Priest And Rabbi Jokes
114 priest and rabbi jokes and hilarious priest and rabbi puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about priest and rabbi that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Priest And Rabbi Short Jokes
Short priest and rabbi jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The priest and rabbi humour may include short priest minister rabbi jokes also.
- A priest, a rabbi, and a chicken walk into a bar. The bartender says "Nope! We don't do jokes here, get out!"
And the chicken says, "Come on guys, I know a place across the street." - A Rabbi and a Priest run out of a burning school. The Priest stops and says,"What about the children?"
The Rabbi replies,"Screw the children!"
The Priest asks,"Do you think we have time?" - A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk into a bar. The bartender sees them and says, "What is this, a joke?!"
- A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street together, and they both want a drink, but they have no money on them.
- What's the difference between a Rabbi and a Priest? Both have different rituals for 13 year old boys.
- A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar. Bartender yells, What is this, some sort of joke?
- A Priest, A Rabbi, and A Minister All Had to Go to the Hospital They got alcohol poisoning from going to the bar so much
- A priest, a bishop and a rabbi walk into a bar... ... they see Ellen Pao and leave for the bar across the street.
- A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Gorilla walk into a bar The Gorilla looks around and says
"I must be in the wrong joke" - A priest, a rabbi, and a monk go in a bar. Bartender says what is this, some kind of joke?
(I made up this joke when I was 10 or so, at least I hope so)
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Priest And Rabbi One Liners
Which priest and rabbi one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with priest and rabbi? I can suggest the ones about priest rabbi minister and minister priest rabbi.
- A priest, a rabbi and penguin walk into a bar IT'S THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
- A priest, a vicar and a rabbi are having a discussion about miracles...
- A priest and an imam walk into a bar... the rabbi ducks.
- A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a drug deal Drug dealers: "It's a set up!"
- A ninja, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, Good to see you two
- A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar and the bartender knew his life was a joke
- A Priest and a Rabbi jump off a cliff, who wins? Society.
- a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar… …mitzvah. The priest was the rabbi's Plus One.
- A buddhist monk, a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar
- It's 1942, Berlin. A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The priest walks out.
- A buddhist monk, a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar. Bartender says he's vegan
- A priest and a rabbi walked into a bar, to get to the other side.
... wait a minute. - What do rabbis do with the circumcised foreskins? Sell them to priests as chewing gum.
- A priest and a rabbi are sitting at a park bench
- A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.... Now that I've got your attention,
BOOBIES!
Witty Priest And Rabbi Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about priest and rabbi you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean priest rabbi imam jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make priest and rabbi pranks.
A Priest, a Rabbi and an Atheist walk into a bar...
They guy behind them says "You guys probably should have ducked"
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So, This Blind Guy Walks Into a Bar...
And takes a seat in front of the bartender.
"Would you like to here a great blonde joke?" He asks.
The bartender leans in close and says,
"Well, the priest and rabbi to your right are blonde. The two cheerleaders to your left are blonde and, to top it all off, I'M blonde. You still want to tell that joke buddy?"
The blind guy takes a moment to think about it and says
"Nah. I'd rather not have to explain it five times."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down an abandoned road... (somewhat offensive)
and they come across a little boy in the unconscious in the ditch. After thinking for a moment, the Priest says "let's screw him" to which the Rabbi replies "out of what?"
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi decided to go skinny dipping...
Suddenly, they saw three women walking towards them. Each was a member of their flocks. The priest and the minister covered their privates with their hands and closed their eyes waiting for the agony to end.
After the women walked away they noticed the rabbi had covered his face and not his nether regions. He said, "My flock recognizes my face. What kinda sermons do you give?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a rabbi....
are walking down the street. They see a cute little boy coming towards them and the priest nudges the Rabbi and says "Hey, let's go f**K that little boy". The rabbi replies "outta vut"
Another tale from the bar.
A priest, a rabbi, a minister, a monkey, and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, some kind of a joke?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister...
Are skinny dipping in the forest one day. Joking and talking philosophy and such. Suddenly they hear a large group of locals walking down the path toward them. To their dismay, they realized that they left their clothes hanging on branches on the other side of the path and would have to run past everyone to get them.
The minister gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the oncoming people to get his clothes.
The priest, in turn, gets out of the water, covers his junk and runs as fast as he can past the people to his clothes.
Finally the rabbi gets out of the water, covers his face and runs as fast as they can to his clothes.
As they dress the priest turns to the rabbi and asks,
"Why did you cover your face and not your g**...?"
"Well I don't know about you guys, but in my congregation they know me by my face."
A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of a joke?"
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a rabbi and a priest
are walking down the street when they see a young boy laying hurt in the middle of the road, the priest turns to the rabbi and says you think we should screw him? to which the rabbi responds out of what?
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A priest, a rabbi, and the Holy Prophet Muhammad walk into a bar.
The Prophet Muhammad beheads the priest and the rabbi, and burns down the bar.
When life starts
A Priest, a Muslim and a Rabbi are having a discussion. They are trying to determine the exact point when life starts. The Muslim argues that life starts at conception. The Priest disagrees and says that life starts at birth. The Rabbi turns to the two men and says, you are both wrong. When the dog dies and the kids move out, that is when life begins.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Well, this is awkward...
A priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar. They both look left and right and to their surprise see nothing but Mexicans. After this moment of confusion, the Rabbi turns to the priest and says "You know what? I think we're in the wrong joke...."
A guys is at a party.....
and steps behind two other guys. He notices that they are a Priest and a Rabbi and both are holding ducks.
He says "What is this? a joke?"
The Priest looks back and says, "No, this is the punchline."
A rabbi and a priest stand on the side of the road...
A rabbi and a priest are standing on the side of the road with a big sign next to them reading: "CAUTION: THE END IS NEAR."
A car drives by, and the driver yells, "Keep your religious babble to yourselves!" A few moments later he drives right off the end of the road into the river with a huge splash.
The rabbi turns to the priest & says, "I told you we should have just written 'CAUTION: THE BRIDGE IS BROKEN.'"
A priest and a rabbi walk into congress
Te priest turns to his friend and says "is this some kind of joke?"
Priest and Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were having lunch and the priest asked, "Have you ever strayed from not eating pork?" The rabbi said, "Well, once, but there was absolutely nothing else to eat, so I had a ham sandwich."
Then the rabbi asked the priest, "Did you ever stray from your vow of celibacy?" The priest said, "Yes, just once."
And the rabbi said, "Sure beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.
They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."
A Priest and a Rabbi walk past a school....
A Priest and a Rabbi walk past a school and see a little boy by himself waiting for the bus. The Priest turns to the Rabbi and says "Lets screw him!" The Rabbi looks at the Priest for a minute and asks "Out of what?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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Clergy
A priest and a rabbi are sitting in a bar.
The priest asks, "Want to screw some alter boys?"
And the rabbi responds, "out of what?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the road..
and they see a boyscout bending over.
The Priest says "Man I'd screw that."
and the Rabbi replies "Out of what??"
Every joke needs one
A priest and a rabbi walk into a wedding party looking for something to drink. The priest approaches some folks standing with empty glasses and asks a man "Pardon me, is this line for the punch?" To which the man replied "yep, this is the punch line."
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident...
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident at an intersection. They get out of their cars and find that neither is hurt, which is surprising because it was a horrible accident. The cars are a mangled mess.
The priest says to the rabbi, "Thank the lord that we are both uninjured! That was *terrifying.* I still can't stop shaking. I was so frightened!"
The rabbi says, "Friend, I feel the same way. I saw my life flash before my eyes, but those airbags saved us. Look, I had this bottle of Manischevits wine on the seat next to me and it didn't even break! Here, let's have a drink to calm our nerves. " as he hands the bottle to the priest
"Yes, and also to celebrate still being alive!" the priest says as he takes a long drink from the bottle.
He hands the bottle back to the rabbi who, instead of drinking, closes the bottle and puts it in his pocket.
"Aren't you going to have a drink?" the priest asks
"Not until after the cops get here. "
I, too, went to a mixed religion seminar...
...But in the hopes of learning more about charity. First I asked a Buddhist monk: "How do you decide what to give away and what to keep for yourself?" "Child's play", he said. "I draw a small circle in the ground, throw my money into the air, and what falls outside of the circle I give to Buddha". Next I asked a catholic priest. "Easy my son", he told me. "All I do is draw a small circle in earth, throw my money to the heavens, and what falls into the circle I give to God". Finally, I asked a Rabbi. "Simple!" he answered. "I throw my money into the air and what god wants, he takes!"
A Priest and a Rabbi Walk Into A Bar
The rabbi turns to the priest and says: "I get the feeling someone is going to make a joke out of this."
I usually don't like recycling jokes, but...
Did you hear the one about the priest and rabbi at the bottle redemption center?
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic
A Rabbi and a Priest were having a picnic on a really hot summer day and wanted to dip in the river to cool off. They had not thought to bring bathing suits, so decided to skinny dip instead.
The river was flowing rapidly and both clergy were washed a short distance downstream before getting out. After climbing out of the river they had just started to make a run for it to get to their clothes, when many members of their congregation came into view.
The Priest covered his privates with his hands and put on a burst of speed, but the Rabbi covered his face instead. "What are you doing?" the Priest asked. "I don't know about you," the Rabbi answered, "but my congregants recognize me by my face."
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi...
...decide to have a friendly competition to see who is the best at their job. To make things interesting, they agree to see who is best at converting the bears in the local woods. A week passes, and they get together to compare notes.
The priest says, "I was walking through the woods and came upon a patch of berries where there was a bear, gathering berries. I walked up to the bear and I gave him the Holy Communion, and thus converted the bear".
The minister goes, "I too was walking through the woods, and came across a stream. There was a bear in the stream, catching fish. So I waded out to him, and baptized the bear right there, and so converting him."
The priest and minster look over to the rabbi, and this guy is in rough shape. He is in total traction, with a full body cast, cuts and scrapes on his face and hands.
"Oy," the rabbi says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have led with the circumcision."
Funny sardonic
What did the priest say to the rabbi? I think we are most similar in that we are unpopular. Is it us, or God?
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A rabbi and a Catholic priest are walking down the street...
...when the priest sees a boy across the way.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "Let's go over there and screw that boy!"
The rabbi looks the boy over and says to the priest, "out of what?"
A town decided to form a clergy group to have Catholics, Jews, Protestants and Muslims gather to talk about various issues facing their places of worship.
The Rabbi went first and said they were having a terrible issue with squirrels. He said they were hanging around outside of church and aggressively begging for food. He said they were scaring their kids. The preacher said they were having the same issue, in fact, a few of the squirrels had actually gotten inside of the church and had done some damage to the roof. The Imam agreed saying that in fact one of the squirrels had bitten a few people at the mosque. The Priest then spoke up and said they used to have the same issue but had solved it. He said they took all of their squirrels, Baptized them, confirmed them, and now they only come around on Christmas and Easter.
A Priest a Rabbi and a Scientologist walk into a bar...
The Priest orders an orange juice, the Rabbi orders an apple juice and the Scientologist orders a lawsuit for libel, slander and defamation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't Rabbis eat pork and Priests can't have s**...?
Because the Rabbis got to choose first.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A catholic priest, Baptist minister, and a rabbi are on a cruise ship
When the ship begins to sink. They are making their way to the life boats when they notice that there are a bunch of un-escorted kids standing there. The Baptist minster says to the others, "what about the children?"
The rabbi says,"f**... the children."
The catholic priest asks, "do we have time for that?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting on a bench at the park...
A priest and a rabbi were sitting on a bench at the park. They both watched with interest as a troop of boy scouts marched by on a nature walk. Through the side of his mouth, the priest murmurs to the Rabbi, "I'd sure like to screw those boys over there..."
To which the Rabbi replies, "Screw them out of what?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This is My "classic" joke
A Catholic Priest, a Rabbi, and an Atheist walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Oh g**..., no! We don't like jokes in here and if you guys are a part of one, you're gonna have to leave right now!" So the catholic priest, rabbi, and atheist leave the bar and a chicken walks in. The bartender says, "OH COME ON! We don't serve CHICKENS in here!" The chicken says, "Do you know somewhere that does?" The bartender says, "Yeah.." The chicken asks, "Well, where is it?" The bartender says, "It's across the road."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rabbi and a priest...
take a group of kids on a spiritual trip to the Holy Land. During the flight, the pilot announces,
" The plane is going down, we only have two parachutes. I'm taking one. You guys figure out who gets the other one"
The priest says, " We should give it to one of the kids."
The rabbi grabs the c**... and says, " I have a life to live! F*c**... the kids! "
The priest thinks, and says,
"Do you think we have time?? "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A scientist and a h**... walk into a bar...
But find that they can't open the door due to an over-saturation of priests, rabbis, lawyers, and Irishmen inside.
A rabbi is on his deathbed...
...and a friend asks him if he has any last requests. The Rabbi asks his friend to find him a Catholic priest, so that he might convert.
Confused, his friend asks, "Rabbi, why? You have been a great teacher and leader of your followers, and you have led a good and honorable Jewish life. Why would you want to become a Catholic now, before you die?"
He says, "Eh, better one of them than one of us."
A Rabbi, A Priest, and an Imam...
A rabbi, a priest, and an imam were on a ship. Suddenly, the ship hit a reef just under the water and started sinking. The rabbi said to the priest and imam, "We must save the children.!"
The imam had already run to the lifeboats, yelling "Screw the children!," to which the priest replied, "Do we have time?"
A priest, a monk, and a Rabbi walk into a barbershop.
A priest walks into a barbershop. After he gets his hair cut, he goes to pay. The barber says "I do not charge men of faith." The next day the priest leaves twelve eggs in front of the barbershop as thanks.
Soon after, a monk walks into the same barbershop and gets his hair cut for free. The monk leaves twelve apples by the door as thanks.
A few days later, a Rabbi walks into the barbershop. He gets his free haircut. The next day the barber comes to work to see twelve Rabbis by the door.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse screams, "I will end you!" And bites the bartender in the t**.... A priest, a nun, and a rabbi who were just approaching the entrance quietly turn and walk away as the horse shakes the bartender vigorously back and forth screaming, "why the floppy head?! Why the floppy head?!"
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead
...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
A priest, a rabbi, and a World Series MVP walk into a bar...
The bartender stops them and says, No no no, what is this, some kind of joke?
A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar...
The bartender says "If you're not freaking out about Net Neutrality right now, you're not paying attention."
God comes to my town...
...and asks the catholic priest: "do you need me to take care of anything?" The priest replies; "would you kill the protestant pastor?" Concerned God goes to the pastor and asks him the same question and the pastor answers; "would you kill the catholic priest?". Frustrated, God goes to the rabbi and asks him the same question. The rabbi says; "Lord, it would be enough for me if you answer the prayers of the priest and the pastor."
A rabbi and a priest
A rabbi and a priest were at a communal dinner when a dish of roast pork was served.
The priest leaned into the rabbi's ear and whispered, "You planning on eating that buddy?"
The rabbi chuckled and replied, "Not today. But I'm definitely planning to have some at your wedding."
There is a plane of children along with a priest, a rabbi, and a rapper is flying to New York
Suddenly, the engine catches fire. The rabbi says, "We must save the children." The rapper yells back, "Screw the children!" The Priest responds, "Do you think we have enough time?"
A rabbi and a catholic priest ran a race...
The rabbi got the gold. The priest came in a little behind.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink
The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdained, points to a sign clearly labelled: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.
The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.
Wiping the inside of a glass, the bartender approached and asks the chicken Are you part of this joke?
Yeah. the chicken replies.
Again, he points to the sign: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**
The chicks argues Well then how's a chicken supposed to get his beak wet?
The bartender pointed out the window and said There's another bar across the road.
A priest and a rabbit walk into a bar.
The bartender asked, "wait, isn't that supposed to be a rabbi?"
Many years ago, an Irish cop was walking his beat in Boston
He sees a rabbi pull to a complete stop at a stop sign, only to get rear-ended moments later. The officer goes up to the rabbi's car and says "Don't worry, I saw everything." He walks over to the car that rear-ended the rabbi only to find a Catholic priest as the driver. The police officer looks at him and says "Ok Father, how fast was the car going when he backed into you?"
Two guys walk into a bar...
They look around, and see that at one table, there's a rabbi, a priest, and an imman. At another there's an Irishman, a Scottsman, and a Brit. At a third there's a blonde, a brunette, and a readhead. Up at the bar, sits a dog with a bandaged paw.
Guy looks to his friend and says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?'
A man is sitting at the bar looking down and out. Bartender says what's wrong with you? Guy says life feels like a joke
And in walks a priest a rabbi, and a monk.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a rabbi are walking through the park
when they see a group of kids on the playground.
The priest turns to the rabbi and says menacingly Hey, should we go screw those kids?
The rabbi looks at him quizzically and asks, out of what?
A priest, an imam and a rabbi walk into a Buddhist monastery and ask the first monk they find:
Whats going om?
I recently had a wakeup call when I had a priest, then a rabbi, then a minister all tell me I had a drinking problem.
Boy, I'm glad they all walked into that bar when they did.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Rabbi, a Preist, and a Monk walk into a bar
The Rabbi orders a drink and says, I'm sick of hearing the same old jokes about us recycled over and over again to which the Priest replies, I completely agree! The template is just dragged out and overused. I'd like to see someone try to make a joke about the three of us in a bar that is new. The monk sits back for a moment and then says how about this one?
A priest, a rabbi, and a hipster walk into a bar...
The hipster says "man, this set-up is soooo played-out. I'm not gonna ruin my cred by staying, so I'm outie 5000." He then gets on his fixed-gear bicycle and rides it home to his loft that he pays for with money from his trust fund. He reads Bukowski by tap light in his futon until he falls asleep. And he lived ironically ever after.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
The rabbi cuts them off; the priest s**... them off.
A pastor, a priest and a rabbi walk onto a bar.
Since it wasn't foretold in scripture, they didn't listen to the people telling them to duck.
A priest, a rabbi, and a whale walk into a restaurant...
The Priest says: "I'll have the pork, it always suits me well". The rabbi says: "That is forbidden for me! I'll have the beef, but no dairy". The whale says: ooooEEEEEEEEaaaayyyyyuuuuuuaaaaaa eeeeooOOOOYAIIIAIIIEYOOOooooooo
An Irishman, a Frenchman, two conspiracy theorists, a priest, three cheerleaders, Elon Musk, an atheist and a rabbi walked into a bar.
Ah, the good old days.
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into the bar....
They both pass and use their legal credentials to better help their congregations.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rabbi, priest, and an imam walk into a bar.
"Never mind, you guys wouldn't get it," the barkeep says.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A rabbi and a priest are asking for charity outside of a church...
They are standing one next to the other as the congregation is exiting mass. They look at the Rabbi with disdain and give more money to the priest.
Until o**... sees the rabbi hasn't collected any money and decides to help him out Rabbi, why don't you try asking for charity outside of a synagogue?
The rabbi turns to the priest Moshe, this guy wants to teach us marketing
Two priests and a rabbi are playing poker in a basement
The cops bust in and seeing they are all men of God decide to give them the chance to explain. They turn to the first priest:
Father, were you gambling?
As God is my witness, the priest replies, I was not .
They let the first priest go. They turn to the second priest:
Father, were you gambling?
As Jesus is my witness, the priest replies, I was not .
The let the second priest go. They finally turn to the rabbi:
Rabbi, were you gambling?
The rabbi looks around and says, With whom?
