driver.

So MotherTeresa is in heaven, but...

she notices that Princess Diana has a bigger halo than her. So Mother Teresa goes to God and asks why Princess Diana has a larger halo. God laughs and responds, "Oh, that's not a halo, that's the steering wheel."

My grandmother told me this joke, all credit to her.

How do we know Princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders in the front seat.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Momentum.

An old man is fishing when he hears a voice. Hey guy!

He looks around and sees no one. Hey guy, he hears again. He looks down and all he sees is a frog. Confused, he picks it up. The frog in relief says "thank goodness I've been trapped like this for years!" The old man is astounded, he's holding a talking frog. "Sir, I'm a beautiful princess, if you kiss me I'll change back and we will be together forever." The old man thinks for a while and then starts to put the frog in his pocket. "Wait wait, I'm a beautiful princess I'll make you so happy what are you doing?" "Well at my age, I'd rather have a talking frog."

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Inertia.

How do police know that princess Diana had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders under the steering wheel.

A developer finds a talking frog.

It says "Kiss me and I will become a princess". But he just puts she into his jacket and keeps on working.

During Lunch the frog jumps out of his jacket and says again "Kiss me and I will become your princess". But he just puts her back again.

In the evening he shows her to a friend and she asks "Why won't you kiss me?" - "I don't have time for a girlfriend but a talking frog is funny."

Princess Dianna was on the radio the night she died.

And the steering wheel, and the dashboard, and the windshield...

Princess Diana and Pink Floyd has a lot in common

Both their greatest hits was the wall

What is globalization?

Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death

Question : How come?

Answer :

An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.

And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!

The cursed Prince. This summer's best love story.

Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch.

The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year.

However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words (this was before the time of letter writing or sign language).

One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love.
With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say, "my darling,"

But, at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5).

But, at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So, he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking.

Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds.

Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily,


"My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?"


And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said,


"Pardon?"

What did the princess say when she got to the ball?

garglgarglgarglgarglgargl

I just added Princess Diana to my xbox friends list.

I don't think she has any games though, all she does is spend all day on the dashboard...

Mario sits Princess Peach down to have a serious talk.

Peach, we've been together a long time, I've saved you countless times, but I just can't go on any longer.

But I want you to know, it's not you, itsa me, Mario.

Princess Diana had dandruff.

Cops found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment.

Princess Zelda won't have sex with me at will anymore.

I guess I'll Triforce next time.

The Black Knight.

Once there was a black knight. He traveled far and wide to find his princess bride.

He came to a kingdom to see the king. when he arrived, he heard that the king had the most beautiful daughter that anyone had ever seen.

he went to the king and asked if he could marry the princess. the king said

"you could after he got the red gem from the red dragon."

The knight searched far and wide for many, many months. then, when he found the red dragon, he killed it and took its gem.

The Black Knight went to the king and gave him the red gem. the king said

"you can marry my daughter after you kill the purple dragon and bring me the purple gem."

The knight searched far and wide for many, many months. then, when he found the purple dragon, he killed it and took its gem.

The Black Knight went to the king and gave him the purple gem. the king said

"you can marry my daughter after you kill the blue dragon and bring me the blue gem."

The knight searched far and wide for many, many months. then, when he found the blue dragon, he killed it and took its gem.

The Black Knight went to the king and gave him the blue gem. the king said," you can marry my daughter."

The knight ran around the castle and up the stairs. he passed the kitchen, the dungeon, and the royal bedroom.

When he finally got to the princesses room, he got on one knee and said " will you marry me?"

"No" she said.

What are the funniest princess jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Princess? Well, here are the best Princess puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Princess pick up lines to share with friends.

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