Priests Jokes
123 priests jokes and hilarious priests puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about priests that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Priests Short Jokes
Short priests jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The priests humour may include short jokes also.
- What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? "Let us prey."
- When I was younger, the local priest told me that I was the prettiest boy he'd ever seen. I was touched.
- Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he's looking for two child molesters. Catholic priests looking at each other: We'll do it!
- My priest is surprisingly homophobic... ...for a man who spends his nights on his knees, begging for another man to come for a second time.
- Have you seen the new Exorcist movie? This time it's the devil trying to get the priest out of the child.
- A priest, a Baptist minister, and a rabbit walk into the Red Cross to donate blood The nurse asks, what's your blood type?
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O" - What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.
- I'm not sure churches are the best places for PokèStops... a priest just asked me in and offered me a Slowpoke
- A priest, a lawyer, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank... ... and the nurse asks, "what types are you?"
The rabbit says, "I'm probably a Type O." - Why are priests from Finland so good at Mortal Kombat? They're especially well-versed in Finnish hymns.
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Priests One Liners
Which priests one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with priests? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? A father in law
- Why are catholic priests called father? Because "daddy" would be too suspicious
- Forgive me father, priest, preacher, reverend, for I have synonymed.
- Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest. For I have synonymed.
- What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive) alien vs. Predator
- What do you call a priest who always lies? A pathological friar.
- What do you call a priest that becomes an attorney? Father-in-Law.
- You don't need to die as a muslim to get 72 virgins Just be a catholic priest
- What does a priest put on salad? Lettuce spray
- what kind of meat does a priest eat on fridays? Nun.
- "I've made a lot of sacrifices to get to where I am today," said the Aztec high priest.
- How did the priest find the little boy in the tall grass? Delightful
- I just found my friend has a secret life as a priest It's his altar ego
- I just found out that my friend has a secret life as a priest. It's his altar ego.
- I was gonna tell a priest joke... But it would probably rub some kids the wrong way.
Two Priests Jokes
Here is a list of funny two priests jokes and even better two priests puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Two priests in a car... ... as a cop pulls them over.
"Sir, we are looking for two child molesters..."
The priests look at each other and after a short moment the driver says:
"Okay, we'll do it" - A monk, priest, and rabbit walk into a blood bank... The rabbit turns to the other two and says, I think I'm a type-O.
- Two priests decided to open a Fish and Chip shop... ... One was a Fish Friar, the other was a Chip Monk.
- Two altar boys are hoping to work in a church. They are walking down the aisle in the church when the priest sees them. He walks up to them and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."
- A cop pulls over two catholic priests and says "I"m looking for two child molesters"... And the priests reply; "We'll do it!"
- A policeman stopped two priest driving down the road. Policeman says we are looking for a couple of paedophiles, the two priest look at each other and says to the policeman.. Ok we will do it....
- What do you call it when a priest goes for round two? The second coming
- A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar. Bartender yells, What is this, some sort of joke?
- You know you're getting old... when you walk past two priests and they wont even glance at you.
- A ninja, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, Good to see you two
Priests Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about priests you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make priests pranks.
Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
Jesus loves all the children of the world
But then again, so do priests
Why do catholic priests love Halloween?
Free delivery!
They say you are what you eat..
..no wonder some priests are such immature d**....
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street...
An they see a young boy.
The priests says, "you want to screw him?"
The rabbi says, "out of what?"
Pinocchio boarded a bus in Rome.
The bus was full of priests, except for one seat. Pinocchio took the seat and said" thank god I'm not a real boy!!"
Latvian Joke
Bus full of priests come to Latvia, spread word of God. One priest ask Latvian man "Where is children?" Latvian man respond "Children is dead from childbirth." Bus leave.
There has been some controversy regarding priests delivering sermons using an iPad instead of the traditional bible.
I think its perfectly fine. After all, Moses delivered the ten commandments using two tablets.
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests...
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says, "No, son, you're not." So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, "No, son, you're not." The drunk says, "Look, I can prove it." He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, "Jesus Christ, you're here again?"
Why do priests have you call them Father..
Because 'Daddy' was too obvious
What do priests and people who date on minecraft have in common?
They're both really into miners.
3 priests at lunch
So three priests are out to lunch.
One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church,
"I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave."
The second priest relates to the first,
"I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away."
The third priest says,
"Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."
Two priests are out driving one day..
when they get pulled over by a police officer.
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver
"Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters"
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says;
"Alright officer, we'll do it"
Twelve Italian priests...
...were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally n**..., in a garden while a s**..., beautiful, big breasted, n**... model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his manhood, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest.
As he bent over to pick it up… all the other bells started to ring!
A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests.
He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says "no son you're not." The drunk turns to the other priest, "I'm jesus Christ" to which the second priest replies "no son you're not." So the drunk says "Look I'll show you." So he walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says "Jesus Christ you're here again?"
New dating app for German Catholic Priests
Kinder
Which do Catholic priests like better—apples or cherries?
Neither—they prefer boysenberries.
How do Catholic church priests stay healthy?
They exorcise.
What's the favorite game console for Japanese priests?
PlayStation
How are Chile mining companies and catholic priests different?
Chile mining companies get their minors stuck in shafts while catholic priests get their shafts stuck in minors
So i was trying to come up with a short joke about Catholic priests...
But all the little ones were taken :v
It's good that we aren't hearing about priests in the news lately.
It seems that kids these days are finally learning how to keep a secret.
Two preists are out for a drive when suddenly...
...they are pulled over by a police officer.
The officer says, "We are looking for two child molesters in the area."
The two priests calmly and quietly discuss something for a few moments.
Finally, one of the priests turns to the officer and says, "Okay, we'll do it."
Two priests are driving along the road when they get stopped by a police officer
The officer walks up to the priests' car and tells them, "Hello sirs, we're looking for two child molesters. Have you seen anyone that could resemble the sort?"
The priest in the driver's seat turns to the other, and after a brief moment of conversation, turns back to the officer and says,
"Yeah, okay, we'll do it."
What's the difference between a coal mining company and catholic priests?
A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.
Why can't priests have children?
Because choir boys can't get pregnant, thank God.
Dear Father, I've sinned
A man walks into the confessional and says
'Dear Father, I've sinned, I've slept with a mother and daughter at the same time.'
And the priest says 'thank you my son, may I ask how long its been since your last confession'
'I've never been to a confession, I'm Jewish'
so the priests asks 'Then why are you telling me?'
'Because I'm telling everyone'.
A group of priests stand by the road...
... holding a sign "IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO TURN BACK. THIS PATH IS DOOMED!!" Most people just drive by but then suddenly someone stops and yells at the priests: "No one will belive this religious b**...! You're wasting your time!" After that one of the priests says: Maby we should just write "The bridge has fallen!"?
My church says to treat my body like a temple.
And let all the priests inside.
What kind of fun do priests have?
Nun
A drunk walks up to two priests.
He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The priest shakes his head. "No son, you're not." The drunk goes up to the second priest. "I'm Jesus Christ."
The second priest gives the same answer.
The drunk glares at them for a second. "Look I can prove it. Follow me." He leads them to a bar and walks inside. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Jesus Christ, you're here again?!"
Why is the number of black priests so small?
Most of them run away after being called father once or twice
What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common?
They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.
Why do priests wear underwear in the shower?
They don't like to look down on the unemployed
Three priests walk into a bar
and see a man whos already had a few drinks. The man walks up to them and says "you know I'm jesus christ". One of the priests replies "I don't think you are son" so the man says right, I'll prove it to you. He walks out of the bar and a few seconds later comes stumbling back in. The barman sees him and shout "jesus christ not you again"
A priests asks the convicted m**... at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?
A priests asks the convicted m**... at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?
"Yes," replies the m**.... "Can you please hold my hand?"
Two priests are out driving and get pulled over
The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters
The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says—
Alright officer, we'll do it
A man goes up to heaven and is being shown around.
A man goes up to heaven and is being shown around. He is surprised to be living with his wife and an ex from college. An angel explains "In heaven, you spend your time with the people you had s**... with the most times".
The man thinks this could cause trouble and asks if there is any way to appeal the decision. The angel tells him he could speak to one of the priests. The man asks where to find a priest. The angel replies "They are easy to find, just look for a crowd of choir boys".
Why do priests have s**... with altar boys?
Otherwise, they're getting nun.
What dating app do priests use?
Kinder
Why are priests bad at marathons?
Because they always come in a little behind.
Why can't Priests win races?
They're always coming in a little behind.
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle.
They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, What do you think you are doing?
What if you have an accident?
The priests say, Don't worry, my son. God is with us.
The policeman says, In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.
Why do priests hate magic?
They hate seeing an invisible power that works.
What kind of toothpaste do priests recommend?
o**...-B
What do guns and priests have in common?
They should never be left alone with children.
What dating app do Catholic Priests use?
Amber Alerts.
You know you're getting old...
When the priests don't even look at you anymore.
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
Why are catholic priests adressed as "father"?
"Daddy" would be too obvious.
Two priests drive around at night.
Going through a wooded area, they are stopped by the police. Seeing he just has stopped two men of the cloth, the officer mutters: "Excuse me, but we are looking for a child m**......" The priests stick their heads together, and after a short whispered discussion, exclaim: "OK, we'll do it!"
Two priests were driving down a road...
Two priests were driving down a road when they were pulled over by a police officer.
The officer said, I'm looking for two child molesters
The priests took a moment to think, and then in unison said we'll do it!
Why are Catholic priests always referred to as "father"?
Because "daddy" would make it too obvious...
How do you know that you have grown up?
You are walking in the road and the priests don't even see you
Why do catholic priests have no interest in expensive scotches?
They're all at least 18 years old.
A guy gets thrown out of a bar.
Two priests approach the guy that was thrown out. He looks at the first priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest shakes his head.
The guy looks at the second priest and says, "I'm Jesus Christ." The second priest also shakes his head.
"Okay, let me prove it to you." The guy walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back already?"
Which dating apps do priests prefer to use?
Kinder
A cop pulls over a car with two priests.
The cop makes his way up to the window and says, We're looking for two child molesters.
The priests look at each other for a moment and turn back to the cop.
We'll do it.
I realized why priests always have s**... scandals with boys
There are women around but they don't want nun
Since Vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don't just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why so many Vampires are from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
Why do Catholic priests like golf?
Because most of the holes are under 18.
Why are priests called father ?
Because they couldn't be called daddy anymore.
If vampires are hurt by holy water, why don't priests just bless a storm cloud to kill vampires everywhere? But then I remembered why so many vampires are from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.
Last week a young boy saved a priests life in the United States...
... he discovered the priest had early stage testicular cancer...
Two priests are at a Bucking Bronco contest
The first priest hardly lasts 30 seconds, but the second priest lasts well over 2 minutes and walks away with the prize money.
The first priest says, "I don't know how you do it."
The second replies "One of my choirboys is Epileptic."
A m**... is to be executed by electric chair and the priests asks if he has any last request.
The man asks for the priest to hold his hand. Needless to say, the priest was shocked.
Three priests gathered together for a drink .
During their get together ,the host ask the other two :
- How do you split your money with the Lord ?
"I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest.
The second one replies "well I draw circle and then I' throw the money in the air ,whatever falls inside the circle is mine ,whatever Falls outside the circle is His" .
"How do you split your money ?" they both ask the host priest.
I' just throw the money in the air and he keeps whatever he wants.
What do wine and altar boys have in common?
Catholic priests like them aged eight years
What's a priests favourite chord on a guitar
A minor
Why do Priests screw altar boys
Because nothing should be tighter than an altar boy's bond with god
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
40 year old meat in 10 year old buns.
Why do priests love to go fishing with kids?
So they have someone to hold their rod.
Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don't bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
What's the difference between school and church?
In school, the teachers care about you mentally, at church, the priests care about you physically.
A drunk man stumbles out of a bar.
He runs into two priests outside.
He says to the first one, I'm Jesus Christ. Want me to prove it? .
The priest replies no you're not, you're just a drunk man. .
So the drunk man turns to the second priest and says I'm Jesus Christ, want me to prove it? .
And the second priest says go on.
The trio walks back into the bar, and the bartender looks up and says Jesus Christ, you're back again?!